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To be very honest, I wrote that letter as a dare to myself, too. And now that it's out there, I'm feeling very fragile and scared and stressed out!
I feel a change coming. I've been feeling it since 2009 actually, and it was perhaps brought about by my pregnancy. You can read all about it here, but I'll post an excerpt anyway:
There's still that ambitious part of me that's screaming in my head in absolute fury. I know opportunities like this don't come traipsing along every day, and I'll just have to live with this decision for the rest of my life. But now that it's done, my agony is over, my insomnia is cured, my world is again at peace.
Whatever the future holds, I only know that what I choose will always be the one that, in the words of that timeless song, will need all the love I can give, every day of my life for as long as I live.Well, just reading the comments section of that two-year-old post made me realize that my pregnancy had nothing to do with it after all!
Anyway, I do know that I am still enjoying my magazine gig. I have so many plans this year and if you've been following the magazine, you'd see its transformation. It really is getting better and better with each new issue and I am very excited about the stuff my team and I have planned this year for our loyal readers.
You all also know I dipped my toes in entrepreneurship last year. The bag business is closed now but I took away some pretty good realizations there and I will do it again! It was very hard work, made me cry and freak out and stress many times, but I am convinced I can and will do better next time!
I also have big plans for my blogs. It's no secret that I earn from my blogs and 2011 was very good to me. My readership has gone up. Brands and PR companies have been wooing me. So many opportunities have come up! But I have had to turn down a lot of those opportunities because it will present a conflict with my job or because it will take me away from my family.
Yes, my lovely, wonderful, amazing family. I never would have thought this but I am really such a mother. I am also a committed wife. There's absolutely nothing I enjoy more than basking in the devotion of my husband and son. But because of the many many many things on my plate, I haven't really been fully immersed in my roles as mother and wife. And I feel like I'm giving so much to the things that make my life fun and not to the ones who make it worthwhile. I talk about my sadness about that over at Topaz Mommy.
So a change is coming. I can feel it thrumming in my veins. Right now, I still don't know if the change means my life will get crazier or maybe it will become quieter. My life will either get bigger or smaller. Both options are so very real, I can taste them. I'm very scared. But I'm also very excited!