Thursday, June 17, 2010

Multiple universes

All the pregnancy books and websites say that when a woman is pregnant, she has the most vivid dreams. Now, even though I wasn't pregnant, I've always been the type who dreamed the most awesome and fantastic dreams. Now that I am pregnant, the dreams have taken on such a realistic quality that I am often awakened and disturbed, wondering if what I dreamed really did happen. So now my memories are befuddled--I don't know sometimes if something was real or not.

Recently, I dreamed that I traveled to a parallel universe. Before you say, "Well, that's definitely a dream!", science has not dismissed this hypothesis and is in fact mulled over by quantum physicists till now. I've always been fascinated with the multiverse theory and my favorite TV show, Fringe, happens to deal with the topic very well. Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy also presents parallel universes in a most spellbinding way but he didn't end that story so well. Anyway, I'm not going to discuss quantum mechanics, TV plot lines and book reviews here; instead, let's go back to my dream.

In my dream, I went to a universe where Vince was an editor for a small-town newspaper. His life was peaceful, he lived in a lovely cottage furnished with beautiful heavy wood pieces. He was very much like my Vince except that he had a girlfriend that was pregnant and he didn't know if he wanted to marry her. That isn't like my Vince at all!

Of course, when he met me, well, you can't argue with destiny--he felt like all the pieces fell into place and he wanted me to stay in his world and marry him. I became alarmed! I said, "Vince, I am already married to the other you." To which the other Vince replied, "Then it isn't wrong for us to be together because the man you married is also me." I shook my head and said, "You have a girlfriend here and you're expecting a child. I don't belong here. I don't belong to you here."

I hope that in the other universes, the other us-es are just as happy.

The dream ended there and when I woke up, I felt so sad for the other Vince. He seemed so lost and grasping for happiness. And I wondered, "Where was the other me? Why aren't they together? Was the other me lost and unhappy, too?" I spent the rest of the day grieving for the other Vince and the other Frances, two souls wandering about their universe, looking for each other.

Yes, it was just a dream but I couldn't shake off the feeling that, here in this world, if Vince and I hadn't found each other, if we had allowed petty fights to separate us, if we had been less responsible with our future, we could also have ended up unhappy.

And so because little decisions can unravel one's life, I will be more careful and be more grateful. We worked so hard for this happiness and it can be undone just like that! I will treasure what I have even more.


  1. strange dream you have there.

    and yup, it reminded me of fringe too, which i'm definitely missing now. i was so affected with the ending hehe. (you even made a comment on one of my posts hehe!)

    anyhow, i like what you said on your last paragraph; let's be more careful and grateful and treasure what we have. :)

    take care and can't wait to read your posts when you give birth. have a safe delivery!

  2. Believe it or not, I was teary eyed with this post. I am that kind of dreamer --- wakes up to cry about sad dreams and even when I realize it was a dream, I still cry for myself (in the dream) or some other person. To this day, I can still remember the saddest of the dreams (rather nightmares) I've had and the feeling is like a dull knife stuck into the heart.

    On the other hand, cheer up! I'm sure the other Frances and other Vince will find their way into each other and will have the other Jelly Bean, too :)

  3. *sigh*

    this is such a wonderful tribute to your husband and your marriage. i pray that all of us single ladies find the same kind of love that you and vince found in each other.

  4. Whoa. What an enriched, multi-faceted dream, Neighbor! That can be the basis of a short story or novel, perhaps like Griffin & Sabine but not as creepy (I did not like that book/those books by the way). How nice also the way you've written the last paragraph, so meaningful and true :)

    Meanwhile, I can so relate with the blur of dreams and reality! Every now and then I think of something and ponder whether it had happened in real life, or if I'd dreamt it :)

  5. BTW, I really like what you said in the end. It reminded me to be more careful with the people I have in my life. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom, F!

  6. Hi, Frances. Your entry reminded me of Gaiman's "Coraline".I like how you wrapped everything up. Sometimes, we need to see things from a different "universe" to appreciate what we have in the here and now. :) - Irish

  7. i agree... it sounds like a novel or a movie plot... writer ka nga talaga :)

  8. I know there's a Like button, but I just wanted to tell you that I Like this!:)

    It's funny how vivid girls' dreams can be, and how we can be so affected when we wake up. I read somewhere that guys are so baffled sometimes when their wives/girlfriends are mad at them for something they did in their dreams!

    Mariel, I love Griffin and Sabine! Haha

  9. Tisha! Haha! Baka dahil I read it quite young ( that still considered young?) so I was quite disturbed and creeped out :D Plus, I'm a sucker for happy endings!

  10. @Mariel: I know I'm supposed to like Griffin and Sabine but like you, the initial reaction I had was this spine-tingling creepy feeling! As in! I really want to feel whatever Amazon said about it, but didn't. I like it, still, in that 'dark, mysterious, creepy' way though.

  11. Thanks for sharing this post on Facebook-- this was published before I became a follower. But I'm leaving a comment because your questions in this post just led me to a train of thought.
    You wondered why Vince was unhappy in this parallel universe, and you ask how come your other Selves hadn't managed to find each other. Here's a possibility: his pregnant girlfriend could actually be You, only she/you hadn't realized it yet. Maybe it's because she needs more time to come into her own, just like how you started out as a more insecure version of yourself when you were younger. Or maybe, it will happen after she has given birth, when motherhood opens up her heart and her soul just like your did again and again when your sons were born. The good thing with this scenario is that it leaves you with a window for a happy ending, so that you don't have to be grieve for them anymore.

    Sorry for babbling. I am in a certain kind of writer's mood.

  12. I believe this! When we dream we travel to the other dimensions!

  13. Ang ganda. The other night I had a dream na si Ryan pa din boyfriend ko but there was this other guy I met. Sobrang vivid din. My last words were "I have something to ask.."

    I woke up and I forgot what I was supposed to ask. I can still remember his face.


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