TOPAZ HORIZON

Good news! My Papa was discharged from the hospital and is now recuperating at home. We will make him strong enough for his amputation. Please keep us in your prayers!

If there's any good that came out of the visits to the hospital, it's this: I am finally paying attention to my health. With diabetes in my family history, I can't ignore the fact that that may be my future. I'm seeing it up close with Papa's current struggles and it is ugly. I don't ever want my kids to see me like that.

Well, we don't know what's in our future but we can do what we can to delay or prevent it. So I'm eating less now. I'm eating less to no sugar. I can't give up rice yet. I'm okay with carbs, okay, but I love rice too much and I eat it in copious amounts. Now, 1 cup na lang. I aim to lessen it pa and just get my carbs from fruit and vegetables (bye bye rice huhu). No more soda, no more coffee, no more milk tea, no more powdered juice. Just water and green tea and natural fruit juices.

I'm just making kwento because I'm drinking Welch's grape juice right now and I wanted to share with my readers my journey to health. It's one of the few juice brands I drink now because Welch's is 100% grape juice. Nothing added. Fruit is already naturally sweet so you don't want to add sugar to juice.

Remember last Christmas when I gave away a bottle of Welch's Sparkling Grape Juice to my family? That is a guilt-free gift! And so now I think I should apply that the rest of the year and I'm now trying to eat guilt-free meals. Ewan ko ba. When you're my age, everything you eat can possibly induce guilt!

I choose Welch's because each bottle carries real grape goodness — a good concentration of nutrients called polyphenols that promote healthy blood flow, provide anti-clotting effect like red wine (without the alcohol!) and help maintain blood pressure. It's also a good source of antioxidants, keeps the immune system up to fight against viruses that cause common colds and cough.

Twelve years ago, Vince and I were engaged and happily preparing for—not our wedding—but our new home! Of course we were excited for the wedding but honestly, fixing up the house is tougher and better and just loads more thrilling. Our favorite thing to do back then was shopping at MC Home Depot, the one-stop shop for high quality construction materials and home furnishings. It was complete! That's where we chose many of the things that made our home so unique. For example, we bought our retro green bathroom tiles there and everyone who uses our bathroom always remarks on them. Great choice!


So when I found out that MC Home Depot has given birth to MY MC Home, I just had to go check it out! I was invited to the opening of the flagship store at the new MET Live mall in Pasay. Of course I had to go since I love going to home stores. I was even able to get some shots with the VIPs!

So I've been married a dozen years and you probably think we're done with the home decor stuff. Well, if there's anything anyone who owns a house knows, it's that fixing up a house never ends. The family gets bigger with kids then smaller when they move out, rooms change as everyone gets older and tastes change, furniture and bedsheets wear out.

I'm back! I was gone for 17 days. So many things happened in March. The best were (1) my kids ending the school year with really good grades and (2) my trip to Singapore for Samsung. The worst was my father almost dying.


He's still in the hospital now. The prognosis is not good—he needs surgery but his system is too weak. But if he doesn't get that surgery, he's going to die anyway. So do we have him go through surgery that will most likely kill him (fast death) or let him go home and die a slow death? Tough choice, both ending in certain death. We haven't decided on anything.

But that's not what I'm really agonizing about. While I was out doing errands, I bumped into a friend and she was going in for a hug but I whispered, "I feel like a bubble. If you touch me, I'm going to explode." She hugged me anyway and I cried. I guess she knew that hugs from a friend who understands can hold you together, and the pieces meld together for a while longer. She also knows my relationship with my father so she knew my tears weren't for him but for me and my children.

Our funds are absolutely depleted and dreams and plans for the year are now laid to waste—we are even wondering if we can enroll our kids next month. But I said I was going to be cheerful this year, right? So I'm not allowing myself to worry. What will be will be.

But pray for us, dear friends. Pray for God's abundant provision please. And pray for Vince and me. We're having a difficult time sacrificing our kids' future for someone who never lifted a finger to provide for his.

I know that sounds awful, but if you're the daughter of a man who refused to work and always demanded that his breadwinner wife buy him stuff first, never mind that she got into mountains of debt, and then he stole your inheritance when your poor mother died, you'd know I'm in a pretty tough situation. If you don't know my situation, then that's absolutely wonderful. You can be grateful you had a father who loved you so much, he worked hard to give you a good life because I seriously don't know what that feels like. I envy you.

Regardless of my sad history, we are giving till there's nothing left to give. After all, what I'll lose is just money. I'm not gaining a father since the doctors say he won't have long to live. And when I asked Papa if he'll be a better father and grandfather should he be given another chance at life, he said he won't. Well, at least he's honest.

I did gain one glorious thing: the chance to understand and forgive Papa. During the darkest hours of when we didn't know if Papa was going to make it through the night, I talked with him, asking him why he never provided for his 4 children. Actually, we are 5 kids. We found out we have a half-sister and I'm glad Mama's dead and gone before we knew! I'm happy I have an older sister, even though I feel sad for her because Papa wasn't there for her either and now that she just found him, she'll lose him.

Anyway, Papa told me why he didn't want to provide for his kids and his reason wasn't very good but I accepted it and forgave it because it was valid. It was also so sad because so many of us—Mama most of all—suffered so much. I'll tell you about it one day but under all the layers and excuses Papa gave, his reason was basically cowardice and you know how I feel about cowards.

Nevertheless, I asked Papa for his forgiveness, which he gave, and he acknowledged I wasn't the best daughter because he wasn't the best father. I'm happy we were able to forgive each other and perhaps create a new relationship. It's still a doomed one since it doesn't have a chance to flourish. Time is one factor and his refusal to be a better father is another. But I'm going to try to be a better daughter. Maybe in this situation, the redemption God is offering is to me, not to Papa.