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Sunday, September 23, 2012

The death of my anger

I used to be a very angry girl. I know you all think I'm this super chill, fabulous, she's-got-it-all-together person but I was angry my entire life. There was this time when I was lashing out so badly that my younger brother got so freaked out by my anger that he started exorcising me. Yep, he was so frightened by my Linda Blair levels, he started spouting Bible verses and praying over me. Which I found so ridiculously funny that I actually did stop screaming.

All of the reasons come from family issues. I won't get into the ugly details but I know that now and I am grateful I was made aware of the cause of my anger because I was able to deal with it. How did my anger go away? Vince helped massively. He helped me see that life is so much better than I thought it was. Mariel helped in a huge way. She made me see that we all have dysfunctional families but you can't blame your families for the shit in your life forever. My mother's death shocked me out of it. Life is short, why waste it spewing ugliness? And, most profoundly, my children changed me. Whatever I was angry about before, they have all melted away when my sons were born.

Whenever I look at my sons' faces, I know that the cloud of anger and despair has lifted and their happy smiles are rays of sunshine banishing away the pain of long ago. The world is so different, so bright and beautiful, now that my sons are here. I am new, I am born again, I am suddenly, wonderfully, finally truly alive.


And I just want to include this song because it says what I feel. Plus, I have a huge crush on Zachary Levi!

3 comments:

  1. I really love that song! It's my lullaby to my little one because it somehow applies to me. :] I also love reading your previous posts because I feel like I can relate. I was also angry like you especially during my teenage years and pregnancy. It only changed the first time I saw my little one. hehe!

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  2. We must be on the same wavelength! One of the posts I'm working on is on anger too! I wish I could say though that mine has died like yours...still working on it!

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  3. i wish i can stop being angry too. thanks for this post, frances! :)

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