TOPAZ HORIZON

"Ask Frances" is a monthly blog series where I will answer questions from my readers. The chosen question will receive a prize. This month's prize is a Kipling Art S tote bag.

It is soooo nice! Thanks, Kipling, for sending me this really nice bag when you opened your new Megamall store a few weeks ago. I think it makes for an excellent diaper bag, mom bag, overnighter, or carry-on luggage. It's so versatile and handy, stain-resistant, and when you unzip certain zippers, it becomes bigger! This is what it looks like:

And here are some photos I grabbed from the Kipling website:

Isn't it such a nice bag? I wanted to keep it but I already have lots of totes so I've never used this. It's best to just give it to another mommy!

Our question this month is...

I'm happily married with 4 kids aged 16, 6, 5 and 2. I recently just got back into the corporate world after being a full-time mom for 7 months. I'd been working 13 years before my stint as a full-time mom. And because of the financial difficulty, I decided to go back to work. Thing is, I work nights. We don't have a helper. And while so far, I've survived with 3-4 hours of sleep, I'm starting to think about whether it's the right decision. The income is a huge factor especially given the fact that we have 4 kids to put through school and feed. But without a helper, I am doing two full-time jobs. It's hard to look for a trustworthy helper. I've had experience where one left my then-3-year-old daughter at home all by herself and stole from us so it's become a phobia. The house is almost always messy now because I just don't have the energy to clean as I used to. 

Do I keep the job and just struggle some more? Or is it not worth the health risk and the messy house? What would you do?

D.M.A.

I'm going to answer the "What would you do?" question. What would I do? I'd keep the job. If my family has a "financial difficulty," then I need to work. In fact, I do work now. How about the messy house? Well, if I had a husband I'm happily married to and four kids—one being a teenager—I'm going to enlist everyone to help. Yes, even the toddler can help!

D.M.A., I can answer your question in all confidence because that's my life. Since I was a child to now that I'm a mom, household help was a great help but not necessary.

My mother was a working woman but even her salary couldn't pay for household help, so my parents decreed that as soon as one of us (that would be the eldest) hit our teens, no more maids. I've been cooking and cleaning and doing the laundry for as far back as I can remember. I learned how to cook rice in a palayok (no joke) and wash my own clothes when I was 7. My father did the cooking and the childcare while my mother did the earning and the cleaning. Everything else they didn't do, my three siblings and I did.

Now that I have my own family, we also have our own chores. For example, my 6-year-old Vito helps with setting the table, loading the washing machine, and shining shoes. My 4-year-old Iñigo helps cook our meals, from prepping to washing dishes. My 2-year-old Piero packs away toys and can be counted on to fetch things. My husband cleans the house, I cook, and we both take turns taking care of the kids so we can work.

I'm saying all this to assure you that it's possible and that it's good for everyone to help around the house. It is especially important for us to impress on our kids that they need to contribute to keeping the house in order. I like to tease my kids, "If you can't pay rent, you have to do your chores!"

Iñigo making chicken in balsamic vinegar. Yum!

Your family needs the money so you're not being a bad mom by working. Your family needs you to work! What you need to do is get everyone to help around the house. That's their duty for living under your roof. If they don't keep it clean, they shouldn't live there! Joke! But you also know I'm kinda serious, right? Hugs! As a fellow mom, I know how hard it is to work and care for a family at the same time and keep the house clean, too! When the house is messy, why does no one blame the daddy and the kids??? It's always the mom's fault and that is unfair because she's not the only one living there. So make everyone help you!

A family needs to be a team. You work together. You help each other. You succeed together. It's not just for your own good; it's for the kids' own good as well. Chores teach kids responsibility, team work, accountability and independence! So make them do their chores and then email me your address so I can send you your prize from Kipling!

Kipling stores can be found nationwide. Follow their Facebook page for promos, sale announcements, and a complete list of their branches.

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If you have a question for me, send an email to frances@topazhorizon.com with "Ask Frances" on the subject.