TOPAZ HORIZON

And she's wearing all my favorite things: orange, skinny jeans and my very own bespoke leather satchel!

Her review summary:
1. She was surprised to find that the satchel was gorgeous!
Why?!
2. She loves that the bag has many compartments.
I do, too! I'm such a pocketsy person.
3. It may be a small bag but it can fit a LOT of stuff.
Leather is soft and pliable and did we mention the many pocketses?
4. The leather smell is heavenly.
Mmm. Right now, my living room smells like leather!

Thanks, Joanne! I love that you love it. Love your orange top, too. Where'd you get it?

Who hasn't heard of Samantha Sotto? (If you haven't, do you not have Facebook/Twitter/online life? No? Then... good for you!)

A couple of weeks ago, Samantha exploded into our consciousness with the launch of her first novel, Before Ever After. I missed the launch because I was in Bali but because of my wonderful group of mommy bloggers, I get to meet her tomorrow! And I'm glad I will because I have a ton of questions about her book!

But before that, let me warn that if you haven't read the book, you should stop reading this post if you don't want any spoilers. I'll try not to give away too much but that's kinda hard to do if you're doing a book review!



Before Ever After is the story of Shelley, a young widow who finds out that her husband Max is actually alive. The thought is both wonderful and agonizing because if he had been alive all this time, why'd he leave her? The question takes her (and Paolo, Max's grandson, another person Max loved and left) on a loooong trip from London to Boracay and back in time to find out the truth of her husband's identity, history and, well, if he ever really loved her in the first place.

It's a lovely story and I like that I never was able to predict how it was going to end. That's a sign of good storytelling. Being a history buff, I loved how each period in time was used to build the story and the character of Max. What I didn't like was the flowery language (too chick lit for a horror/fantasy girl like me, but that's not Samantha's fault). I also think that while it was obvious to the reader how totally lovable Max is--sexy, funny, smart and fabulously wealthy--I just couldn't fall in love with Shelley. All I know of her is she's gorgeous and young and sad. Maybe that's enough for some people, but if I were funny, sexy, smart and fabulously wealthy Max, I'd fall for someone more interesting.

Then again, vulnerability does have its charms. As Tina Fey said in A Mother's Prayer for her Child, "May she be beautiful but not damaged, for it's the damage that draws the creepy soccer coach's eye, not the beauty." And Shelley was very damaged. And as you find out more about Max, he is, well, kinda creepy! In a sexy kinda way, of course.


But aside from that little underdeveloped character aspect, I did like Before Ever After. I finished it in 8 hours! While my favorite books are by Stephen King, Tolkien, Carroll, Atwood, Rowling, Gaiman and the like, I did find this love story to be a page-turner. So if you're a romance-novel lover, you'll enjoy this book immensely.

I guess what fascinated me was it wasn't really a love story for me as it is a story about grief and how people cope with it. Grief is a strange thing. Some people go crazy, some wallow, some get busy with life to forget the pain, some overcompensate, some celebrate the life lost, some just never get over it. Well, as someone who is familiar with death, I can confidently assure you that no, you never get over it. You just learn to live without that love. The closest I can compare it with is learning to live after you lost your sight or your leg or your hand. You can live, you can be happy again, but it's just never going to be the same.

For me, Before Ever After is a story of grief and how it is to live with grief. Samantha describes the different ways of coping so well that I cried twice, brought back to that hidden place in my soul that I rarely visit. Of course, the great thing about grief is it is only great if the love was great. You cannot grieve over trifles.

So as the story of love unfolds--love between a couple in their golden years, love between a man and his ailing wife, love between a grandfather and a little boy, love between two men, love of a father, and of course the love Shelley and Max had--the threat and reality of loss is ever present and Samantha succeeds in making me feel like my own loves can never end happily ever after because we will all die and then there is the end. So what I should do is truly nurture the relationships I have and love the people I treasure while they are still here. Because who knows what tomorrow will bring? So love now, love deep, love true!

* * * * * * *
Okidoki, so I'm meeting Sam tomorrow and if you have any questions for her, send to me at frances@topazhorizon.com.

To know more about her and her book, click here.

And to those who asked me if this is my first time to meet and talk to a published author, uh no. Writers aren't very rare. Good writers are! I know several authors, work with a few, was taught by a handful and, most deliciously, I sleep with a really hot one.

I take a break from all the bag promoting (shop here!) to talk about a serious matter: marriage and babies.

On my mommy blog, I wrote a post about the new power I feel now as a mother, and it's resonated with a lot of women, both mothers and single ladies. But I got a bit alarmed when I started getting emails from girls saying that because of my blog post, they've decided to get married and/or have babies because they feel so powerless and empty.

Kids, don't do it. I love being married and I love being a mom but it's not a joke taking care of people. It's a job that needs all the love you can give, every day of your life for as long as you live (thanks, Sound of Music!). If you're empty and aimless now, what can you possibly give to other people, especially children who need to be nurtured and guided 24/7?

Go out, have fun, make friends, make love (just don't get sick or pregnant!), try different jobs, live for yourself! Find the meaning of life, your purpose. Find God. Find yourself. Your teens and twenties are designed to be wild and free and kinda weird. Live it. Live for yourself because sooner than you think, your life will be about others and you don't want to feel like you missed out.

I think there's nothing wrong with being selfish. Especially when you're young and have no responsibilities. I think selfishness is a good thing for young people. It allows you to find yourself, to do what you want, to live the way you want and pursue happiness without feeling the burden of guilt and responsibility.

Imagine, for example, wanting to be a musician and being very talented, too, but your parents tell you to be a computer programmer so that you'll have job security and help the family out financially. (This thinking should stop. I am never going to ask my child to help us out. Parents, stop treating your kids like money-making machines. Be responsible for your own future!) So you give up your dreams, your purpose, your life so that you can help other people. It's very noble but it sounds like a path to despair.

My mother wanted me to work for Meralco, where she worked all her life. Meralco has (or had?) great benefits for their employees--a really amazing compensation package. Naturally, when I decided at 8 years old that I wanted to be a writer, she became upset. My father wanted me to be a statistician and work in an insurance company. Again, job security. Writing as a career was just preposterous and they both did their best to discourage me. I fought back. I obeyed them for most everything except my career choice (and my boyfriend choice, although for the latter, maybe I really oughta have taken their advice!).

Anyway, I once overheard my mother talking to her friend. "What's your daughter taking in college?" Mama shrugged, "Creative Writing. I don't know what it is and what will happen to her. But it's okay, I guess, since she's a girl and she'll just marry someone and be a housewife. I'm very disappointed really."

I confronted Mama about that and she insisted that if I cared about the family, I'd take up something more reasonable. I still didn't. I cared about my family, sure, but I also cared about me! My parents said writing will never be financially rewarding, that I'll starve. I didn't care. I decided that if I'm going to have a hard life, I might as well do something I love. I was young and selfish. This is what I want and no one is going to stop me. Years later, I turned out to be the one who helped (and is still helping) the family financially. I've made a career of surpassing low expectations.

What I'm saying, dear young ladies, is if you're empty and confused now, a man or a baby won't make you feel better. As Princess Diana said, "People think that at the end of the day, a man is the only answer. Actually, a fulfilling job is better for me." True! Find your purpose and do it well--whether it's a job or promoting a good cause or cooking or whatever. You need to have a life before you have marriage and kids. Don't commit to anything as serious as marriage and children unless you're ready to give up yourself. And love demands complete surrender. I still have a hard time doing that actually!

Now go and push away all thoughts of weddings and babies from your heads. Fill your hearts instead with love and friendship and fun! Have a good life!