TOPAZ HORIZON

"By 40, all women are amazing."

Gwyneth Paltrow said that in an article for the November 2016 issue of Harper's Bazaar. That month, I turned 40 and reading that quote from supermom Gwyneth just made me feel... I don't know. Not exactly amazing. I was thinking, "I'm 40. I'm amazing. And yet I don't feel amazing because NOTHING is happening to me. I'm just here at home, elbow deep in childcare, and trying to get some sort of work done. I'm nothing special. I used to be hot shit. Now, nothing."


This blog post has been brewing in my head and my heart for more than a year now. Maybe more. I've changed my mind many times about it as my heart and my head fight it out but I finally let myself submit to the one who should have always been in charge anyway—my Lord! And right now, God is telling me that the only thing I should be concerning myself with is being there for my husband and my sons.

That's it. And that's okay.

This struggle started when my third son, Piero, was born. I've mentioned a few times that I've been having a hard time adjusting to having three kids. Actually, I realized just recently that I was having a hard time adjusting to three kids AND my need to be doing something else. I have three kids and juggling two jobs: I'm a blogger and an editor. I also squeeze in writing assignments, Boss Bellas workshops for Manila Workshops, and PR campaigns for brands sometimes.

Last year, 2017, was really hard for me. I went back to work while also still blogging, right? Well, I was confronted with the fact that I can't get paid higher or even equal than my last salary, I don't know a lot of things anymore because the world has moved on and it moved fast while I was being a mommy, and I was nobody again, working my way up the ladder again. And I was 40. "Life begins at 40," so it is said. I just didn't imagine 40 was going to be truly life beginning again.

Last year was very humbling. I remember one night when I sobbed to my husband Vince, telling him I had worked so hard and so long to become somebody and then motherhood happened and now I had to start all over again, like all the work I did before didn't matter. I cried, "What was all that for then? I feel like I wasted my life!" And he gently told me, "You know who you are. You know the work you can do. What you know about you and your work is what matters." Something like that. I was very upset that night! But he helped me feel better. My pride was wounded but it's okay. We all need to be knocked down once in a while and I'm glad that happened. I'm more humble now. And in many ways, I'm a better person because of it.

Celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary with the kids!

I'm grateful. I may not be amazing anymore but I do have an amazing life and I really ought to be grateful. God is good and He is faithful. Yes, I stepped aside and focused on my family. Yes, I did something else (I did the crazy freelance life! I put up a blogging business!). Yes, other bloggers have become bigger and better. That's okay. I always liked the path I chose. Sometimes, however, I have to be reminded that I chose this and that I like it.

If you're a mommy who had to give up her career or pass up on a promotion or you find yourself saying no to a lot of nights out with friends (or concerts and musicals like Lion King!), breathe in, breathe out. Life isn't passing you by. Your life is happening right now. And one day, if you choose it, then the career will happen. The dressing up again will happen. Your super hot bod will come back again. Sure, it will take a ton of work but if you want it, it will happen. Just wait. I like to think that it's the other way around—that kind of life is waiting for you. You're just too busy with the important stuff right now.

My mommy life is happening and it is so very real, too—all its mess and chaos, sweaty hugs and sticky kisses, deafening shouts of joy, soft breaths of babies sleeping, conversations deep into the night with my husband, hearts bursting as we both watch our kids grow. Not a milestone missed! Add to that my working life and, honestly, what is this waiting for? I'm living the dream right here, right now. How crazy lucky am I?

All mothers are busy. We can all agree on that, right? But when the kids are already spending all day in school, or you're lucky enough to have responsible household staff, and you feel that you now have time to do what you've always wanted but still have time for family, what do you do?

Many mamas feel they are missing professional challenges in their life. Now that you have a little bit of time on your hands and your long-suppressed ambitions are getting rowdy in your heart, then it might be a good idea to look through your career progression options. Whether you would like more flexibility or better time management, there is a perfect job out there for you. Before you make your final decision, however, you will need to check whether you can complete the transition and get what you want out of your new career. Here are the questions to ask yourself:

Look at what Vince found last week! Photos from the morning after our wedding!

He's showing off his wedding ring. Hindi nakita haha

My eye bags are so wow.

These were 11 years ago. I took them with my Blackberry. We were so exhausted and exhilarated. Just so giddy and happy and tired. My eye bags are huge! I swear I look younger now than I did 11 years ago haha Thank you, eye cream!

Oh, such a happy day my wedding was. But, as someone once said in a speech at another wedding a long time ago, your wedding day is not the happiest day in your life. And it's true. The next day was. And most days after that. When the children are born... Oh my dear heaven, nothing beats that day and I'm so glad I had three of those blessed days.

Sure, marriage isn't all happiness. One time, Vince and I had a massive fight and I said I wasn't happy anymore and he seethed back, "So what? I didn't marry you to make you happy. I married you till death do us part!" And I was taken aback and realized that if every couple married for happiness, then what do you do when you're not happy anymore? And in life, there is only one guarantee—it's going to be hard, sometimes so hard you can't see through the darkness and despair. That's why you vow to stick together for better and for worse. Your husband is the hand you hold as you struggle out of the muck. And we went through a lot of shit a few years ago, and we came out of it still together and stronger than ever.

I can see Vince reading that last sentence and rolling his eyes in mirth. Vince likes to tease me whenever I blog about difficulties in our marriage. He goes, "Grabe, parang maghihiwalay na tayo! Grabe ang drama!" Kainis!!! In my mind, these are real struggles. But in his mind, I guess, as long as we're together, they're nothing to be worried about. He's so stable, so secure, so sure. I love this man.

Happy anniversary, Vince! Eleven years married, 19 in love. Next year is 20 years yo! You're such a lucky guy. And I'll always be the luckiest girl.

Hi mamas! I just discovered the joy of shopping for diapers online!!! And I found a new diaper brand and we love it, too—BabyLove Premium Gold Pants.

But first, the back story: Ever since I've blogged about products I love, it's become stressful to do the grocery. Why??? Let me tell you this one time I wanted canned corn kernels and my usual brand had run out so I grabbed another brand instead. No biggie, right? Wouldn't you know that a blog reader just happened to pass by and remark, "Ay, diba Jolly ka?" GUYS. Stress! It's not just when there's no stock. There have been many times I wanted to try out a new product I saw on the supermarket shelf or on another mommy blogger's IG feed and I couldn't!

So I was telling the girls at work that the supermarket near the office didn't have my toddler's diaper size and I had to go to a much farther grocery store to get our usual diaper brand because I can't buy another brand in case there just happens to be some blog reader passing by to question my brand loyalty. They laughed at my ridiculousness, decided they'll never become a blogger, and said, "That's so crazy. Why don't you buy diapers from Lazada or Shopee then? They're much cheaper, there are more brands available, and they're delivered straight to your house!" Straight to my house...! Why did I never think of that?! I never realized you can buy diapers online!

So I went to Lazada and Shopee and sure enough there were diapers upon diapers upon diapers! Good thing there were official stores so it was easy to find authentic products. I was about to put our usual brand in my cart when I remembered that I am now safe to check out other brands. Oh yes! So I clicked on this diaper and that diaper and then discovered BabyLove.

Okay, here are my 5 reasons for choosing BabyLove:

1. As I was clicking away, Piero, my toddler looked over my shoulder and liked the baby on the packaging. "That one, Mama!" So I clicked on it and read the description and figured it was worth a try.

2. I did some research because of course we mommies always research on the products we use on our kids. I found out that BabyLove is a Thai brand. Now, Thailand is the last country I visited so I felt a connection. So I guess that's also why I had more interest in this diaper than the others online!

3. Mommy blogger friend, Denise of Royal Domesticity, uses it on her new baby girl. In fact, she was the one who told me about BabyLove so since I like checking out what my friends use, I said yes to this brand! Denise blogged about BabyLove here: #MyBabyMyWay should be the official hashtag of your motherhood.

4. Okay, I wanted to try a high-end diaper. Yes. Because Piero has extra sensitive skin (compared to his older brothers, he has allergic reactions to more things). My research told me that BabyLove has all the qualities I look for in a diaper: absorbs fast and well, no leaking, keeps skin dry, and made of really soft material. I was so happy that when the diapers arrived, they looked and felt and even smelled so posh!

5. I also discovered on Instagram that BabyLove is supporting mothers' choices in raising their babies through their #MyBabyMyWay campaign. We may have different ways but our choices are always dictated by love. I like that. I support that. There's just too many mommy wars out there when we should just all be supporting each other. Motherhood is hard enough already. Let's just believe that the mother who raises her kids differently than we do made the best choices given their situation. 

So I got the BabyLove Premium Gold Pants because we're trying to toilet-train Piero. The pants arrived fast and we just started using them last week and so far so good, we love the "dia-pants"—that's what Piero calls them haha. We actually still have a dozen pieces of our old diaper brand but Piero doesn't want to use them anymore! That's how much he loves his new BabyLove Premium Gold Pants!

I'll do a proper review next time since this post is getting long haha. Anyway, just sharing some good news: If you want to try BabyLove, get good deals (up to 30%-50% off, mamas!) on this great find on Shopee's Baby Fair Event on April 19-24.  Shop here!

Check out the Facebook page of BabyLove Philippines for more info!

I just had the best lechon kawali, mamas, and the bestest part of it is my husband cooked it here at our very own kitchen! That's because of my new mom find, the Purefoods Heat and Eat Lechon Kawali!


I saw this product first last Christmas when some of my mommy blogger friends posted photos of their Noche Buena and meron silang lechon kawali at crispy pata. And nainggit ako hahaha So I checked it out at the supermarket, found that the Purefood Heat and Eat packets were so affordable (the Lechon Kawali is just P230 and the Crispy Pata is just P325), and so now we are eating them!


Preparing the Lechon Kawali was super easy lang. It literally is just heat and eat. We just opened the bag, took out the pre-cooked chunk of meat, and fried it for a few minutes. That's it!


Here's my recipe for the sawsawan:

1/2 cup balsamic vinegar
1/4 cup patis
1 tsp brown sugar
1 tsp. sliced shallots
1 thinly sliced garlic clove
half a thumb of ginger, sliced into thin strips
2 siling labuyo

The lechon kawali was so hot and crispy and so good with my sawsawan, mamas! Paired with hot and steaming rice, plus pinakbet on the side and we had such an enjoyable and truly Pinoy lunch.


Yung leftovers, kung meron man, you can either fry or broil again, or you can make into lechon paksiw. So sobrang sulit talaga the lechon kawali because for just P230, you can feed your family na a hearty meal. I am so happy about my find!

You know, mamas, I'm really happy whenever I find anything that makes this whole motherhood thing easier. When you're a working mama like me without a maid or yaya (and I say that in grief and despair because every single day for more than a year, I've been hoping and wishing for a kasambahay and especially on my birthdays and the holidays, all I ever pray for is a trusty household helper), cooking and keeping house become drudgery. So when discoveries like these come my way, I get super excited and happy.