Friday, December 06, 2013

Good-bye, perfect girl. Hello, me. Which is perfectly fine!

Have you watched Frozen? We watched it last week and now the whole house is reverberating with the soundtrack with everyone singing, "For the first time in forever," "Love is an open door," and of course, "Let it go! Let it go!"

Between Queen Elsa and Princess Anna, I relate to Elsa more. Maybe because I'm the eldest sister, maybe because we also have a family secret, maybe because I ran away from home, too.

Yes, I ran away. But it didn't start with me. The situation at home was so bad that my parents were the first to abandon ship. One day, they just packed up their clothes and our 10-year-old sister and they left. They left me, my younger brother, and my older brother and his wife and three kids. Yes, my parents left first but that's okay since we were all adults. I can't explain how bad things were but if it scared off my parents from their own house, then you must believe me when I say it was bad. I actually wish they had stayed away. Maybe my mother would still be alive today if she hadn't come back.

Anyway, I was left to carry the burden of that household. My sister-in-law helped but she had four other mouths to feed. She left soon after, too, but while I understand why she left, I do not and will never agree with parents abandoning their young children, and that's all I'll say about that.

Vince saw how my soul was slowly being crushed and he told me repeatedly, "You have to leave that place," but I was scared. "What would people say? I have no money. How would I live? Don't bad things happen to girls living on their own? My parents always said good girls only leave home if they have a husband. I don't have a husband. What would people say?" But the situation at home was getting worse and finally, one dark and terrible day, I packed up and left, too.

It was so sudden. There was no plan, no place to move into, no nothing! I had no money when I left and I took just a bag of clothes, shoes and books. Funny how when you need to leave, you suddenly realize you only really need a few things. I had no money at all but I had a job that paid just P8,000 a month (and my rent was 4K!), friends who helped me look for a place to stay (and it was actually a really nice place, too!), and of course my lifesaver Vince.

I lived hand-to-mouth for a while, often the electricity was cut off, sometimes I relied on my friends to feed me, sometimes my roommate and I scraped the sauce from a tin of tuna and laughed at how poor we were, and sometimes (not all the time!) when Vince and I ate out, I stuffed all the tissue paper in my bag because I couldn't afford to buy toilet paper! Haha! But I was finally having the time of my life. There was no money but, wow, I was alive! No fear, no guilt, no shackles, no pretense. I was free, I was happy, I was finally me.

Whew! Funny how a Disney movie brought me back to more than a decade ago! I'd actually forgotten that I ran away from home! But when Queen Elsa unleashed her power finally, I was just transported to that 24-year-old me, afraid at first then getting stronger with each day of freedom!

Not a Demi Lovato fan but I think this song is perfect for her and vice versa. She also broke out of that "perfect girl" image and I think she's much much happier now. Like me! Go watch the movie and tell me who you are: Elsa? Anna? Neither? Both? Have fun at Frozen this weekend!

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  1. You were talking about a nice animated movie but I was in tears. It must be this PMS thing or that I used to have a sad family story, too that I could relate.

  2. owww... I really can relate in your story.. I have written mine to baby expo naman,, !

  3. we haven't watched Frozen yet,but it's soundtrack "Let it Go, Let it Go is my kids' favorite at the moment. they got it from the movie trailer being shown on Disney Channel :)

  4. Im still getting napkins & ketchup fr fastfood restos hehe.. one day... one day Ill recover being poor too! Thanks for the inspo =)

  5. You made me want to see the movie! :)

  6. you forgot about "do you want to build a snowman" :)


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