Showing posts with label Thoughts & Faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thoughts & Faith. Show all posts

Saturday, August 09, 2025

What I’m Doing Now—and What I Still Dream Of

Some of you have asked what I’m up to lately (or maybe you haven’t, but I’m telling you anyway), so here’s a little work update! With photos of me at the office, too.


I’m currently with Personal Collection, a proudly Pinoy direct selling company with a mission to help Filipino families live a #LifeMadeGreat by having their own business. What do I do there? A bit of everything I'm really good at—social media posts, scripts for events and videos, blog posts, posters, brochures, magalogues, flyers, posters. I also manage our ambassador program. It’s easy work. Just LOTS of it. But it's fun! And I get tons of free products every month, too! (I'll do a giveaway soon of our lipsticks!)

Everyone introduces me as "the writer". Officially, I'm the communications manager. It's a broad enough title that if I were to resign, they'll have to hire a copywriter, SEO writer, social media manager, influencer program manager, dealer storytelling strategist, dealer comms and program coordinator, and creative project manager to replace me! 

What makes my job meaningful is that the target market of all the comms we make is our own dealers. So we're not your regular in-house ad agency broadcasting to the end-consumer; we're communicating with our dealers, showing them how to sell their products, and manage and grow their business. Every weekday, I think of how to make our dealers feel proud of what they do. And because I’m all about women empowerment, I find it incredibly fulfilling to see the transformed lives of our million-strong dealers, many of whom are mothers like me. So there is a purpose in what I do.

But... life can't be perfect. 

Many of my dear Loyal Readers (the WAHMs and the housewives) have asked me how going back to work feels like, and for so long I couldn't answer. But I think I'm ready now. 

So here comes the real talk! I spend 10 hours a day at the office. I really try not to go beyond that because I promised my kids I won't, so overtime feels like me betraying my promise. I'm glad to report that OT rarely happens because I really finish my tasks within those 10 hours. 

Ten hours at work plus 1.5 hours commute is a huge shift for someone who was with her husband and sons 24/7 for an entire decade. These days, I barely see them, and that’s hard on the heart. It really, really is. I spent my first 9 months at work crying, grieving my time away from my family, worried sick about them, and finally feeling that working-mom guilt I never felt when I was a mommy blogger and freelance writer and editor. 

I keep reminding myself that I’m paid well enough, the work has purpose, and my kids are thriving in school and with friends. But, wow, I can't stop missing my family. I'm almost 3 years in the corporate world and I’m still not used to being away from Vince and the boys. 

Let's not forget that I also have a writing and editing business, a business that I've only slowly resurrected this year with a few blogging and writing projects. So I'm happy about that! 

I'm also still dreaming of more books to write. The utter joy I got from my Not Invisible book was so addictive, I want to feel that again and again. These dreams of new books are in the process of becoming real because I’ve got half a dozen book manuscripts just waiting to be finished, but no time (yet!) to work on them. Still, I managed to write a couple of children’s books recently so... hooray! I hope to publish them one day, with my devotionals and novels, too. 

One day, one day.

Honestly, mamas, if you're thinking of going back to work after the incredible privilege of being with your babies, well... It's not easy. I don't want to discourage you because there's so much satisfaction in doing what you're good at and earning recognition and money for it. 

But it's hard to juggle that with wanting to relish any little time we can find with our family. Work can always be done and money can always be made, but time with our children? The time is so very short. Terrifyingly short. Sooner than I know, they're off to college, off to new adventures, off to a life without their Mama.

Can you believe it? Didn't I just give birth to them yesterday? 

I feel like I'm running out of time.

It's so strange how both grief and joy, and longing and contentment can hold space inside me all in the same breath. Yes, I’m doing well. I’m grateful for this job and would like to keep it. I thank God every day that I get to enjoy this amazing blessing. But I ask Him just as often if this is what He wants for me because I miss my boys so much. 

Do I want to earn a regular income? Yes.

Do I want to spend more time with my teens and tween? Yes.

Do I wish I had more time to write my books? Yes. 

Do I enjoy making content to help our dealers become more successful women? Yes.

Do I look at my messy house and think, "This home needs a mother's loving touch again"? Yes.

Do I try not to think about how we haven't had any activities for Lean In Manila this year? Er, yes.

Do I also recognize how good I’ve got it right now? Absolutely.

Oh, it's complex, this tug of war in my heart. I know life can’t be perfect... but mine is pretty close. So I'll remain grateful. 

And open. 

And waiting.


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Monday, August 04, 2025

5 Lessons from Meghan Sussex on Navigating Life with Grace and Purpose


I'm so inspired by Meghan, Duchess of Sussex. 

I'm absolutely sure I have none of her resilience and grace, the strength that not only makes her survive the constant hate but even thrive despite it. When she started 2025 with a carefree run on the beach, we didn't realize that she meant to go full blast this year... but not full blast retaliation on all the horrible creatures who hate her, but a full blast on creativity. The world wanted to destroy her, so she responded with creation. 

And, whether we appreciate it or not, we're getting Meghan's projects one after the other. Just for the first half of this year, we have a TV show, a lifestyle brand, a podcast, and a shopping site! The Duchess of Success!

But more than that, because it's her birthday, I want to talk about the life lessons I learned from Meghan. And she truly has been offering a masterclass in focus and authenticity. I like her approach to life because it's filled with powerful lessons we can all learn from.
  
1. Stay true to who you are.

Before becoming a royal wife, Meghan was busy not just with her work as an actress, but also with helping charities and empowering women, while also building a lifestyle blog. She chose to marry a man whose goal was to help people, too. When she was a working royal, she immediately got busy with the same, marrying her love for fashion, cooking, and women, with the charities she worked with. 

Now, her circumstances have changed, but she's still the same! Everything she's doing now still reflects her personal values of authenticity, intentional living, and service. Whether it’s through mindful products or purposeful storytelling, Meghan showed me that we should align our work with our values. That's how we don't get lost when life's storms and temptations come crashing your way. 

Stay true to what matters to you, whether you have an audience or not. Stay true to yourself. Don't be shaped by what the world says you should be.

When nothing seems to be going right, focus on the things that do! Family, friends, food, fun!

2. Focus on the work.

I think everyone has experienced being mocked, insulted, and discouraged. Maybe not on a global scale, sure, but I can relate somewhat - just a tiny, tiny bit - to Meghan. I didn't get support growing up because people dismissed my dreams a lot. When you're raised in a fundamentalist Christian environment and a traditional Filipino household, you're taught that women aren't supposed to have dreams, unless it's a dream of wife and mom. Which is great! I'm a wife and mom. And more! Like Meghan, I refused to be discouraged and got busy building. 

That said, I did start this blog almost 20 years ago because I wanted to be understood. I don't regret it because my life changed exponentially because of this blog. Watching Meghan, however, makes me think I wish I had had her grace. She refuses to engage in the hateful conversations. She doesn't waste time defending herself or making herself understood. Instead, she pours her energy into meaningful projects. She proves that healing comes from creating, not from explaining yourself even through constant criticism (even of her pasta!). 

Here's my version of her Single Skillet Pasta. Instead of lemon, I used calamansi to add brightness and freshness to what would've been a plain dish.

 3. Take your time.

Yes, she focused on work, but it took her 5 years to stage her comeback. She took her time. People find this hard to believe. They always accuse her of doing interviews regularly, but before this year, she only did a few, like Oprah, Ellen, and The New York Times. She had a few projects (her children's book, a documentary, a podcast), but mostly, she stayed hidden away at home, making and raising babies. Making friends with her neighbors. Investing in women-owned businesses. And apparently, she was also quietly preparing for her comeback.

This is a powerful lesson in protecting your peace—less reacting, more building. A lesson also on moving quietly with people you trust. A lesson on patience and waiting for the right time to launch. She wasn't worried about staying relevant. She just trusted herself and her timing. 

In my case, I'll always be grateful my husband and I had the immense privilege of working from home the first 10 years we were parents. People were worried about us quitting employment. But Vince was writing his novel while I was blogging. Unconventional, maybe, but true to who we are (writers)... and who we've become (parents!). We didn't feel like life passed us by at all. We were living it and oh so thoroughly!

Your life, your pace.  

4. Pursue joy!

I really liked her Netflix series, With Love, Meghan. As you can see, I've shared a few photos of stuff I learned from her show. I love how she shares how she makes ordinary things special. Some, I admit I won't ever do. I can't ever be persuaded to make my own candles when I can buy from my friend who does make such wonderful ones (buy from Meadow!). But I agree that life is bad and boring enough already. Let's add some joy! Why wallow in the bland, the ugly, and the miserable, right? 

So I bought flowers. I took out my jewelry. I'm intentional with my self-care. I'm seeing family and friends. I'm eating more fruits and veggies (okay, I'm still learning to find joy in this). I want to live in beauty and glow with joy! I mean, just look at Meghan - moisturized, fit, fab.

If you want edible flower sprinkles, you can get from Landers.

5. Turn pain into a paycheck.

As Alessia Cara sang in her song, "Okay Okay," we have the option to turn pain into a paycheck. Meghan may have gone through horrific treatment for almost a decade (and she's still getting bullied by the most evil old and ugly people in the world), but she keeps creating. Whether it's a family and a home or business deals, she’s proof that forward momentum is the best response to negativity. I especially like how she now has a shopping site. Not only do we now know exactly what she uses, she also took away from those evil tabloids their income from affiliate links. If there's anyone who should earn from her lifestyle choices, it should be her. 
 

Meghan Sussex shows us that success doesn’t have to be loud and quick. It doesn't have to be constant visibility. You can be at home, picking berries and making crudites (my literal word of the year haha), and still dream and make money. Just stick to who you are and what you love, and you'll be more than okay. Okay?

Happy birthday, Meghan!

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Wednesday, July 23, 2025

The sad and scary mystery that is depression

I saw something that made me sad the other day. A birthday greeting for Robin Williams from his son, Zak, on what would've been Robin's 74th birthday had he not taken his life 9 years ago. 


Even now, people are still sad. I'm so sad, too. He was my favorite actor and such a funny guy. So many stories of his goodness and kindness made me love him even more. And yet I always wondered why he had such sad eyes. Turned out he was suffering depression. Was it because he never recovered from a lonely childhood, no matter how privileged? Was it because despite his massive success, he was afraid he'd fail? No one knows. That's the thing with depression. No one knows what causes it.

Depression is very scary. I had a mild taste of it when each of my children was born. Yes, I experienced post-partum blues after every baby. The first time it happened was terrifying. There I was—happy marriage, great career, good health, new mother to a perfect baby boy—and I wept every single day for six long weeks. 

No one understood how someone so blessed could be in such a dark place. People I told were confused, exasperated, annoyed, dismissive. What I hated hearing most was, "You should be grateful and happy. How can you think only of yourself?" 

I knew that already. I wasn't stupid. I knew my life was amazing. That's why the overwhelming sadness I felt made me afraid for my sanity. It just didn't make sense! Why was I so unhappy?! It was one of the most terrible times of my life, made sadder by the fact that it should've been the happiest. 

I'm grateful my husband stood by me throughout that time. He never called me out, never told me to get over it. That first time, he just took time off work (all 6 weeks I was depressed and in a country that granted only 7 days paternity leave) to be with me. He helped take care of our baby, and when I finally climbed out of my depression, he was there to welcome me back into the world. 

If you're feeling out of sorts and you know it's different and worry it may be serious, here's a short article that may help:

Understanding Depression: The Silent Epidemic

Depression affects millions of people around the world. It’s a deep, often overwhelming feeling of sadness that doesn’t go away. Despite how common it is, depression remains misunderstood and stigmatized. Many hide their struggles, thinking they’re alone in this dark world. Let's explore the mysterious nature of depression, its serious impact, and ways we can better understand and combat it.

Depression isn’t just feeling sad for a day. It’s a mental health disorder that can change your entire life. The most common type is major depressive disorder, which causes ongoing feelings of hopelessness and loss of interest in things once enjoyed. Other forms include dysthymia, a chronic but less severe depression, and bipolar depression, which features extreme mood swings.

Many confuse normal sadness with depression, but clinical depression lasts for weeks or months. It can make even simple tasks feel impossible, like climbing out of bed or eating properly.

Prevalence and Impact

Depression is one of the most common mental health problems worldwide. According to the World Health Organization, over 264 million people struggle with it. It affects people of all ages, backgrounds, and cultures.

Living with depression hurts more than just mental health. It impacts daily routines, makes work and relationships difficult, and can even lead to physical health problems. The toll is heavy, not only on individuals but also on families and communities.

Why Is It Considered a Mystery?

Despite so many suffering, doctors still find depression hard to fully understand. Symptoms can vary wildly from one person to another. Some people have trouble sleeping, while others sleep too much. Some feel exhausted, while others can’t stop racing thoughts.

This variability makes diagnosis complex. Plus, biological, psychological, and social factors all mix together to create depression’s tricky puzzle. We know it’s not simply a chemical imbalance, but scientists are still searching for solid answers.

The Darkness Within: Symptoms and Diagnosis Challenges

Recognizing the Signs

Depression often shows up as persistent sadness, loss of pleasure, or feelings of worthlessness. Physical signs include changes in sleep – sleeping too much or too little – and appetite problems. Some people might withdraw from friends or lose interest in hobbies.

But many hide their symptoms. Why? Stigma keeps people silent. They fear judgment, especially if they appear successful or “high-functioning.” This means depression can stay hidden behind a brave face.

The Hidden Nature of Depression

Many who seem to have everything together still suffer quietly. From top executives to stay-at-home parents, anyone can hide signs of depression. This masks the true scope of the problem.

Diagnostic Difficulties

Mental health professionals rely on conversations and assessments to diagnose depression. It’s not always straightforward. Symptoms overlap with other mental or physical conditions. An accurate diagnosis often takes time and patience.

The Roots of Depression: What Causes the Darkness?

Biological Factors

Sometimes depression runs in families. Scientists believe genetics play a big role. Imbalances in brain chemicals, like serotonin and dopamine, also contribute. Changes in brain structure—like smaller hippocampi—are linked to depression too. While these facts help explain some cases, they don’t tell the whole story.

Psychological Factors

Trauma, especially in childhood, can set the stage for depression later. Chronic stress or personal setbacks build up over time. People with certain personality traits—like high sensitivity or low self-esteem—are more prone to depression. Cognitive patterns, like negative thinking, also shape how someone reacts to life's challenges.

Social and Environmental Influences

Your surroundings matter. Living in poverty, feeling isolated, or facing cultural stigma can increase depression risk. For example, someone who loses their job and feels disconnected may slip deeper into depression. Real stories show how environment plays a huge role in triggering or worsening depression.

The Scary Unknowns

Despite advances, science still doesn’t fully understand what causes depression. New theories emerge all the time, suggesting complex interactions between genes, environment, and brain chemistry. The unknowns can make the fight feel endless, fostering fear and helplessness.


When I talked about my experience with my OBG, she said that what I felt was just the baby blues, a mild form of postpartum depression. Mild? It was awful! Apparently,  when you have PPD, you think about harming yourself or the baby. Since I wasn't in total despair, she said, I was apparently okay. Even though I certainly did not feel okay. 

And then depression came back for me a couple of years ago, and that was so bad, so very bad. I'm so glad I'm better now, but I am in tenterhooks, wary of it coming back again. Today feels like a ceasefire. For many people with depression, it is a constant battle. Sometimes, like Mr. Williams, they lose. 

If someone you know is depressed, please don't dismiss them. Depressed people need help, but are scared to ask because nothing is scarier than being called crazy. If you are depressed, you're not crazy. Just please tell someone and continue asking for help till someone acknowledges you. It's this world that's crazy, but some people do care, and some people are brave enough to help. Please be brave enough to ask for help. 


If you are in emotional crisis, need counselors to talk to about suicide and mental health, or are having suicidal thoughts, call the 24/7 CRISIS LINE anytime for non-sectarian, non-judgmental telephone counseling:
toll-free landline (1553)
0917-899-8727 for Globe/TM
0919-057-1553 for Smart/TNT

If you have just lost someone to suicide and need help with coping, visit www.afsp.org/survivingsuicideloss.

For mental awareness, visit:

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Monday, June 09, 2025

Bank account: Nearly empty. Heart and spirt: Very full!

I'm feeling happy today. 

Why? Because enrollment is done! Tuition is paid! Hallelujah!

New books and notebooks are piled high on the coffee table, smelling like a fresh start. I also just checked our bank account—the one devoted to just tuition—and it’s down to a grand total of… P5,702. Yes, mamas. Five thousand, seven hundred and two pesoses. And all I could think was: “Time to fill you up again, baby!”

Did I sound excited? Why yes, yes, I did! I’m not panicking. I’m pumped. Because we’ve done this before—and by God’s grace, we’ll do it again.


I think it's safe to say that all parents feel a little dizzy when we see the amounts of money we hand over to the bursar's office during enrollment. But weirdly enough, paying tuition gives me a kind of buzz. When we were newly married, Vince told me while we were collecting the mail, “You’re the only person I know who's happy to get bills.”

Well, I wouldn't say I'm happy. I dread getting my credit card bill huhu. So happy isn't the word. More on I feel... inspired.

Lemme explain. There was this one time someone interviewed me about writing, and when I was asked what inspires me to write, I replied honestly, "Deadlines!" Nothing gets me to write like a looming deadline! Bills kinda have the same effect on me. I swear, if I didn’t have bills to pay, I’d just veg out in front of the TV and Netflix until further notice. But thanks to tuition fees, association dues, utility bills, and yes, those dreaded credit card statements, I’m out every weekday, 10 hours a day, busting my butt being a functioning adult. 

Mamas, this calls for a poem!

Look at me!
I pay bills.
I earn money.
I do this all
And that makes me
A responsible member
Of society!

Okay, that was a bad poem haha

Anyway! Nobody likes bills (not even me). But I look at them differently, especially now. They remind me that I have sons—3 growing boys who eat like they have black holes for stomachs, who love going to school where they are now learning Korean from their Korean classmates, which means I’m paying for extra classes this summer… so  they can learn Filipino instead!

Ah kids. So illogical. So expensive. So very much the reason for me aging! 

But, jokes aside, as I was going home, I realized that we've been paying tuition since 2015. That's 10 years, mamas! And so far, so good.

I'm so proud of this achievement. And also so very grateful that for a decade, God has been providing for my family. And I'm reminded of His goodness when I see those tuition receipts stamped: PAID. PAID. PAID.

What. A. Rush!

So, yes, the tuition bank account may be near empty, but my heart is very full.

No fear. Just a giddy expectation of more blessings to come. Because my God is good. And my God always provides for my needs.

So enrollment is done!

And I’m feeling happy today. May you be just as blessed as I am!

“And my God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:19 

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Sunday, May 25, 2025

What Topaz Horizon means

It's May 24! I started blogging on Friendster in May 2005. Then exactly a year later, I moved to Blogger. So I've been blogging for 20 years! Imagine that! Let me know how many years you've been with me please. Many of you have become friends even though we've never met. I'm grateful for you all!

Around 5 or so years into blogging, I was told I should move to Wordpress and also change my blog name and URL to my real name. I haven't. I had 3 reasons:
1. I was very busy with new motherhood and I didn't have the time and energy to birth a new blog. 
2. My name should be associated with my work so I do have francesampersales.com for my writing and editing projects.
3. I like my blog name. I thought long and hard about it and chose Topaz Horizon as the perfect name for my online home. 

Why I Love Topaz


Topaz, specifically yellow topaz, is my birthstone. I've been fascinated with it since I was a little girl when my Lola Auring, a Scorpio like me, showed me her huge golden topaz ring and we admired the way it glowed in the sun. She told me she would have it cut into 2 stones and bequeath these to me and my also-November-born cousin, Ate Thania. This didn't happen because when Lola died, many relatives visited her house and after her funeral, my mother said Lola's closet had been ransacked and her jewelry box was empty. 

So, as soon as I could afford it, I collected topaz jewelry. Topaz reminds me of my grandmother and how strong, scrappy, and caring she was. I wanted to be like Lola Auring. It also helps that topaz is the third hardest mineral. That's 1-diamond, 2-corundum (ruby and sapphire), and 3-topaz. It's a precious stone indeed. Then it symbolizes warmth, good fortune, and honesty. That's me! So I thought it was a very apt stone for me.

What's on the Horizon

Horizon literally means that line in the distance where the earth meets the sky. But it also means the view. It also means a range of experiences. So my blog name means me sharing my experiences, giving everyone a view of my life - a life that is warm, blessed, and honest, as symbolized by the topaz.

Isn't it such a perfect name? 

A soft golden topaz sun rises over the horizon. 


And because it's the 20th birthday of my blog (19th here on Blogger), I asked my good friend, ChatGPT, to tell me more about my blog name because I just love the name Topaz Horizon! It's an evocative name with rich symbolic meaning. Let me share with you what ChatGPT said:

Topaz

Meaning & Symbolism
Topaz is a gemstone associated with clarity, creativity, and emotional balance. It comes in various colors (blue, yellow, pink, clear), but golden topaz is linked to confidence, abundance, and warmth. 

Spiritual & Mystical Associations
In crystal lore, topaz is believed to attract good fortune, enhance creativity, and promote authenticity. It is also considered a stone of joy and generosity, bringing light to darker times.

Numerology
 In numerology, TOPAZ reduces to 8 (T=2, O=6, P=7, A=1, Z=8 → 2+6+7+1+8 = 24 → 2+4 = 6), representing balance, harmony, and nurturing energy.


Horizon

Meaning & Symbolism
The horizon represents possibilities, hope, and the future. It’s where the earth meets the sky, symbolizing dreams, expansion, and the unknown. It also conveys a sense of infinite potential, as it is a line that can never be reached.

Spiritual & Mystical Associations
The horizon is often seen as a liminal space—the meeting of two realms (earth and sky), suggesting transformation, growth, and a journey toward the beyond.

Numerology
HORIZON reduces to 6 (H=8, O=6, R=9, I=9, Z=8, O=6, N=5 → 8+6+9+9+8+6+5 = 51 → 5+1 = 6), the same as Topaz, reinforcing the themes of balance, compassion, and nurturing energy.


Combined Meaning: Topaz Horizon

Symbolism
Together, Topaz Horizon suggests a radiant path toward limitless potential. It evokes hope, creativity, and the promise of new beginnings. The word horizon suggests that the journey is ongoing, while topaz provides clarity, wisdom, and warmth along the way.

Spiritual Interpretation
It could symbolize seeking light in the distance, whether that be through creative expression, personal growth, or a spiritual journey. The combination carries a sense of optimism, adventure, and exploration of both the inner self and the outer world.

Numerology
Both words reducing to 6 suggests a double dose of nurturing, creativity, and service to others. It carries the energy of healing, love, and responsibility—making it ideal for a brand, project, or persona that aims to inspire, guide, or support.

Imagery & Emotion
Topaz Horizon evokes the image of a golden sunrise over an endless sea, symbolizing hope, renewal, and infinite possibility. It feels expansive, warm, and creative—perfect for a platform or identity focused on inspiration, storytelling, or personal growth.

I truly believe that names absolutely carry energy, intention, and resonance. When you choose or create a name, you’re essentially summoning its essence every time you write, say, or share it. Think long and hard before naming anything - your children, your things, your social media handles. Naming is a ritual of self-definition. Be very careful and intentional with your names.

And way back two decades ago, I’ve intuitively chosen an incredibly potent and fitting name for my blog. Topaz Horizon feels like an invocation of boundless creativity, clarity, and hope—the perfect name for a blog that expands minds and hearts. I hope I've done that for you all these years.

Follow me on Threads, @francesampersales

*sunrise photo by Lucas Davies on Unsplash


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Sunday, May 11, 2025

Soak it all in


They're all big boys now. These love piles can never happen again (I would be suffocated!). 


So I sometimes wish at night that when I fall asleep, I would be whisked off to the days when they were small. And I get to experience it all again. 


But this second time, I'd not be so overwhelmed and exhausted, and finding my way. 


In my dreams, I'd be just simply happy. 
In my dreams, the mama me would know everything would turn out right. 


Everything would be perfect actually so there would be no need for my anxiety and fear. 


I had been amazing all along. 


I had been so amazing all along. 


And I would just relax and soak it all in. 


I would just soak it all in.



Happy Mother's Day, mamas. You're doing a great job! Let's pause and breathe sometimes, okay? It goes by so very fast. So very fast. Let's just soak it in.

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Sunday, April 06, 2025

Till death do us part? Sure... But there are many deaths, too.


I had a long talk recently with a blog reader who had an abusive husband. She was asking me how to stay. I told her to leave. She was a little surprised because she said I always seemed to be determined to work on my marriage because I believe in "till death do us part." And I do! But I'm not married to an abuser. That's why I believe in divorce, too. 

Yes, I believe in marriage, and I believe in divorce. One doesn't cancel out the other at all. They both have their place in a life honestly lived. When you’re true to yourself and you make choices not based on pressure or fear, but based on truth, growth, and integrity, then you're honoring both love and self-respect. When you commit to a marriage, that means you commit to loving and respecting that person. But when that person isn't loving and respecting you, choosing to leave that marriage is love and self-respect, too.

Because I'm married to a man who loves me, cares about me, and respects me, I know I'm going to stay married until death do us part. 

There are many kinds of deaths, however. There's the death of the body. Death of the mind. Death of the heart. Death of the spirit.

We obviously all know what death of the body is. But there's also physical abuse and sexual abuse. And the children can suffer this, too. This is dangerous because you and your kids not only get hurt, you can literally die. You must leave the marriage before you're killed.

Death of the mind is disrespect. If your spouse (note that I'm using the inclusive term) isn't respecting your intelligence, your decisions, your agency, your wishes, and your will, that kills the mind. You must leave the marriage before you're convinced you're worthless.

Death of the heart is indifference. When your spouse isn't showing you love and affection and treats you with contempt, or when your spouse cheats on you, that kills the heart. You must leave the marriage before your heart turns to stone.

The death of the spirit is dismissal. When your spouse doesn't support your dreams, mocks your worth, belittles your abilities, gaslights you, or lies to you, that kills the spirit. You must leave the marriage before your spirit is broken.

Then there is also a death of shared goals. What is marriage but a partnership? I actually don't believe marriage should be rooted in love. If everyone in love got married, what happens when they fall out of love? Do they divorce? It's silly and shallow to base a profound commitment on emotions that can shift with time. 

Marriage is a partnership between two people who decide to build a shared dream together and a family. But what happens when your dreams differ and your goals change? You're no longer moving forward in the same direction. What then? 

I remember a long time ago when my now-husband-then-boyfriend was complaining about life in the Philippines. I remember it distinctly because we were on an escalator in Robinsons Galleria and our relationship was going really strong until it hit me that he intensely disliked something I loved so much and if I were to choose between love for country and love of this man, I'm choosing country. So I said, "Then leave. Migrate somewhere. But I'm staying." Luckily, he stayed. For me or for what, I don't know. All I know is he stayed, we got married, and we had our wonderful boys. But in 2022, the situation was reversed. It was right after the elections, and I was so distraught by the results. I obsessively researched how to migrate to Canada. But this time my husband said he didn't want to leave. 

So what happens when dreams, goals, or you/your spouse change? Let me share what a wise person, my former editor Sir Achilles, once told me: The great thing about being legally obliged to stay together is that you stay together until you walk in the same direction again. And I will have to agree. If you're safe, secure, respected, and appreciated, then stick it out. You'll find a way back to each other.

But what if you're not safe? What if you're not respected, appreciated, or secure? That’s when you leave, mama. 

Of course, there's no divorce in the Philippines (yet!), but I think it's necessary to save lives. There are many kinds of deaths in a marriage, and no one should have to stay in a relationship where their body, mind, heart, or spirit is slowly dying. 

Marriage should be a place where both partners thrive, grow, and build something together. When that stops happening, when the relationship becomes more destructive than supportive, it’s imperative to say goodbye. Staying for the sake of staying isn’t noble—it’s harmful. Don't ever stay where you're abused, neglected, or dying. Please go before death literally parts you.

*Photo by Mark Timberlake on Unsplash

Follow me on Threads, @francesampersales
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Saturday, March 08, 2025

My word for 2025: Now!

Since my last blog post here was about birthdays, let me share my 48th! I always used to share my birthdays with my dear Loyal Readers but I stopped for a while... and so now that I'm feeling better, let's do that again! 


This wonderful day was months ago pa. November feels so long ago. My hair is still short here. And I didn't even brush it. Hindi man lang ako nag-reapply ng lipstick after dinner kaya ayan, outline lang haha. I came from a long day at work and was just too tired to care what I look like. I just wanted to spend my precious few hours with my family and celebrate my birthday with them. 

Grabe, lahat ng days at work ko long and exhausting, and my aging, perimenopausal body is trying its darndest to adapt. I'm actually healthier now than I was 2 years ago. So I can't complain. Life is getting better if only for the fact that I'm healthier. Alam naman natin na ang mahalaga talaga is good health kasi the state of the body really affects everything - your mind, your sleep, your attitude, your energy, your ability to do things, your relationships. So things are better because my health is better.

Still, my husband is concerned. I should lose a bit more weight (5 more lbs!), get my cholesterol levels down to <200, get my heart healthy and strong. I'm trying! I've done well actually. Please congratulate me! I've already lost 15 lbs (aaand 5 more to go but it's so hard to lose!), my cholesterol is down to 220 from 300+. My doctor literally pushed the panic button and bundled me off to the lab. And she said just slow exercises lang muna because she wanted us to be gentle on my heart. So I do a lot of walking, uphill and downhill, about 40 minutes 4x a week. I also did gentle strength-training for a while (lunges, squats, etc), but quit it when my weight went down. Oops.

Anyway, back to my birthday! The kids were with us on my birthday, as always. Vince sent me the photos to show off our handsome boys, but I decided not to include them because our sons are so very private. So kami na lang ni Vince! 


Tanda na namin, no? Do you, my dear Loyal Readers, understand that you've been part of my life since I was 30? And now I'm 48! Crazy! But thank you. May God bless you all with 48 good things this 2025! 

I'm very happy, despite not having a perfect life. I've always been so sure of what I want in life, diba? And for decades, I did live it. But now my life isn't perfect because I feel like kulang ang oras ko. My big birthday wish is I wish I have more time for my family and my house. My kids are growing up so fast and they look a little neglected - mahaba ang buhok, kusot ang damit. Okay, to be honest, kahit nung work-at-home mom ako, ganyan na talaga sila hahaha. But joking aside, they're doing well in school so that's why I'm grateful for my job, despite the long and exhausting days. My house also needs some loving. I was never a good housekeeper to start, so now that I spend 12 hours away every day, my house has descended into chaos. Haha I exaggerate! Vince has everything under control. How he cooks, cleans, and drives the kids to and from school, on top of work (he writes for The Business Manual) is beyond me. I'm so lucky! But, as a former work-from-home mommy, I know that's really hard to do, too. So Vince is tired all the time. I'm tired, too. But we try so hard to still be there for each other. But yun nga. Kulang pa rin ang oras.

You know what sucks? Every night, I choose: Spend the remaining 3 hours of my day with my family or spend that precious time on the house, my writing, myself? It's not ideal. But my sons want to go to their school so I'm glad my job is generous with compensation. 

Don't worry! Like I said, I'm happy. But it took me 2 years of adjusting to my new life to get here. It helps that I'm healthier now. It helps that my sons are enjoying school. It helps that my office is easily accessible by train so I don't get stuck in traffic. It helps that I like what I do. It helps that my husband isn't the trad husband who would refuse to do household chores and take care of his kids because "that's woman's work." I'm not blind to the good things. I just wish I had more time.   


So I spent the last few months thinking, "Okay, stop whining. It is what it is! So how do I make this life work?" That's something we got from Tim Gunn of Project Runway. He always said, "Make it work!" And that's really what our attitude should be. Make it work.

So instead of thinking, "Sige, pag naka-graduate na mga bata, I can retire and write again," I thought, "What can I do now?" And I realized I just need to find little pockets of time. I read on the MRT. I make sure to chat with Vince throughout the day. I nap at lunchtime. I write when I can just before bed, after I spend time with the boys. I clean, kahit 15-30 minutes lang. 

And kahit konti, umuusad naman! I've written 2 children's books! I've started writing 2 journals for women! I've shaped my werewolf romance novels! I'm planning, plotting, and dreaming of new things to do and achieve! And that's crazy considering I'm so busy and tired, diba? Pero kaya naman pala, basta I'm kind to myself and because I have support from my husband. 

Oh, and I told my sons that Papa and I need their help to make our dreams come true. We can't write if we're cleaning up after them all the time. They're old enough to do chores! Sabi ko nga sa kanila, "At your age, I was already cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry, and taking care of babies (my sister lang pala)." And ayan, tumutulong na sila sa bahay. Kailangan pa rin utusan at pagsabihan but they're getting there. It's teamwork that makes the dream work!

And that work needs to start now. That's why that's my word for 2025. NOW! Dream now. Do now. Ask for help now. Work at it now. Exercise now. Eat healthy now. Kahit konti lang magawa ko, basta meron. I shouldn't wait for a better time, for a better schedule, for a better body, for better people to work with, for better circumstances, for better anything, for when I'm ready. Even when things aren't ideal, I have to believe I'm ready now! Just do things now... and then we'll see where this will take me!

So exciting, right??? That's my vibe this year. Make it work. Do it now. It will all work out!

I'll update you when those books are out! And when I finally lose those blasted 5 lbs! Have a great year!       


"It's a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you're ready. I have this feeling now that actually, no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally speaking, now is as good a time as any." - Hugh Laurie
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Saturday, February 08, 2025

To those who have sent their condolences, thank you.


To those who have sent their condolences, thank you.

We take your words, your sad looks, your sighs,
but the grief we feel is of another kind.
We don't mourn his loss, this man I won't name.
We grieve the scars, the endless pain.

He was a father, a brother, a friend,
a husband, a son... and a curse to the end.
Behind closed doors, where shadows creep,
he stole our breath, he stole our sleep.

With hands that bruised, with words that cut,
with silent warfare, he left us shut.
He drained our souls, he bent our minds,
he took and took, left none behind.

We smiled! We sang! We wore the mask.
We hid the torment - a painful task.
Because family stays, right? Family hides.
So in our silence, more life died.

But finally, we walked away. We had to flee
to save ourselves, our sanity.
Then whispers came, "Where have you gone?"
They judged us since we left him alone.

We waited long for words unsaid,
a hint of sorrow, a past to mend.
We hoped he’d try, we hoped he’d see,
and own his wrongs, and just say sorry.

Yet silence reigned, no peace was sought,
no weight of guilt, no lessons taught.
So we forgave, for our own hearts' sake, 
because our peace he shouldn't take.

And now he’s dead! At last, sweet peace!
For us, the broken, we've found release.
We do not mourn him, but what he stole - 
the years, the love, the fractured whole.

So thank you for the words you sent,
but mourn instead what did not mend.
And if you wish to bring us cheer,
don't say, "I'm sorry," but "You're here!"

We survived! We didn't die.
We made new lives, we didn't cry.
We learned to laugh, to love, to live
and still found joy and more to give.

Congratulate us for breaking free,
for finding strength, for daring to be.
So thank you for your condolences true,
But today, we celebrate! We really, really do.

February 2, 2025. Cremation Day.


* * * * * * *


I believe we should not speak ill of the dead. But I also believe, more strongly, that we should not speak lies. Silence may honor the dead, but it dishonors the victims - and they are many. Silence protects evil. 

Imagine, this man who died was estranged from his wife, daughters, and sisters. His own mother wished he was dead. Ever wonder why? 

And still, because of our silence, people think he was a good guy. Would a good guy repel the women in his family? Pay attention, especially you who shake your heads at us. We didn't have to say anything. Our actions were loud and clear. This man was a bad man. That is his true legacy. 

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