Monday, March 09, 2020

Harry and Meghan: A modern fairy tale and yet very real marriage

Sigh. Such a gorgeous photo of the most-talked-about married couple in the world!

I don't really have anything "expert" to say about Harry and Meghan. Almost everyone remotely interested in royalty has given their expert opinion on the Duke and Duchess' resignation from royal duties (As a former royalty magazine editor, I did here: Royal Rift! All your questions on Harry and Meghan's resignation, answered!). Many are sad, many are supportive, and many are mad. I don't know why they'd be mad. It's not like Harry's leaving them haha.

But anyway, I've been meaning to write a blog post about this particular Brexit since January but everything's been moving so fast that it's hard to comment. I finally decided that ultimately I'm very happy for them and that they're a great example for all married couples everywhere.

Every married couple should leave their families. Yes, Harry isn't part of just any normal family. As a prince, he sure isn't just like us. But he's also not THE prince. He's just the spare. And while that must rankle to be known as the spare to the heir since birth, it finally worked out for him—he can actually break free. He's not the first royal in history to choose to step away from duty. Here's a short list:

1. (UK) King Edward VIII to marry Wallis Simpson.
2. (Netherlands) Prince Friso of Orange-Nassau to marry Mabel Wisse Smit
3. (Japan) Sayako, Princess Nori, to marry Yoshiki Kuroda
4. (Japan) Princess Ayako of Takamado to marry Kei Moriya
5. (Thailand) Princess Ubolratana Rajakanya to marry Peter Ladd Jensen

Harry and Meghan didn't lose their titles but they did give up their allowance, their HRH styling, and pretty much the respect of a lot of people. Ya. For choosing love and family over prestige.

I like their decision. I know people are saying Meghan bullied Harry into doing this but if you've watched Harry at all throughout his very public life, he's not the sort of man anyone can bully. And while there's that rumor that "what Meghan wants, Meghan gets," I don't see how that's a bad thing if what Meghan wants is a peaceful life. Sure she signed up for a very public life but I don't think she signed up for such racism and hate. 

I read this book recently and I came away from it just loving and admiring these two people who loved to make a difference in people's lives. They have charities, they use their platform for good causes, they are enthusiastic about helping others. And they met each other! He was a prince. She was a strong and confident woman—not a shy virgin teenager like Diana, not a quiet and obedient Kate. She was not, what is the word, moldable. I love that she was already all woman when they met and fell in love. And I can't understand how that wholeness makes people see her as a threat to men and marriage.

Marriage should be between two people complete in themselves. Marriage shouldn't be the answer to people broken and incomplete, looking for a fix in the other. You should come into the marriage as a whole person, ready to give your all. Traditionally, women are seen as these fragile creatures that needed tending. That should make us precious. Instead, men have used this required fragility against us—abusing women and their children throughout centuries just because we needed men to survive.

Well, not anymore. Ladies, don't get married because you need a man for his money or position or his strength. Earn your own money, make your own name, be strong on your own. The man you attract won't be controlling and abusive. He'll be an amazing guy. Just like how Harry was drawn to Meghan's strength, drive, and mission. And together? Wow, they're going to make a lot of difference in the world. They're already doing it. 

That's what marriage should be about—two strong people coming together and creating an even stronger alliance. This used to happen before—an alliance of kingdoms. But we should use that as a metaphor, an inspiration, for how we should see our own marriages, too. We are a team. We are one. No one is lesser, no one is greater. We are equal.

Anyway, I finally blogged about Harry and Meghan today because it's their last day as senior royals. After today, they will disappear from public life. They have plans to still be seen out and about, working for their livelihood (just like us!), but now they'll be private citizens. They're determined to be seen as a team, as a single entity—as married couples should be.

Good luck on your new adventure, Harry and Meghan! It's not going to be easy but no marriage is unless you remember to stick it out together. If you do that, you're going to be just fine.

P.S. I just love how their outfits on their final royal appearances are all matching. Clearly telling the world they are one!

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for paying tribute to women who know what they want. We do not need to be crucified for being who we are, for leading the way, for living an authentic life. In my humble opinion, they subjected Meghan to such racism and hate to drive her away, not realizing that they would "lose" Harry too. I hope and pray for the couple's success in the years to come. Like you and many others, I love them both!.... Mommy Marie


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