TOPAZ HORIZON

I grew up listening to country songs. Though I never really liked country music, my life seemed to have been made for country music. Today I heard a country song that made me think of how complete my life is and made me think of the two people in my life who I wish were still here to share my happiness.

I grew up with my grandparents and I love love love them so much. Lolo Manong, a policeman, was the first man I went to for love advice and Lola Auring, a housewife, was the first woman I went to for... well, everything. They encouraged me to pursue my passions, they cooked and cleaned for me so that I'd have all the time to do my homework and write my stories, they loved my friends and advised me on the "friends" I should get rid of. They also carefully guided me on matters of the heart and, though the guys I dated never met their expectations (Lola: "He's all right, but you can do better."), they loved them anyway.

So when they died nine years ago, my world just never felt the same. Not long after they were buried, I met Vince. I wish they'd met Vince--the realization of everything they wanted for me.

Lolo and Lola, I know you're looking down from heaven and I know you're very happy for me, and I know you love Vince the way you always always loved me. I also know you're proud that I've fulfilled all my dreams and more! But most of all, I know you're proud that above all these, I've learned to treasure what you always taught me to treasure: four walls, three words, two hearts, one love.


FOUR WALLS
by Randy Travis

My Grandpa farmed for a livin',
Content to live the simpler kind of life.
My Grandma worked in the kitchen,
Awfully proud to be that farmer's wife.
They used to say that they'd got everything that they need,
Each mornin' they wake up:
Four walls, three words, two hearts, one love.

Here I am, ring on my finger:
Grandpa's little grandson, all grown up.
I found my rock and I plan to keep her.
I wish they were here to see the two of us.
They'd be proud to know we've got everything that we need,
Each mornin' we wake up:
Four walls, three words, two hearts, one love.

With the highway twice as wide,
And the farmland sub-divided.
It's good to know that some things never change.
I'm still lovin' an I'm still livin',
By those simple words of wisdom:
Life an' love come down to just four things.

My Grandpa, Lord knows, I miss him,
An' the way that he and Grandma looked at life.
And each day, I count my blessings,
To have that kind of love here by my side.
No matter what, we know we've got everything that we need,
Each mornin' we wake up:
Four walls, three words, two hearts, one love.

Yeah, we've got everything that we need,
Between the two of us:
Four walls, three words, two hearts, one love.

As some of you may know, I was raised by strict Roman Catholic grandparents and zealous Baptist parents (more like mother actually). So I like praying a lot and I do enjoy reading my Bible except when I come across verses that shatter my marrow and pierce my heart. Like this one:

"For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away." 2 Timothy 3:2-5.

Oh, that sounds like a description of me. Well, not all of it (I'm a very grateful person, and loving and generous, a believer of the good in man, and extremely loyal and faithful), but there's enough there to make me bristle.

Of all the faults, the one that stabs me most is the "truce breakers". I made a vow once to God--I wouldn't have a boyfriend for two years--which I broke eight months in. I know it sounds so silly and it does seem like a stupid promise made by an empty-headed girl; but I was young and heartbroken and in my distress, I dropped down on my knees and offered the next two years of my life in God's exclusive service. I was okay in the beginning but love--my one weakness--found me once more and I succumbed.

My broken vow still plagues me to this day because of these verses:

"When you make a vow to the Lord your God, you shall not delay to pay it, for it would be sin in you, and the Lord your God will surely require it of you." Deuteronomy 23:21

"It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay." Ecclesiastes 5:5

I'm a good promise-keeper but that one I couldn't keep, and I ask God to forgive me. All the time. I know God forgives but sometimes I wonder if in His forgiveness, He spares you from the consequences. I don't really think so.

That's one of the reasons I delayed marriage actually. Marriage is one huge promise made with your spouse, before society and government, and to God Himself. Because in my mind I hadn't kept a simple vow a few years ago, I was afraid that I may not be able to keep my marriage vows, and I was tormented by this fear. I wonder if that was God's punishment for me. I hope it was because Vince and I suffered enough over my indecision. But if that wasn't God's requirement, then I shudder in my skin fearing what it is.

Instead I am here at home, having just had lunch, and musing about my life.

My husband has gone to work of course, at the usual hour of 8:30 AM. Because Vince is used to waking up at 10, going to work these days is utter hell for him. I usually go to work with him, too, but today, after making him brewed coffee and buttered bread topped with mango-vanilla jam then kissing him at the door, I decided to stay in bed. So I had the whole house to myself, had lunch all by myself. And I loved it.

When you're married and when you're in the media, alone time is very very rare. It is so unusual that when it suddenly springs upon you, you are taken aback and drown for a few moments in the silence. If you like yourself, you welcome that quiet. If you don't like your own company, you immediately pick up the phone. Thankfully, I love myself very much.

Peace comes with loving yourself.

Pilates is hard. Nanginginig ang laman ko after each session.

But I will finish this. I will get fit. I will get rid of my bulging tummy. I will be disciplined. I will be strong.

Oh, when will it be "I am"?

Oh, what a laugh I had with these adorable bunnies!




Rabbit and dogs at play. You have to watch it especially at 01:14! That's a very trusting rabbit when it lies down readily like that.


Now these are specially trained rabbits, but notice how the third rabbit has her own way of doing things at 02:11. Kinda reminds me of me!

Ah, this is why I have rabbits for pets! If I only had the patience to actually follow my bunnies with a videocam!

I got my free Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows last Saturday. (Thanks Powerbooks!)

Unlike the past years when the books were launched, this time I went shopping with Vince first (for a washing machine), then researched for and wrote my article for Seventeen magazine, then I dashed off to the grocers for some fresh food and then prepared dinner for my darling husband (who quietly did all the chores--mine included--without asking for my help because he knew it was Harry Potter weekend, God bless Vince!). I guess I put off reading because I didn't really want my days with Harry to end. But end they must.

Finally at 10 PM, I settled into bed and opened the very last book of Harry Potter's adventures. I did not put it down till I finished it at 6:15 AM.

Okay, I won't put any spoilers here but since I don't know anybody who's finished the book and wants to talk about it, I am going to vent my frustration at not being able to discuss it with anybody here.

I liked Deathly Hallows even though it certainly isn't the best book in the series. It lacks the rich and almost obsessive details of the other books, and the range of emotions, too. It feels very rushed towards the end (you can almost hear J.K. Rowling's brain go, "Oh dear, must meet the deadline..."). I accept how Rowling ended the story even though there are still a lot of loose ends hanging about annoyingly. But the whole series is a feat, amazing and spectacular in its scope. I am reading the first book again (yes, I am a nerd) and I am struck time and again about how she truly planned everything from the very beginning. With your knowledge of the ending, tiny telling important details now jump out at you practically in every chapter. Which makes me more excited to read the whole series again.

Ah, but I have so many books on my shelf. In the last two months, I've read The Diana Chronicles by Tina Brown, Diana: The Last Word by Simone Simmons, America's Queen: The Life of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis by Sarah Bradford, Stolen Lives by Malika Oufkir, Carrie by Stephen King, and Beowulf: A Retelling by Robert Nye. Then there's Deathly Hallows of course. I am still in the middle of Six Wives: The Queens of Henry VIII by David Starkey, Lisey's Story by Stephen King, and Once Upon A Time: Behind the Fairy Tale of Princess Grace and Prince Rainier by J.R. Taraborrelli. Oh, and I am also still going through Sorcerer's Stone again.

As you can see, I love biographies, history, royalty, fantasy, and horror! Gee, that's 11 books in eight weeks. But that's not enough. Stephen King said in his memoir On Writing that writing is a full-time job so spend four hours of each day reading and four hours writing. King, I adore you but I have a magazine to make, a husband to please, a home to keep, a family to attend, and a blog to update!

But I try. I really really try...

Well, this is a surprise! Most of my readers are from the U.S. of A.! Hi y'all! How's it like in the land of milk and honey? Greetings from the pearl of the orient!

I guess I should start using just English in this blog, and not insert Tagalog expressions here and there.

Well, thanks for stopping by, international readers! Drop me a note!

Awwww...

Long distance relationship na, unrequited love pa!

It's such a sweet, sad and hopeful song nevertheless. And I love the story behind it. Delilah DiCrescenzo is a real girl (the kilig story in next week's People magazine) who inspired Plain White T's Tom Higgenson to write this song. They met and he was so smitten, he blurted out that he'd write her a song. Thing is, he's never done anything like that. So every time they'd chat online (they didn't go out since she was already with someone else), she'd tease him about the so-called song. So finally, Tom just sat down and wrote the damn thing. Now, the song is #3 in Billboard's Hot 100 and #1 on iTunes. Not bad, not bad at all!

Woody Allen once said 90% of success is showing up. Just show up with the song, dammit, and you'll be a roaring success!

But did the song work the way it was supposed to? Nah! Delilah says the song was "the most romantic gesture" but hey, "we'll just remain friends."

Ouch!

This song just makes me cry every time I listen to it. Strange, as I've never been in a long-distance relationship. But it speaks volumes of loneliness and faith, and the cheerful determination not to succumb to the desperation and the sadness of being far away from the one you love--it just really breaks my heart!

Okay, in case you want to sing along, here are the sad and lovely lyrics that are just full of longing and hope:

Hey there, Delilah, what's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away but, girl, tonight you look so pretty
Yes, you do. Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there, Delilah, don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely, give this song another listen,
Close your eyes, listen to my voice--it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh, it's what you do to me
Oh, it's what you do to me
Oh, it's what you do to me
Oh, it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there, Delilah, I know times are getting hard
But just believe me, girl, someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good, we'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there, Delilah, I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you would take your breath away
I'd write it all, even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all.

Oh, it's what you do to me
Oh, it's what you do to me
Oh, it's what you do to me
Oh, it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends will all make fun of us
And we'll just laugh along because
We know that none of them have felt this way
Delilah, I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there, Delilah, you be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there, Delilah, here's to you
This one's for you

Oh, it's what you do to me
Oh, it's what you do to me
Oh, it's what you do to me
Oh, it's what you do to me
What you do to me

This song is for Mariel and Alvin. Be strong, be strong.

Lest I forget...

To my Filipino readers, please pick up a copy of the June issue of Marie Claire. The funny story of my proposal to Vince is there in titillating detail! With photos!

Yes, see the cover on the left? That pink blurb by Heart Evangelista's neck is MINE! Oh, and Tessa Valdes', too. We were both featured as the gutsy gals who took matters into their own hands.

So make sure you grab a copy before the newsstands run out of issues... or replenish them with the July ones!

Just came back from a lovely dinner with my Assumption Antipolo friends, Kristine and Pinky. I love them to death. Though we see each other once or twice a year, we always pick up where we left off. These are two of the very few people in the world who know me (the others would be Vince, Aida, and AJ. That's it!) Strangely, considering how very rarely we see and talk to each other, I am amazed that they have no judgments or misconceptions about who I am.