Saturday, January 16, 2021

How Chadwick Boseman changed my 2020

Truth be told, I like quarantine. I didn't anticipate it to last for 10 months (and counting) but being an introvert and an overwhelmed mommy, staying indoors is a relief. I didn't have to rush rush rush anymore. My rushing about wasn't pointless, even though I seemed like a headless chicken most days. There are always errands and chores and deadlines for a working mama. There is always something urgent. Always something to do. There were so many days I would slowly sink into a chair and realize this was the first time I sat down that day.

So when quarantine happened, I was determined to sit down and even lie down for as long as possible. For once, I didn't want to do anything. I just wanted to stay put and enjoy staying put. I wanted to do nothing and be nothing. 

If that sounded lazy and selfish, well, maybe it was. But I had spent the last 10 years getting pregnant, giving birth, breastfeeding, teaching, feeding, caring, giving and giving and giving, you know? I just wanted to rest. And from out of nowhere, a pandemic happened and I can finally get the rest I wanted.

I was actually quite happy. Then Chadwick Boseman died. Black Panther. King of Wakanda. And apparently one of the wisest, most beloved and admired in Hollywood. I wasn't really a fan. I liked Black Panther, sure. I think it and the first Iron Man movies are the best in that Marvel movieverse. Otherwise, I didn't really have any reason to mourn his passing. But people kept sharing his words and this one hit me in the chest:


"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything You gave me.'"

I used everything You gave me. 

It made me want to stop lazing about! I thought of what my talents and skills are and if I'm using them well. I realized very quickly that I wasn't. I was in a selfish, lazy mode. I was also in insecure, I'm-a-nobody-anyway, I'm-just-a-mom, poor-me mode. 

But Chadwick's words stirred awake that little girl who dreamed of changing the world. And yes I may be no one important but that's just my ego talking. Anyone - big or small - can make a difference, big or small. God gave all of us talents and skills. Some seem to have gotten a big chunk, sure, but what matters is what we do with what God gave us. And I've learned that when you put yourself out there and use what you got, people will pay attention, they will help, and you will learn more and gain more. So even if God gave you maybe one little talent, it will help you gain more skills and opportunities just as long as you keep using your talent!

The Bible literally has a story on talents working this way, except that in that parable, a talent is a form of currency worth 16 years of daily wages. In Matthew 25:14-30, the story goes that a rich man was going off on a trip. He gave one of his servants 5 talents, a second one 2 talents, and a third servant just 1 talent. Why the unfair distribution of talents? Well, his criteria were he'd give according to their ability to do what they can with the money. Well, the first two servants used the money given them for business and their investments grew. The last guy was too scared he'd lose the money so he just hid it. Of course, when they had to give an accounting of the money, the rich boss got mad at the servant who didn't do anything with the talent.

So there I was, on my butt, hiding my talent because I was feeling boo-hoo, I'm a nobody, why write when no one cares about what I have to say. But Chadwick, my man, you may not know me but what you said made me sit up and stand up. And I decided then and there that I'm going to write and teach and fight and sing (lost that talent already actually) and discover all the good things God gave me and use them all for the good of mankind and for His glory. 

And that's why I'm writing thought pieces for Project Vanity, why I decided to blog mindfully, why I'm being more mindful of my decisions this year, and why I wrote a book. Life is so unsure now, what with that COVID-19 threatening our every breath. So we'd better do what we have to do with whatever time that's given us. 

I hope this story galvanizes you, too! Let's get off our ass, stop feeling insecure, and just use whatever God gave us and make a good change in this brokenhearted world. We all need to make life just a bit better, just a bit kinder, softer, sweeter, wiser. Let's use everything He gave us. God bless you, my friend! 

P.S. Taylor Swift was an inspiration, too! Two albums within months. If she could do something productive in lockdown, I was determined to do the same!


Friday, January 15, 2021

Dream come true! "Not Invisible: A Memoir"

 Way back in 2006, I blogged about a little dream in this post: What I think about on a slow Sunday evening. Six years later, I brought it up again in  My bookstore haul and mentioned it very quickly in Photo dump!. I dreamed of coming out with my own book, it will be published, of course, and hopefully loved by people enough to buy it and tell others about it.

This week, that dream came true. Please check out my new book, Not Invisible: A Memoir!!!


I shared the good news yesterday over at my social media that it's real - I am now a book author!


Okay, I don't know why my book came out in the Educator Biography category. It's not entirely inaccurate, given that I used to be a preschool teacher and I'm homeschooling now hahaha. But it should be under Parenting and Relationships. I'll ask my publisher, Ukiyoto, about that. 

And today, this happened:

#1 New Release

#8 Best Seller in Biographies of Educators

#13 in Two-Hour Biography and Memoir Short Reads

I am thrilled beyond words! All the words that I can manage now are "Thank you!", "Thank you so much!", "I'm crying!" and "God bless you!" Everyone's been so kind and encouraging, thrilled with me and for me. I am so grateful.

Not Invisible: A Memoir is a collection of the best posts from Topaz Horizon and Topaz Mommy. The latter is not accessible to the public anymore but for this book, I went back to that beloved blog and picked out a few essays. So if you've never read Topaz Mommy or you did and you miss it, please buy my book!

After selecting the best posts on marriage and motherhood, I realized that it wasn't a simple task to just put them all together. They had to make sense together, to have a consistent thread, and to flow well. That was not easy. I took out half of the text! From 40,000 words, I went down to 22,000. I edited and rewrote it all for print. Online writing is different, you see. I wanted the print version to read like a book, not a blog. So now many of the posts chosen for the book read like entirely new essays! 

I was also aware that readers of the book will be people who may never have heard of me. So I had to pay attention and make sure there was no reference that only made sense to Loyal Readers or people who know me. And while it's still very much about my life as a Pinay mommy, it also had to appeal to an international audience. Making this book wasn't easy (check out a behind-the-scenes scene)

So I assure you, if you are a Loyal Reader, that you may have read many of the posts on the blog but they are quite different in the book. Much better actually because now they're edited mercilessly! I want you to know that Not Invisible is a wonderful collection! Look at what my editor said:


I also had the help of my most favorite editors, Kat Dy Peters, Nicole Romero Vagner, and my most favorite editor of all, my husband, the Vincent Sales! Having four published books under his belt (fiction), his opinion was valued. In fact, I was a little scared to show him my work haha. On one hand, he's my husband so I'm sure he'll be kind. On the other hand, he's one of the best writers, editors, and authors I know so I was intimidated. 

I also asked my Loyal Readers to help me out! I sent out a few "help me!" messages and the response of encouragement and excitement wowed me. They were even more excited than I was! It was crazy haha Their excitement was what I needed to keep working on the book even though I was plagued with self-doubt and imposter syndrome. Ugh. I hate that imposter syndrome. So thank you, dear Loyal Readers, for helping me get rid of it! 

A dream only comes true with the help of others. I am so grateful to everyone who's helped me out, especially my friends and readers who asked me every year, "When are you coming out with your book?" That constant faith means the world! Look at where their faith got me!

And since we're on the topic of faith, I do want to share that last year, I was praying to God, "What do you want me to do? I feel like I have a book inside me but I don't know how that's going to happen and if it will ever get published." I kept praying about it and then, out of the blue, Ukiyoto Publishing, a traditional publisher in Canada, sent me an email, said they loved my blog, and asked me to submit a manuscript. Ukiyoto had just set shop in South East Asia and wanted to publish regional authors. And the rest of the story is above!

So I need to end this happy post with words that aren't my own but ring true now more than ever:

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” James 1:17

"I will give thanks to You, LORD, with all my heart; I will tell of all Your wonderful deeds.” Psalms 9:1

"Give thanks to the Lord for He is good, His love endures forever." Psalms 118:29

* * * * * * *

Not Invisible: A Memoir is available as an ebook on Amazon/Kindle for USD 2.99. (Click here to buy!). It's also available as a paperback for USD 7. If you're from Manila, Amazon's shipping fee is crazy. I'm working out a pre-order plan from the Ukiyoto Singapore office. If you'd like to pre-order, please send an email to frances@topazhorizon.com with "Pre-order: Not Invisible" on the subject line. Thank you!

Tuesday, January 12, 2021

Who's the best match for Daphne Bridgerton: Duke of Hastings, Prince of Prussia, or Baron Berbrooke?

Sorry sorry! I know I have a 30-Day Blogging Challenge but I was derailed by Netflix's Bridgerton. Who's watching??? 


Such a fun show. It's like Gossip Girl. I hear it's right down Downton Abbey alley, too, but I haven't watched that show so I won't know. I love the modern touches. The Ariana Grande and Billie Eilish songs in 19th century settings. The obviously modern high heels with sumptuous gowns. 

Anyway! This isn't going to be a review haha. I'm an absolute royalty nerd so I was a little annoyed at one thing. The issue of peerage. 

Just a note on peerage. There was a scene where Lady Gossip Girl said Daphne traded up by choosing the Prince from Prussia vs the Duke of Hastings. Not quite.

A duke is a title just under king. The peerage goes like so:

1. King or Queen

2. Duke or Duchess

3. Marquess or Marchioness

4. Earl or Countess

5. Viscount or Viscountess

6. Baron or Baroness

A prince, meanwhile, is a title that simply means the son of a king. So unless Prince from Prussia is the heir to the throne, he's basically just a rich brat with no future and no real money of his own (think Prince Harry, Andrew, Edward). If you're a prince, you want to be a duke! That's why on their wedding day,  Queen Elizabeth II gifted William the Duke of Cambridge title and Harry the Duke of Sussex title. Before their dukedoms, they were literally just COOs or "child of the owner".


So again, the only prince who matters is the heir to the throne. And since Prince of Prussia said he planned to stay in London to raise his family, he is obviously not the heir.

Also, side note on Daphne's brother, Anthony, marrying her off to Nigel Berbrooke. That made no sense at all. Anthony is Viscount Bridgerton. Berbrooke is just a baron, a title lower than theirs. It's a terrible match because Daphne would've married below their status. So ridiculous. 


Which means the Duke of Hastings is the best choice. He has the better title, his own land, his own money, and - with no siblings - absolutely no one else to share all that fortune with. And if the Queen in the show has no children (and it doesn't look like she does), Hastings has a chance at the throne. Well, all the dukes in the kingdom will, er, duke it out first but he definitely has a chance. Which means Daphne has a chance to be Queen. So Hastings is the right choice.

That's all! 

Thursday, January 07, 2021

Review (fashion): Silouex compression leggings

I'm just going to start this review with my conclusion: I have found leggings that I love! Ladies, meet Silouex compression leggings. It's not a new brand. I think it's been around for a couple of years. I've definitely seen the brand featured on women's lifestyle websites but I only got a pair myself a few months ago. And I love it!

Exercising and lounging at home in my favorite leggings! 

Here are all the reasons why:

1. It's thick. 
You may think that's a bad thing in a tropical country but I am just tired of leggings that rip at the bum, split at the seams, and when you're out under the sun, kita na kaluluwa mo sa nipis. Yuck. The Silouex leggings are thick. sturdy, but not hot. Definitely warmer than your regular leggings but better warm than embarrassed!

2. It's easy to put on and take off. 
I have had battles with other kinds of leggings. Pulling them up can leave me breathless, taking them off can be a nightmare (especially when you need to pee!). Silouex leggings are no trouble at all!

3. It can be worn outside your house. 
Like I said, it's thick. Some leggings are so thin, people can see your camel toe. Not chic at all. Silouex leggings protect my modesty while showing off my legs, too!
I can twist and stretch and my leggings won't split, roll down, or reveal my butt! 



4. It's high-waisted. 
You know what that means? They keep my tummy in and they don't roll down! Ladies with big bellies know what I mean!

5. It separates my ass cheeks. 
Yes! Not only does my butt get a nice lift from the compression, there's also a seam in the butt part of the leggings that makes my ass look like two round buns instead of one flat piece of meat.

6. It holds me together. 
Did I mention Silouex is a pair of compression leggings? That means all my jiggly parts are contained! It's shape wear disguised as leggings!

7. It's comfortable. 
At the end of the day, we ladies use leggings because we want to be comfy. Silouex is soooo comfy.

8. It's affordable. 
A pair is P2,300. Is that a good and reasonable price for leggings? Yes. Why? It's really shape wear, and shape wear is expensive. But super affordable nga actually their price compared to the ones you buy from foreign brands.

Once the quarantine is over, I'm definitely wearing my Silouex leggings to the gym, on the streets, to the mall, while hiking, etc etc. Check out some of these OOTDs I got:


Nice! Anyway, if you're on the lookout for really good leggings, buy Silouex! I super recommend it!

Wednesday, January 06, 2021

How to know if I'm sharing a sponsored post

I've been blogging for 15 years by May this year. And, boy, have things changed! Before 2010, bloggers just wrote about everything they fancied. That's why bloggers were so trusted. Reviews were always from personal experience and since these were paid for from our own pockets, readers knew we had every right to say whatever we wanted - positive or negative.

Oh, those were the days! Such freedom! I didn't do reviews, though. I couldn't because I was the editor in chief of a magazine. I once wrote a glowing review of Olay on my blog. Pond's, a major advertiser of my magazine, complained. I protested, "My blog is a personal hobby. It has nothing to do with my job!" But my bosses persisted and so I deleted the Olay post and avoided doing reviews thereafter. It's okay. Reviews are an expensive thing to do anyway! (But do it because people Google reviews all the time!)

Around the start of the decade, brands started taking note of the huge following of bloggers and so advertising budgets were shifted from print publications to blogs. But with bloggers now taking payment for featuring a product, a restaurant, a salon, or a hotel, readers began doubting their credibility. I avoided this by choosing to work only with brands I believe in. That meant not raking it in, however. Sometimes, I will admit, I wished I could just say yes to all the offers since who's to know anyway? Well, I would. My family, too. And eventually, my readers would, too. The loss of my integrity is the most costly of all so I can't do it. 

I wanted to be transparent so all my blog posts were marked at the beginning or at the end with a "This blog post is brought to you by [brand]." And they were also tagged as sponsored posts. On Instagram and Facebook, I used the hashtags #THx[Brand] and #thblogsp (Topaz Horizon Blog Sponsored Post) until the platforms added the Paid Partnership feature. 

Now, it's my 15th year in the blogging world, and I know from emails from my Loyal Readers that they don't like blogs and Instagram accounts that are all about products and services because they never can tell if what they're reading is paid for or not. Influencers usually don't like marking posts as sponsored because followers don't trust paid posts. While it would be nice for bloggers to never charge for anything, a blog isn't a cheap hobby. And for influencers with massive followings, it really makes sense to earn from their influence, right? 

I'm not a huge blogger but I've built enough credibility to be considered an influencer (or in agency speak, KOL - key opinion leader). Even though disclosing sponsorships usually means fewer likes and views, I'll still disclose anyway and hope you'll still support me by liking the IG/FB post and reading the blog feature. I'm making it easier for you all to know if what I'm sharing is a sponsored post or a press gift. Here's how to know:

SPONSORED POST


Sponsored posts on the blog, Instagram, and Facebook will all have my face on it! That will differentiate it from the other products that I share. That way, you'll immediately know I'm endorsing it. And brands like it when people pose with their products. 

I want to make sponsored posts more special because a few years ago, a sponsor complained that I'm posting and writing about other brands for free. The brand felt gypped. Struck me as a little petty but I've thought about it and I'll do something about it. Hence this blog post!

PRESS GIFT (NOT PAID)

This is actually tricky. Some press gifts are sooo nice or I really love them that I blog about them happily and people assume it's a paid post. I will always always always disclose if a post is sponsored. Always have, always will. But to differentiate them further, press gifts will not have my face on them when I share on social media. And they can be lumped together with other similar gifts in a thank you post or a blog feature. 

On the blog, however, I haven't decided. Some gifts need to be worn (clothes, makeup, jewelry) or experienced (a resort, a salon makeover, restaurant). I figured I'll present the gifts the best way I can on the blog even if that includes me with the product/service and then just disclose that it's a gift. But I'll only share the experience on IG Stories. Same goes for events.

Some bloggers advised that they share gifts and events on Instagram as a carousel, but the first photo will not have the brand in it at all. That seems like a good idea. 

Oh, and all gifts will be shared on my blog's Facebook page, in the Blogger Gifts album. If I extra love them, then they get an IG post and a blog feature, too! But as a thank you, every gift will be shared in this album.

EVENTS

One thing that I do that baffles people is I don't post events in real time. My reason is I don't want anyone to know where I am. I always post about an event hours or even days after it happened. Many brands ask that I post in real time. I never say yes. And they can't make me because I never charge for event attendance.

I don't think you should follow my example, though. Agencies and brands love influencers who post in real time and stay throughout the event. So if you want lots of campaigns, go to all the events! It really helps you become visible to brands and agencies so they think of you for campaigns. It's really a good idea to go to events, guys. However, brands don't like people who charge an attendance fee but if you want to, then do so. I know why other people charge. Parking, gas, Grab fare, outfits, the time spent in traffic - all of these cost money. 

I will charge if I'm asked to work at the event as the host, part of a panel, or as a speaker. So if you notice I'm posting about an event in real time, then you know I was hired to be there. But if I'm invited as a guest, then I go as a guest. That way, if I want to leave, I can leave and no one can stop me. And because I don't have an attendance fee, I only go to events I like. It has to be worth my time and money and what makes that worth it? If it's a brand I really like, if it's for a friend, or if my friends will be there. Events are a great place to catch up - there's free food, free drinks, and everyone's all dressed up! 

Again, don't do what I do. Events are a great way to build your brand and network. Attend as many relevant events as you can!  


PRESS RELEASES

I used to publish press releases on the blog on Press Release Tuesdays. I think that some announcements are interesting for my readers to know and it makes for additional content. But now I'm putting all press releases in my News to Know album. Mostly because news gets old fast and it's easier to post them on Facebook then delete after it's no longer relevant.

And that's it! That's what's you can expect this year on my blog and social media platforms! Okay, and just in case you're not following me yet, please like my Facebook page and follow me on Instagram

Thanks so much!