Saturday, July 20, 2019

What's the price of perfection?

I woke up today yelling this: "Holy shit!"

Sounds like a bad day but it wasn't haha I just forgot to set my alarm clock last night because it's a Saturday today and I always sleep in on weekends. But today was a busy day! One of my boys had a math competition at 8am (I woke up at 7 hence the panic!), then we had to pick up tons of toys from my sister-in-law who moved to Canada, then I had a parent-teacher conference at 11, and all of that on top of the neverending chores!

Just a typical day in my chaotic life! Now before you all go, "Oh, how cute. She's trying to be authentic," haha that's not the point of my kwento today. I was just thinking while I was doing the laundry that kahit na parang sobrang nakakapagod ng life ko, for me and for my husband, it is so perfect.

Well, sana mas marami kaming pera! And sana we had a cleaner house. And sana I can sleep 8 hours every night. And sana someone else cooked and cleaned. And sana Vince and I had more time for sex hahaha But seriously, hindi man the dictionary definition of perfection, it's really a wonderful life as is. And I want to declare that here because I complain a lot about my life. Vince even said last year that if people were to judge what I keep posting on Facebook, parang hindi ako masaya because I keep saying, "I'M SO TIRED!!!"

Well, I'm tired talaga but it's a good tired, you know? Yung kahit puyat ako, alam ko naman masarap ang baon ng mga anak ko. Yung kahit hindi ako nakalaan ng oras for self-care, alam ko naman na ready ang mga anak ko sa mga tests nila. Yung kahit I wanted sana to nap, okay lang kasi malinis at mabango ang labada ko. Gets???

And I know I could have all the stuff I mentioned and also get to nap and spend time for myself if I have a kasambahay but we decided na ayaw na namin ng mga issues na dala ng may ibang tao sa bahay. It's okay. Our exhaustion is the price we pay for having precious privacy and letting our kids learn how to be independent. Some people don't want that price and that's okay, too.

Which made me think about what we have to do to have the life we want. Yes, yun talaga ang point ng post na ito and sorry sa mahabang intro haha.

Mommying in the time of Instagram. If it looks too good to be true, just remember: It took a lot to make it look that good!

Yesterday, I was chatting with a mommy and she was upset because a relative told her she has to be more hands-on with her baby. I replied that her cousin is just reacting to all her posts on Facebook: She's at the gym, out shopping, lunching with friends, on a late dinner date with her husband. Parang wala nga naman siyang anak! And the mommy replied that she was going through really bad post-partum depression (don't worry, she agreed that I can share this). So she was just following her doctors' orders—get a lot of exercise, get out of the house, don't be alone with the baby, be around people. And to us who are just looking on, we don't see the whole situation. We see maybe na wow ang saya naman ng nanay na ito, nasa gym at mall palagi! But we don't see the deep reasons why she has to do all those "shallow" things. She wasn't saying the real reason because no one understands PPD anyway and she'll just get flack if she shares her situation.

So parang baliktad kami. On social media, I'm always like, "I'm so tired!" but I'm actually really happy. And siya naman, she seems like, "My life is so carefree!" when in truth, she's going through a very serious problem. And we ended our chat with her saying, "I'd rather people think I'm this shallow person than put myself and my baby in harm's way by ignoring my depression."

So that's the price she's willing to pay.

We all imagine someone else is living a better life than we are. Oh wow, she's so sexy. Oh wow, she doesn't look losyang. Oh wow, she has so many businesses. Oh wow, her kids are in so many enrichment classes. What we don't see is the hours she has to spend at the gym and the calories she counts. We don't see the hours and money she spends at the salon and the spa. We don't see the stress of managing businesses and people. We don't see that she has no time for herself anymore because she's the one shuttling her kids to this class and that sport and that activity.

The perfect life we imagine varies. I don't envy gorgeous and sexy mommies because I know what it takes for them to look that amazing and I'm just not willing to spend my time at the gym and deprive myself of rice! I don't envy mommies who travel a lot either because my family and I love chilling at home lang. Kakapagod umalis ng bahay potek. Gagastos ka pa! Stay home and read na lang. We've traveled farther than anyone who's jumped on a plane! We've gone inside the earth, the bottom of the sea, to space, and other worlds and dimensions!

You know whose lives look so amazing to me? Moms who have businesses kasi yun talaga ang gusto ko. I have my own writing business naman and it's thriving, but I'm aware I can earn more if I devote more time to it. But ayaw talaga namin ng kasambahay so eto ako, biding my time. I also want to start more businesses but yun nga, walang time pa talaga so when I see other mompreneurs, I get envious—but also inspired! But because I have many mompreneur friends, even though they look so amazing on social media, they tell me it's kind of hellish also.

So there. May perfect life ba? Wala. But we pursue what we want and sacrifices are made. Are we willing to give up so much to have the life we want? Of course! Are we willing to give up so much to have the life others have? Not so much. So when we see perfect lives, let's remember they have to go through a lot of shit to get there. Me, I seem to have this penchant of just showing the bad parts of my life but it's pretty perfect to me. I think I mentioned somewhere here before that I have this secret fear that if the Universe sniffs out how wonderful my life is, baka may bawiin kasi life has to be unfair.

Well, life is unfair. Even the amazing lives we see come with a price. All of us are willing to pay it as long as we get the perfect dream life. Our own version of perfect, of course, so when we see what others are doing to look great or do what they do or go where they go, let's just appreciate what we see kasi marami silang pinagdaanan or sinakripisyo para makuha yan (kahit ba hindi natin type yung ginawa nila or yung buhay nila haha). Ika nga ng isang napaka-wise na Pinoy saying, "Walang basagan ng trip!"

What we see online isn't the whole story. And while I would really really REALLY want everyone to just talk about how hard life is so that we can all fully appreciate what it takes for dreams to come true, I also know that many of us aren't comfortable with the ugly, the raw, the pain. So when people show their curated life, let's not say it's fake. Let's just be happy that what they show the world is their version of perfect!

3 comments:

  1. I have soooo many thoughts on this haha! So so true!

    If people also judged my posts last year they would also think na hindi ako happy haha.

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  2. feels and relate. dito sa social media damn if you do damn if you dont. lahat sila may masasabi.

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  3. Hi Frances! This resonated with me so much. On my end, there is another dimension--we live abroad. So some friends and family tell me our life here in New Zealand looks so ideal and perfect, kasi I always post happy pics of us with the kids. What they don't see is how my husband and I struggle juggling our work, taking care of the kids and our personal interests too.
    I should write something about this--soon, maybe when I finish work and get home.
    Oh by the way, I agree--mas importante na matapos ang labada bago pa isipin na mag-nap. :)

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