Friday, January 10, 2014

My birthmark's strange powers

I have a birthmark on a part of me that I won't specify where because that will be really weird if strangers knew of its location (it's not on my vagina). Anyway, this birthmark has special powers: It has the ability to slow down any line I'm queued at. Any line, every line, every single time, all the time.

Some scenarios:

  • The person in front of me is a senior citizen who can't find her ID in her purse
  • The person in front of me is a short-sighted person who will ask the fast-food cashier what's on the menu
  • The cashier will turn over her register's money just as it's my turn
  • Someone will faint/get mad/realize he lost his wallet in the line before me

Vince is actually very impressed with my birthmark's power. When I told him about it when we met as fellows at a writing workshop, he didn't believe me... until we lined up at a Jollibee and I kept an entire bus of fellows and panelists waiting for 30 minutes. I guess I should be happy that instead of scaring him off, my birthmark's strange powers fascinated him. (That or maybe he just wanted to find out where the birthmark was!) At any rate, Vince always says, to this day, "Gumana na naman yang balat mo!" Thank goodness he never says this with exasperation or irritation, but always with wonder.

Today, as I rushed to the supermarket because we ran out of milk for the kids, my birthmark's power did not disappoint. There was no line actually, just a guy before me, when all credit card terminals conked out. The guy in front of me was paying with a credit card, of course. I offered to pay for his groceries (it was just P400) but he acted really insulted. Ten minutes.

I'm used to this happening so I'm incredibly patient. On my way home, I saw a Krispy Kreme with just one woman choosing doughnuts. I figured I could make a quick detour. Well, the woman happened to be a secretary/intern who was ordering specific doughnuts from a long list, with each doughnut individually wrapped. Of course, she had to ask for a written official receipt, too. Ten minutes.

Then I passed by National Bookstore and picked up a few journals. At the cashier, the woman in front of me insisted on paying with coins. Dear heaven, she counted them all out one by one. Then she came up three pesos short! So as I was fishing around my own wallet for the coins, she said, "Credit card na lang!" Ten minutes.

A supposedly quick errand next door turned to an hour-long trip.

I really should just send Vince next time.

Do you have any special powers?

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18 comments:

  1. Apir! My balat never fails to amaze me too, same thing, same scenario. One time in the groceries, there was just one girl ahead of me, and as she was about to pay, she was rummaging her bag for her cellphone but couldn't find it so she left the counter and as it turned out, she looked for her boyfriend who was wandering off the grocery store to ask for money! 10 minutes. LOL! I wonder if we have the same balat location though hahaha

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    1. Haha, wag tayo ever magsasabay pumila!!!

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  2. wow! that's some power you got there. when i get stuck in a long line i'll check the front to see if it's you, and if it's so then i'll say hi (yikes parang stalker lang ang dating heheh).

    special powers? i can control my dreams. and read in my dreams. :) just sometimes though.

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    1. I can control most of my dreams, too. Ibig sabihin yata nun hindi pa tayo talaga tulog haha

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  3. that's so fascinating!!! i don't have any special powers but if I did, I'd wish for something like astral projection or power to freeze time! very CHARMED lang ang dating! LOL!

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    1. I would love to be super strong and be able to heal super fast, mala-Wolverine =)

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  4. This is so interesting! Although I don't have a birth mark, I think I have a special power too and so far it doesn't fail me! I'll make the kwento in your email na lang cos it's work related and might scare off my office colleagues (who happens to be fans of your blog too, hehe!)

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    1. Read your email. OMG! You're very powerful!!! Mag-usap nga tayo. Meron akong papagawa sa iyo hehe

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  5. This is hilarious! If ever my birthmarks have special powers I hope it's not anything like this. :) I wish its special power will be to slow time especially when deadlines are near. That would be really helpful! Don't you think?

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    1. I don't like this power either! I want to slow time for looming deadlines, too! =)

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  6. OMG. Tawang tawa naman ako dito! Sometimes I feel like I can make a dead restaurant fill up with customers when I go there. Pero baka pure coincidence lang like I went earlier than the rush hour or what. Lately though, I noticed I would get more "customers" from the store than others. May swerte daw buntis with that right? My powers aren't cool like yours! Pero I would not wish to wait in line behind you! :p

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    1. I can do that, too! Yung walang tao kaya ka nga pumasok tapos wala pang 5 minutes, ang sikip-sikip bigla!!!

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  7. Oh..your lucky with your birthmark...Perhaps, it give you lots of fortunes...

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    1. Ummm, did you read the post??? It doesn't do anything fortunate and wonderful at all! =)

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  8. Hilarious! Parang I know na where that balat is located. Haha. :)

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    1. Kahit mag-guess ka, hindi ako aamin haha

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  9. We share the same birthday and we both have balat! We must be twins! Haha. And my balat's somewhere I wouldn't show or tell anyone, too! *grin* I still have to figure out though what my balat can do.

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  10. Hahahaha. At least I know that if I bump into you at the supermarket or anywhere where lines are concerned, I wouldn't line up behind you! Tiheeee.

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