TOPAZ HORIZON

As some of you may know, I was raised by strict Roman Catholic grandparents and zealous Baptist parents (more like mother actually). So I like praying a lot and I do enjoy reading my Bible except when I come across verses that shatter my marrow and pierce my heart. Like this one:

"For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away." 2 Timothy 3:2-5.

Oh, that sounds like a description of me. Well, not all of it (I'm a very grateful person, and loving and generous, a believer of the good in man, and extremely loyal and faithful), but there's enough there to make me bristle.

Of all the faults, the one that stabs me most is the "truce breakers". I made a vow once to God--I wouldn't have a boyfriend for two years--which I broke eight months in. I know it sounds so silly and it does seem like a stupid promise made by an empty-headed girl; but I was young and heartbroken and in my distress, I dropped down on my knees and offered the next two years of my life in God's exclusive service. I was okay in the beginning but love--my one weakness--found me once more and I succumbed.

My broken vow still plagues me to this day because of these verses:

"When you make a vow to the Lord your God, you shall not delay to pay it, for it would be sin in you, and the Lord your God will surely require it of you." Deuteronomy 23:21

"It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay." Ecclesiastes 5:5

I'm a good promise-keeper but that one I couldn't keep, and I ask God to forgive me. All the time. I know God forgives but sometimes I wonder if in His forgiveness, He spares you from the consequences. I don't really think so.

That's one of the reasons I delayed marriage actually. Marriage is one huge promise made with your spouse, before society and government, and to God Himself. Because in my mind I hadn't kept a simple vow a few years ago, I was afraid that I may not be able to keep my marriage vows, and I was tormented by this fear. I wonder if that was God's punishment for me. I hope it was because Vince and I suffered enough over my indecision. But if that wasn't God's requirement, then I shudder in my skin fearing what it is.

Instead I am here at home, having just had lunch, and musing about my life.

My husband has gone to work of course, at the usual hour of 8:30 AM. Because Vince is used to waking up at 10, going to work these days is utter hell for him. I usually go to work with him, too, but today, after making him brewed coffee and buttered bread topped with mango-vanilla jam then kissing him at the door, I decided to stay in bed. So I had the whole house to myself, had lunch all by myself. And I loved it.

When you're married and when you're in the media, alone time is very very rare. It is so unusual that when it suddenly springs upon you, you are taken aback and drown for a few moments in the silence. If you like yourself, you welcome that quiet. If you don't like your own company, you immediately pick up the phone. Thankfully, I love myself very much.

Peace comes with loving yourself.

Pilates is hard. Nanginginig ang laman ko after each session.

But I will finish this. I will get fit. I will get rid of my bulging tummy. I will be disciplined. I will be strong.

Oh, when will it be "I am"?

Oh, what a laugh I had with these adorable bunnies!




Rabbit and dogs at play. You have to watch it especially at 01:14! That's a very trusting rabbit when it lies down readily like that.


Now these are specially trained rabbits, but notice how the third rabbit has her own way of doing things at 02:11. Kinda reminds me of me!

Ah, this is why I have rabbits for pets! If I only had the patience to actually follow my bunnies with a videocam!

I got my free Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows last Saturday. (Thanks Powerbooks!)

Unlike the past years when the books were launched, this time I went shopping with Vince first (for a washing machine), then researched for and wrote my article for Seventeen magazine, then I dashed off to the grocers for some fresh food and then prepared dinner for my darling husband (who quietly did all the chores--mine included--without asking for my help because he knew it was Harry Potter weekend, God bless Vince!). I guess I put off reading because I didn't really want my days with Harry to end. But end they must.

Finally at 10 PM, I settled into bed and opened the very last book of Harry Potter's adventures. I did not put it down till I finished it at 6:15 AM.

Okay, I won't put any spoilers here but since I don't know anybody who's finished the book and wants to talk about it, I am going to vent my frustration at not being able to discuss it with anybody here.

I liked Deathly Hallows even though it certainly isn't the best book in the series. It lacks the rich and almost obsessive details of the other books, and the range of emotions, too. It feels very rushed towards the end (you can almost hear J.K. Rowling's brain go, "Oh dear, must meet the deadline..."). I accept how Rowling ended the story even though there are still a lot of loose ends hanging about annoyingly. But the whole series is a feat, amazing and spectacular in its scope. I am reading the first book again (yes, I am a nerd) and I am struck time and again about how she truly planned everything from the very beginning. With your knowledge of the ending, tiny telling important details now jump out at you practically in every chapter. Which makes me more excited to read the whole series again.

Ah, but I have so many books on my shelf. In the last two months, I've read The Diana Chronicles by Tina Brown, Diana: The Last Word by Simone Simmons, America's Queen: The Life of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis by Sarah Bradford, Stolen Lives by Malika Oufkir, Carrie by Stephen King, and Beowulf: A Retelling by Robert Nye. Then there's Deathly Hallows of course. I am still in the middle of Six Wives: The Queens of Henry VIII by David Starkey, Lisey's Story by Stephen King, and Once Upon A Time: Behind the Fairy Tale of Princess Grace and Prince Rainier by J.R. Taraborrelli. Oh, and I am also still going through Sorcerer's Stone again.

As you can see, I love biographies, history, royalty, fantasy, and horror! Gee, that's 11 books in eight weeks. But that's not enough. Stephen King said in his memoir On Writing that writing is a full-time job so spend four hours of each day reading and four hours writing. King, I adore you but I have a magazine to make, a husband to please, a home to keep, a family to attend, and a blog to update!

But I try. I really really try...