Sunday, May 18, 2025

What my weekends look like

All the illustrations in this post are by Sarenur Türk Koçak. I need to tell you about her! Sare is an architect based in Turkiye. She also makes puzzles! Follow her Instagram @sayu.go

Anyway, I feel like rambling today. Would you mind so very much if I go stream of consciousness today? Well, the great thing about blogs (and every kind of content) is you can just stop reading. But stick around if you want to get to know me more today.


So the title of this blog post should really be "What my weekends should look like all the time." The "all the time" part is important because my weekends do kinda look like this. It's not just the single and child-free women who enjoy this kind of soft life.

(Gosh, I am so ready for my soft life era.) 

When I was a teen, this had been the plan. And Sare's illustrations made me remember that. Work all week, then spend weekends cuddled up with a book in bed or sprawled on the sofa listening to music. Notice there is no man or children in my teen fantasies. My reality, meanwhile, has a man and 3 sons in it! 

What happened? Well, I fell in love. And he was able to convince me that my precious solitude and peace were worth giving up for his company and the chaos of our children. So far, so good. 

I won't lie: There are many, many times I feel wistful for my solitude. Marriage and motherhood can be overwhelming for any woman but especially to someone who likes to be alone. But I love my family very much, though they bewilder me at times. Why do they (husband included) have so many needs? Why do they need me so much? Why do they like talking to me? Why do I have to eat with them (I think one of life's greatest pleasures is eating alone)? Why must I give up reading my book for them (another great life pleasure)? 

The answer to that is because they love me. And so, it's okay. I love them, too.


I don't have many friends. My friends are my friends because we can go for long stretches of time not talking or seeing each other. That is what I prefer. The ones who needed nurturing fell away. I don't understand the constancy of friendship. If we really are friends, then there is no need to keep assuring ourselves of this friendship. Clinginess is a sign of insecurity. 

And then I went ahead and got married and had babies! Babies are so clingy! 

My husband isn't clingy, though. Thank the heavens. Whenever I see couples who are constantly together, I feel suffocated. I saw a celebrity couple before where he was in her space all the time. People swooned, "How romantic!" I just thought, "How invasive."

(Break na sila. Guy cheated and treated her badly. I am not surprised.) 

I guess that's one good reason our marriage works. I don't think I could stand to be with a man who desperately needed me. I respect a man who is whole on his own, who can be happy with his own company. A man who needs someone else to complete him is a dangerous man. They are fearful, insecure, jealous. They are not real men.

I cannot stand and will not suffer a person like that. As Astrid told her husband in Crazy Rich Asians, "It is not my job to make you feel like a man. I can't make you into something you're not." Literally the only good line in that movie. 

Ladies, when a man gets jealous or insecure, run. 


So what are my weekends like? I still wake up early. At 6, 6:30, 7, thereabouts. But I don't get up till 9. Or until my bladder tells me so. I don't prepare breakfast because I do that 5 days a week. The kids, who wake up late, rummage around the kitchen. Most Sundays, my husband and kids make pancakes. I'm the first one up, so I make myself a cup of coffee and then do the laundry. I handwash the kids' uniforms and our underwear. The rest of our clothes, sheets, and towels, I send off to the laundromat.

I clean a little. I ought to clean more, but I'm tired. I cook. And then after lunch is when I do everything illustrated by Sare here. I read Wattpad or a paperback. I make the rounds on Facebook, Twitter, Threads, and Instagram. Then I nap. If I have time, I do self-care. I spend an hour in the bathroom, washing and conditioning my hair, scrubbing my body raw, applying oil, lotion, and all my preservatives, like face masks, hair masks, acids, deep hydration stuff, foot scrub, buffing my nails or putting on polish, etc, etc. If all my weekends were like this, I think I'd be drop-dead gorgeous. As it is, I'm usually doing chores and then sleeping away the afternoons. Self-maintenance can wait.  

My favorite weekends are when I laze around like the women in these pictures and do absolutely nothing. Those soft-life weekends are rare.

During the school year, weekends are tough. The laundering of the uniforms. Buying stuff they need for school. Helping with homework. Managing all the clutter and chaos of schoolboys. During long breaks (Holy Week, sem break, Christmas break, and summer), everything slows down, and I'm happy.

That's why I miss quarantine. I don't miss COVID. But I sure miss when we were all just home. Life was perfect for me those years.     


My weekends are never quiet. With a full house, it's very noisy. There's always someone playing the guitar or the piano. There's always someone singing (that would be me and my middle boy). There's always music. And video games. And movies. It's a very noisy home, but I can nap through all that racket. I'm that tired.

My husband complains a lot when he's cleaning up. It stresses out the kids. It doesn't bother me so I assure the kids not to mind their father when he's cleaning. I think it's just his way of cleaning. My mother and father were the same. I think it helps them clean. I'm the same way, except I sing when I clean and cook. My Lola Auring told me not to do that because she said it attracts bad luck into the home. Or that I'd end up marrying an old man, and she gave herself as proof. My lolo was 14 years older than her. Well, I married a man just 3 years older, and since I sing really badly, I guess that's the bad luck there. 

My husband says he likes my playlists. I sing stream-of-consciousness, too, so if I started with an '80s song, then it's going to be an hour of me singing '80s songs! My kids must've gotten used to my singing because today I sang "American Pie" and they sang along. They already know the old songs I sing because that's how often I sing. Badly, yes, but I seem to still make them love music!
 

So anyway. It's Sunday night. I'm finally alone. I'm blogging. The clothes are drying. The husband and kids are quiet, either reading or sleeping. It's the last week of school tomorrow, so I'm looking forward to their summer break. I can finally enjoy the soft life drawn here. I can't wait!
 


Sunday, May 11, 2025

Soak it all in


They're all big boys now. These love piles can never happen again (I would be suffocated!). 


So I sometimes wish at night that when I fall asleep, I would be whisked off to the days when they were small. And I get to experience it all again. 


But this second time, I'd not be so overwhelmed and exhausted, and finding my way. 


In my dreams, I'd be just simply happy. 
In my dreams, the mama me would know everything would turn out right. 


Everything would be perfect actually so there would be no need for my anxiety and fear. 


I had been amazing all along. 


I had been so amazing all along. 


And I would just relax and soak it all in. 


I would just soak it all in.



Happy Mother's Day, mamas. You're doing a great job! Let's pause and breathe sometimes, okay? It goes by so very fast. So very fast. Let's just soak it in.

Sunday, May 04, 2025

Yes, You Can Get Hired at 40. Here are My 8 Tips!

I have a Loyal Reader (hi Glaiza!) who asked me about how to get hired at 40. She had taken a break from employment and now wants to go back to the corporate world. It's not impossible since my husband and I (as well as millions of middle-aged people all over the world!) are still employable. I will admit that it is harder to look for a job in this decade. So you need to be smarter. 

So, Glaiza, thank you for reading Topaz Horizon all these years and thank you for asking me for advice. I don’t take that lightly. I want to start by saying this clearly: taking a break for your family and your health is not a career setback. It’s a brave, values-driven decision. And now, you’re stepping forward again with intention. That’s admirable!

You’re not alone in wondering about a career change at 40. I’ve received similar messages before, and I want to say it loudly: Yes, it’s possible to get hired at 40, 50, even 60! But you need to know your worth and know how to present it.


Here are some tips I hope will encourage you and other women (especially moms!) reentering the workforce at midlife:
 
1. Reframe the narrative: You’re not “Starting Over”; you’re leveling up!

It’s easy to feel like you're behind because of the career gap. Believe me, I was petrified. My last real employment ended in 2012, and here I was 10 years later, looking for work. So I made a big deal about starting my own business, conducting workshops, giving talks, and writing and editing for clients all over the world. I refuse to see the 10 years I devoted to me kids as a setback when motherhood made me a better human being, manager, more efficient with my processes, and ruthless with time management! I gained valuable skills and I was going to bank on that experience to get a job.

So look at what you’ve done during your break. You were attending webinars, doing volunteer work, and accepting speaking engagements. That’s not a gap. That’s growth! Include these in your resume and LinkedIn profile under a section called Professional Development & Community Engagement. Employers respect people who invest in their learning and give back.

2. Tailor your resume with confidence.

Even when I said I was 46, many company HR people still asked, "What was your college degree and how does it apply to the position?" I really hated that question because college was 20 years ago! At 40, you don’t need to bandy about your diploma and squeeze in your entire job history. Instead, create a targeted resume that highlights skills and accomplishments relevant to the roles you're now applying for. That's what I did! I made several variations of my CV — one for writing and editing jobs, one for PR and marketing jobs, one for managerial jobs — each one highlighting the skills the position required. You can do the same! Use strong, active language and results-oriented descriptions. Your experience, both in previous employment and when you were "taking a break" is a strength. Make sure it shines.
 
3. Practice your story and own it!

Our society does a great job of putting down unemployed people. Like those 10 years I was unemployed? I was making more money than I've ever had in my entire career and I was more influential, and yet people still had the audacity to ask, "But when are you getting a job?" 

(If I had my way, I'd go back to that arrangement. Insert wistful emoji here. But my kids' education is expensive so we need to have a regular income.) 

Anyway! You might be asked, “What have you been doing since 2023?” This isn’t a trap. It’s your chance to shine. Practice a short, powerful story:

“I took a step back to focus on my family [don't mention your health condition]. During that time, I stayed active professionally by attending industry seminars, volunteering at a nonprofit, and even speaking at events. Now, I’m reentering the workforce with renewed energy and a strong sense of purpose. I'd like to explore how your company and I can work together towards that.” Doesn't that sound amazing?
 
4. Update your online presence.

Recruiters will Google you. Your potential boss and teammates will do the same. Update your LinkedIn profile. And even if HR people everywhere say that you shouldn't include a picture, in the Philippines, they like pictures. But make sure your photo looks like you! Post occasionally about your learning journey or share insights from the seminars you attended. It shows you’re engaged and current.


5. Be strategic with applications.

At 40, you don’t need to send your resume to 100 companies. Yes, the more you apply to, the more chances you'll get a bite. But we're in our 40s! We don't have time anymore! So focus on quality, not quantity. Look for companies that value diversity, equity, and inclusion. Many are actively looking for experienced professionals, especially women who bring wisdom, stability, and leadership.
 
6. Don’t hide your age. 

Age isn’t the enemy. Invisibility is. Use your cover letter and job interviews to make your value visible. Mention your years of experience not as a number but as proof of your resilience, adaptability, and depth. These are things no 22-year-old graduate can match.
 
7. Ask great questions at interviews.

I already blogged about this! Read more here: "Questions You Should Ask at Your Job Interview"
 
8. Build a support network.

Whether through LinkedIn, old colleagues, or career support groups, surround yourself with people who are also in the job-hunting season. It makes a huge difference to hear others say, “You’re not too old. You’re right on time.”

Also, don't be shy or ashamed to let people know you're looking for a job. Many companies prefer referrals. In fact, when I was 4 months into looking for a job and getting rejection after rejection, I finally took my head out of my ass and announced on Facebook, "Help me!" Haha something like that. And my inbox was full of referrals after! And that's how I got my job now!   


Glaiza, if you're in despair about how to get hired at 40, stop that right now! Your age is not a liability. It’s a superpower. You bring emotional intelligence, clarity, perspective, and a renewed commitment to meaningful work. Any organization would be lucky to have someone who’s done the work (both personally and professionally!) to become who you are now.

Keep your head up, Glaiza! Prayed for you! You got this!


Sunday, April 27, 2025

Ferris Wheel

Six and twenty
years. That's plenty!
And still so much a fun ride. 
Like the Ferris wheel
where we fell in love
'neath a starlit, satin sky.

Rising and falling,
and always returning
to each with a kiss and a sigh.
We left behind 
the worlds we knew
and climbed to dizzying heights!

The years flew past,
we spun so fast—
a blur of words and youth.
The heat, the glow,
the dreams of books,
the vows, the dress, the suit!

The perfect home.
The world we roamed!
Then came the wondrous years:
our darling sons
(an astonishment!)
and so we changed our gears.

And still we turn
and still we burn. 
We spin 'to sweet old age. 
Some dreams have rust.
Some dreams still shine. 
We'll always turn the page.

And we gasp at the top,
stare down that steep drop
but still the most breathtaking view
is the love in your eyes
after all this time --- 
oh, darling, there's still me and you.


Happiness at Enchanted Kingdom with our boys

Happy anniversary, Vince! 


Sunday, April 20, 2025

Our After-School Game Plan

In our family, we do presentations. For example, our sons presented their report cards, how they got their grades, their goals for the last quarter of the school year, and their proposal on how we (parents, brothers) can help them reach their goals. 

Here's another one, which I'm sharing with my mommy readers! This is my presentation - an after-school game plan. The boys are aware of this, but since we've never talked about it (just me and their father nagging them forever), the boys don't really follow. So we all gathered round for a quick pow-wow, I made my presentation, and got everyone to agree with me!

Let's go over it: 




My sons always forget to unpack! This really upset me because we forget to wash their lunchboxes and water bottles, we trip over their shoes, and their uniforms and socks are strewn all over their bedroom! I swear they were better at unpacking when they were preschoolers (yes, I'm grumbling).


My sons know how to cook so they can really take over dinner prep. I get home at around 6:50 to 7:15 so I'm usually too tired to cook. My husband usually cooks, but sometimes he has work meetings that go on till 7 so the boys must take over this task. 



My sons bring their gadgets to the bathroom to sing. They love to sing musicals in the shower! They protested this slide haha so I said they need to find a compromise. Their Papa suggested Bluetooth speakers. I really don't like it when they have gadgets in the bathroom. Aside from accidentally getting their gadgets wet, I'm also paranoid about people hacking their cameras, and one of my singing sons will be in the shower and... I shudder to think about it. 




For this part, we discussed (1st quote) how these tasks don't actually take a lot of time. Just minutes every day saves us time and resentment. And to avoid feeling resentful, (2nd quote) we just need to focus on ourselves and our tasks. We shouldn't look at what the others are not doing, or we shouldn't think, "Hey, I'm washing more dishes than him," and neither should we assume that someone is intentionally not doing their chores. We can only control our actions, our thoughts, and our feelings. And that's what matters (3rd quote) - self-discipline! Doing our individual parts helps the whole!  

That's it! Just a 5-minute presentation and a little discussion, and we were all in agreement. No nagging, no arguing. Just a peaceful way to remind my sons of their duties, and a way for me and their Papa to let them know that we have goals, too, and we need their help because if all our time is spent on cooking and cleaning, then we won't have time and energy to make our dreams come true! When they realized we needed their help, they were willing to do their part. So hooray!

I hope this helps you, mamas!