Friday, September 15, 2023

Review: The End of All Skies by Vincent C. Sales

This weekend is the Manila International Book Fair! That means it's the anniversary of The End Of All Skies by Vincent C. Sales! Here are a few pics of us at his book signing today at SMX. Plus, I'm finally making a book review... after one year!


One year ago, the entire family trooped to SMX, and even while we were still clutched in the claws of a pandemic, we all decided that this book launch was such a monumental event, that we all had to be there. When a dream comes true, you have to bear witness! Here's a couple of photos from that day a year ago today:

The boys were still so small! In just one year, they're nearly as tall as me!
Vince getting interviewed by the NBDB

I wanted to share this joyful event with you, my dear Loyal Readers. This was such a happy day. It took Vince years to write his Filipino fantasy novel. It took years of shopping it around. It took years of prayer! And how wonderful that when the fullness of time came, his novel was published by the biggest publisher in the world, Penguin Random House! 

Vince's publishing journey is not my story to tell, however. I can only tell some of it and only from a wife's point of view. 

So I'll do a book review instead!

I read the book while waiting outside our youngest boy's chess club.

The End Of All Skies is a unique novel. The world building is gorgeous and it takes time to do this so be patient at the start. It's unlike any fantasy world but it's not wholly invented because if you remember all the alamat (myths) we studied way back in elementary school, it's our ancient Filipino stories, our mythical creatures, our old gods. This is why it felt spectacularly imaginative and yet familiar for me as a Filipina, but I think global readers will find it all very new.  

The End Of All Skies is about how dreams big and small dreamt by people big and small can achieve something great and terrible. It's told from many points of view and the ancient Filipino names are hard to remember and there are many. It's best to read it in one sitting so you can follow all the stories. And there are many! 

The destruction of the city Sun Girna Ginar is coming and we see it unfolding from all these characters affected by this great and terrible sultanate and the cruel tyrant who rules it. Whose story is real? Whose story matters? All these stories, vignettes of many lives, all fuse in the middle of the book and then, with the settings and characters established, the plot now moves very quickly. In the end, I realized each story is important because each one, no matter how short or fleeting, contributed to the downfall of Sun Girna Ginar.

The story resonated with me deeply as a Filipino. I think people who were colonized, who struggled with dictators and corrupt governments, who dealt with an alipin (slave) mentality, and who have forgotten their greatness will have a more profound connection with the story. 

I was moved to tears a few times, when I read about heroes who believed the people are worth dying for, about the downtrodden who finally realized they too have power inside them then rose up and overthrew a powerful tyrant, about ordinary people who cleverly faced mythical creatures like tikbalang and gigante to achieve their goals. 

It's a fascinating read! A few reviews said they found it challenging to get into, especially when they're used to just one point of view. I also think people who've never been in a position where imperialists and traitors stole everything from your country will find it fantastical. Sadly in the Philippines, this is still a frighteningly true and relevant story.

The End Of All Skies is worth reading if you're up for something new and different. And powerful and true. 

The language is so beautiful, too. I am a lover of words and the words are so gorgeous, almost poetic. Sometimes I would pause and reread the sentences because they're just so pretty.

I highly recommend! Proud of this #FilipinoNovel. Proud of the Filipino story. May we #NeverForget who we are!

More reviews here at Goodreads! 

If you're going to the book fair this weekend, all Penguin books are at 20% off at the giant Fully Booked booth! Buy 5 Penguin books and you get a cool Penguin umbrella!

Follow Vince on Instagram and like his Facebook page!

Buy The End Of All Skies by Vincent C. Sales from Fully Booked bookstores and Acre's Lazada. It's also available on Amazon, Kindle, Barnes & Noble, Waterstones, Blackwell's, and other global booksellers. 

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Monday, September 04, 2023

7 Essential Financial Skills Every Aspiring Small Business Owner Should Have

Last week, a co-worker asked me what I was doing before I joined the company. I said, "I'm still doing it. For the last 10 years, I worked as a professional blogger, freelance writer, and editor. It's a real BIR-registered business. And she was surprised because apparently, she doesn't know anyone who owns a small business. And it was my turn to be surprised because Filipinos have an entrepreneurial streak, especially when the pandemic hit. Online sellers, freelancers, sari-sari store owners, etc etc. So she asked me how to start a small business and what are good home-based business ideas. Click the links to find out!

My small business is writing! I enjoy being a writer and interviewing celebrities.

Meanwhile, I also think aspiring entrepreneurs in the Philippines are facing a dynamic business environment that demands a solid understanding of financial principles. Don't just start a business without thinking of the financials! To maximize your chance of success in such a competitive environment, soon-to-be business owners like yourself need to develop sound financial skills.

A clear grasp of different financial processes and best practices empowers you to make well-informed investment decisions and confidently negotiate with clients and stakeholders. If you're thinking of starting your own small business or startup, here are seven essential financial skills you should hone to build a strong foundation for your ventures and increase your chances of long-term success and sustainability:

1. Debt Management

Understanding debt management is vital for an aspiring entrepreneur who may need to apply for a business loan to start their venture or support its growth. Developing this skill enables people to assess their borrowing needs, choose suitable financing options, and manage debt responsibly.

In a business context, effective debt management helps entrepreneurs avoid overleveraging, minimize interest expenses, and maintain a healthy credit profile. A startup company, for instance, might be presented with the option to apply for a business loan Philippines banks are making available to their commercial clients.

A startup or small business like yours may find a good fit in the Maya Flexi Loan, a business banking loan that offers low fees and enables entrepreneurs to divide Php 2 million worth of funding into separate loans. Someone with excellent debt management skills will be able to use this flexible financial product to grow their venture and create a repayment plan that aligns with their business's cash flow.

2. Budgeting

Aside from being able to manage business banking loans well, aspiring entrepreneurs should also aim to develop strong budgeting skills. Knowing how to budget your finances and the funds that you’ve received through loans allows you to effectively plan and control your resources.

If you know how to create a well-structured budget as a small business entrepreneur, you can estimate your income and expenses, allocate your resources strategically, and avoid overspending, thus ensuring your business remains financially stable. You’ll also be able to identify cost-cutting opportunities, make informed decisions about investments and marketing campaigns, and set realistic financial goals for your organization.

3. Financial Forecasting

Financial forecasting refers to your ability to predict future revenue and expenses based on historical data and market trends. When you master financial forecasting (a skill I have sadly not mastered, hence here I am, an employee again - sigh!), you can anticipate potential challenges and opportunities and make proactive decisions to stay ahead of competitors.

Business owners who’ve developed the skill of financial forecasting can play a pivotal role in creating strategies, setting achievable targets, and guiding inventory management. It’s possible to build up this skill by analyzing historical sales data, conducting market research, and employing financial modeling and scenario analysis to project different outcomes.

4. Cash Flow Management

Effective cash flow management is essential for the survival and growth of any business. If you master this skill (again, a skill I failed at because of the pandemic), you’ll likely always have cash on hand to cover daily operational expenses, manage debt, and seize growth opportunities.

The skill of effective cash flow management also helps entrepreneurs avoid shortages that may lead to missed payments or disruptions. During periods of positive cash flow, on the other hand, this skill enables businesses to invest in equipment, hire skilled employees, and fund marketing campaigns.

5. Record Keeping

An accurate and organized financial record should serve as a solid foundation for your business decisions. It’s a must, then, for aspiring entrepreneurs like you to make a habit of keeping clear records of all your business transactions, including profits, accounts receivable, and the loans for businesses that the establishment has acquired. Doing so will allow you to get a clear overview of your business's financial health at any time, thus enabling you to assess its performance in the most accurate manner.

Proper record-keeping simplifies financial statement preparation and supports evidence-based decision-making, and it also facilitates smooth audits and financial reviews. Consider learning how to use accounting software to streamline record keeping and ensure that your business always has consistent and accurate records.

It’s also a sound habit to regularly reconcile bank statements, receipts, and invoices. If you aren’t confident about your current abilities, invest in financial training or hire an accountant to ensure that your records are accurate and up-to-date.

6. Pricing Strategy

Pricing strategy refers to the ability to set the right prices for products or services, and it’s also something aspiring entrepreneurs should learn or pick up. Business owners who are able to master this skill can maximize their profitability and maintain their competitiveness. This is because a well-crafted pricing strategy can attract customers, create perceived value, and boost sales.

You’ll be able to determine optimal pricing schemes by understanding production costs, competitor pricing, and customer demand. Boost your capability to optimize pricing, and strike the right balance between profitability and customer satisfaction, by conducting market research, analyzing competitors' pricing strategies, and considering customer feedback.

7. Financial Analysis

Lastly, entrepreneurs should also be able to assess the profitability, liquidity, and overall financial health of their businesses. This skill is called financial analysis, and it allows business owners to gain valuable insights into their venture’s performance.

Financial analysis informs decision-making by helping entrepreneurs identify strengths, weaknesses, and opportunities for improvement. In a business setting, this skill aids in evaluating investment opportunities, measuring financial efficiency, and formulating growth strategies. Go into your new business venture with the desire to improve your financial analysis skills over time.


By developing these skills, entrepreneurs can create strong financial foundations for their businesses, make the most responsive business decisions, and navigate future financial challenges and growth opportunities with confidence. Knowing that continuous learning and applying these financial skills will be instrumental in achieving long-term success and sustainability for your business, aspire to hone these in your journey as an entrepreneur.
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Monday, August 21, 2023

Questions you should ask at your job interview

Hi, mommies who are looking to go back to work after years as a homemaker! Yes, I've been getting your questions about what it's like to jump back in the rat race and I'm taking my time to respond. I'm not ignoring you! I just really don't know how to answer the question because my experience is wholly mine - the industry, the salary, the hours, the coworkers, the way I'm adjusting, the way my family is adjusting. 

There are so many aspects to being employed again so it's a complicated question to answer. What matters to me may not be important to you. What makes me unhappy may be something you're praying for. So since my experience may not apply to you, I don't know how to navigate the subject. I'll write a blog post about it once I figure out how I feel.

I've always been a working mom, but for the last 10 years,
I was a work-at-home mom with my own business.
Working for a company is a whole different animal.


So you asked me 3 questions: 
  • "What's going back to work like after all these years?" No answer yet. 
  • "Where do you work?" I know I promised to reveal my new job as soon as I get regularized, but I just quietly decided that I want to still be known for my work as a writer, editor, author, and Lean In co-founder. My job isn't a secret. I just don't think my day job needs to be broadcast.
  • "How do I answer the interviewer when they say, 'Tell me about yourself'?" Answer below! And I'll add tips on how to ask questions, too!   

Company: Tell me about yourself.

I'll be honest. Every time I hear this, my first reaction is, "Did you not read my CV?!" My HR friend said they scan dozens of CVs so, no, they don't recall anything about you at all. So a succinct introduction helps them mark your application as a go or a no.

Here's how I answer: 
1. I give them a brief background of what I've been doing,
2. I talk about something I'm passionate about,
3. I list a few of my skills and strengths that are relevant to the position,
4. I say what I hope to achieve in my career, not necessarily in their company but it helps if you can connect them.

So here's an example: 

"Hi, I'm Frances. I'm a writer and editor. I've contributed to and edited content in magazines, websites, and e-commerce sites for the last 20 years. I do this very well and quickly, too. I live for deadlines! I have also led teams, and managing people is something I'm good at and truly enjoy. Even my hobbies are about writing and people. I wrote a book about marriage and motherhood. I also have a blog where I try to empower and inspire other moms like me because I'm passionate about helping other women. That's why I co-founded Lean In Manila, which supports women in their work. That's also why the communications manager position you have open interests me. Not only is communications my specific skill set, but I also know your company has helped thousands of Filipinas improve their lives and I want to see how I can be part of that."   

That's tweakable. Like I said, I just say what's relevant to the position. Now go, try it out. Write down your answer and rehearse it a bit. It's not so hard because you're talking about yourself, but you want to write it down so you won't ramble. 

But what about if you didn't work at all because you're a homemaker? Own it! Don't be ashamed. I always tell companies that I'm a mom. It's my most important job! Here's a good article: "How to explain the mommy gap in your resume"

Oh, another tip. Be relatable. If I'm speaking to a Filipino, then I speak in Taglish. I know I have to be professional but I also want a friendly vibe. Check also how the person interviewing you is like - are they friendly, nice, kind? Or are they short, condescending, rude? That already tells you a lot about that workplace! 

I also talk about myself in a happy, proud way because, yes I need a job, but I also want them to see that they need someone skilled, talented, and great to work with - me! That's a first impression you want to make.   

You: So tell me about your company.

Yes, mama. Return the favor! Ask them why they're a good idea. Remember that this job is taking you away from your family for at least 9 hours a day. Is this a place you want to spend that much time in? My work, for example, requires us to be at the office for 10 hours. 

TEN HOURS. 

My youngest boy told me last week, "I did some computing, Mama. You leave at 7:15 and then come home at 6:40. Sometimes even later. That's almost 12 hours you're away. You spend more time at your job than with us." 

💔

Yeah, mamas. I'm doing a lot of thinking. Please pray for me.

😞

Back to the topic. Job interviews are very much like speed dating and you shouldn't forget that you need to get to know who you're going to spend the best hours of your day with. You have power, too, mama. Don't ever let any HR person make you feel desperate.

So when they start winding down the interview and they ask, “Do you have any questions for us?”, please lay them all out!

Ask the important questions!

Here are a few: 

Why is this position open? What happened to the person who used to hold this job?
Very important! Was the person fired - why? Did the person quit - why? They actually won't answer this honestly, unless it's "The previous manager was promoted to director. In our company, good work is recognized and rewarded." 

Why is this a good place to work in? Do you like working here? What's keeping you here?
This is you exploring the work culture and the benefits they offer.

Where is the company headed in 2 to 5 years? 
You want to know their plans and see if these align with yours. Remember, you're a mommy. Things change with every stage of the kids' life, so you want to gauge if your family life will be affected by the company's future plans.

What kind of employee are you looking for? 
Red flag if they say someone who's willing to work beyond their hours!

How is conflict handled? 
Always, always ask this. Sigh.

How do you retain employees? Is there an annual merit increase? How is the promotion process like? 
You want to know if the increase matches inflation. You also want to know how they promote employees - is there tenure required, for example, or will you be required to take on projects that aren't in your job description, or will they ask you to work extra hours?

What are the KPIs?
Don't ever forget this! We all think when we see the job description, "Oh, this is right up my alley. I'll be promoted in no time!" Then you find out your KPIs on your first day of work and you realize they set you up for failure.

What are the next steps?
You want to know if they're going to tell you if you got the job or not, especially if it's a not. Some companies just never let you know.

What else? What else? Let me know in the comments! There’s a lot more, depending on what matters to you. For example, if you're a mom of just one kid and he's old enough and he's doing well in school and has great friends, then maybe spending 10 hours at work isn't such a big deal. But when you have 3 kids and the youngest says he still needs his mama, then...

Sometimes, when I get home and I'm not so exhausted, I cook! My family misses my cooking.

In my case, I asked about medical benefits because I have 3 kids and I got sick last year. Suddenly, health benefits became a priority, which is the second biggest reason I went back to the rat race (the first is regular income - running a business was hard during the pandemic). I liked what the company offered - it was a really good HMO package! - but joke's on me because when I finally got regularized and qualified for HMO, all our family doctors and dentists said they were not affiliated with the particular HMO of our company. So that really, really sucks. 

Some questions should be asked as soon as they come up in conversation. You don't have to wait till the end of the interview to take out your list! But, yes, write down your questions and let them know you want answers. This lets them know you're serious about the job and yourself. 

Remember, a job is a relationship. You're not a slave and your employer is not a dictator. Ask your questions because you need to know what you're walking into. Yes, you want to make a good impression but they need to impress you, too. Will they actually be honest with you? I dunno. But trust your gut.

And then even after all the questions and answers and you finally get hired, you walk into the office and meet your coworkers and you get that sinking feeling in your tummy. "Oh shoot. I've made a mistake." That's okay. There's a probation period of 4-6 months for you... and the company! Yes, you should work hard and give your best, but keep your eyes and ears open and see if the company is giving its best to you, too. 

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Monday, July 31, 2023

Many, many things


Oh, look, I'm wearing heels again! As a stay-at-home mom, I've been either barefoot or in sneakers. Then I went back to the office this year but since I commute, I'm still in sneakers. I wear the footwear my role requires. So these heels are for when I met a fascinating group of amazing women for Lean In Manila. 

I've been so many things. Church receptionist. Preschool teacher. Creative writing for kids teacher. English teacher for Koreans. Senate slave. Speechwriter. PR girl. Writer. Magazine editor. Blogger. Influencer. Business owner. Speaker at women's events. Co-founder. Author. Book editor. And now communications manager at a thoroughly corporate corporation.

Every step into a new world was painful. I sound so casual about it, but I always cry and cry whenever I leave a job because, it can't be helped, I begin to identify as the job - always a bad idea, my long career experience will say. And leaving a job, getting fired (yes, I got fired for being honest!), getting laid off, is always shitty.

When I was a kid, I vowed I will be just one thing all my life. My mother was in Meralco forever and she said that's the dream - one company till you retire. Like a marriage, I guess. But my resume says I've not been one thing at all. 

My sons argued, "But you have been, Mama! You've always worked with words." 

"It's the only thing I'm good at."

It's been interesting being many things, meeting many kinds of people, jumping into things I know absolutely nothing about and just going, "Well, if I fail, then next!" I owe this confidence to Vince, by the way, because he catches me. And I catch him.

Anyway, I don't have a point. Just a story to tell. That life is interesting. And people are interesting. I just need to be curious and willing to say yes to new adventures, especially those I swore I'm not brave enough to do or know. Like new careers, marriage, children, people I thought I'd never be friends with, God.

I'm 46. I know I'm only just warming up. Whether that new world requires sneakers or heels, I'm still so excited to see where I'm going next!

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Wednesday, July 12, 2023

Do’s and Don'ts sa iyong unang small business

I'm a sole proprietor of my writing and editing business. I had no idea how to start a small business but thanks to my friends in Taxumo, they helped me. So if you're dreaming, hoping, and wanting to start your own negosyo, research, ask around from entrepreneurial friends, and take the leap! Here's a guest post that I'm sure will be of help!

Let your money grow!

Ikaw ba ay nagpaplano na magbukas ng iyong small business ideas? When it’s your first time starting a business, it is better to start small. Lalo na kung limited lang ang iyong puhunan, magandang panimula ang small business ideas para matuto sa paghandle ng iyong negosyo.

Kung ikaw ay desidido na magbukas ng iyong small business, ito ang mga tips at mga do’s and don’ts when starting your small business!

DO: Research your market

Ang pinaka-mahalagang step when starting your business is to research your market. Mahalagang alamin kung ano ang wants at needs ng iyong mga customer. Ang mga tanong na mahalagang sagutin ay “Sino ang iyong target market?” “Ano ang mga kadalasang needs at wants ng iyong target market?” at “paano mo maaaring punan ang mga pangangailangan na ito?”

This first step is the important part when making the decision on whether to open your business, what services or products to offer, at kung ang iyong posibleng branding.

DON’T: Skip business planning

Never skip business planning! Mula sa market research, ang sunod na step ay to plan your business and have an outline. It is important to specify your goals and vision for your business, para rin iyong malaman ang possible steps and methods kung paano mo aabutin ang iyong mga goals.

DO: Get your business permit

Common misconception sa mga small business owners na hindi na kailangan ng permit para magsimula ng negosyo. Pero alam mo ba na mahalaga itong step para sa iyong negosyo?

Bukod sa makakaiwas ka sa komplikasyon dahil legal ang iyong negosyo, isa rin itong mahalagang factor para mapalago ang iyong negosyo sa future. If you want to expand your business in the future, kailangan mo ang mga permit na ito to get your loans and fundings sorted out.

DON’T: Be shy when promoting your business

One of the traits you should have is confidence and trust in your business. Huwag ka dapat mahiya na ipakilala ang iyong bagong negosyo sa iyong mga kamag anak, kakilala, at mga kaibigan! Sabi nga nila, ang tunay mong mga kaibigan ang siyang susuporta sa iyong business venture.

Mahalaga rin na gamitin mo ang social media to promote your business. Hindi mo agad kailangan gumamit ng paid ads, mahalaga lang ay alam mo ang kiliti ng iyong mga customer.

DO: Keep track of your financials

A small business is still a business. It is important to respect your hard work and your goals by keeping track of your finances. Make sure to take note of what goes in and out of your finances. Dito rin makikita kung tunay na mabenta ang iyong mga produkto, malaki ba ang losses, o kung anong specific products and services ang pinaka gusto ng iyong mga customer.

DON’T: Give up easily on your plans

Owning a business is no walk in the park. May mga panahon na hindi mo mare-reach ang iyong goals, o may challenges na makakasalubong. Pero ang mahalaga ay maniwala ka sa iyong goals at ang iyong pangarap. Do not give up on your small business dreams!

Are you ready to start your small business? Milk tea business man iyan o sari-sari store business, your first negosyo is the start of your big dreams!


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Sunday, June 25, 2023

Life is so full, I can barely breathe

Photo dump! Today's blog post will be a catch-up because my last time here was April 30. That was almost 2 months ago. This has got to be the longest I've been away from you all. I missed you! 

The last 2 months were packed to the brim - no, it was overflowing! - with sooo many things happening, I could barely breathe. Here are a few:

Mother's Day!
Iñigo's birthday! More pics in another post soon.
Vito's spiritual retreat was his first ever time spent away from us. I had dreadful separation anxiety. But I'm so glad he had a good time and he was a lovely boy, being all appreciative of his family.
Vito's graduation!
He won 2 awards, too!
I'm so thrilled!
With my two big boys
And here's my husband with our littlest boy.

Lots of stuff I haven't been sharing! Here are more photos from the past year!

At the sea wall. The kids haven't seen the sea in forever so I found it amusing how amazed they were.
Piero joined a chess club.
The kids also visited the dentist and all's good!
Dessert date with the boys!
Vince had a book signing at the Philippine Book Festival and his book was sold out!


Oh, I have soooo many more photos and stories but work - my day job + my real job as writer and editor - has been a LOT so I haven't been able to update you. Really just wanted to drop by and tell you life's been overwhelming. I'm overwhelmed, to be honest. Like I said, sometimes I feel I can't breathe. Sunod-sunod kasi talaga!  

But I'm not complaining. I pray to God, "Lord, give me strength, give me more years. Everything is tiring me out but I want the whole human experience. I don't want to miss out because I only have this one chance to live the abundant life You promised." 

Abundance! Claiming it every day. Thanks for still being here, dear Loyal Reader. May God grant you endless blessings and favor!


“I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” John 10:10
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Sunday, April 30, 2023

I like to imagine

Over the last few years, some dear Loyal Readers dropped messages in my inbox asking if I was ever going to talk about Papa because I said I would. I promised it in "When peace is a complicated thing," and maybe you should read that first because it will help you understand this post. 

Papa died in April 2019, and while I had peppered my blog with stories of how Papa and I had drifted apart in the last two decades of his life, I still thought I would feel his loss. People told me that I would regret our distance. That I would regret not trying harder. 

But I'd already tried. Talked, gave (how much I gave!), forgave, tried again. I was always trying because I felt that I owed that to him because he was my father, and that I owed it to Mama, who also always tried till the day she died. I found out later from my aunt that Mama regretted trying to make it work all the damn time. So that informed my decision to walk away later on when the straw finally broke the camel's back. 

That was the day when I visited him yet again with my little baby boys, and he just kept watching TV. Nakwento ko na ba ito? Anyway, there was a basketball game. He loved basketball. But I was there, and with his grandsons, too! Surely he loved us more? So I said, "Papa, look at your apos. Play with them. Or play the guitar. They love music! Get to know them. We're only here once a month, and they grow so fast." And Papa, without looking away from the TV, said, "I don't have to. I know all I need to know from your Facebook posts." 

I was shocked, but not surprised. I guess the shock was him saying that in front of my kids. I tried again. "But you know Facebook is just the highlight reel. Don't you want to know how we really are?"

And still not taking his eyes off his stupid basketball game, he said, "I'm okay with Facebook."

So I let him be okay with Facebook. He shared my sons' photos with gushing updates and his 5,000+ friends liked and commented, "You're such a great lolo! So blessed!" They never knew he never asked to see my sons, never even asked about them. Kahit text man lang na "Kumusta na ang mga bata?" wala. He went out of his way to see friends and relatives na mas malayo pa sa bahay ko, but my sons? No. Ni ha, ni ho, wala.

I can forgive anything done to me. But it's a different story when it comes to my kids. If you're not making an effort to get to know my kids, then they don't need to know you. It took me a long time to learn that I shouldn't force myself on friends, guys, jobs, situations. Kung ayaw, eh di huwag, diba? 

Why then should I force my children on people who don't care about them? My sons don't deserve that indignity. I say this with no anger at all. I'm over it frankly. Papa and I had forgiven each other before he died. Tapos na yun. But people ask what happened and here is the story. Now you know. It's sad. Some people say, "Para yun lang." It's not "yun lang" for me. Reject my kids, I reject you. Any good parent will do the same to protect their children. Even then, believe it or not, I have no anger or hate at all. Not even disappointment. I expected it after all.  

People still ask sometimes, "Do you miss him? Do you regret not having a relationship with your Papa?" And I know they want me to say I do. And you know what? I also wish I could say I do. 

Listen to this song. Remove the romance aspect of the lyrics and that's how I feel about Papa. 


I want it to hurt. I want to hurt so badly because that would mean I lost something so vital, it hurts to breathe. 

When Mama died, it truly felt like someone punched a hole through my chest. Until now, I whisper sometimes into the void, "I wish you could see me now, Mama. You'd be so proud of me." And I'd tell her about Vince, our perfect boys, my imperfect ways of mothering. I'd ask her did she feel as lost or as amazing as I do. I'd tell her my heart breaks when I realize she didn't have money many times, and I only understand the despair and fear now as a mother, too. And I come from a place of having enough when she raised us with barely enough to get by. I still talk to her, and for 15 years she hasn't talked back. I think I'll do this until we finally catch up in heaven.

But with Papa... I remember only one time when I cried. I was in a taxi. This was a few months after Papa died, still before the pandemic, and I was stuck in traffic. I saw another taxi idling by the curb on the other side of the street, the driver helping an old man load suitcases into the trunk. A young woman hurried to him with another bag. They both hugged like they'd never see each other again, and I knew she was flying off to work in another country. The taxi drove off (it wasn't traffic on that side of the road) and the old man stared after it for a long time. And that sad, longing, proud-parent smile broke me.

I never had that with Papa. When I left home, when I got married, when Mama died, when he left to live in Leyte, when my kids were born. Nothing. He was like, "Hey, this is it. So good luck." No joke, guys. Talagang wala lang talaga. I got more emotion and support for my life events from you, my blog readers, than from my own father. 

I don't hate him. I'm not even angry at him. After our talk at the hospital as he hovered near death, I realized he didn't know what to do with me or act around me. He felt inadequate as a man, a husband, and as a father. He was ashamed. And he was afraid. That's why he never even tried. I came away from our talk reeling because Papa was one of the funniest, smartest, incredibly charming, and unbelievably talented men that walked this earth. And he had a beautiful wife! And beautiful, talented children and grandchildren! How could he not possess the confidence and grace of one so gifted? 

I still feel this immense sadness for him, for Mama, and for my siblings. All the pain we went through! Sana nagalit na lang ako kasi I know how to deal with my anger. Kahit na ano pang laki ng liyab ng galit, nauubos din ito. But sadness is like the sea. And my sadness for this poor old man who lived his life in fear of disappointing everyone and so ended up disappointing everyone, who was so afraid to give so he took and took... My God, how my heart aches with sorrow for Papa! 

But does my heart ache for him? 

You know, I wish I missed him. I do. He doesn't occupy my thoughts unless people ask, and that so rarely. I miss the idea of a father. I see Vince being so involved in our sons' lives. I see Vince's dad swooping in when we need help. I see my friends doting on their daddies and their daddies still doting on them - note that my friends are middle-aged women like me! I read about God's provision, protection, and care for His children. And I miss that kind of fathering. And yet how can you miss something you never really had? 

So sometimes - not all the time, and only when I stare long enough at fathers being daddies - I like to imagine that things were different. 

I like to imagine that Papa cried at my wedding and gave an embarrassing speech that made everyone laugh and cry. I like to imagine he was there all the times I was pregnant, getting emotional that his daughter was now a mommy. I like to imagine loud Sunday lunches and my boys around their Lolo and his guitar on his knee and him singing to them in his wonderful voice. I like to imagine him giving me advice when I found marriage, motherhood, and life overwhelming and he'd say stuff like, "I wish your Mama could see you now. She'd be so proud of you."

I like to imagine he was proud of me.

The mind is a malleable thing and maybe my imaginings will turn into memories, which, though false, will be something I can hold on to. And maybe then I can finally grieve.


"I still love the people I've loved, even if I cross the street to avoid them." 
Uma Thurman
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Friday, April 14, 2023

Twilight Photoshoots: Adding a Touch of Magic to Your Real Estate Portfolio

During the pandemic, I amused myself with dreams of moving out of our condo and living in a house far, far away from the crowded city. That means I spent a lot of time on property websites. So when I got a request to share this article on twilight photoshoots to improve the look of your real estate, I just had to do it, in case you guys are in the middle of selling your house and are thinking of ways to make your property look more appealing. 

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This is Venice Canal. I first fell in love with it because of the tiny house of Whitney Leigh Morris. But she's moved to a farmhouse in France now. Photo by Roberto Nickson on Unsplash

As the sun goes down the horizon, the sky creates a magnificent palette of colors, casting a warm and enchanting glow on the surroundings. This magical time of day, known as twilight, provides the perfect setting for captivating real estate photos that can set your property apart. 

This post will explore the benefits of a twilight photoshoot (click this link for gorgeous photos!), the secrets behind capturing stunning images, and how to incorporate them into your real estate portfolio effectively.

The Allure of This Photoshoot

1. It sets your property apart

In the highly competitive world of real estate, standing out from the crowd is essential. Twilight photography has gained popularity among real estate agents as it showcases properties in a unique and memorable light.

2. It harnesses the power of emotion

When people browse through property listings, they look at a home's features and specifications and imagine themselves living there. Twilight photoshoots create an emotional connection with potential buyers by highlighting the beauty and charm of a property in a way that daytime photos simply cannot. The golden dusky hues of the time evoke feelings of comfort, serenity, and romance, transforming a house into a dream home in which buyers can envision themselves.

This definitely makes people want to relax - the perfect emotion you want prospective buyers to feel! Photo by Roberto Nickson on Unsplash

The Secrets to Capturing Breathtaking Images

1. Timing is everything

The key to capturing the perfect twilight image lies in timing. The optimal window for such photography is typically 20 to 40 minutes after sunset when the sky is still illuminated but not too bright. During this brief window, the sky's colors are most vibrant, and the artificial lights from the property create a harmonious balance with the natural light, accentuating the home's features.

2. Preparation and staging

Before the photoshoot, preparing and staging the property to showcase its best features is crucial. This includes turning on all interior and exterior lights and accent lighting. Ensure that the lawn is well-manicured, and consider adding seasonal decorations or outdoor furniture to create an inviting atmosphere.

3. Camera settings and techniques

Using a tripod is essential for such photography, as it allows for longer exposures and sharper images. To achieve the desired depth of field, use a smaller aperture (higher f-stop number), and adjust the ISO settings to minimize the image noise. Bracketing multiple exposures and blending them in post-processing can help retain details in both the highlights and shadows, resulting in a more dynamic final image.

Light and shadows add drama to an otherwise ordinary living room. Photo by Davide Colonna on Unsplash

Integrating Twilight Images into Your Real Estate Portfolio

1. Selecting the best images

Once you have captured a range of images, it's essential to select the best ones that showcase the property's unique features and create a strong emotional connection. 

2. Enhancing your marketing materials

Twilight images can be a powerful marketing tool when used strategically. Feature them prominently in your property listings, social media posts, and print materials, ensuring they work harmoniously with your other marketing efforts. 

3. Tracking the impact

To understand the effectiveness of incorporating twilight images into your real estate portfolio, monitoring key metrics such as website traffic, social media engagement, and inquiries from potential buyers is crucial. Analyzing this data can provide valuable insights into the performance of your marketing efforts, allowing you to refine your strategy and make informed decisions about future investments in this photography. 

A plain-looking house can benefit from sunset lighting because it invokes the idea of coming to a comfortable home after a stressful day at school or work. Photo by Gus Ruballo on Unsplash

A twilight photoshoot can transform your real estate portfolio by adding a touch of magic and enchantment that captivates potential buyers. By understanding the benefits, mastering the techniques, and strategically incorporating twilight images into your marketing materials, you can elevate your property listings and stand out in the competitive world of real estate. 

*article written by Olivia Wiley

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Tuesday, April 04, 2023

5 ways to support your child’s dreams

I got an article advising parents on ways to support your child's dreams and, being a mom of 3 myself, I decided to share it with my mama readers. I'll insert a few personal comments (in italics!) so watch for those. 

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The boy in white is mine! Chess club is his passion!

No two children are exactly alike. While some might share common interests or hobbies, their personalities and set of skills and talents are unique to them. One child may be talented in athletics, while others may be more inclined toward the arts.

Parents have the power to create an environment that will allow their children to discover their talents and interests. Parents can encourage them, help them grow, and direct their steps so they can reach their full potential through these 5 ways.

1. Pay attention and provide hands-on experiences.

Studies show that learning is enhanced when children are given the opportunity to select what they want to pursue. One way to spark a love for learning is to help your child discover and explore activities that interest them.

Expose your child to different experiences and use that moment to discover what he or she loves. Take them out to see a play, to a mom-and-me baking session, or even to visit an aquarium or zoo. You’ll be surprised to discover new things about your child just through these simple activities.

This is true. While I would love for my kids to follow my dreams (haha), I resolved very early on that it's their life, their interests, and their purpose I will support. I'm here to guide them and be alert to their talents and passions. That's the first thing I'm supposed to do as a mama of a future whatever-he-wants-to-be, fully realized man!

2. Provide resources to hone your child's talents

Once you have discovered your child's inclinations, providing the necessary resources will help them grow to their utmost potential.

If your child is talented in photography, you can nurture his or her gift by letting them experiment with a toy camera or by trying out phone photography. Enrolling in a summer course may also help as your child will receive further guidance from a professional while making good use of their free time.

Sometimes, what your child wants isn't what you want. How many of us have horror stories of our parents forcing us to take up hobbies, classes, and courses we abhorred? Well, I almost became that parent, too. Remember when I blogged about how I made my son's dream come true? His dream was to become a gaming and coding vlogger. I didn't approve. But I paid for coding classes and helped set him up his YouTube channel. His Papa bought him his own laptop, too. Now he's taking advanced coding drawing classes. 

I don't really understand it but I've realized that sometimes I don't have to understand my child's dream. I just need to support it. Understanding may come later. It doesn't matter. What my child needs is my support.

3. Reinforce talent through praise and encouragement

Acknowledging your children’s talents gives them a sense of self-efficacy and encourages growth. By using praise, you are motivating your child to think positively about what he or she has accomplished. You are helping your child learn when they do well, and when to be proud of it.

Like I said, I don't understand but I fully support my kids' dreams and passions! Chess club? Okay! Piano? Okay! Books? Okay! Video games? Well... fine, I'll support it and I hope this makes you money one day haha. 

Of course, we don't just buy them everything they want. I've told them again and again that we will provide as long as they work hard. It's not enough that they're interested. I mean, I was interested in watercolor painting, too, during the pandemic. Bought paints, brushes, special paper. One month after my supplies came, I lost interest! So with my kids, I agree to buy them materials or classes but only after they've convinced me that this is more than just a passing fancy.
  
4. Know when to push and when to hold back

One of the most challenging things for parents is witnessing a child on the verge of giving up on something they love doing. Honing your child’s skills takes a lot of time and effort, and sometimes it could also put an unnecessary burden on your child to be good at it right away.

Know when it’s time to encourage more and when it’s time to let go. If you feel your child is undergoing great amounts of stress and frustration, it could be time for you to assess and take control of the situation. After all, no pursuit of talent and skill should ever come before your child’s emotional and mental well-being.

I'm more relaxed at this compared to my husband. But I do push when time has passed and I see no improvement in skill. While I agree that no hobby, passion, or training should harm anyone's mental health, remember that I let them choose this. I didn't pressure them into something they didn't want so I expect them to show mastery or at least some progress in the activity they were certain they wanted to pursue. So I will let them have mental health day offs, but it's important that they don't give up. 

5. Prepare for and secure your child’s future

Every parent has an important responsibility to provide for their children's future and to encourage them to pursue as many of their interests and skills. Apart from the guidance they get at home, education plays a crucial role in honing your child. But sometimes, financial stability becomes a challenge in providing for your child’s educational needs. This is where planning ahead is important, not just to secure funds for tuition fees, but more importantly, to ensure that your child’s future is protected should anything happen to you.

We're done with this! As soon as we had babies, we made sure each of them had an insurance plan that will help them if something bad happens to us, if they want to use that money for a business or for a wedding, or if they choose to claim it for early retirement! 

One of the ways to prepare for your child’s education is to invest in a comprehensive insurance plan like MyLifeChoice for Education, a flexible insurance and investment plan from the leading insurance company, AXA Philippines.

With this plan, you can build your child’s education fund while having peace of mind with the plan’s life insurance coverage that lets you customize up to 25x your basic premium. It also comes with the Bright Rider Plus feature that provides yearly lumpsum payouts should you pass on, which can be used to co-fund your child’s tuition and other educational expenses.

It also comes with built-in accident coverage and a waiver of premium benefits, which means that you will receive cash benefits when you encounter injuries caused by an accident. In the event of permanent disablement, future premium payments will be waived so you can just focus on your recovery.

MyLifeChoice for Education also allows you to choose from a variety of professionally managed local and global funds that let you create a personalized portfolio that matches your investment profile. On the first day of your plan, you will also be rewarded with an additional investment amount via the Start-up Bonus, which is equal to 70% of your first-year basic premium. Potential gains will be added to your savings at the end of policy years 10, 15, and 25 when you invest in the long term with no withdrawals, missed payments, or payment breaks.

“As with all caring adults, education is a crucial stage to develop a child's interests and build them up for their future careers. While this may take time and substantial resources, this is where your trusted insurance partner, AXA Philippines, comes in. Through our MyLifeChoice for Education product, you are empowered to pursue your goals and those of your children with peace of mind,” said Nandy Villar, AXA Philippines Chief Customer Officer.

For more information or to get a personalized quote, visit axa.com.ph/mylifechoice/education.
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