TOPAZ HORIZON

This year, something very strange happened to my inbox. It became filled with letters from blog readers asking for advice. Love, career, relationship, college, life--all these serious questions! Look, there is a reason I keep this blog silly--so you won't take me seriously, y'all! But strangely you all seem to think I'm some wise old woman. Hmmm. I don't know if I'm doing something wrong or right!

Two weeks ago, I got two similar letters asking about marriage. "Dear Ate Frances, how do I know if I'm ready for marriage?" Dear kids, I don't know! My friend Kat of Kat Dy Finds offers her wise words: "If you're asking that question, then you're obviously not ready!"

But here is my explanation on why I don't know:

I'm nearly 35 years old. I've been madly in love with the same man for 12 years and have been married to him for 4. What do I know?! I'm just living life every day and learning something new each day, just like the rest of you. Marriage is hard some days, marriage is easy most days (at least, for me!). But I think that holds true for most things. But because you think I seem to have all the answers, I'll try to talk you through your woes.

Too young?
Dear L, you said you're 22 and graduating this March. Your boyfriend since 2nd year high came up with the romantic idea of marrying right after graduation. You love him intensely but you're worried you're too young and that you might meet someone else. So what are you to do?

L, I think "too young" is any age below the legal age. But a few years ago, I'd have heartily agreed with you. I know too many people who got married in their teens and early 20s and are separated now. "What were they thinking?", I always snickered. But recently, I've met wonderful people who are happily married (or living together) and they tell me they married at 19, 21, 22, 24. I know a couple, both 35,  who had an arranged marriage and they are sickeningly disgustingly all goo-goo eyes for each other since they were 14. Like I said, what do I know?

As for meeting someone else... Well, of course you'll meet someone else! Unless your husband plans to lock you up in a tower for the rest of your life, expect to meet guys who are richer, cuter, smarter, funnier, etc. Marriage certainly hasn't stopped a lot of people from falling in love with someone else. So it's up to you if you want to be true to your vows.

I've always believed that you should marry for love but that love shouldn't be the foundation of a marriage. It should be commitment. Because if it's love, well, what if one day you wake up and you don't love him anymore? Or he doesn't love you? Commitment and respect. That's what marriage is all about. If he is someone you respect and if you believe you and he are capable of a huge lifelong commitment, then what's age got to do with it?

Marriage is a hindrance to success?
Dear K, you're 27 years old and you're enjoying your career. Your boyfriend of 2 years is going to propose. You know this because you're a snoopy girl and you saw text messages between your guy and a jeweler. You're thrilled and scared because you love him madly but you're afraid marriage will end your career.

Well, K, I can totally relate. Vince asked me to marry him a month after we met and I turned him down because I was fresh out of college and haven't done anything in my life. My mistake there was I had thought Vince would be just like all the men in my family, who think women are meant for the kitchen and the bedroom. So I didn't want to get tied down. What I failed to see all those years was Vince is a wonderfully unconventional man. In fact, most of my career successes were his doing. He was my cheerleader, my guide, my mentor. He pushed me to work hard, to maneuver, to pick my battles, to win most of them, to advance up, up, up.

After Vince and I got married, my career blossomed even more. For one thing, people took me seriously. I think they think married people are more responsible so my boss gave me more responsibilities. Also, when you're married, you have a two-income household (I'm assuming you don't want to quit your job because of all your protests). With all that money, life is incredibly easy.

So what am I saying? K, if your guy is an open-minded man who isn't insecure about his woman's success, then you have nothing to worry about. It's much easier to go through life and a career with a man who believes in you, who has your back. But if he's the sort of guy who thinks little of women, believes you're only good for sex and service, and can't stand it if you're a success, well, then run away!

Love advice is hard to give because each situation is different, each intensely personal. I've learned not to give advice because if the situation doesn't end well, then I'm blamed. Girls, it's your life. Think it over and think well. It's good you're asking people what they think but in the end, it's your life and you're the only one responsible for it. So choose well! Good luck!

I've not bought anything from Payless yet. I know a ton of people who shop there constantly for the inexpensive shoes and I've been meaning to check the shop out ever since it opened last year but I never seem to have the time to pass by. Well, now I want to go there because of these earrings!


These are special limited edition earrings that are priced at a mere P175 per set of two. Yes, you get the two pairs for just P175! They'll look really pretty on anyone's ears and since I'm the kind of girl who never leaves home without earrings, I'd definitely love to have these. I'm super loving the pink one. So pretty!

The best part about these earrings is P50 from each sale will go to the Cancer Resource and Wellness Community (CAREWELL). You see, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and buying these earrings is a lovely way for us to help out the people who are fighting this deadly disease. In fact, I suggest we all buy the earrings (they're just P175!) and give them away as Christmas gifts with a card that says, "This gift is really special! It comes with a donation to CAREWELL that I made for you."

And here's a secret: It also comes with a gift for you! Payless will give you 10% discount off on your next purchase just because you supported this great cause! What will you buy now that you have that special discount?


Payless branches: Festival Mall in Alabang, SM Megamall, Ali Mall, Shangri-La Plaza Mall, Shoppesville Greenhills, Power Plant Mall, Robinsons Galleria, Market! Market!, Marquee Mall in Pampanga, Paseo de Sta. Rosa in Laguna, Trinoma, SM Manila, Ayala Center Cebu, SM Masinag, Abreeza in Davao, SM Southmall and Nuvali Solenad 2. More stores are set to open this year in Metro Manila, as well as in Cebu.

Today, I received an email from a very concerned reader, Amina, who told me that someone named Jamie Palanca is using my photos on her Facebook account and passing them off as her own.

Since I wasn't friends with this woman, I couldn't see her other photos but Amina told me that in the other photos, Ms. Palanca claimed Vito as her own, except that she named him Savannah Lauren. And as you can also see from her comment below, she also claimed Vince as her husband.

Talagang angkinin ang asawa't anak ko, ha!

I am not very upset. This is something unexpected, after all. That's one of the consequences of putting your life all over the Internet. I was telling my friend Jill that it's kinda funny, kinda creepy, kinda flattering (although why did she use that unflattering photo?!) but mostly very sad and pathetic. So, guys, don't worry. I'm cool!

My cousin Diana pointed out, however, that while it's great I'm not blowing my top over this, she said that Ms. Palanca is an online seller. If she happens to be an unscrupulous person (and she very well may be because if she can lie about this then she can lie about anything), then she might be running off with people's money. And then what if a swindled customer saw me or my family somewhere and gets angry and attacks us? Put that way, that is a very scary scenario.

Well, folks, please do me a HUGE favor and report this person. Kindly go to her Facebook page (click here) and, on the left side of the profile, somewhere under the profile pic, click on "Report/Block" and say this person is pretending to be me. Thank you!

P.S. Please don't post harsh words on her wall. I know some of you are very protective of me (thanks!). I think it's a very sad thing she had to do this so let's just wish she finds a great husband and make gorgeous babies and have a fabulous life so that she wouldn't need to pretend to be me!

P.P.S. I wouldn't have known about this if it weren't for Amina. Thank you! You know, despite this, I'm still very glad I blog because I have people all over the world who truly care for me and my family. I am very blessed!