TOPAZ HORIZON

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Later at dinner, Vince added, "Piero is really just like you. He's stubborn like you. He's cute like you." He said this while he was spooning chopseuy onto his plate, matter-of-fact, absorbed in his dinner, very casual, no gooey eyes. Like he was saying, Just sayin'.

Later in bed, I realized with a start that Vince watches me. And so I kinda went a bit panicky, aware I've let myself go since we had kids. I'm 25 lbs heavier since the day we met. I'm all stretched out in the tummy area. The boobs and butt areas, too, if I'm going to be honest. I dress for comfort not for style or sex. I'm a mom now and this mom is usually busy and exhausted and annoyed and exasperated. What does he see? Does he like what he sees?

Well, he said I'm cute like Piero. I don't know if 40 and cute go together but he still enjoys being with me, talking with me, and apparently looking at me, too. After almost 18 years together, he still looks at me. He still looks at me! He still sees me, he still wants to know me. And he still loves me.

And then I remembered all those times I rushed past him, on the way to a crying, needy, demanding, angry, hungry, sleepy, poopy, sick, or whatever-it-is-this-time child; and all those times he said he wanted to chat and I said, "I'm tired;" and all those times I was so busy working I didn't even look up from my computer when he said, "Hi." I remembered and I wondered if he hopes I see him, too.

Because I do. I do! I always think of him whatever I do. I always look at him, too, when I can, when I'm not looking down at the kids, the chores, the work. I wonder if he doesn't see that I see him the way I don't see that he sees me.

My heart is feeling tender now. My husband still sees me. I don't even care now if he likes what he sees. The fact that he's still looking means he still cares (and he must still like what he sees!). 

I'm not invisible. 

I'm not invisible. 

I'm not invisible.

Thank you, Vince. I see you and all that you do for us. Now I need to make sure you know you're not invisible, too.

Like us, my friends are also quarantined in their little spot on the globe. I still can't believe it, how all over the world, we are fighting this COVID-19 pandemic together. It suddenly makes the world such a small place. My friend, Nicole, suggested I share how people's lives are like everywhere during this strange time. It was a fantabulous idea! It will make us feel less alone in our cooped-up existence by making us virtually visit someone far away. I hope you agree!

So today, let me introduce you to my friend, Nicole. If you're a Loyal Reader, you must've spotted her here and there in old blog posts. We became friends while working as magazine editors. Nicole was the super chic and talented beauty editor of Cosmopolitan before becoming the freelance beauty editor of OK! magazine. These days, she's not on my blog anymore because I haven't seen her in years since she married and moved to the South of France. She is delightfully happy and soooo in love these days. I can imagine how lovely it must be to be required to be stuck at home with the love of your life in such a gorgeous place as Côte d'Azur! Here's what her life's like:

The lockdown rules in France are pretty much the same for the whole country. The only difference (that I am aware of) is that a few cities require you to wear a mask or implement certain curfews. 

Whenever we go out, we have to prepare a form called the Attestation de Déplacement Dérogatoire. It's like a permission slip where you have to enter your personal details and indicate the pre-approved reasons for going out: essential work, groceries, exercise, to walk your dog, urgent family matters like if you’re sharing custody of children, medical appointments, etc. The attestation can be handwritten, but if it’s printed or filled up on your phone, then it comes with a QR code that can be scanned at checkpoints. If you don’t respect the rules, you get a €135 fine for the first offense. 

How is your town taking to the lockdown? 

I think everyone is doing the best they can. At 8 p.m., people gather by their windows to pay tribute to the frontliners—you’ll hear clapping, random trumpet playing, dance music, occasional fireworks, and even boats blaring their horns. The only thing that’s strange to me is that I see a lot of people walking around and even kids playing outside without masks. But our town started distributing them for free to encourage residents to wear them and you can also buy masks at groceries and pharmacies now, so hopefully this will change. 

How do you get your food? 

My husband goes to the grocery every two weeks. So far, the stock situation has been fairly good and there are delivery options available. Our local market and some restaurants have also opened for takeout recently. But I think the funniest thing I noticed was that a lot of people were ordering wine for pickup from one of our neighborhood restaurants. Of course, the French need their wine! 

You can go out! Whyyyyyy??? 

Everyone is allowed to go out for exercise once a day for one hour and within one kilometer of your home. We’ve been on strict lockdown since March 16, but we only started going out for short walks towards the end of April since we wanted to stay home as much as possible. But now that masks are more available and the weather is warmer, we take walks on paths where we run into less people maybe 2-3 times a week. It's been good for our sanity! 

What will you do once lockdown lifts? 

Since we live near the sea, I find myself daydreaming about going on a nice picnic and taking a dip in the ocean. I definitely hope I can visit Manila again soon because it’s unnerving when you don't know when you'll be able to see your family again! But I try not to think about these things too much since everything is so unpredictable anyway. I just take it a day at a time and try to appreciate the simple things. As long as everyone is healthy and safe at the end of the day, that’s all that truly matters. 

What have you been doing during quarantine? 

We usually spend most of the day cooking and baking! Making bread really helped me relax and experimenting with different recipes in the kitchen made us both happy. I tried studying a little French and did some yoga a couple of times a week, but it never really stuck. So I switched to crocheting while he'd watch a series on Netflix or catch up on the news. After dinner, we turn off our screens and play a game of cards, Monopoly Deal, backgammon, checkers—something old school. And of course, there's Instagram, Facetime calls, and lots of texting with friends and family. Making videos for those with birthdays in my family actually became a trend, so I think we also made at least four or five of those. My husband also learned to cut his own hair! I'm hoping I can teach him how to give me a manicure next! Haha!