Wednesday, May 01, 2013

Reader question #1: Name one thing you wish you knew before you became a parent.

That's from Leah of The Bright Spot. I asked the fans of my blogs' Facebook page to ask me anything at all. Leah was the first to ask and here's my answer.

I wish I had known that I would love my kids the way I love them now. I was an unhappy pregnant woman because I was profoundly afraid I would regret having my child. Many moms assured me that motherhood is the best thing ever. At the same time, just as many moms warned me that I'll never sleep again, that I'll become ugly, that motherhood is the hardest job in the world. So... mixed messages, you know?

My Mama, bless her heart, always said that she had just one regret in life: that she married and had children. She loved us but she also always seemed to be looking beyond us, at that other life, the could've been, the greener grass. My sister-in-law left her three kids and ran off with another man. Some of my friends thought of their kids as inconveniences. I was surrounded by mothers who didn't like being mothers. And I was deathly afraid that I'd be like that.

The fear robbed me of the joy of pregnancy. Nine months of misery. It was sad.

Oh, but if I had known that my heart would burst every single day with love for my boys, if I had known that motherhood would come naturally to me, if I had known I would enjoy it so much, I would've enjoyed my pregnancy better, I would've been more gracious to well wishers, I would've embraced my new life sooner, I would've been happier.  

That's it.

Oh, and I wish I knew the sex was going to be better after kids. I was scared my marriage would suffer after I became a mom because everyone warned me I'd never enjoy sex again but, hey hey hey, motherhood made me sexier. My body is not as nice now, yes, but after I've seen what my body can do after two pregnancies and two vaginal births, I feel so much more alive and sensual and powerful and confident. I am woman! And I enjoy everything about being a woman more than ever. So, moms who don't enjoy sex, I don't know what happened to you and I don't know why you poisoned my mind about that.

So, Leah, even though you asked me to name just one thing, let's add one last thing: I wish I'd known to shut out all those people who said so many bad things about motherhood!


  1. hi! One thing that I wish I knew before I became a mom, is that IT WILL BE THIS DIFFICULT but at the SAME TIME IT IS VERY FULFILLING. Yes it is indeed a difficult "job" being a mom, kasi you're not only looking after yourself eh, but of your kids and of your whole family as well. Difficult, especially on our part (me and hubby), we really started our family from ZERO, what ever enough money we had, we try to save it for the coming of our eldest. But then again wala namang problem na ndi nalalampasan eh. And now I have 3 daughters, 2 pre-teens and a 6 year old... still a difficult job for me but I am fulfilled and happy because, early to say ha, but I guess I am doing a good job in raising my daughters, kahit stay at home mom ako. Difficult but fulfilling... :)

  2. Great post and very timely. I'm right about ready to pop, so I'm all set to discover what being a parent is all about firsthand. A scary but exciting thought.

  3. I used to be afraid that I'd make a terrible mom. I was young, unmarried and very into myself and my life. But, there you go, I found myself pregnant with the child of a long-term boyfriend (who is now my husband) thankfully, and not some random someone's spawn. I think I turned out okay. I'm definitely not perfect, but I'm okay. And I love this kid to bits even though he drives me crazy at times. I never knew I could love someone so much, and that I could actually put someone's happiness before my own. But yeah, it really does automatically kick in after you become a mom, and it's a great feeling.

    xo Patty @


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