I'm publishing this blog that's been in my drafts file for 3 years. So the kids don't look like that anymore. They're all so tall and broad and moody now. I miss those huge smiles haha Now, at 15-almost-16, 14, and 12, they're all broody and frowny and cranky and sarcastic. But if I'm lucky (and I'm lucky most times), I do get glimpses of the little boys I used to have, the ones who smile like they walk in sunshine all day and who tell me they love me like I'm the sun. They still do, they still do. And I will enjoy those times always.
So you may be wondering why I didn't publish this post then. Well, because the title is the kids are doing great... but I wasn't. This was way back in 2023, when I got a job. And the job was good, the pay was good, but I wasn't. And so every time I tried to write this blog, I ended up crying.
For why I was unhappy, read these:
I have lived in the goodness of God
When we were all together
But I'm in a better place now, so I can write about this time! These photos were actually from early 2023. I suddenly had a job. Vito was in his first year back in a brick-and-mortar school to test it out while his brothers finished their last few months in homeschool.
I wasn't supposed to get a job yet because we were homeschooling. I was their teacher because my husband had a job. The plan was that I'd get a job when all the kids were back in trad school, which would be around June. But I was sending out CVs and doing practice interviews back in December, just to get a feel for the job market. Just practicing, you know? I really wasn't planning on getting a job yet.
Thing is, I got hired and the salary was almost double what I was asking so I couldn't say no. But I wasn't ready. My heart wasn't ready. The kids were in the middle of their homeschooling year, so teacher me wasn't ready. No one was ready. So instead of excitement that I was starting a job, I was full of anxiety.
Looking back, I wish I could tell myself everything was going to be fine.
Well, actually, they won't be for a year. Vince would lose his job in April. The younger kids would go to school in August and adjust slowly, with one of them even being teased cruelly for a while. A few coworkers would also bully me. My cholesterol would shoot up and I would gain 15 lbs fast. And I would descend into depression.
So yeah, I wish I could tell myself things were going to be fine, but nope, 2023 was going to be a hard year for us all.
Observe miserable me at the office. To be honest, I have never been so sad in my life. Not when my beloved magazine was killed off. Not even when my parents died. This time still traumatizes me.
So these photos are from a time when things were actually still all right. Vince took over homeschooling while he juggled work and home care. Did you see that world map they made? Vince did a great job being a work-from-home dad, househusband, and homeschooling teacher!
When Vince lost his job (to AI, yes, he was one of the first casualties) unexpectedly, we didn't really worry because, good thing I unexpectedly got a job! So we were still able to eat out and have fun, which we really enjoyed because now I only had weekends to spend with them, unlike the 24/7 I had with them for 10 years.
I'm so grateful for Vince being such a good Papa. He was parenting alone for the first time ever. I've always been around since all their births, and while we've always co-parented, we co-parented while physically together. So with me suddenly gone, I was afraid there would be a hard adjustment. But Vince and the kids were troopers. I think they actually had more fun without me around! I can be un-fun, I confess.
I mean, look at them unpacking the groceries! It looks like they're stowing away treasure! Well, they actually always enjoy packing away the groceries. But this was the first time I saw them happily doing it because... I've always been the one who did it! But with me gone, the boys have had to take over the many things I did for them.
So yeah, I guess it was good that I was no longer around, right?
Things eventually became better, as they are wont to do. The kids ended their homeschooling year with good grades. Then we enrolled them and they slowly adjusted to their new life. They also adjusted to me away. The bullies at work resigned. Vince got a job as managing editor. And by Christmas, things were much better.
So yes, they really were doing great when I was drafting this blog post back in 2023! A few dips in the life chart now and then, but they did really well, as kids do. They're quite resilient. And to be very honest, our life may have changed drastically, but it was still okay. No illness, no accidents, no deaths. So, looking back, I am grateful. I'll always be grateful. Life works itself out if you let it. And if you can see it from grateful eyes, life is good. Always!
See you next Sunday!
