TOPAZ HORIZON: 6 reasons couples should sleep in different beds

Thursday, June 25, 2020

6 reasons couples should sleep in different beds

Confession: I don't always sleep in the same bed (or at the same time) as my husband. People tell me that not sleeping in the same bed will lead to marital woes. I see their point and I don't disagree. But sometimes I have to work in the dead of night when everyone's asleep. I think I'm also going through menopause so I'm always hot. I want the fan and the aircon on—full blast! So when I do sleep in our bedroom, my poor husband freezes even under the sheets and wakes up miserable. That's why when this guest post landed in my inbox, I just had to share it with you! Tell me if you know exactly how I feel!

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GUEST POST - Is your marital bed feeling like a storm-tossed ship? This is the case in many homes. As much as the couple tries their best to persevere through the challenges, sleep deprivation can affect a marriage in many ways. If getting cozy sleep is affected by the tossing and turning of your partner, it is time that you consider sleeping in different beds in separate rooms.

Sleeping separately should not be a reason to freak out as the reasons for this may boost your sleep and improve your health as well. Although most couples feel like their sex life will be affected negatively, this is not the case. Give this a try to see how it works out for the both of you. Read on to find out other reasons couples should sleep in different beds.

1. You have different sleep patterns.

Not all family members have the same sleep patterns—from the children to their parents. In the same way, not every couple share similar sleep patterns or circadian rhythms. As a result, your partner's sleep pattern may be interfering with your sleep quality. If he is suffering from insomnia, for example, you may want to stay up and keep him company, or his tossing and turning may keep you awake, too. Insomnia is not easily solved by just telling your partner to count sheep. Sleeping in different beds or rooms is one way to solve the issue.

2. You desire different mattresses.

It's true that once you are a couple you should learn to compromise on many issues. How about when the type of mattress you share is not right for one of you? It is easy when the mattress is not right for both of you—just get a new purple bed mattress to sort out your mattress issue. But when you like a firm foam for your bad back and your husband wants a nice soft mattress to curl up in, there can be no compromise. Someone's going to have poor sleep quality and this will lead to a disagreement that will affect your relationship. Try sleeping in separate beds with mattresses of your choice.

3. You have poor sleeping habits.

Does your partner fall asleep only when he's watching a television rerun? If this is not a fun activity that you do together, both of you will suffer in different ways. Particularly, if your sleep habits are completely different from one another. Such as one has to listen to music and the other wants complete silence or one wants the lights on and the other needs complete darkness. There's also different sleep hygiene—one likes lots of pillows and wrapped in smelly blankets while the other can only sleep on crisp, bleached and starched sheets. These factors can cause sleep fragmentation and non-restorative sleep that cause you to be irritable and fatigued the next day. Again, sleeping in separate rooms may be the solution here.

4. Your partner snores.

Have you ever considered kissing your partner good night and then retreating to separate rooms? If no, then you must be lucky to not have a snoring husband. Once your partner starts snoring, you will consider sleeping in another room as a perfect option as his snoring will drive you nuts night after night. The snoring issue is common among many couples and it ends up in a conflict that may affect your relationship if not solved. Just as individuals that sleep next to a freight train are disturbed with loud and irregular sounds, a snoring partner will interfere with your sleep cycle, preventing you from reaching the deep sleep stage that makes you feel refreshed in the morning. One step to solving this particular sleep deprivation issue is to discuss with your partner about consulting a doctor for it could be health-related. Meanwhile, rather than sneaking to the couch in the wee hours of the night, discuss sleeping in separate rooms, too.

5. Your daily routines clash.

Your sleep may be disturbed by different daily routines, such as when your partner works in an evening shift job. This is a common issue that affects a couple's sleep patterns. Hence, choosing to sleep in separate beds will give both of you peace of mind especially when one is an early bird and the other a night owl.

6. Your partner is too hot.

If your partner rivals a flaming log, this is another reason you have to move to a separate bed. There is a certain room temperature that is conducive to fall and stay asleep—between 18 to 22 degrees Celcius is the recommended range by sleep experts. When it comes to couples who sleep together, the heat under the covers may be more than the optimal temperatures. When the temperature goes way up due to a partner that generates a lot of heat, it will affect the other one who ends up tossing and turning and waking up soaked with sweat.

In conclusion, a couple having to sleep in separate beds is quite a sensitive issue. However, who discusses their sleep compatibility as they are courting their partner? It is important to make sleep a priority for you and your spouse. Also, help each other solve any sleep-related issues that make you not achieve perfect sleep. Besides, it's not just your marriage at stake here. Lack of quality sleep can lead to other chronic illnesses as it gets worse by the day like cardiovascular illnesses, diabetes, stress-related illnesses among others. Consider sleeping in separate beds until the issue you have is solved or if there is no other option for better sleep.

* This is a guest post, with my edits. To place a guest post, email frances@topazhorizon.com.