TOPAZ HORIZON

Yesterday was our 17th wedding anniversary. It was also our 25th first kiss anniversary. Vince cooked 3 slabs of steak. medium rare, which is how we like it. I would've made mashed potatoes and roasted some vegetables but I had had a long day at work and so we and our three boys just ate the juicy steaks, had ice cream after, then plopped in front of the TV and had chips and chocolate-covered raisins while we watched 3 Body Problem.

And that's how we celebrated our anniversary. I think we're still planning to go out this weekend. So if you see us out and about (which we do so rarely!), please yell, "Happy anniversary, Vince and Frances!" 

One thing I enjoy every year is when Facebook Memories reminds me of the stuff I posted years prior on this special day. So lemme share with you all of them!

2007

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Xīnnián kuàilè! Kung hei fat choi! Gong xi fa cai! Happy New Year to all my Chinese readers! In the photo is me and my kids at Binondo, the oldest existing Chinatown in the world. That was yesterday, when Mommy Ginger and I and our families took the Pasig River Ferry and got off at Escolta to go exploring old Manila.

The predictions also say, however, that it's not going to be a good year for Dragons. Oh, what irony haha The advice is to keep a low profile and don't spend money (oops, there goes my book!). Also, health won't be good. I'm already taking steps to take care of that since last year, my body was going crazy and so this year I just want to prioritize my mental and physical health.

Last year, I didn't feel too well. I was down and unhealthy and didn't feel positive about anything at all. There was this massive cloud of doubt, anxiety, and despair all over me. I promise to blog about it and I'll do so this week. I'm just glad that that's over.

This year, actually, around December last year, I felt that terrible cloud dissipating and then finally disappear. So I feel really good about 2024. I'm excited and happy again. For me, the new year actually starts on February, or whenever Chinese NewYear starts. It's true! January always feels like an extension of the previous year - I'm still paying bills for stuff I spent during the holidays, I'm still cleaning up last year's mess, and this January, I had to do something I've not done in a decade - I had to do an evaluation of my performance as an employee. So January 2024 was still all about 2023.

So today, a new year has officially begun not just for the Chinese community but for me! And despite all those negative predictions, I'll just do what I usually do. Live one day at a time! I think this year is already better because I'm not depressed anymore. I don't need to make any career changes or succeed or get rich or whatever. As long as I'm not struggling with that awful cloud anymore and my health is okay, I'll be okay.

After all, there's horoscopes and astrologers and fortunetellers. But I have God to see me through. And that's more than enough for me! It will be a good year, a happy year. And you'll be with me so it's already off to a good start!

Happy New Year, everybody! Praying for blessings of health and love and purpose for all of us!

Our first family photo in quarantine

As I was hanging the laundry to dry with my youngest son helping me, he said out of the blue, "Mama, I liked quarantine." 

We both agreed we didn't like the reason for it, but staying safe at home with the people we most love in the world was the best time. It was a magical time when it was just the five of us. When we were all at home. 

I'm going to just fill this blog post with photos from 2020-2022. They're not related to what I'll blog about, though. My journalism training says the photos should always support the text. But today we'll disobey. I just want to share pictures of those years when we were all together and write about the year we went off to do our separate things.

When we were all together. This will never happen again. Have you realized that, too?

My boys have all gone back to school. I've gone back to the office. This is why 2023 was so exciting and so excruciatingly heartbreaking for me. So many massive changes as we all returned to a world I wasn't quite ready to go back to. If I had my way, I want us all to stay home again. 

I could actually. I was earning well, just not regularly - when you're a freelancer, it's so hard to collect! But that was okay because homeschooling made education so affordable. It also made me realize that I am an awesome teacher. There really was no need for them to go to a brick-and-mortar school. 

But in 2023, I had to go back to work. I may want us to stay home forever, but my kids were oh so ready to get out of it. They wanted to see new places, meet new people, learn new points of view, and make friends. And they wanted this every day. They wanted to go to school. And tuition is so expensive so off I went back to earning a regular salary.

It's not so bad. It's actually a good thing! I'm very grateful, make no mistake. I love that my kids are healthy and happy. They have new friends. They're doing so well in school. I love that we can give them a good life. 

But I also loved it when it was just us. It was so simple and sweet. We were all safe and sound. I got to know my husband and sons thoroughly because that's what happens when you're together all the time. 

Now, we're all running around. Busy busy busy. We're all so tired. I feel like I'm losing them. I feel like I'm losing me. So I have to work harder to make sure we don't become strangers. And that's so exhausting, too, you know?

It's okay. It's inevitable. 

Besides, it wasn't meant to happen, those nearly 3 years indoors. But it did and we came out of it okay. I was so scared all those years because of the pandemic but I was also so happy. So very happy. I was with my most favorite people in the world. What more could a mama want?

They had to learn how to dress up again because it was finally time to go outside.

As I was very busy with my day job, all the holiday prep, and parties - these on top of all my usual chores and daily tasks, I totally forgot to put up my Christmas tree. Loyal Readers know I always have the tree up on my November birthday. This year, December 20 arrived and the house was not at all Christmasy. And my kids finally noticed.

"Mama, when are we putting up the tree?"

"Soon..."

"Mama, I took out the boxes of Christmas stuff so you can start putting up the tree."

"Thank you. Tomorrow, I'll do it."

"Mama, we need the tree for all these gifts."

"Yes, we do but I'm too tired."

And finally...

"Mama, can we do the tree today?"

"YES!"

And so they did. 

And they busied about happily, making lots of noise and mess, chatting about everything and nothing, and I glanced up from my laptop (this time, I was checking emails from their teachers), just to quickly check on how my baby boys were doing.

My eyes went to where I expected them to be - near the bottom of the tree, with chubby hands trying to grasp slippery glass balls, fascinated with glitter on tiny fingers, and their eyes alight with wonder, their toothy grins wide with excitement.

Instead, I had to look up, my old, weary eyes sliding up higher, higher to watch my boys now nearly as tall as the ridiculous pink tree my then-new husband gave me as a first-married-Christmas gift. And our boys were now surrounding it, hanging the little trinkets they made from Christmases past, no longer needing our help to lift them up so they could place a sparkling star on the very top.

They can do it on their own.

And I burst into tears. And my boys looked at me in surprise. And I blubbered out some silly melancholy sentimental nostalgia and they looked at each other awkwardly like teens and tweens do. And I cried harder and they started chuckling and they patted me on the shoulder. 

There, there. It's okay, Mama.

Does the heart ever recover from this dizzying mix of joy and sadness, pride and longing? No? Never. And this will be my Christmases forever.    

Photo dump! Today's blog post will be a catch-up because my last time here was April 30. That was almost 2 months ago. This has got to be the longest I've been away from you all. I missed you! 

The last 2 months were packed to the brim - no, it was overflowing! - with sooo many things happening, I could barely breathe. Here are a few:

Mother's Day!

Iñigo's birthday! More pics in another post soon.

Vito's spiritual retreat was his first ever time spent away from us. I had dreadful separation anxiety. But I'm so glad he had a good time and he was a lovely boy, being all appreciative of his family.

Vito's graduation!

He won 2 awards, too!

I'm so thrilled!

With my two big boys

And here's my husband with our littlest boy.

At the sea wall. The kids haven't seen the sea in forever so I found it amusing how amazed they were.

Piero joined a chess club.

The kids also visited the dentist and all's good!

Dessert date with the boys!

Vince had a book signing at the Philippine Book Festival and his book was sold out!

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