TOPAZ HORIZON

Belatedly discovered this very popular hole-in-the-wall place recently...


So he got this yummy bacon-covered thingamobob...

I shouldn't be overindulging because...

Yet that didn't stop me from ordering...

With this disappointment...

And we were there because...

Have a happy rainy day!

Ladies, if you're looking for some ravenous male attention then maybe you want to hold off on those quick weight loss diets because I now truly believe men like their women fleshy. Let me tell you something that's really been bothering me lately. Stay with me, okay, because I have a long wind up to my main point.

I've been skinny my entire life. I like it that way--my body's light and I can fit into anything and I can wear low-cut dresses or mini skirts without worrying about looking too sexy. I will also confess that I have never heard a wolf whistle directed at me. Ever. I know that's because I have no breasts, no hips, no booty so I look like a pre-teen or, if my hair's cut very short, I look like a boy even.

So imagine my shock these days! I walk to work and almost every day, I get a wolf whistle, a "Hi sexy!", a lewd comment now and then, and I get to even stop traffic. I'm not saying that to show off, people. I am honestly enraged!!! I am pregnant, for heaven's sake!!! Perverts abound and they give me the creeps.

Being pregnant, I've put on 20 lbs, and my body has definitely filled out. So I understand that the new curves are grabbing male attention. But I'm also sporting a huge tummy. With a child in it. I don't understand why men will find this body interesting at all. It grosses me out. I've already taken to wearing long dresses and clothes that cover me up and it still doesn't help! No matter how much you hide, I guess men just zoom in on "Oh boobies! Oh booty!" 

Truth to tell, I'm just not used to male attention. The perverted kind of male attention. I don't like it. It's scary. The only male attention I love is from my husband, who thankfully prefers skinny girls, but still looks at me differently these days, too! So, much as I appreciate my new curves, I'll be relieved when I finally give birth and lose these breasts and thighs and butt. I just don't want to be scared all the time!     

All the pregnancy books and websites say that when a woman is pregnant, she has the most vivid dreams. Now, even though I wasn't pregnant, I've always been the type who dreamed the most awesome and fantastic dreams. Now that I am pregnant, the dreams have taken on such a realistic quality that I am often awakened and disturbed, wondering if what I dreamed really did happen. So now my memories are befuddled--I don't know sometimes if something was real or not.

Recently, I dreamed that I traveled to a parallel universe. Before you say, "Well, that's definitely a dream!", science has not dismissed this hypothesis and is in fact mulled over by quantum physicists till now. I've always been fascinated with the multiverse theory and my favorite TV show, Fringe, happens to deal with the topic very well. Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy also presents parallel universes in a most spellbinding way but he didn't end that story so well. Anyway, I'm not going to discuss quantum mechanics, TV plot lines and book reviews here; instead, let's go back to my dream.

In my dream, I went to a universe where Vince was an editor for a small-town newspaper. His life was peaceful, he lived in a lovely cottage furnished with beautiful heavy wood pieces. He was very much like my Vince except that he had a girlfriend that was pregnant and he didn't know if he wanted to marry her. That isn't like my Vince at all!

Of course, when he met me, well, you can't argue with destiny--he felt like all the pieces fell into place and he wanted me to stay in his world and marry him. I became alarmed! I said, "Vince, I am already married to the other you." To which the other Vince replied, "Then it isn't wrong for us to be together because the man you married is also me." I shook my head and said, "You have a girlfriend here and you're expecting a child. I don't belong here. I don't belong to you here."


The dream ended there and when I woke up, I felt so sad for the other Vince. He seemed so lost and grasping for happiness. And I wondered, "Where was the other me? Why aren't they together? Was the other me lost and unhappy, too?" I spent the rest of the day grieving for the other Vince and the other Frances, two souls wandering about their universe, looking for each other.

Yes, it was just a dream but I couldn't shake off the feeling that, here in this world, if Vince and I hadn't found each other, if we had allowed petty fights to separate us, if we had been less responsible with our future, we could also have ended up unhappy.

And so because little decisions can unravel one's life, I will be more careful and be more grateful. We worked so hard for this happiness and it can be undone just like that! I will treasure what I have even more.