TOPAZ HORIZON

As you can see, I'm not showing so much yet. Unless I spent the entire day eating, which I do. Since these were taken just before breakfast, no tummy yet. But by the time lunchtime rolled, people were asking to rub my distended belly.

Yesterday, I was telling some girls at work that when I was younger, I'd be in hospitals so much because of my asthma and my favorite thing to do was to grab my IV bag and visit the other patients and ask them about their lives, which was hell of a lot better to do than stare at my room's ceiling and listen to myself breathe. The girls at work didn't seem fascinated with my story and focused on only one thing: "Why were you alone? Wasn't your mom with you?" And I said, "Oh, Mama never really came to visit me when I was sick. She was only there to pick me up, and that's also because she had to pay the bill."

Mama, they looked at me like I had a terrible mother, and I guess the story did make you sound like one. Yikes! Thinking about it now, I never felt any resentment whenever you and Papa deposited me at the hospital and came back for me when the doctor said I was free to go. For one thing, I knew you had work. I also enjoyed being on my own; in fact, I enjoyed it so much, I couldn't wait to leave home and be independent! And if you hadn't left me alone so much, I wouldn't learn to love reading, to venture out by myself, to talk to strangers (which you never discouraged) and be interested in their stories, to explore a world outside my own, and to be happy with my own company. All those nights in the hospital never felt lonely because I fell asleep immediately--I had a full day chatting with doctors, nurses, patients and their relatives. I saw some really sick people, some of them died when I was there, which was sad because I had just met them, but I was a happy kid and you always told me there was a heaven.

Well, now you're in heaven and I'm glad you're there. Really! I know you had a hard life, Mama, so it's great you're living it up somewhere vastly more wonderful than here. I do miss you, especially now that I'm going to have a baby. I want to raise my child the way you raised me but apparently your way isn't popular anymore. Listening to all the unsolicited advice I get these days, one would think you were a truly terrible mother. "Children should be loved, you should never leave them alone, you shouldn't let them play outside, you shouldn't spank them, you should be their friend, you should feed them organic stuff only, etc ad infinitum nauseum." Mama, kids these days are coddled and treated like emperors, like they were the centers of their parents' universe. You always made it clear to me and my siblings that God was the first in your life, then Papa, then--if there were no other people who needed your help--then and only then do we enter the picture.

I kinda liked knowing that we weren't that special, Mama. For one thing, no one can ever accuse any of your children for being spoiled brats. We're kinda wonderful actually, all smart and talented and strong. People think your children are fantastic, Mama! And we are, we are indeed. So if anyone dare say your way was wrong, well, let's just see what kind of kids they bring up!

I think you understood parenting more than anyone these days. Parenting is for crazy people actually because it's a doomed relationship. From the moment your child takes its first breath, you teach it the skills to do just one thing: Leave you. And you, unlike most parents who just baby their children, you always pushed, pushed, pushed! And look where I am now! I know you're so proud, Mama.

To be honest, I wouldn't be who I am if you had always been there. Well, you were there for me by not being there all the time. Sometimes, I would feel you holding back, sometimes I felt you closed your eyes, sometimes I felt you turned away. All those times made me stronger, because I knew that though you didn't help, you did so consciously, knowing I'd be better if I did it on my own. And I am. I don't know what willpower it took to stop yourself from scooping us into your arms, from not quitting work to be with us, from not defending us when we whined. You were one tough mama! 

At your wake, there were so many people, it was crazy. I met so many people whose lives you changed. I even remember feeling jealous because I had to share you with soooo many people! I remember calling home one day and saying, "Mama, let's go shopping!" And you said, "I have to do counseling and discipleship today. Maybe another time." There was never another time, Mama, because you always chose the less fortunate. I always got angry over that but when you died and I saw how many people mourned you--some of them were crying more than I or Papa or my siblings did--I realized you chose the right thing.

You always did actually. And that entire time we were at the wake, a strange thing happened: We found ourselves comforting others, instead of the other way around. We had taken over your role of comforter and guidance counselor--you kinda didn't give us a choice!--even though we were the ones who lost a mother and a wife. But by stepping into your shoes, we became better human beings.

This reminds me of that story you told us of two sisters, Mary and Martha. Jesus had visited their home and Martha was super busy cleaning and cooking so that Jesus will feel important. Mary sat by His feet and listened to Him speak. Martha got angry and said, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" And Jesus said, "Martha, Martha! You are worried and upset about so many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." (Luke 10:38-42). Now, I always thought this story was stupid and an excuse to be lazy. But when you died, Mama, I got it. It took me 32 years but I finally got it. You always did choose the right thing and now you have been rewarded.

Oh, I'm going to be a great mom! I just know it. Because I had you, and though everyone tells me that there are new ways to raise kids these days, I think I'm going to be just like you--tough, strict, totally no-nonsense and firmly rooted on God's Word. And if I turn out half as good a person as you were, Mama, then my little Jelly Bean is in very good hands.

I miss you,
F.

I guess you all probably all know that Apple launched the funnily named iPad last week.

Well, I want one. It's the future, my friends. I won't really go into all the specifics and what it can and can't do (this isn't a tech site and my husband can explain it better!) but from what I've seen, it's magic!

This week, Sony also launched their adorable new VAIOs, the super colorful VAIO E. Vince and I were invited to a lovely dinner for the launch but I wasn't feeling well and Vince had to stay at work so we didn't show up. Therese and Avvy of Virtusio, if you're reading this, I'm sorry! Was this the series you were launching? Just wondering...
I think these babies are beyond cute but Sony really has to offer better laptop deals--their laptops are insanely overpriced so, much as I want a VAIO, I bought my HP Mini instead (which I love!) and if I ever get oodles of money, I'd buy a MAC!

Or an iPad. I read that Sony plans to copy the iPad. Sony's CFO Nobuyuki Oneda said, "We are confident we have the skills to create a [similar] product." I'm sure, but again, Sony, you have to make your prices competitive. Since the iPad is only around $500 (P23,000), that's an unbeatable price for such an amazing gadget!

We're definitely getting the iPad come March. But we have to buy that Olympus EP1 first! How about you? Any gadget lusts?

I haven't been to Boracay since 2004. Don't feel bad for me, folks, I'm not a beach person. But 6 years away from the most famous beach in the Philippines is starting to feel wrong. My days these days have been filled with work, clinic appointments, inquiring after medical and life insurance quotes, reading pregnancy books, hugging the toilet as I vomit my meal yet again... So, before Jelly Bean takes over our lives, I think it's time for more getaways (yes, more trips aside from Tagaytay and Cebu!). And if I'm lucky, I can go have an all-expense-paid trip to the island!

Boracay Packages is having a fabulous contest open to everyone in the entire world! In celebration of its 5th anniversary (hey, it's the 5th anniversary of OK! Philippines, too!), the site is treating 2 people to a 5-day stay at the lovely Le Soleil de Boracay! Here are the details:


WOW Philippines Travel Agency, Inc. is celebrating its 5th year in business on July of 2010, and we would like you to have a chance to celebrate with us. We decided to give away a FREE Boracay Package complete with 5-Star accommodations at the luxurious Le Soleil de Boracay Hotel on Boracay Island. The lucky winner will win the following Boracay vacation package:

Vacation Package Inclusions:
- 5 Days / 4 Nights Luxury 5-Star Accommodations at the Le Soleil de Boracay Hotel
- Flights to Boracay from Manila to Caticlan Airport on Philippine Airlines
- Island Transfers - Door-to-Door from Manila to the resort and back to Manila
- Three (3) Meals each day, Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner
- Boracay Activities - Horseback Riding, Island Hopping, Glass Bottom Boat
- PLUS - 5,000 peso Spending Cash


Oh, I want to win this! To be honest, it was the Philippine Airlines aspect that won me over. Really don't want to fly on Cebu Pacific anymore. But that's another story for another day! Let me just look for my ancient Boracay photos so you can see how much I enjoyed Boracay. And that's coming from a girl who hates sun and sand!

If you want to join the contest yourself, click here!

Mariel and I were at Kate's atelier and we had such a fun time just choosing cloth swatches, designs, accessories. Well, the truth is Kate drew and drew and Mariel and I just oohed and clapped in delight. Why were we there? Mariel's wedding is coming up! So excited for my dear friend.

So I had my measurements taken for my gown and, let me tell ya, I'm a little alarmed at my size. Everything's about 3-5 inches bigger. Good for the boobies but the waist and hips? Yikes! It's not that I'm being vain. It's more like I feel this is a stranger's body. Last time I checked, my waist was 26; now it's 31! I guess if it was a gradual gain, I'd think nothing of it but, my goodness, every time I look in the mirror, I do a double take, "Who's that?!"

For the first time in my life, I've started thinking seriously about exercise and diets. I look at the Kardashian sisters' bodies for example (here's their pic when they did a Quick Trim review) and I find myself wondering if I'm ever going to need to work hard to get thin again.All my mommy friends tell me--almost gleefully--that, "No, you'll never get your body back!" and I feel a little sad. Not because I'm vain but because I like my body--the skinny, flat-chested, bony-kneed me. It's who I am and, despite being taunted for being a skeleton all my life, I really like my eat-all-I-can-yet-remain-skinny self.

I've always been super thin. I can spend the entire day at the buffet and not gain an ounce. I've never owned a weighing scale but, now that I'm pregnant, I got a nice bathroom scale that I step onto every morning and evening. That needle has climbed to 112 lbs. That's way beyond my average weight of 100 lbs--which is my 30's weight. In my 20's, I was an average of 95 lbs. In my late teens, I tipped it at 90 lbs. Nope, no eating disorder. My family and I are just naturally skinny. My husband is slim, too.

At the OB's office last week, my OBG told me I'm gaining too much weight and put me on a diet--more leaves and salads and grains, no more sweets and fatty stuff. I'm not even a fan of sweets and fatty stuff! I'm already eating less than I used to (blame the nausea)! Where on earth are the pounds coming from?

Curiouser and curiouser indeed. In other news, we're very excited about the baby. Vince says he can't wait to see me get big. I also want to see myself get big, but in the boob and tummy areas only. I'd like to look like Nicole Richie when she was pregnant. This is what I expect actually since my mother, when she was pregnant, always looked like she just swallowed a basketball. But with my fast weight gain and my OBG's confirmation that I am indeed piling it on, I don't think I'll be anything like Mama!

Thanks, GQ! Any magazine with Johnny Depp on its cover is the perfect magazine cover really. What a dreamboat!

I think I'm finally enjoying my pregnancy. I say that cautiously because, well, I never know when the nausea will strike. Well, I do know now when it will strike--after I take my prenatal vitamins--but the nausea has indeed lessened. Plus, I have more energy and my acne is clearing up (thanks to Murad and VMV, damn expensive but working!). What I'm really happy about is the "less nausea" part. That has got to be the worst thing ever about pregnancy. However, ask me again when the varicose veins, stretchmarks, fat, and labor come!



Anyway, right now I'm thinking about that whole Kris-James-sugod the fan issue. So weird that after she goes on and on righteously saying "I'm a wife. I have to protect my marriage!", she announces just as righteously to all and sundry that she's now separated from him. Er, I thought she was saving her marriage? Let me be clear on one thing: I'm a wife, too, so I have no issue with Kris confronting that Mayen woman. Mayen threatened Kris' marriage and it is only right that Kris go and annihilate the threat. But now that she has, what does she do? She leaves. What the hell was all that fuss for then?

Let me tell you how Vince and I see marriage. We see ourselves as a pair of scissors. Separate, we are each a blade--we each have our own purpose; therefore we are not meaningless individuals. Together, we still have the same purpose but we work together towards one goal. And whatever comes between us, we destroy. This we both agreed on--for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, till death do us part. Only death will separate us. That's the plan. There is no other plan.  

Let me tell you about another couple with no other plan. When Playboy asked Will Smith if he and wife Jada signed a prenuptial agreement, he replied, "No. I don't even like the concept of a prenup. The idea is that this is going to work out and we're going to be together forever. I am the type of guy who doesn't have a plan B because plan B distracts from plan A."

Those are wise words for marriage and for life. Dream big. Let go. Jump in. Commit. Don't think about second chances. Think: This is it!

Life is about commitment. Freedom comes only with commitment. When I married Vince, I finally became free from insecurity, jealousy, doubt and fear. I know he feels the same way. We are free to love each other, to kiss, to make love, to get pregnant, to live the way we want because we committed our lives to each other. Why would I want to give that up? That is also part of our vows: To not just cherish but also to protect our marriage. So believe you me, if anything dare threaten my joy, I will rise up and crush it.

I know this announcement is 18 days late. That's because only 8 people joined my OK! contest so I figured that I'll reward all 8 ladies with an amazing beauty cream each! While I'd really love to give away grand prizes like a trip abroad (I hear that a stay at the Outer Banks rentals is exquisite in the summer), I'll have to content myself and my readers with the best face creams on the planet! Not bad, not bad. Et voila--I finally have them all here (with my amazing January issue!), and they are yours, my dearest ladies!

The prizes are (I arranged them with the most expensive product on top):
1. La Prairie Creme Cellulaire Platinum Rare

2. Lancome Renergie Morpholift Nuit Overnight Regeneration Cream

3. Lancome Renergie Morpholift Advanced Contour Serum

4. Shu Uemura B-G Reinforcing Gel Cream (with lotion and essence)

5. Kiehl's ACAI Damage-Repairing Serum

6. L'Oreal Paris Derma Genesis Cellular Youth Creator Day Creme

7. Avon Anew Rejuvenate Flash Facial Revitalizing Concentrate

8. Kiehl's Rare Earth Pore Minimizing Lotion

And the winners are (just match your name with the numbers above!):

Congratulations! Kindly email your your full name, shipping address and contact numbers to frances@topazhorizon.com so I can send you your lovely prize soonest.

Again, thank you for joining my contest and for being ever so patient with me. I hope you've already gotten the January issue of OK! magazine. It is our first and super fantabulous offering for 2010 and it's so super juicy! Grab an issue now while there are still some left!

Hello, hello, hello! I didn't forget my Sun Life Planner contest, kids!

And I must announce it now while it's still January or else you won't want a nice planner anymore from my favorite insurance company (oy, plug! Do I get a free accident/health/pension plan now? Or can I just ask for the sweet ka-ching of gold coins in my account? Joke! Eww, so jologs to say, "Joke!").

Anyway! Five winners! Here they are (the Top 5 names):

Congratulations! Kindly email your your full name, shipping address and contact numbers to frances@topazhorizon.com so Teeyah can send you your planners asap!

P.S. OK! contest winners up next!

Last night, our friend Neil had a few beers with Vince here at home. Neil has three fabulous kids and he was telling us that kids are a great joy... and a great pain in the neck! Harhar. So he was urging us to go and have adventures now, while Jelly Bean is still not around to take over our lives.

Well, that's been exactly how we're feeling so I've booked a nice weekend at 8 Suites, this lovely new boutique hotel in Tagaytay.

We're also spending another weekend in Cebu at Be Hotel, which is a lovely place but I think they went overboard with the pastel colors.

Then I want to go see Disneyland in California (regular readers know I love Disneyland!) but Vince wants to go to Vegas. And we also want to go to Singapore to buy that camera I was telling you about, the one Vince now wants to buy for the baby. It isn't available here (boo!) but Singapore has it so we're thinking of flying there to check. Then I also want to visit my friend Kat in NYC but I'm waiting for summer to decide since I hate the cold.

While we have our nice matching Echolac luggage (we bought them for our London honeymoon), I've started browsing travel accessories sites for Samsonite luggage. I really like my little attache case and I was wondering if there was a matching suitcase.

I think it would be sooooo cool to have pink bags. For one thing, they'd really pop out on that conveyor belt. But don't worry, Vince (I know you're reading this!), I won't buy new luggage. It's enough you agreed to go on a travel spree with me!  

But I won't be around for long, I think. I just had lunch and now I'm sleepy. I'm catching up with my blog updates and I am really missing blogging, too! Maybe I'll blog again later.

So what have I been up to? Well, it's been a super busy week at work, which is just how I like it. The nausea is almost gone and I can eat a bit better now--as some moms out there know, morning sickness, dizziness and fatigue can be some of the best appetite suppressants ever, which is kinda ironic since this is when we need to eat more and be healthier!

Now that I'm feeling better, I visited my facialist yesterday at Murad so that my pregnancy acne can be managed and I also went shopping. That was fun! Today, I will sleep. Then later this afternoon, my sister and I will have our nails done and do some shopping. Sisters are the best thing in the world really. Okay, after husbands and maybe kids (I don't have an opinion about that yet, okay?) Then I'll blog again tonight! I promise a more substantial post!

Have a nice weekend, everybody!

Today, people are back to school, back to work. I am in bed. Sick to my stomach and reeling from morning sickness. It's 2 PM. So let's just call it all-day nausea.

I have tons to do:
1. pay bills
2. pay property taxes
3. steam clothes
4. do the grocery
5. buy electrical supplies (two chandelier lights are busted and we need an extension cord for my cute new retro pink fan--thanks, Vince!)
6. look for a cleaning lady
7. announce the winners (yes, plural!) of my OK! contest.

Oh, and I also have to make the cover of the February issue of OK!. I am exhausted just thinking about what I need to do!

What I did do is make a mommy blog. Yup, I figured that since a lot of my readers are young and single, you'd get bored silly of my preggy stories. So I'm keeping this blog fun and fabulous and I'm putting the pregnant/parenting experience in the other blog (it's called Topaz Mommy) for my other readers who happen to be cool mommies already. So all my readers are happy!

My blogging friend, Teeyah, asked me this question and the only answer I can come up with is "Have enough money to pay for the baby!" But that's kinda dumb because Vince and I already have enough saved up for the baby. So what we really need to do is find ways on how we can make our money work for us. Our savings are all in the bank but we know there are other ways to make money grow faster, like stocks, bonds, treasury bills, time deposits, etc. But we're not well-versed in matters like that so, for 2010, our financial goal is to understand what money-growing tool we should invest in... and invest in it!

We're also thinking of buying medical insurance and pension plans and college education plans. But maybe the college plan is dumb because what if the kid doesn't want to go to college (I don't believe in college)? As for life insurance plans, we already have those--we bought policies when Vince and I were in our mid-20s, which means the life insurance rates we pay are really low. I suggest that you buy a policy, too! Mine is the Sun Milady Plus from Sun Life and I pay just P3,000++ every 3 months. So affordable!

How about you? What's your financial goal this year? Leave your answer in my comment box and you can win your very own Sun Life Daily Organizer!

You have until January 15 to join this contest and win that planner. Five readers get their very own planner delivered right to their doorstep!

This is out of Teeyah's generosity, by the way! Thanks, T, and I promise to announce the winners of my OK! contest this week!!!

In my job, I always come across glamorous stars who say that they're really boring in real life. Style icon Victoria Beckham says she's happiest when she's home with her boys or watching DVDs with hunky hubby David in bed. Then you have stars like Tiger Woods who have an impeccable reputation but an unbelievable secret life!

So let's talk about reputations and what's really the truth. Now that I'm going to have a kid, my fear is—irrational though it may be—my fear is that when my kid accuses me one day of being the most boring person on earth, I'm afraid that will be the honest truth. I am boring. I don't have a secret sordid past. I don't have any exciting adventures.
Now, when it comes to Vince, that's a different story. Here he is at our joint bridal shower/stag party with hot Brazilian models. Though my husband is now very well behaved, he has mighty impressive tales of debauchery and seduction, of wild nights and days of drunken stupor, of exciting travels to exotic places... whereas I don't. My husband is the craziest, funniest, most exciting, most fascinating person I know even though he looks like a saint. Me, I'm a saint. Well, depends on who you ask, I guess, but more on that later.

Soon after Vince and I started dating, he asked me what kind of girl I was in college: what orgs was I a member of, which bars did I hang out in, how many guys have I slept with, and all that shit. I very proudly told him how saintly I was. He kinda guffawed in disbelief. So I asked him, "If you had met me in college, would you have asked me out?"

He laughed, "Church youth leader, curfew at 6 pm and you don't drink? No way!"

"So why are you so interested now?!"

"You're the smartest girl I've ever met. That's why I love you."

I'm the smartest girl he's ever met. Not the most beautiful, not the sexiest but the smartest. Hardly what a girl would like to hear but I'd take it.

This is me, still at the bridal shower, but see how conservative I am? I refused to have my photo taken with the boys without Vince because I was scared photos of me alone with strange men might surface on the Internet (see Exhibit A: Vince and Brazilian models) and people will gossip about me! How square is that?! 

The truth is I'm a girl who studied in a convent, then in a special science high school, then took up writing in college, then got a coveted fellowship in a national writers workshop (where I met a long-haired hungover Vince), taught preschool, wrote a senator's speeches, did PR work, then made a magazine. I fell in love with Vince at 22, married him at 30, got pregnant with his baby at 33. I'm the girl who usually made the right choice and played it safe. I've never gotten drunk, never did drugs, never slept around, never kissed a girl, never ever did anything fun! The dirtiest thing about me is my language. I try really hard not to swear (especially when I'm around my family, little kids and my Born-Again friends) but if you ever meet me and I say, "Fuck you!", that's just my way of saying hi when I'm very happy.

If you ask people from my high school, however, they'd tell you I was a slut. I have no idea how that rumor came to be. Let me remind you that I was a Bible-thumping, church-going nerd with a 6 pm curfew (okay, and a potty mouth). I remember in college, I met this old high school classmate. She was studying in UPLB and she was visiting friends in the Diliman campus, where I was. She looked at me with worry and said, "Hey, how's your kid?"

"My what?!"

"I heard you have a three-year-old daughter and you don't know who the father is."

I just stared at her. "Weren't we seatmates in sophomore year?"

"Yes."

"You saw me every single day when we were 15. Did you ever see my tummy grow?"

"Er... no."

"Did you ever see me look pregnant? Hear I gave birth? Did my flat chest ever blossom to breastfeeding proportions?"

"No."

"Then why would you believe I have a three-year-old kid, you idiot?! And it's a girl, too! And there's no father! Unbelievable! Those details! Who makes up this shit?"

So I was a good girl with a bad reputation. I always hated that. But now, with a kid growing in me, I somehow wish that I did have a few tales that would make my kid's eyes widen and that he/she would see me in a different light, that mom isn't just boring old mom but a woman of mystery and unbridled passion, a woman who took frightening risks and hid explosive secrets. Well, I'm not that woman.

My kid will just have to look at Vince and think, "At least I have a cool dad!"

CLARIFICATION:
Thanks for all the sweet comments but I think I was misunderstood, I don't mean that I wish I had done some bad things. I mean I wish I had traveled the world, written a few books, climbed a mountain, seen more things, met more people... really LIVED, like my husband. He's truly had an amazing life. Me? I've lived through books and movies but basically spent the last 30 years at home. Tragic! And lest the people who really know me start laughing their heads off, maybe I shouldn't have used the word "saint" to describe myself since I, well, I've done stuff that would make saints blush. In the words of my hubby, "You aren't bad enough, but when you're bad, you're really good."

Because sooner than we thought, we're having a little one and Vince definitely wants better pictures than this grainy one:

Well, it still took our breath away.

And with that, I'd like to say that this year may have been difficult for us all but God is faithful and good and He keeps pouring down His blessings on us all if we just open our eyes and see the wonder of His hands. Life is pretty amazing! Tomorrow is another year and, for me and Vince, we're already sure it's going to be very very different and full of endless surprises. Well, isn't each day a surprise?

One thing that continues to surprise me and make me happy is how there are so many of you reading this blog! Thank you! You've been a big part of my life, my dear Topaz Horizon readers, and now my life is about to change yet again and if you'd like to join the ride, come along, come along! And if you feel like sending my husband a spankin' brand new Olympus EP-1, why bless your heart!

Happy New Year!

My goodness! I know I haven't updated but that's because these past few days have been beyond amazing! I'll tell you more about that later on when the busyness of the season has died down.

So we had Christmas dinner with my Sales family last night. That was the best Sales Christmas dinner so far because the kids outdid themselves--from a musical performance on the marimba by darling Elizabeth and Michael Jackson dance numbers by the irrepressible Zo to a Christmas play written, directed, produced and starred in by Elizabeth, Zo, Kevin, Sean, Auntie Gigi, Mommy Lizelle, Uncle Phil, Uncle Vince and Auntie Frances (with music, effects and scenery helpfully provided by Joe, Uncle Lit and Lola Di!)!!!

Then today was spent with my Amper family. We basically spent all afternoon outdoing ourselves on the Playstation's Rock Band. What incredible fun! I mean, we're such a musical family so Rock Band should be a cinch but oh no, we were so bad!!! But that wasn't what mattered--it was being together again and having a jolly good time.

Ack, no pictures yet. Too sleepy now. Will update as soon as I can. In the meantime, I hope you all had a Merry Christmas and I wish you and your family a Happy (and more prosperous!) New Year!

I think I'm finally out of a depression. Regular readers, you know I haven't had a good November. Now, I think I can finally explain what happened. A huge opportunity was offered to me the day before my birthday. It's so huge--in terms of prestige and money--that I was, and still am, reeling from it, so dazzled and flattered was I.

This is a good thing, right? Well, it is. But even as I thought about and then finally accepted the new opportunity, I began wondering if I made the right decision. It wasn't actually a done deal yet--I still had to go through some processes--but as I went through each step, I began to get restless. The littlest things upset me. I had a hard time sleeping. I would often find myself sighing and crying quietly but regularly like the maddening dripping from broken kitchen faucets.

I went on shopping sprees (will blog about my new vintage finds soon!). I became more tired than usual. I stopped doing my chores. My clothes and papers started piling up, my mess started creeping from my desk and my side of our bed to the living and dining areas. Vince, very neat and organized Vince, kept quiet but offered gently to help clean up, and I'd say, "No, no, I'll do that myself." But I won't. At work, I projected my happy self. But inside I was feeling unsure and stressed, and couldn't find pleasure in the job I love.

The few who knew about the offer (except OK!'s managing editor Lana and our ninong sa kasal who thought the brand was a dinosaur) was just as dazzled. They said, "Take it! Take it!" And I did! I felt like I grew shinier in their eyes. But as the final interview ended and the Americans said they were "very impressed," I ended that overseas call with a heavy heart, wiped my tears away and looked through OK! magazine and realized I just can't leave it. Not yet. I also wasn't ready to spend 24/7 doing something new--I'm like that: When I'm involved in a new project, I forsake everything else. When my mother died, I haven't seen her in almost 2 months, because I was that busy. I don't want to be that busy again.

So yesterday, after exactly 5 weeks of incredible highs and crushing lows, I turned down the offer. The night before, I alarmed Vince by sobbing my explanation: "I'm happy where I am now. I want to be grateful, not greedy." I think Vince was confused--being a man, he is the conquering type and thought the offer would be a great challenge, which he knew I liked. He also liked the money. Hell, I did, too. But I've always followed my heart, and look where my heart brought me--OK! magazine, my lovely home, and most wonderful of all, my darling husband Vince. My heart told me I wasn't ready to rock this boat. In the end, Vince assured me that he supports my decision. And I know he does, although I think he got frightened by my crying!  

I know I'm crazy to refuse so don't leave comments telling me I'm stupid. I already know that. There's still that ambitious part of me that's screaming in my head in absolute fury. I know opportunities like this don't come traipsing along every day, and I'll just have to live with this decision for the rest of my life. But now that it's done, my agony is over, my insomnia is cured, my world is again at peace.

Maybe now is not the time. Maybe in the future, something just as big will present itself again. Or maybe this means my time in a glamorous job is nearing its end and I should do something else--something not glamorous at all. Whatever the future holds, I only know that what I choose will always be the one that, in the words of that timeless song, will need all the love I can give, every day of my life for as long as I live.

Of course, I'm still thinking about the money I could've gotten. But I'll just have to make more money some other way. Kindly click on my ads then and buy shoes from me!

Staff shoot post again! This shoot actually took place months ago (you can see what happened there here, here and here) since we had to take photos of Joanna while her pregnant tummy was still small. You see, we usually have our photos taken a month before the issue comes out. Since this was for the December issue, we had to have the shoot late October, but since Joanna was going to give birth in October, we knew she wouldn't be available so we just shot the Christmas shoot in July. Whew, long sentence there!

Our art director Sonny tells us where to stand and how to pose. The idea was Gossip Girl. Since I never watch that silly show, I have no idea what he's talking about. But when we look at the pics, they tell me we all nailed the GG look.

This is what came out in the magazine... with some major Photoshop editing! The wrinkles and folds of my dress around the stomach area was smoothened (the dress was a size 2 and I'm a 4. I could hardly breathe in it!), Sonny's pants were darkened from blue to black to keep with the color scheme of red, white and black. Joanna's dress came out orange so we color-corrected that and...

... well, since Joanna was hugging her tummy up there, we took her photo from down here, cut it out, pasted it back up there, and removed her baby bump. Yes, that's possible with Photoshop! Since this was coming out in the December issue--and Joanna had given birth by then--we can't have her pregnant! We also extended the mat we're all standing on. The shoes--except my nude pumps and Elaine's studded gladiators--were all borrowed so to prevent scuff marks on the sole, we had to stand on that mat. Sonny, who's not on the mat, had masking tape on the soles of his shoes (you can see the tape peeking out). We digitally removed that, too.

Nikki, OK!'s beauty columnist and our stylist for the shoot, joins us. As our photographer Ocs adjusts the light, we all rest from all the smiling and catch up. We super miss Nikki! She's getting married in a couple of months and we're all buzzing about what we'll wear to her stylish wedding. Meanwhile, doesn't Elaine look so Blair?

There are three things the OK! staff all love: Hollywood celebs, eating and laughing. Our photo shoots are always a nightmare for the photographers because we can't stop laughing. I posted the photo of us looking the least hilarious (of course, I can't let us look silly!).

And here's the entire staff with the team who made us look fantabulous! Want to see the final shot? Pick up OK!'s December issue and you may even get a chance to win the most expensive moisturizer on the planet!

XOXO,

I've seriously neglected Beauty For A Living. I've been buried under a mountain of press kits and beauty products that I really don't know which to feature anymore! So I just ignored my beauty blog. But I checked it out recently and found the template had completely gone on self-destruct. I wonder how long that's been like that! Thank goodness I discovered...
Shabby Blogs has a wealth of the most adorable backgrounds, headers, buttons and cute extras so perfect for my beauty blog! Now Beauty For A Living looks really beautiful. Go visit my pretty blog now!

What's that you said? When will I update Topaz Horizon's inky look? Well, I really don't know. I decided long ago that this blog will be black for the simple reason that black screens consume the least energy. So when you're reading my blog, you're also saving the planet! But yeah, I'm getting pretty bored with it myself. Do you think it's time for a Topaz Horizon makeover, too? I want it to still be black, though, with maybe touches of orange design elements... without it ending up looking like a Halloween blog. If you can help me out, I'll send you a bag of beauty products!

P.S. Is no one going to join my OK! contest? I'm giving away a jar of the most expensive moisturizer on the face of the earth!