TOPAZ HORIZON

Unboxing post! I only do this on Instagram (and not even often) but the Best Ever Joy press box called to me because it said it will help me lead a zero-worries life. Considering that my life has been a little crazy recently, I felt compelled to finally open the big yellow box and see the secret to a life free from worry!


So Joy, the trusted dishwashing liquid, recently introduced its new Best Ever Joy. I'm sure you're aware of this because of the dancing moms and Michael V ads everywhere!

Anyway, this latest formula is the biggest innovation in 10 years. It has the new powerful ingredient HOD, an amphiphilic polymer that locks in grease better and prevents it from attaching again to dishes when rinsing plates, sponge, sink and hands. So now when you wash dishes, you literally have "zero sebo"*  because the new Best Ever Joy breaks grease faster and more efficiently, keeps grease suspended in the wash solution, and rinses off more quickly. And because Pinoys like suds, they created the Best Ever Joy to have longer-lasting suds, preventing the need for more product on the sponge. Mas powerful na, mas nakakatipid ka pa!

Six bog bottles yes!!!

So paano naging #ZeroWorries ang life kapag zero-sebo sa kusina? I know. Medyo far-fetched but Joy believes that Filipino parents are always worrying about the quality and quantity of time we spend with our kids. And if we're just stuck sa kusina, washing dishes, what a waste of time!

Actually, when I talked to Pinoy mommies, hindi nila concern ang time sa kusina kasi majority of Pinoy households have kasambahays. Parang ako lang ang kilala ko na walang kaambahay! So at least sa bahay namin, issue siya. Husband ko ang taga-hugas ng pinggan (ako ang nagluluto kasi) and sobrang happy siya when he saw the Best Ever Joy box hehe

May P21 savings pa!

Anyway, if most Pinoy parents don't worry about dishwashing time, sama-sama naman tayo sa pag-worry about germs and if malinis ang baunan ng mga bata.

With the new Best Ever Joy, all those worries can be washed away! Moms and dads are assured of "zero sebo" — even though they used less product and spent less time washing, the plates are still completely clean of grease and germs. That means #ZeroWorries over time, energy, cleanliness, and budget. Moms and dads can focus on living the Best Ever Life because of the new Best Ever Joy! Hooray!

May hand-painted plato and sponge pa!

But let me share with you my powerful secret in beating worries: GOD!

Totoo yan! I am the worst worrier in the world. Hindi naman ako ganito dati. Naging ganito lang ako nung naging nanay ako. My worries manifest as a horrible itch sa legs ko (gross, I know), so if you look at my legs now, puros peklat. I tried meditation, exercise, breathing exercises, journaling, etc. Nothing! What helped was going back to God's Word.

There are many verses in the Bible telling us to not be afraid and to not worry at all. God is in control! He is Sovereign! No matter what happens, "we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28). Everything is going to be okay, mamas!

Matthew 6:25-34 says, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

"Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God cloths the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?

It's the last hour of April 30 and I'm holding my breath, just hoping walang pasabog pang hahabol because let me tell you: April was a really interesting month. Nag-earthquake pa! Here's a recap:

Piero getting an x-ray for his arm

(1) Papa got sick and then he died. Witnessing his deterioration was a horror I don't ever want to go through again. I'm grateful I went through only a few days of it, compared to my younger sister who was Papa's constant caregiver. She is working through her emotions and I am sure they are deeper than mine because caring for someone heroically and yet they died anyway is a despair I was spared from, and for that I am relieved. Of course, that relief makes me feel guilty.

(2) Those terrible two weeks were filled with us siblings working out hurts and misunderstandings with Papa and with each other. All the while fighting through fear and worry, too! And yet we were also enveloped by love, kindness and generosity from family, friends and neighbors, even complete strangers. Ibang level ang emotions. I don't think I've processed everything yet.

(3) My bunso Piero fractured his arm when he was playing with his brothers and cousins. That was definitely an ordeal kasi sumabay siya sa lamay ni Papa.

(4) Of course I couldn't go to the office while all of the above was happening but I worked when I could. Still, there was a lot I couldn't do so when I finally went back to the office after Holy Week, I was (and still am) swamped with work. I am truly drowning and I don't know what to do.

(5) I lost my wallet. You know the last time I lost my wallet? Right after my mother died. And now it's happened again!

I think I may look okay outside but inside I'm a mess. I don't feel it but my actions show it. I'm distracted. I'm tired. I'm sleepy. I'm not aware of things. I forget things. I misplace things. I lose things. And my anxiety is threatening to come back and overwhelm me. I can feel it simmering just under my smiles.

So I'm supposed to catch up on work and blogging and chores, but I just had to pause. I had to take stock of my mental and emotional health. And, nope, things may look okay but I'm not okay. Accepting that made me feel better. I always focus on what's wrong first. I think that's always the first step to getting better, right? Sobrang uso ngayon ang "Positivity! Good vibes! Happy thoughts only!" I think that's actually contributing to a lot of mental breakdowns because we're not allowed to feel ugly.

I don't think I'll be okay for a while. And yet I also realized as I worked through my emotions that I am also very happy. I'm happy I am alive and healthy, that my husband and I are still together and happy, that we have three wonderful and healthy boys, that I have a job and my bosses are good to me, that I have family and friends who love us. I'm happy I have faith in a Sovereign God because I may not be in an emotionally great place and yet I also am. Did that even make sense?!

A few days ago, when I was realizing my simultaneous joy and grief, I posted these on Instagram:


I was really happy about how I wasn't sinking into despair because of God's promise! But then I started getting a lot of messages about my posts. Many were happy I've "quickly recovered" and "moved on" and how inspiring I am because I "don't feel sad anymore."

Guys, I am sad. I am very sad. I think there is also anger in me and lots of guilt. There is shock and horror. There are emotions I feel but haven't truly confronted yet because I'm scared. I see myself standing in a hurricane and everything is whirling around me and I can't breathe and I'm afraid because I don't know how long this will last. Yet I am also not afraid because I'm not standing alone. I am shielded from the storm. I can see and hear the wildness around me and it is very scary, but I'm also safe. Wild, right?!

There is a verse in the Bible that I always turn to when I'm afraid. I always say I'm brave, right? Courage is my middle name! But I'm always afraid, mamas. Always always always. Especially when I became a mommy. And when fear is overtaking me, I hide in God's promise of protection.

Exodus 33: 21-22 says, "Then the Lord said, 'There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by.'"

It's so visual for me! When there is a storm, when there are enemies, when there are monsters out there or in my head, God will hide me in a cleft in the rock and cover me with His hand. The cleft is a dark and not comfortable place. Plus, the storm is still out there, the enemies are still hunting me down, or the monsters are still threatening me but I am safely hidden while God works His miracles. I just need to wait safely. And I have to be hidden because God's glory can be too much!


So I'm not okay but I'm also okay. Right now, I am so not okay that I have to hide away. I don't know when I'll get better. Some days are great. Some days I cry. But every day I am grateful I have a family to welcome me home when things get too much. I'm especially grateful I have placed my trust in a God who thinks it's totally all right to hide in His love when the world gets too crazy like my world's been crazy this April.

It's nearly midnight! Leaving April now with this old and beloved hymn I sang as a child and comforts my sad yet joyful heart now. I hope it comforts you, too!

A wonderful Savior is Jesus my Lord,
A wonderful Savior to me;
He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock,
Where rivers of pleasure I see.
He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock
That shadows a dry, thirsty land;
He hideth my life in the depths of His love,
And covers me there with His hand,
And covers me there with His hand.

This is my favorite time of the year in Manila. On Holy Week, the streets are empty and quiet. The sky is free from smog and is a piercing blue. Well, except this Holy Week. I think it's the first ever Holy Week that's cloudy and rainy!

This rainy holiday reminded me of our trip to Tagaytay a few months back. I only told you about it on my Instagram but never got to share the truly fun photos from our really wet weekend. But no rain can dampen the spirits of my boys. Nope!

They ran and played under the rain, in the mud, in the puddles, chasing ducks and geese, then screaming when the big birds started chasing them.

It was raining hard when they fed the birds.

But they refused to go under the umbrella with me.

They enjoyed this so much and I enjoyed just watching them!

Watching the boys and the birds chase each other was fun too! Although I went closer... just in case!

When they did stay inside, they played and drew and chased each other and hugged and tickled each other. Many days they annoy each other to tears, but just as many days they spend on being absolutely the best boys a mother could ever ask for.

Posing for Papa's camera!

Then ignoring everyone as they get to work on their chalk art.

Piero's obsessed with sharks.

Iñigo's obsessed with Piero!

Happiness!

I liked this vacation. We should go on holiday again. I miss the days when Vince and I worked from home and only when we liked and we could just up and leave whenever we wanted to. Of course, those days were when we didn't have such huge expenses (a.k.a. tuition haha).

We usually stay in the city during Holy Week because we LOVE the empty city but the kids want to go hiking and camping. Do you have any suggestions for kid-friendly places like that? I'd like the boys to go on an adventure again!

P.S. Vito's not in the photos because he's already avoiding being photographed. And that's okay. I always ask the boys if I can take their photos and share on social media. And when they give their consent, that's the only time I share!