TOPAZ HORIZON

My heart has been heavy over the weekend because of the refugee crisis happening in the Middle East and in Europe right now. I was especially affected, as the whole world has been, by the death of little Aylan Kurdi. Together with his mother, his brother and many other Syrians crossing the Mediterranean Sea towards Europe, Aylan drowned and washed up on a Turkish beach.

It was everything about him that crushed my heart. How he was dressed for a journey that must've been so exciting because I'm sure his parents told him they were going to a better place, a safe place. His little shoes that look just like the little shoes I Velcro on my sons' feet every day. His red shirt just like the ones I put on my Iñigo, who wears red all the time. In fact, whenever 3-year-old Iñigo saw the photo of 3-year-old Aylan on the news or on my Facebook feed, he asked, "Is that me, Mama? Am I dead?"

I won't say anything more about this distressing crisis. I had thought before, when the Syrian civil war started almost 5 years ago, that it's so far away. Poor people. I hope they sort it out. I hate how apathetic that sounds but my last five years have been full—I got pregnant three times, gave birth three times, am raising beautiful boys, changed careers. Life has been amazing. Absolutely amazing and yet every day, I find something to complain about.

Not anymore.



If you would like to understand how the civil war in Syria started, this comic strip describes it succinctly: Syria's Climate-Fueled Conflict.

This short article also describes the history of the conflict with the environmental factor removed: Why People are Fleeing Syria.

Here is an old video of actress and director Angelina Jolie meeting a group of Syrian siblings. It is heartbreaking how they keep smiling through it all, like this is their life now and while they don't understand it, they persevere:


If you need to read something more recent, here is an essay of writer Neil Gaiman who visited a refugee camp, no, he visited a refugee city in Jordan: "So many ways to die in Syria now."

If you would like to help the Syrians and other refugees, you can donate to the following organizations:

• Medecins Sans Frontieres (Doctors Without Borders) - They have three ships patrolling Mediterranean waters to rescue refugees.

• Red Cross - I checked our local chapter if they have a way for us Pinoys to donate to the Syrian refugees. Found none (although there is a donate button there for victims of the devastating Nepal earthquake). So if you like Red Cross, donate via their international website.

• Save the Children - Donations will buy safe drinking water, nutritious food, tents and sleeping bags, and even diapers and wipes. I especially like how they renamed this whole horror from "migrant crisis" to "CHILD crisis."

• United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR) - Aside from providing rescue kits and tents to refugees, they also help children who are alone, whether orphaned or separated from their families.

• World Vision - Funds will go to providing the basics from water, food, blankets to education and a safe place for children to play.

Last of all but for me the most important, please pray for them—the people of Syria, Iraq and Afghanistan all fleeing from the war in their countries. Pray for their safety, their health, their protection, their spirits, and that families will be kept together. Please pray for their evil governments, that they stop this horrific crime they are doing on their own people. Please pray for the countries these refugees are fleeing to, that their hearts will soften and accept these refugees into their countries especially now that winter is coming.

I am also praying for myself, for God to remove the now-burning hate anger for Assad and his regime, and for all the monsters who kill children and destroy families. There is a deep sadness in my heart that I just can't shake off. God have mercy on us all.
 
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Contrary to what the title of this post may evoke, I'm not going to talk about morality issues. I'm talking about shopping. Yes, shopping!

As you all know (well, at least my Loyal Readers do!), I have always wanted a Tod's D Bag. But I never could bring myself to buy it because:

A. It's frakkin' expensive. Even though I can afford it, I just can't bring myself to fork over P100,000++ for a bag because...
B. I abuse my bags. Place them on the floor, throw them on the sofa, make them pillows. Plus, as a writer, I am always with a pen and I always end up accidentally writing on my bags or with ink spillage, which is sooo painful because...
C. See Reason A.

Well, now that I'm a mommy, another reason has come up:

D. Something always comes up.

Tuition fees. Vaccination fees. Maids who suddenly need to borrow money. And—the real culprit—our delight in spoiling our kids silly. Legos and it's not even your birthday? Sure! Cute Avengers pajamas? Sure! You like all those books even if you can't read yet? Sure!

Sigh. My husband Vince and I really enjoy making our sons happy. We spoil them with our presence (we both work from home so we are with the kids practically 24/7) and we spoil them with gifts because it is so much fun. It's for us—we enjoy the toys and costumes and games together so the money lavished on our family is always worth it.

So anyway, today, after a lunch with the Baby Magazine staff, as I was on my way to meet my Uber car, I passed by Tod's. And found this:

A Tod's D-Bow Bag in the perfect pink, the perfect size, and this time with gold accents. Total cost: P115,000.

Photos from Tod's Fall-Winter 2015 D-Bow Collection

A woman who was also shopping told me, "Don't Instagram it if you're not buying it. Someone will see your post and buy the bag."

It's not the exact D Bag I wanted (I always wanted the greige one) so it was easy enough for me to laugh at her warning and put it back on the shelf. But as I walked out of the shop, I looked back at the pink cutie and thought, "It has my name written all over it. Maybe... maybe..."

But my Uber had arrived and I hopped in because I needed to see my dentist. On the way, I suddenly decided, "Sure. Why not? Sure, it's Reason A but I'm earning more now than I ever did when I was an employee. And, sure, there's still Reason B but I'll take care of it because of Reason A!"

Then, as always, Reason D happened.

At the dentist, I learned that I needed to have my wisdom teeth extracted, a bridge made, and braces installed. Total cost: P111,000.

Perfect Tod's D Bag: P115,000

Perfect teeth: P111,000

You know what I picked, right? Yup. I've already scheduled the procedures. But the braces, I'll need to ask permission from my blog sponsors first because I have videos and photo shoots to do. They might not like the metal mouth. Not only am I practical, I am also considerate. Right? Right. Yey me!

And yet, at the dentist's chair, as I stared at the bright spotlight aimed at my mouth, I fought with this unreasonable sadness. When I was poor, I always had to pick what made sense—what product I can afford, what service is worth it, what will benefit more people (a.k.a. my family), which more often than not meant I had to do without. I didn't have a choice since I had very little money. Now that I'm a lot better off, I have choices but I'm still picking what makes sense. In many ways, this is why my husband and I live the way we do—no debt, comfortable life. We hardly ever lived beyond our means. We are always practical. We aren't miserly at all, okay? In fact, we have quite the cushy life! But the unnecessary things like designer bags and designer shoes are just deemed impractical, even illogical. We do have designer furniture but everyone benefits from furniture so those purchases made sense.

I always made sense.

People tell me, "Ganyan talaga pag nanay na." But I've always been like this. Ever since I was a little girl. And it's served me well so it's okay.

But earlier today, as that unreasonable sadness threatened to overwhelm me, I fought with the thought: "Why don't I ever just throw caution to the wind? Why must I always always be practical? Am I boring? Am I old? Have I always been boring and old?"

Thankfully, my sensibility overpowered that stupid voice inside my head as I penciled in my next dental appointment with the clinic's secretary. I made the better choice, I said. And I did.

I guess I'm just sad because I realized my poor upbringing still makes me think I'm poor. I take care of myself but I don't spoil myself because that's just, you know, frivolous. When my husband brings me to a nice restaurant, I always pick the cheapest item on the menu. I shop for my clothes on eBay. Almost all my clothes now are freebies from brands actually. I refuse to let my husband buy me gifts. I hold on to trash because what if I'll need a square of leftover gift wrapper? I smooth out aluminum foil so we can use them again. When I make sandwiches for my husband, I pack it with slices of cheese and ham or salami but when I make my sandwiches, I put just one slice. When I make Biscoff sandwiches for my kids, I slather the spread on thick, but my own Biscoff sandwiches, I just scratch on a thin layer. Why oh why do I do this?!

Of course, my dental procedures are just as costly as the Tod's D-Bow Bag so I'm not making the less expensive choice. I guess the sadness—the first time I've ever felt this way over a shopping choice!—surprised me because it made me wonder—for the first time ever—if I'm taking care of myself right. It made me realize that I think nothing of spending lots of money on my boys but when it comes to me, I think I don't deserve it. And that's sad. Sad that I think it. Sad that I don't allow others, from my husband to my friends, to spoil me. Sad that I—self-proclaimed feminist/pro-woman/girl power advocate—believe that I don't deserve to have nice things, after all.

Sadness, begone! My teeth need to be fixed! That's still caring for me! Right? Right. Silliness over. A perfect smile is waaaaaay better than a pink bag. Right? Right.

The better choice isn't always the easiest choice, I said, but it is still the better choice. I'll just keep telling myself that!

P.S. Can someone buy me the Tod's Small D-Bow Bag in pink abroad??? It's just P81,000 abroad!

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But first, naloka ako sa "well-known beauty maven" sa invitation. As in hahahahaha! Thanks, Philosophy, for calling me that even though I'm not exactly Miss Universe! Far from it! But, because of my current skincare regimen, I have the best skin I've ever had in all my 38 years. So, let me share with you what Philosophy products are making my skin look amazing, then I'll give you a peek at my little skincare party, and then I'll invite you to the next Philosophy pretty party!

Philosophy products I love
I only started using Philosophy this summer. As many of my blog readers know, I had been using and loving Shiseido's Ibuki skincare line. Now, Ibuki is designed for people in their 20s but it had worked for me anyway. Unfortunately, at the start of this year, hindi na yata nakayanan ng Ibuki ang almost-40-year-old skin ko. So I began using a drugstore brand touted for its regenerating abilities. Unfortunately again for me, the only thing it regenerated on me are pimples!!!

Left with dark pimple spots all over my face, I was looking for something to slough off the dead and tired skin layer and a brightening moisturizer. I've been getting facials at the Aivee Clinic but because I wasn't following instructions (OxyGeneo facials should be done every 10 days and my schedule was always too full for me to follow that strictly), my skin would go back to being dull. I needed something I can do at home. This is the miraculous answer:

My skin is always super soft and smooth after using this. I use this once a week. I'll do a full review next month. Anyway, love love this but because I'm 38 na, I need to exfoliate more than once a week so I added this:
This is kinda sticky and it stings a little since it's a chemical peel. But it really adds a glow! I'll do another review of this, too, next month!

Then because I have dark acne spots and freckles (also known as sun damage!), I added a brightening line. Within two weeks, my spots started lightening up!

Because the spots situation is being managed, I started using this last week. It's the anti-aging line of Philosophy and I can see changes in my skin!
Reviews soon! Oh, I'm really planning to blog regularly now! Kahit once a week man lang, or photos man lang! I miss my readers!

Anyway, my dear Loyal Readers, why don't we have a fun afternoon together, finding out about skincare, getting pampered, and getting fab Philosophy products? Just like how my friends did one fine afternoon when I invited them to a small party at Philosophy Mega Fashion Hall! Here's what happened:

The fun Topaz Horizon x Philosophy workshop