TOPAZ HORIZON

It's not news to say that this year is a really bad year for the world. The COVID-19 pandemic has caused millions of people to lose their businesses, their jobs, and worst of all, their loved ones. I didn't earn much this year. And since next year looks like it will be like this year, I'm thinking of closing down my sole proprietorship and just registering with the BIR as a professional.
“But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”

It's the -ber months and y'all know what that means. It's Christmas! Well, technically, we still have a slew of holidays like Halloween, All Soul's Day, my birthday (hehe), Thanksgiving (if you do that), Black Friday sale (haha) before Christmas. But we Filipinos have started putting up the Christmas tree so it's officially the holidays! Today's guest post is all about a tough issue many Pinoy families go through - when parents are separated, where do the children spend their holidays?

A few weeks ago, my eldest boy turned 10 years old. As with the quarantine birthdays of our kids this year, it was a simple affair. But this 10th birthday was a quieter party than the parties of his younger brothers. He just wanted to eat his simple chocolate cake, open his gifts, and then play video games all day. And that was his birthday. 

I thought, it being a double-digit birthday and therefore a milestone, that he'd ask for more. But he wouldn't even allow me to buy him a special cake. "Just the usual, Mama," he insisted. He's been like this since he was 7, asking for experiences rather than things. And when he does ask for things, they're not much. His Papa is the one who would buy more than what our eldest boy asks for. His Papa is always extra excited to shower gifts on his sons. And it's extra fun to give gifts to our first boy because he gets surprised at all the extra boxes he gets. 

But I gotta say I was a wee bit disappointed that we had a quiet celebration. Later on, I realized maybe I also wanted to celebrate me. It's not just my not-so-little boy who turned 10 years old. I'm celebrating a decade of being a mom, too. And you know how people throw over-the-top parties when their kids turn a year old and some people are like, "Gee, it's not like the baby will remember this party..."? Well, I know from all my over-the-top mommy friends that the party isn't for the baby really. It's for the mommy and daddy.

In a purple folder in my closet are all the letters Mama ever wrote me. A daughter only appreciates the words of her mother when she becomes a mother herself. I loved Mama's letters before but when I became a mommy, I always have to wipe away my tears because I read her words and my mama heart knows why she wrote them.  

Today, I want to share with you her prayer for me and my siblings when it comes to our life's work. This was very important to her. Mama was a working woman. She never wanted to get married or have kids. She just always wanted to work because work made her happy. 

I'm like her. But I don't want to end up like her - worked to the bone yet buried in debt, gave her all to her family yet we never fully appreciated her. 

I'm always assessing my life as a result. I don't mind not having the job of my dreams because I already had it, twice: a magazine editor in chief and a columnist (I think of my blog as one, although I did have a newspaper column before and I now have my Project Vanity column, too). 

I've shifted my mindset, just late last year actually. My new thinking is this: My real job right now is to be mommy. And everything I do that makes me money makes that important job possible. It's helped a lot in changing my attitude towards my children and all the projects I accept. I don't expect happiness to come with the job, because happiness is not the purpose of motherhood. My purpose is to raise my children to be good people, who will be independent and will find their own purpose in life and make a difference in the world - be that world big or small. But I do find joy (that's different from happiness!) in my work because I am working towards a purpose. 

I've also changed my mind towards my work. Before I'd be snobbish. Now, as long as it's legit and honest, it pays the bills, and won't compromise my real job (mommy!), I'll do it. Because I won't be a good mommy if my kids are hungry and if I'm not using the talents and skills God gave me. I still need to work because I am also more than mommy and I shouldn't neglect that huge part of me.

So! Let's go back to Mama's prayer. I'll transcribe it here:

Lord, 

Let their talents never be wasted, watered down by mediocrity, or used to glorify anything or anyone other than You, Lord. I pray that You would reveal to them what their life work is to be and help them excel in it. Bless the work of their hands and may they be able to earn a good living doing the work they love and do best. Your Word says that "A man's gift makes room for him and brings him before great men." (Proverbs 18:16). May whatever they do find favor with others and be well received and respected. But most of all, I pray that the gifts and talents You placed in them be released to find fullest expression in glorifying You. 

Amen. 

Wasn't that beautiful? I pray it over my children because that is now the cry of my heart. Bless my boys, O Lord. Bless us all. Amen.

Guess what? It's MY day today! And every parent who's teaching their kid this crazy year! And of course the day of real teachers everywhere. Dearest teachers, I think I'm doing a great job as Teacher Mama but I certainly know now I'd rather not do this haha You guys are the best!

We need to raise teachers' salaries everywhere. (Wait. I'm not even getting a salary.) Good heavens, what an insane occupation this is. But I'm going to claim this day as MY day. And I'm going to celebrate with a Cledor coffee ice cream bar. 

Okay, so in last week's report, I said we new homeschoolers are having tons of fun. Well, that was last week haha. We're still having fun, but now that we're done with the settling in, we're actually buckling down to studying the lessons. We've had a few tears ("Mama, why is this so hard to do now?") and there were two days when the kids asked that we skip the school day. So I said yes because I was tired, too.

Homeschoolers always say that the best thing about homeschooling is the flexibility. Me, I'm a woman who likes following a schedule down to the minute so all this flexibility going on is stressing me out haha. My eldest boy is like me so he gets annoyed when his brothers want to extend certain subjects because they want to keep discussing. So I have had to stop him from ringing the school bell a little too hard when he wants the little boys to hurry up.

I was the only one who followed the lesson.

But we're trying, we're trying. I'm opening my mind to this new system. I do feel like I'm second-guessing myself all the time. For example, for Art, we joined Kuya Robert's art class on diversity. He showed us how to paint with watercolors. The subject was making friends with different kinds of people - no matter what color, gender orientation, ability or disability, and beliefs. Well, my kids wanted to do something else. One boy didn't like watercolors and he took out his colored pencils. Another boy wanted a party because he wanted a reason for the friends to be together. Meanwhile, another boy wanted to do his own thing and abandoned Kuya Robert's class altogether (Blue is our pet rabbit).

I let them do their own thing because homeschooling is all about being flexible, interest-led, play up their individuality, etc etc. And the results were nice anyway and most importantly, they had so much fun. BUT... How about following instructions? What about learning something new instead of letting them insist on what they're used to?

So I don't have the answers haha. We'll figure this out. This meandering about our lessons - you know this "So what do we want to learn today?" - has resulted in many serious discussions where every little boy was absorbed and fascinated. Those wide, shining eyes and animated conversations are hard to beat. I've found myself talking about life more than academics, and while part of me knows the lessons I'm sharing won't ever appear in their tests in a few weeks, my heart is happy I can impart wisdom, not just knowledge.

I guess what matters now is they're liking school a lot, in this crazy time no less. That's a win in my book. But, yes, next week, we'll really start hitting the books.

I know there's a big box of Maya Pancake Mix in the photos. It's only there because my youngest boy likes reading packaging while he eats. So while that's the only brand we do buy, this isn't going to be a pancake post. It's going to be better. It's going to be about the man who cooks pancakes in our house. And I happen to be married to him.

I have finally found time for self-care. Like, doing my own LED facials!

I'm cooking every day, trying new recipes!

Little boy with big leaps in the art department!

I know many people don't like the cup they're in. So I feel guilty that I'm happy. The only thing now that makes me unhappy is the certainty that not everyone feels the same. The world is changing in many scary ways. I'm still scared, too. So I'm extra grateful I have this little piece of heaven, made all the more precious because we don't know how long it will last.

This story was a finalist in the ComCo Southeast Asia’s “Write to Ignite Blogging Project”. The initiative is a response to the need of our times, as every story comes a long way during this period of crisis. Igniting and championing the human spirit, “Write to Ignite Blog Project” aims to pull and collate powerful stories from the Philippine blogging communities to inspire the nation to rise and move forward amidst the difficult situation. This project is made possible by ComCo Southeast Asia, co-presented by Eastern Communications and sponsored by Electrolux, Jobstreet and Teleperformance. 

My biggest surprise this year—well, aside from the fact that the whole world stopped because of the novel coronavirus—is I finally started exercising and eating better. The pandemic had a huge hand in it, of course. After decades of health and fitness resolutions that I never get to keep, there's nothing like the very real threat of death that finally pushed me to sweat it out.

I need that pink bag!

Even though I follow @jlo on Instagram, it's only now that I saw her videos for the Coach Spring 2020 campaign called "Originals Go Their Own Way". At 50 years old, Jennifer Lopez is having a really good year (good for her) that kicked off with her jaw-dropping performance at the Super Bowl, nominations for her role in Hustler, and her numerous brand endorsements. And yet, as her famous song goes, she's still Jenny from the block and her every interview just shows a woman who is warm and funny and real. Which is exactly what I want to always be!

I know you all have noticed that I'm not really sharing personal stories and photos anymore. Ironic since I blogged last year that I'm ready to blog again. You know what happened? My kids discovered my blog.


Yep. And while I don't mind spilling my guts to you all, I found that I was uncomfortable with the thought of my kids reading how I feel about motherhood. Because you know too-honest me—I just don't enjoy motherhood 24/7. I don't even think I'm a great mama 24/7. Who is???

But that's the whole thing about motherhood for the last few millennia. We mothers kept quiet. We just say, "Oh it's the most wonderful thing, a woman's peak accomplishment, the only thing worth living for!" We basically never talk about how hard it is, how it wrecks your body and your sanity, how punishing it is. We just grin and bear it.

Well, I don't. Not because I hate motherhood. I love it. I love it so much actually, it's so corny. But I can love it if I can be honest about it. There's something so incredibly liberating and there's so much tension and worry released when I can say, "This is hard and I want to scream and just curl up and sleep for 10 years!" Then after I say that, I feel better and I can be a better mama. Anyone else feels the same way???

Anyway, well, my kids discovered ze blog and now it's weird. I dunno what to do.


Well, I will still blog. I'll definitely still blog! I just don't know what I'm going to blog about. Maybe I'll just do reviews now—Frances Finds stuff for your home! Frances Food! Frances Fun! Frances Faves!  It's all going to be beauty, fashion, food, travel and more! That sounds safe, right. Also I must admit, it's more guaranteed to get more search results than my usual weepy confessions. What do you think???

It's so exhausting how my blog keeps evolving. But at the same time, it's kinda nice, seeing how I evolve, or how my circumstances change. I used to be so chill and full of myself, like, I was the coolest mom in the world because I got everything under control—my weight, my hair, my nails, my schedule, my kids. Coolest mama evah! Ya, I said that all the time.

But now I'm a mess haha I'm happier now actually, even though I'm never on top of things. Weird. I feel like every day now is SURVIVAL! And yet, because I'm just letting go a lot, I'm more relaxed. What will be will be. And I also depend on God a lot now. "Lord God, You love my boys more than I do. You love me more than I love myself. So I cast all my cares on You and You just do everything through me. Amen!" And you bet I can breathe after that!


Anyway, it's kinda nice (and kinda not nice haha) that my kids know I'm so in love with them. And that their Mama is just human and has struggles even with such a gift as them, and that I am—more and more—learning to trust God with this whole motherhood thing. I hope that they see that no matter how hard it was for me, especially when they were young, we more than survived and thrived, we had a great time. These last 10 years were the most challenging but also the most amazing years of my life. And it's because of them, my three boys. I hope they read that!

*My prayer claims God's promise in I Peter 5:7: "Cast all your cares upon Him for He cares for you." I love the play on words in that verse, how the meaning of "cares" is "worries" or "anxiety" and then the meaning becomes "to look after, to feel concern, to love" in the second part of the verse. 

PRESS RELEASE - The bond between mother and child is unique and lasting, starting from pregnancy and influencing life well into adulthood. A mom is often the child’s first friend, playmate, and teacher.

Always a pleasure seeing my sons draw! They draw every single day!

My kids and I don't do sports. What I do is just chase them around and let them run, run, run!

In our family, it's my husband who takes care of bath time. He's more fun kasi!

When I do bath duties, I give my feet a good scrubbing while Piero pours water over them!

I woke up today yelling this: "Holy shit!"

Sounds like a bad day but it wasn't haha I just forgot to set my alarm clock last night because it's a Saturday today and I always sleep in on weekends. But today was a busy day! One of my boys had a math competition at 8am (I woke up at 7 hence the panic!), then we had to pick up tons of toys from my sister-in-law who moved to Canada, then I had a parent-teacher conference at 11, and all of that on top of the neverending chores!

Just a typical day in my chaotic life! Now before you all go, "Oh, how cute. She's trying to be authentic," haha that's not the point of my kwento today. I was just thinking while I was doing the laundry that kahit na parang sobrang nakakapagod ng life ko, for me and for my husband, it is so perfect.

Well, sana mas marami kaming pera! And sana we had a cleaner house. And sana I can sleep 8 hours every night. And sana someone else cooked and cleaned. And sana Vince and I had more time for sex hahaha But seriously, hindi man the dictionary definition of perfection, it's really a wonderful life as is. And I want to declare that here because I complain a lot about my life. Vince even said last year that if people were to judge what I keep posting on Facebook, parang hindi ako masaya because I keep saying, "I'M SO TIRED!!!"

Well, I'm tired talaga but it's a good tired, you know? Yung kahit puyat ako, alam ko naman masarap ang baon ng mga anak ko. Yung kahit hindi ako nakalaan ng oras for self-care, alam ko naman na ready ang mga anak ko sa mga tests nila. Yung kahit I wanted sana to nap, okay lang kasi malinis at mabango ang labada ko. Gets???

And I know I could have all the stuff I mentioned and also get to nap and spend time for myself if I have a kasambahay but we decided na ayaw na namin ng mga issues na dala ng may ibang tao sa bahay. It's okay. Our exhaustion is the price we pay for having precious privacy and letting our kids learn how to be independent. Some people don't want that price and that's okay, too.

Which made me think about what we have to do to have the life we want. Yes, yun talaga ang point ng post na ito and sorry sa mahabang intro haha.

Mommying in the time of Instagram. If it looks too good to be true, just remember: It took a lot to make it look that good!

Yesterday, I was chatting with a mommy and she was upset because a relative told her she has to be more hands-on with her baby. I replied that her cousin is just reacting to all her posts on Facebook: She's at the gym, out shopping, lunching with friends, on a late dinner date with her husband. Parang wala nga naman siyang anak! And the mommy replied that she was going through really bad post-partum depression (don't worry, she agreed that I can share this). So she was just following her doctors' orders—get a lot of exercise, get out of the house, don't be alone with the baby, be around people. And to us who are just looking on, we don't see the whole situation. We see maybe na wow ang saya naman ng nanay na ito, nasa gym at mall palagi! But we don't see the deep reasons why she has to do all those "shallow" things. She wasn't saying the real reason because no one understands PPD anyway and she'll just get flack if she shares her situation.

So parang baliktad kami. On social media, I'm always like, "I'm so tired!" but I'm actually really happy. And siya naman, she seems like, "My life is so carefree!" when in truth, she's going through a very serious problem. And we ended our chat with her saying, "I'd rather people think I'm this shallow person than put myself and my baby in harm's way by ignoring my depression."

So that's the price she's willing to pay.

We all imagine someone else is living a better life than we are. Oh wow, she's so sexy. Oh wow, she doesn't look losyang. Oh wow, she has so many businesses. Oh wow, her kids are in so many enrichment classes. What we don't see is the hours she has to spend at the gym and the calories she counts. We don't see the hours and money she spends at the salon and the spa. We don't see the stress of managing businesses and people. We don't see that she has no time for herself anymore because she's the one shuttling her kids to this class and that sport and that activity.

The perfect life we imagine varies. I don't envy gorgeous and sexy mommies because I know what it takes for them to look that amazing and I'm just not willing to spend my time at the gym and deprive myself of rice! I don't envy mommies who travel a lot either because my family and I love chilling at home lang. Kakapagod umalis ng bahay potek. Gagastos ka pa! Stay home and read na lang. We've traveled farther than anyone who's jumped on a plane! We've gone inside the earth, the bottom of the sea, to space, and other worlds and dimensions!

You know whose lives look so amazing to me? Moms who have businesses kasi yun talaga ang gusto ko. I have my own writing business naman and it's thriving, but I'm aware I can earn more if I devote more time to it. But ayaw talaga namin ng kasambahay so eto ako, biding my time. I also want to start more businesses but yun nga, walang time pa talaga so when I see other mompreneurs, I get envious—but also inspired! But because I have many mompreneur friends, even though they look so amazing on social media, they tell me it's kind of hellish also.

So there. May perfect life ba? Wala. But we pursue what we want and sacrifices are made. Are we willing to give up so much to have the life we want? Of course! Are we willing to give up so much to have the life others have? Not so much. So when we see perfect lives, let's remember they have to go through a lot of shit to get there. Me, I seem to have this penchant of just showing the bad parts of my life but it's pretty perfect to me. I think I mentioned somewhere here before that I have this secret fear that if the Universe sniffs out how wonderful my life is, baka may bawiin kasi life has to be unfair.

Well, life is unfair. Even the amazing lives we see come with a price. All of us are willing to pay it as long as we get the perfect dream life. Our own version of perfect, of course, so when we see what others are doing to look great or do what they do or go where they go, let's just appreciate what we see kasi marami silang pinagdaanan or sinakripisyo para makuha yan (kahit ba hindi natin type yung ginawa nila or yung buhay nila haha). Ika nga ng isang napaka-wise na Pinoy saying, "Walang basagan ng trip!"

What we see online isn't the whole story. And while I would really really REALLY want everyone to just talk about how hard life is so that we can all fully appreciate what it takes for dreams to come true, I also know that many of us aren't comfortable with the ugly, the raw, the pain. So when people show their curated life, let's not say it's fake. Let's just be happy that what they show the world is their version of perfect!