Tuesday, January 19, 2010

There is no Plan B

I think I'm finally enjoying my pregnancy. I say that cautiously because, well, I never know when the nausea will strike. Well, I do know now when it will strike--after I take my prenatal vitamins--but the nausea has indeed lessened. Plus, I have more energy and my acne is clearing up (thanks to Murad and VMV, damn expensive but working!). What I'm really happy about is the "less nausea" part. That has got to be the worst thing ever about pregnancy. However, ask me again when the varicose veins, stretchmarks, fat, and labor come!

Anyway, right now I'm thinking about that whole Kris-James-sugod the fan issue. So weird that after she goes on and on righteously saying "I'm a wife. I have to protect my marriage!", she announces just as righteously to all and sundry that she's now separated from him. Er, I thought she was saving her marriage? Let me be clear on one thing: I'm a wife, too, so I have no issue with Kris confronting that Mayen woman. Mayen threatened Kris' marriage and it is only right that Kris go and annihilate the threat. But now that she has, what does she do? She leaves. What the hell was all that fuss for then?

Let me tell you how Vince and I see marriage. We see ourselves as a pair of scissors. Separate, we are each a blade--we each have our own purpose; therefore we are not meaningless individuals. Together, we still have the same purpose but we work together towards one goal. And whatever comes between us, we destroy. This we both agreed on--for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, till death do us part. Only death will separate us. That's the plan. There is no other plan.  

Let me tell you about another couple with no other plan. When Playboy asked Will Smith if he and wife Jada signed a prenuptial agreement, he replied, "No. I don't even like the concept of a prenup. The idea is that this is going to work out and we're going to be together forever. I am the type of guy who doesn't have a plan B because plan B distracts from plan A."

Those are wise words for marriage and for life. Dream big. Let go. Jump in. Commit. Don't think about second chances. Think: This is it!

Life is about commitment. Freedom comes only with commitment. When I married Vince, I finally became free from insecurity, jealousy, doubt and fear. I know he feels the same way. We are free to love each other, to kiss, to make love, to get pregnant, to live the way we want because we committed our lives to each other. Why would I want to give that up? That is also part of our vows: To not just cherish but also to protect our marriage. So believe you me, if anything dare threaten my joy, I will rise up and crush it.


  1. It's amazing how you describe yours and Vince's stance on marriage. I used to think that I only want to get married when there is an option out then I realized that maybe I was with the wrong guy. Now that I'm back to being single, I think, especially when seeing couples such as you and Vince, and others who've been married for years, I know that when the time comes and if I meet a guy who's for me, I would want to be with him for the rest of my life, for better or for worse. And yes, pre-nup is such a stupid idea. At the onset, people who get these have the idea of divorce/separation in the horizon.

    What a perfect time to realize this, right? When I'm very, very much single :D

  2. Thank you for this Frances. Learning a lot from you!

    I'm afraid of getting married because I really have a lot to hate when mama and papa are fighting. and lately, like kids, they're arguing impossibly over the simplest things. i guess i don't want that kind of stuff and i know i will be like mama (super paranoid and illogical).

    but they're still together, y'know. i guess they,too, have no plan B's.

  3. Oh, Frances! I wish my boyfriend was here with my right now, your post makes me want to give him a big hug and kiss.

    Like you Saleses and Smiths, we don't have a Plan B--it's death do us part. In fact, we're already starting to plan our 2011 wedding.

    Your posts about you and your husband are my favorite. I can't wait to be married because of your blog!

    All the best to you and Vince!

  4. <3 I hope things carry on smoothly and nausea free x

  5. I try not to think about marriage that much! Some things are better left unexamined in my book, as long as it works. Glad you're feeling better.

  6. What fantastic advice on both life and relationships and just what I needed to read right now.
    Thanks once again for the inspiration!
    Also congratulations on the little budle of joy now on it's way :)
    I am sure you will be the most wonderful parents !

  7. This is very inspiring. I wish that someday I will get to have the same ideal marriage as yours :)

  8. these are very nice words. and i also believe in the same things in a marriage as you. i would just like to know what would you advice to a wife whose husband has cheated on her? would you still advise her to work on the marriage? to keep it? to fight for the husband who hurt her and who has broken his promise before God and the people?

  9. I can so relate. I read that Will Smith interview also and since then, my mantra has been "There is no Plan B." My husband and I do fight but at the end of the day, we stay committed to each other. Which reminds me, I saw Revolutionary Road last night. I now understand why you said it's scary (shudders).

  10. Well said, Frances! I think I just fell in love with Will Smith. :)

  11. Hi.. I'm about to order Murad online..Does it really work??

  12. Ya, Teeyah, take your time. Never ever settle. A marriage is only wonderful if you marry the right man!

    HerRoyalBleakness, you think Vince and I don't fight? We do. And we're so good at words, you'd be amazed at all the ugly stuff we can hurl at each other eloquently! A happy marriage doesn't mean no fights, it means working it out. All. The. Time!

    WendyB, actually, we also don't think about it that much. Until dumb/ugly stuff happen to other people and we're forced to talk about "What if that happens to us?!" =D

    Anonymous, in the nearly 11 years I've been with Vince, we have never cheated on each other so I honestly don't know how to answer your question. So I have to go back to the Bible on this one, and the Bible says when you're married, it's death do you part.

    Gatto, horror movie, right??? Vince and I are talking about that movie recently, scared we'd end up like them! Yikes!

  13. thanks for this post sis..were not yet married but we do have a child and ill keep some of the phrase on this post in mind..XOXO

  14. Thank you for the words of wisdom, F :) You guys are really inspiring!

  15. What a great explanation!!
    I never thought of that!! :)

    May I share it to my friends??

  16. im not yet married but i will be eventually. i have been with bf for almost 7 years & the only thing left is to get married.

    i love what you said about marriage. that's why i was surprised when i watched Jessica Soho's show that some people are trying to pass an act or something about marriage being renewable. i think it's utter bull. you get married because you promise to love & cherish each other in front of God & everybody.

    You fight for what is right & should make sure that your marriage can withstand everything.

    I salute you for a great view on marriage life,hun!

  17. Your words and thoughts about marriage is so inspiring, and you and Vince are so blessed to be together and have that kind of love. <3 =)

    I'm a bit different, I want an option out of marriage, and that is if I ever do. Of course I still dream of happily ever after, but at this point & time, and with what transpired around me, I don't think it'll happen to me. I believe in lasting love, but marriage for me, is just an option. =)

    Cheers to you & Vince! =D

  18. for me, there should always be a plan b... not between the couple but for yourself. i'd rather be alone and die alone than be in relationship where I'm the only one who's working to keep it. you can never tell when people will change that's why i believe there should always be a way out.. it's a matter of survival, finding true happiness and knowing your worth. a man can hurt his wife in so many ways other than physical and same with a wife to her husband... so dapat, may emergency exit talaga. i hope i make sense. but i do get the point na ipaglaban and everything. kaso like everything else, may hangganan ang lahat. :)

    but with stories like yours and will smith.. there might be hope for cynical people like me. :)

    off topic: i was at war with myself kasi i love angelina but seeing how the story goes she's this manipulative person... well, there you go. sigh!

  19. I love the way you view marriage, like a pair of scissors. :)

  20. Hi Frances,

    Thank you so much for sharing your life. Im always an avid reader of yours.Your site is totally different now. Lots of positive and good stuff inside.

    Dont worry ive been sharing your link to friends of mine here in Singapore and globally .

    Im glad to meet you personally here in Singapore. Kahit saglit lang

    Your avid reader,

    Bheng (friend of Ana G)


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