Wednesday, January 27, 2010

I hear the loud grinding of a certain PR machine

I’m on a Hollywood roll, peeps! Sorry, it’s awards season and this is usually the time I truly steep myself in Hollywood news, and the latest news that’s freaking people out is—not Heidi Montag’s plastic perfection nor Johnny Depp’s uber gorgeousness nor the many wonderful awardees of the recently concluded Golden Globes, Screen Actors Guild and People’s Choice awards! Instead, everyone’s talking about the alleged split between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.

Lord, have mercy on us if this is ever true! All over the world, Brangelina devotees are jumping from the top of their motorhomes in sheer agony. Halt, you fools! May I remind you that this has got to be the gazillionth time they have reportedly split up. And, behold, they are still together (yawn). Reports say that the couple has seen divorce lawyers. I can confidently say that this is not true. Why, you ask? They are not married. There is nothing to divorce.

This unflattering photo takes in January 6 must've started it all. 
His ugly beard and pot belly, her bony knees and their haggard and gaunt look. 
They must hate each other!

I do love all the tabloid stories coming out. The one from Daily Mail is my favorite (read it!). Soooo many juicy details, I love it!

But I will throw this out there: Perhaps Brad and Angelina have truly seen lawyers and perhaps they have discussed division of property and custody of kids in the event of a split. Why would they do this? One word, you obtuse horde: PRENUP.

And the hearts of the Brangeloonies are uplifted in pure ecstasy. Oh, glorious day! Their god and goddess are finally tying the knot (meanwhile, Jen’s rabid fans shriek, “Tie it around your necks!!!” This bizarre love triangle… Fascinating!)

Yup, I think they’re finally getting married, folks. Or they really could be splitting up. Or their amazing PR machine could be just putting this story out there because this awards season, neither of them have been nominated for anything and they cannot allow the world to talk about lovely movies and real talented people. As someone really close to me said when this news broke out, “Don’t believe it. It’s just Brad and Angelina testing if they’re more important than the awardees.” Well, the experiment worked wonderfully. Who’s talking about the winners? It’s Brangelina’s world, folks. It can't be otherwise. God help us.


UPDATE: I am surprised at the many positive responses this little entry created. If I must point it out, this post is dripping with sarcasm.

*photo from Daily Mail story

6 comments:

  1. i certainly hope that's not true, i so like this couple.

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  2. -- meanwhile, Jen’s rabid fans shriek, “Tie it around your necks!!!” -- I am one of those fans hahaha!

    And wow, I never looked at this Brangelina story this way, they are the ones who are more talked about in the news than the winners.

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  3. This post is sooo juicy! My BF knows I've always loved Angie (yes, even before Brad came along), and when he heard the news from Mo, he texted me at once. LOL. Well, I hope you are right with the prenup, and LOL to the Bradgeline world vs. awardees. =P

    Goodmorning, Frances! =)

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  4. Let's talk about Heidi's face more!

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  5. Ahaha I love the sarcasm. I feel more for the kids if they do split. I like Brangelina chizmiz though. It's fun. LOL.

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  6. WendyB, yes, Heidi is infinitely funner to talk about!

    Lei, yes, I'm not a Brangelina fan but I don't want them to split up at all! Those poor kids!

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