Thursday, June 04, 2020

"Mukhang pera" LOL

Nagsumbong ako sa asawa ko at sa mga kapatid ko about a little issue that was niggling at me. They weren't happy with my kwento but thank goodness they are wonderful people who just gave me good advice. So eto siya: I have this relative - and I love her very much - who's been saying strange things lately. The worst was, "Hindi ko nahalata na maganda ka nung bata ka kasi lagi kang nakayuko." 

Then she said that my head was always down because I looked like I was always looking for money. Then when I grew into a woman, she said, "Buti naman na nahanap mo yung perang hinahanap mo," implying I got rich through marriage.

First of all, I am not rich. Guys! I wish! I don't even know where that comes from. My friends said this relative says nasty things dahil sa inggit. Inggit siya saan? Sa yaman ko? Kelan naman ako nag-flaunt ng kayamanan?? 

Dear Loyal Readers, I know you love me because of what I write - not my affluent lifestyle, my fashionable OOTDs, my extensive travels, my Instagrammable home, my gourmet menu or restaurant reviews, my shopping extravaganzas. Wala kasi akong mga ganyan that's why I know you guys are here for me, not for what I have. 

I'm so cheap now that I cut and color my own hair! What do you think of my new bangs?

My husband says all the time I should go shopping. He'd say, "Please buy something new. Please!" Kasi when he looks through my blog and my Instagram, I wear the same old clothes again and again. My kids wear hand-me-downs or bigay ng mga brands. My things are bought second-hand on eBay or dahil may mega sale. Sabi ni Vince minsan naaawa siya sa akin haha

This doesn't bother me really, if I look poor. Kasi hindi naman totoo—I'm not poor. Cheap maybe haha Yes, I commute. I walk everywhere to save money. I use things until they're falling apart. But I can buy groceries without looking at price tags. I pay good money for good food and good service. And books and my kids' education and future. That's it. Everything else I have can look dilapidated. I just don't see the point of spending money on things I don't care about. So all this time I'm thinking na hindi ako nagyayabang ng kayamanan, right???

So who in their right mind would feel envy towards me? So it can't be envy.

It's condescension. That's what it is. 

I have a great life. I know I do. I'm so happy. My marriage is great. My kids are amazing. My dreams have all come true. I'm blessed beyond words! But instead of all these good things seen as rightfully mine, rightfully deserved, some people think I got all of them just because I married a rich man.

And that bothers me very much.

Vince will be the first to say he isn't a rich man. I find it amusing actually when he tells people, "I have a rich wife." Damn right. I work hard on my writing, editing, PR jobs, my blog, and every project that comes my way. Kung mukhang pera ang pagiging excited ko to finally cash my checks then, fine. But I deserve those checks. I earned all my money and I love it. I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't want that power that comes from earning an honest income!

Vince said that he finds it so disrespectful that people assume we're living on some fictional inherited money just because writers and editors like us could not possibly live the way we do (but we live so simply?!). It's disrespectful to him and disrespectful to me. We have our life because we worked damn hard for it. 

This isn't a new issue. I talked about this in an old blog post 9 years ago:

"But people don't see beyond my nice life. They don't see that I spent 1999 to 2009 working my ass off, working 24 hours sometimes, eating very little or skipping meals altogether, skipping doctor check-ups and maintenance meds for my asthma and endometriosis, carefully using and cleaning clothes and shoes so they will last longer, scraping together every peso and enduring the glare of bank tellers while I count out coins I saved up to deposit to my bank account, and delaying marriage and kids because I wanted to have a better life first."

I'm still working my ass off, by the way. Three mouths to feed ain't cheap. But just because I make it look easy doesn't mean I'm not working hard. I've had jobs I hated and you better believe I was miserable and I looked it. Things are different now. Because I love my work, I love working, and I love that my husband supports my career, I guess it does look like this is all a piece of cake. It isn't, but I'm happy anyway. And no one has any right to take this joy away by putting me down every chance she gets.  

I deserve everything I have. Every tiny bit. Every single thing I worked hard for—piso per fucking word. 

So I still love you, dear cousin, but this is good-bye.


  1. I don't know where these backhand compliments are coming from. I like your blog because I can easily relate with you! You're so down to earth and not pretentious at all! When you blog about work, or family or kids (or anything), it's so real! I don't even comment at other people's pages because I'm too shy (haha) but with you I'm comfortable to because I feel like we're friends na! Hahaha, baka feeling close ako, but that's how good you are with connecting to your readers.

    I think she's inggit. Inggit because you're happy and maybe for her, happiness is money. That's sad, and no1 needs that kind of negative energy. Good to you for saying good-bye to her. Family is love but sometimes they're the ones who pull you down too.

    1. Yes. Family is so strange. Let's pray we don't ever do that to our kids. I would hate to be the one to pull my kids down. My parents did that, too. I know naman for them it's not that they didn't believe in me. It's more on they were scared for me because of my ambition so they tried to hold me back. I hope I won't also let my fears make me pull back my kids from what they want in life.

  2. I read that comment about the bike before it was deleted, and I didn't know there were other comments pa! I agree with everything you said, no one has the right to make us feel guilty about things we enjoy because we worked hard for them. Continue keeping your head up, Frances! :)

    1. Grabe marami pang iba. Like when I shared my atsarang talong recipe, when I said favorite ko sardinas na may calamansi, basta ang daming comments! Delete ako nang delete. Finally, unfriend and block =D

  3. Replies
    1. Thanks! I did! I felt a little low for maybe 2 days. Then I just decided to not tolerate her BS. =)

  4. Piso per fucking word sounds perfect!

    1. Thanks! It's a terrible rate but it's paid for all that I have so I'm proud of myself =)


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