If you grew up in the 90s like me, you're most likely a fan of the Backstreet Boys. If not, that's okay. You'll like this new song of theirs anyway, if you're a mommy like me, or if you want to have a family, or if you just want a home. Yes, dearest readers, Backstreet's back with "No Place" and it's bringing up all these warm and fuzzy feelings in my wife-and-mama heart.
Now, I haven't followed the BSB for a long while now. Like them, the past decade of my life has been focused on making a family, too. So it was a huge delight for me to see them all together, singing... and with their families! I can relate so much! The "No Place" single is from their new studio album, DNA, out on January 25. I already know this is my favorite song because of this video!
I love all the sneak peeks at their homes and family lives! I love going behind the scenes and tours of celebrity homes. It was sooo nice seeing their kitchens, for example haha
If I loved them before for being so hot, I love them even more now for being so much hotter! Devoted husbands and fathers are the sexiest men in the world, am I right???
Their kids are sooo adorable! And they're mini me's of their daddies, too! Especially the kids of Nick and AJ. I love looking at families. I'm one of those annoying people who go, "Wow, you look so alike!"
More than looking alike, it was also nice seeing the kids reflect their daddies, too. For example, Kevin's son who was singing and dancing to the song. That kid looks like a future entertainer! Or Brian's son who was playing the guitar with his dad. That boy looks like he'll be a teen heartthrob soon (if not already).
Don't you just love seeing the wives and kids being so alive and present? How they interact with each other—that's real. It almost feels like a home video. It feels so intimate. I love how Howie looks deep into his wife's eyes, or how AJ and his wife sing together, or how Kevin sings to his wife while they slow dance, or how Brian gives his wife a quick peck (such a married kiss haha).
You know what I love best about their song and video? It celebrates family. Family isn't something they left behind because they had to work. Family isn't holding them back. You know how people go, "I'd rather travel the world than have kids because kids will prevent me from doing what I want/seeing the world/go places/achieve greatness/etc"? I just want to say that traveling is so much better with your spouse because love makes the world more beautiful (no kidding!). And traveling with kids is so much more fun because you see the world through their eyes! And kids make every endeavour more meaningful! Making money and building dreams have a resonance it never had before when you're doing it for the loves of your life. At the end of the day, at the end of a trip, at the end of your life, there's still no place like home. You got that right, Backstreet Boys. Thank you for making what's so real and practical and ordinary so romantic and special.
Do you have a condo unit, a townhouse or a house that's sitting empty and you'd like to rent it out to vacationers? Then you MUST watch Stay Here on Netflix!!!
Stay Here is a show hosted by real estate expert Peter Lorimer and interior designer Genevieve Gorder. Together, they traveled across the United States, picking properties from dilapidated historical homes to a house boat to transform and market as a short-term rental, a.k.a. an Airbnb gem.
My husband and I have watched all the episodes. We like home design shows a lot. Our recent favorite is The World's Most Extraordinary Homes and it's also on Netflix and it's also a must-watch! We like home makeover shows, too. I mean, nothing is better than watching decorating experts transform a terrible piece of property to an astounding house! We learn a lot of design advice and we picked up a few tips and tricks in all the years we watched shows like decorating-budget-is-from-selling-old-stuff Clean House to the insane sky's-the-limit-budget of Million Dollar Decorators.
What makes Stay Here the kind of makeover show that made me take out pen and paper is it's also a business plan for people who want to make money on Airbnb. Airbnb is the most popular and the biggest accommodation-sharing service in the world. Whether you have an extra room or an extra house, you can rent it out to travelers. Airbnb makes this possible for millions of property owners and tourists out for a unique experience. It's also made tons of money. So if you want a piece of that pie, here's where Stay Here comes in.
In every episode of Stay Here, Peter and Genevieve check out a property, assess its income-generating potential, renovate it to a wow-inducing piece, and help the owner market it online. The renovated properties make so much money after, it's crazy! So let me share with you my Top 10 helpful real estate tips I learned from Stay Here:
1. Research the competition. How much are the hotels and rentals in your area? What do they look like? What can you offer that they don't? This information can help you decide on how to decorate your place, how much to charge, and how to market it.
All Malibu beachfront properties have this view but only The Beach House on Malibu Road has this deck to soak it up!
2. You have to be better than the hotel in the area. Guests know they're staying at a home so they usually won't expect a hotel-like experience. But when you give them 5-star accommodation and service, that will make them leave you a glowing review, refer you to friends, and they will return. Peter always says, "Referrals are the lifeblood of short-term rentals!" So if people like you, they'll recommend you forever, which means free marketing for you.
Why choose a bland hotel room when you can sleep in this blissful blue bedroom in the Palm Springs Time Machine?
3. Target families. Most everyone who chooses Airbnb do so because they're a big group. Hotels infamously limit occupancy to 2 people per room, or 2 adults with 2 kids aged under 12. So people like me who have 3 kids, or families who like traveling with the grandparents, or those who bring along their pets are dismayed at hotel restrictions. So here's where you—dear property owner—come in. Target families! They are willing to pay more especially since hotels don't offer them space and a home-y feel. Look at your amenities with a mother's eye. Make it child-safe and child-friendly. Make them feel it's a true home away from home. Peter said, "Ninety percent of vacations are booked by moms." Moms are who you need to impress!
The loft in the second bedroom of DC Firehouse 4 can accommodate 2 kids while the wall of curtains can hide baby stuff like strollers and car seats.
4. Highlight the uniqueness of your property. Always tell the visitor the history of your rental and your neighborhood. All properties are the same anyway in that they offer the traveler a roof over their head and a pillow under it. Spotlight what makes your property unique. Tell its story because stories add to its appeal. Add these stories and photos in your listing.
The Palm Springs Time Machine offers a sexy bar, psychedelic rooms, a fabulous pool—all in their original 1969 glory.
5. Make the entry impressive. If your property is a home, make the gate and/or the front door stand out so that guests—especially those arriving in the middle of the night—won't miss it. Genevieve always emphasizes the importance of the entry way. It has to cheer up the weary traveler and make them excited for their stay. Even if your property is a condo, you can still make your guests feel you care for them by making your entry hallway warm and welcoming. Make it bright. Make it intuitive—meaning your guests will immediately know where to drop off their luggage, take off their shoes, etc.
Expect this cheerful living area to greet you when you book a stay at the Yellow Block Bed & Breakfast.
6. Stock up on essentials. Do as hotels do and offer coffee, water, snacks, grooming products, towels. Peter suggests putting together a welcome basket of treats you can find in your neighborhood for local travelers. For foreign tourists, fill that basket with native goodies like dried mangoes, piaya, polvoron, and the like. Spend 10% of what you charge for the night on the welcome basket.
The Yellow Block B&B has cereal, the local favorite rainbow bagels, and its own Yellow Block bagel for guests to enjoy.
7. Include a tourist guide. Places to go, transportation tips, shopping malls, unique shops, bars, banks with ATMs, landmarks. Guide them to a great local experience.
Families seated at that generous table can plan their itinerary using the Yellow Block B&B Wall of Attractions.
8. Don't take pictures of your rental with your phone. The biggest mistake of all! Please use a real camera. Better yet, hire a professional photographer. You've got to have great pictures if you want to sell your property. Take pictures of the neighborhood, too.
You can't miss DC Firehouse 4—on the stretch of colorful homes, it's the one with a firetruck!
9. Make your rental social media friendly. If it's Instragammable, you get free marketing when your guests take selfies and photos. Genevieve says it's not enough to make your place look nice, it has to have a feature that will make your guests take out their phone and snap a selfie. She calls it "a social media moment." That's a fabulous wall to pose against, a crazy pink bedroom, a historical piece. Peter says, "Create a hashtag!" In the time of Instagram, but of course!
At the Palm Springs Time Machine, a #selfie in this fantastic pink bathroom featuring a crazy sunken bathtub is a must!
You have to watch the show, mamas! If you're thinking of a business that allows you stay at home, then Stay Here will help you make your dreams a reality with concrete business advice. Truly a must-watch show in the time of businesses at home, room-sharing, and social media! Stay Here is exclusively showing on Netflix. All photos here were grabbed from the websites or Airbnb listings of Yellow Block B&B in Brooklyn, Palm Springs Time Machine in Palm Springs, The Beach House on Malibu Road in Malibu, and DC Firehouse 4 in Washington DC.
Check back on Monday for a new post! Have a great weekend!
This summer, my kids and I became addicted to this old show, Avatar: The Last Airbender. It's old because it was first broadcast on Nickelodeon in 2005 and gained a popular following over its three-year run. It's a critically acclaimed, multi-awarded, truly entertaining animated series that follows the adventures of Avatar Aang in his quest to unify the four nations—Fire, Earth, Air, and Water. To do this, he must first master himself and his powers to bend (or to wield) the forces of nature to do his bidding. He discovers friends and mentors along the way who teach him not only how to navigate a dangerous world at war but also to control his emotions, thoughts, fears, and ultimately his powers.
It's a really good show! I'm so happy it's streaming now on Netflix because that's how my kids and I discovered it. I think it's the best animated series I've ever watched!
I watched it with my kids and there wasn't any scene that caused me to worry or be alarmed. Yep, no bad words, no misogyny, no sexy time. There were so many things my kids and I learned together about friendship, responsibility over one's talents, duty towards other people, the dangers of nationalism (so relevant in these times!), and self-control above all.
I'm 41 and I'm better now at controlling my temper, my tongue, my thoughts, my anxiety, my spending... myself basically. But it took so many years and I may be better at it but I'm still not good at it. There's so much to subdue, rein in, control, understand still! If there's anything I learned most from Avatar, it's this: When you master yourself, then everything else is easy.
How does one master oneself? First, recognize what you need and desire, identify the fears and negative emotions that stop you from achieving what you want, and release all those negative energy. Only then can you have complete control of yourself and understanding of others and the world. Easier said than done!
In the Avatar, a guru tells Aang how to release his energy, or chakras. When your chakras are blocked, your energy to achieve things can't be released. And if you don't have any energy, good luck getting anything done! Here's the video of the scene from Avatar but I'll type it down below anyway, in case you're at work and can't put the volume up haha. Then I'll do a little personal working-mama-related note after each chakra description.
"Chakras are pools of spiralling energy in our bodies. There are seven chakras that go up the body. Each pool of energy has a purpose, and can be blocked by a specific kind of emotional mark. Be warned: Opening the chakras is an intense experience, and once you begin this process, you can not stop until all seven are open.
"The first chakra is the EARTH chakra, located at the base of the spine. It deals with survival, and is blocked by fear.
"What are you most afraid of? Let your fears become clear to you. You are concerned about your survival, but you must surrender those fears. Let your fears flow down the creek."
Survival sounds so dramatic but isn't that our every goal—to survive this day? As working mothers, we have too much on our plate and some days feel like they're going to kill us. Seriously! What are the fears that force me to keep myself on a punishing schedule? Fear of failing as a career woman, fear of failing as a mother, fear of neglecting my marriage, fear of running out of money. Funny thing is all these things I do out of fear makes me ineffective in every role!
"Next is the WATER chakra. This chakra deals with pleasure and is blocked by guilt. [Note: research told me this chakra is located in the sex organ or pubic bone. Since Avatar is a kiddie show, I guess they couldn't say that haha]
"Look at all the guilt that burdens you so. What do you blame yourself for? Now accept the reality that these things happened. But do not let them cloud and poison your energy. If you are to be a positive influence on the world, you need to forgive yourself."
I think all working moms are plagued with guilt. I've always heard of mom guilt but I've never heard of dad guilt. Why is that?! That's because men are never made to feel guilty about pursuing their passions, making money, and providing for their family. We women, we're only supposed to devote all our time and energy on our family so when we do something else that takes time away from our family, people make us feel bad. We have also internalized this belief so much that we make ourselves feel bad!
How many times has guilt stopped yourself from enjoying your job? How many times have you felt so amazing after an impressive presentation and then beat yourself up because you missed your kid's soccer practice preparing for that presentation?
You know what I feel guilty about? I enjoy work more than motherhood sometimes. Many times, to be really honest. It's hard for me to admit that because here comes all the judgment! Work is less frustrating and more predictable. You work, you like what you did, you get paid for it. Sometimes you even get praised for what you've done. The rewards are immediately felt and seen. The rewards are expected.
Motherhood? Well, sometimes you try and try all day and your reward is "I hate you, Mama." Sometimes you try your hardest and you give your best and NOTHING happens, not even a thank you. And then a new fear-and-guilt combo plagues me: Am I doing a good job? Are my kids jerks or am I just a bad mother? What kind of a mother am I if I think my kids are jerks??? Will what I do ever be enough? Do I really love them if I sometimes feel like I just want to give up? There you go: Guilt prevents me from enjoying motherhood!
"Third is the FIRE chakra, located in the stomach. This chakra deals with willpower, and is blocked by shame.
"What are you ashamed of? What are your biggest disappointments in yourself? You will never find balance if you deny this part of your life."
Shame is a bottomless pit. Don't fall in it, mamas. Shame prevents you from achieving anything because you just don't want to face the world and be confronted with what you've done in the past. I'm ashamed of many things in my working mama life. When I used to be a magazine editor, I let it get into my head. I became arrogant. I'm ashamed of that. When I was a new mom again to my second boy and I had just lost my editor-in-chief job, I was so scared of my unemployed status, I accepted lots of freelance work. But because I had a new baby and too many assignments, I failed to meet deadlines. The people who hired me got angry at me and never got me again. I am so ashamed of that!
Because of my shame, I was afraid to ask people to give me another chance. I was scared to work with certain people or ask for referrals because I'm sure they'll say bad things about me (and much deserved, too). You know what I did? I apologized to each and every person I disappointed. Some of them forgave me, some didn't—and I understand. What matters is I owned up to my mistakes and from there I was able to have the willpower to move on, unencumbered by shame.
"The fourth chakra is LOVE, located in the heart. It deals with love and is blocked by grief.
"Lay all your grief out in front of you. Love is a form of energy, and it swirls all around us. A love of your lost ones has not left this world, it is still inside of your heart; and it is reborn in a form of new love. Let it flow through you."
I'm going to talk about this chakra strictly in terms of work. As most of my Loyal Readers know, all I ever wanted to be in my life was to be an editor-in-chief of an international magazine. It happened when I was just 30 years old but within 6 years, my dream career crashed around me when the internet killed magazines.
It's hard to love work and any kind of work after that. I still love my magazine job more than anything I've done, even my blogging career which has paid me more than the publishing industry ever had, has brought me more opportunities than magazines ever did, and allows me to stay home and be with my family. Blogging is much kinder and more generous to me than magazine publishing, but I fail to appreciate it fully because I'm still grieving over my dream magazine career.
I just typed all that and realized I'm in a MUCH BETTER place and I can't love it??? Goodness me! What a fool I am! I'm going to let go of this grief and love blogging wholeheartedly now!
"The fifth in the chain is the SOUND chakra, located in the throat. It deals with the truth, and is blocked by lies, the ones we tell ourselves. "You can not lie about your own nature. You must accept yourself as you are."
Not an issue. You all know I'm all about truth, honesty and integrity! But many of us can't accept the truth of who we are, of what we want, what we believe in. We live from fear to fear, from day to day, from pay check to pay check, without giving a thought to what we really want in this life. Mindful living is such a trendy term these days but I think we should pay attention to it. Be mindful of your thoughts, words, actions. You'd be living a life of true integrity when everything is aligned!
"The sixth pool of energy is the LIGHT chakra, located in the center of the forehead. It deals with insight, and is blocked by illusion. "The greatest illusion of this world is the illusion of separation. Things you think are separate and different are actually one and the same. We are all one people, but we live as if divided. We are all connected, and everything is connected. Even the separation of the four elements is an illusion. If you open your mind, you will see that all the elements are one; four parts of the same whole. Even metal is just a part of earth that has been purified and refined."
From a purely working mama perspective, sometimes we compartmentalize our lives in an attempt to organize it. We hate our job when we should be grateful for it because it provides for our families. We resent our families because we can't seize career opportunities because of them. Instead, we should appreciate our life's phases and find opportunities within them.
For example, I'm a mom of three small kids. There's hardly any time for work when you're a fully hands-on mom. Instead of resenting my kids, I discovered mommy blogging and how lucrative it could be! So I may not be a famous writer or a magazine editor or a newspaper columnist but I'm earning money as a mommy blogger. My family inspired my new job. I don't know how long this job will last but I'm learning to let my life inspire my work because everything is connected.
"The final chakra is the THOUGHT chakra and is located at the crown of the head. It deals with pure cosmic energy and is blocked by earthly attachment. "Once you open this chakra, you will be able to go in the state of mind where you will have complete control and awareness of all your actions. Meditate on what attaches you to this world. Now, let all of those attachments go, let them flow down the river; forgotten. You must learn to let go, otherwise you won’t be able to let the pure cosmic energy flow in from the Universe."
In Avatar, this is the chakra Aang had a hard time releasing. He couldn't understand why he had to let go of the people he loved most to be able to achieve the avatar state. As a wife and mother, I can understand. Our families are the most precious people to us! But I always remember the story of Abraham and Isaac. Remember that (horrible) story when God commanded Abraham to lay his only son, Isaac, on an altar and sacrifice the child to God? I CAN'T DO THAT! But Abraham obeyed without question (but definitely with grief and sorrow) and God spared them both. He now knew that Abraham's priority is his faith in God and nothing—not even his precious son—can stop him from obeying God. This led him to do great and mighty things for the Lord.
In my case, I have always nurtured a tender detachment from my sons. I love them, okay. More than the world, more than my life! But even when they were still in my tummy, all I focused on was the truth that they aren't mine. I'm just preparing them for their purpose, their future families. My one purpose as a mother is to prepare them for a life WITHOUT ME. If they can't function without their parents, then I failed as a parent. The best thing a parent can do for their kids is to let them go.
And that's it! The seven chakras and how to release them! Wasn't that amazing? I suggest we do a weekly evaluation of our fears and negative emotions, meditate on how they're stopping us from achieving great things, and then release them. Good luck, mamas! I hope this post helped you!
Avatar: The Last Airbender is now on Netflix. If you have the time, do watch it with your kids. It's amazing!
*Chakra image from MP3 Meditation Club. Visit their website to have a deeper understanding of chakras.
The rainy season is here! For us moms of young kids, that means a lot of school days will be cancelled because of heavy rain, floods, and typhoons. Of course, when excited little kids are stuck at home all day and you can't send them out to the garden or the playground to give you a little peace and quiet, you need to figure out what to do with the kids. Well, mamas, here's what I suggest for the kids to do!
1. Study.
It's actually still a school day, even if classes got cancelled. So if they have a test coming up or I feel hindi pa nila gamay ang isang topic, we review review review!
2. Watch Netflix.
Yep. I'm not going to pretend I'm a perfect mom. I do it—I park my kids in front of the TV, turn on Netflix, and I chill. LOL. Ako talaga ang nag-chill. I love Netflix. It has 5 profiles, one each for every my member of my family. The boys can only their kiddie shows and movies, so I feel secure in letting them watch any show they want.
Of course, I hang around to supervise. Lots of the shows I heartily approve: Storybots, Trollhunters, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Puffin Rock, Team Umizoomi, Harvey Street Kids, Oddbods, Peppa Pig, Pocoyo, Paw Patrol, Boss Baby. Lots more actually. I just can't remember all the shows my kids and I have watched together. I'll do another post next week with mini reviews, but here's a preview of the truly enthralling Trollhunters:
3. Watch a movie.
Since I let them watch TV, you bet I let them watch movies, too, and watching movies is best enjoyed on a suddenly-there's-nothing-to-do day! There are a TON of movies on Netflix, mamas! The kids' favorites are from Disney (Pixar and Marvel), of course. So we're enjoying watching The Incredibles, Bolt, Lion King, Wreck-It Ralph, Brave, and Happy Feet.
Sometimes the kids want to watch movies that are not for their age group. We allow it if we're watching with them. So we move over to the grown-up profiles of Mama and Papa and all the Avengers movies on Netflix, Jaws,Real Steel, and Pacific Rim are on repeat in our house.
4. Read a book. Make a book!
We should read more books really. But when the school year starts, they put away the books because there's homework to do. How ironic! I really think homework should be illegal. So on nights there's no homework, we read a book. On days that classes are cancelled, we make books. Here's Piero and his book on Pacific Rim jaegers battling alien kaiju monsters!
5. Play video games.
School days mean no mobile devices. Sometimes, we do relax that rule when they have absolutely no homework, or they just finished a week of tests, or if classes are cancelled. Here they are relaxing with the iPad that Netflix gave us last Christmas. Thanks, Netflix! Yes, we can stream Netflix through our iPad, too!
6. Play the piano.
One of my joys is that every single day last summer, the kids pound away on the keyboard. It's not always music to my ears, but every day they practice it becomes less noise and it's lovely seeing and hearing my sons enjoy playing music. So whenever walang pasok, I urge them to play the piano again.
7. Play with their toys.
Now that school is here, the kids spend most of the day on campus, then when they get home, they do their homework. Then it's dinner, bath time and bedtime. On cancelled-classes days, they can get to enjoy their toys, like this set of building blocks that Netflix sent them. Thanks, Netflix! I love it that you send tons of activities for my kids that actually take them away from the TV. I guess you're that confident they'll be back haha
8. Play with pets.
My kids play with our bunny Blue every day but they're especially makulit with her kapag walang pasok. I seriously think Blue wishes there were classes every day because my sons are cariño brutal with her haha Just look at Piero making gigil sa rabbit!
9. Do science experiments.
Okay, we don't do this all the time. If we're going to do messy experiments, magluluto na lang kami hehe. Buti na lang they have a father who is more enthusiastic about making a mess that they can't eat. They've made slime, watched volcano eruptions, and recreated the water cycle. The boys love it!
10. Help with the chores.
Last but not the least, and actually the most important for me, I ask them to help around the house. Help with the laundry, pack away their room, little things like that. Just look at Piero when he was a wee toddler cleaning up his mess! Okay, I didn't make him sweep the floor. He volunteered to do this himself and actually made even a bigger mess! But you know what I mean about getting the kids to help out at home when they have no classes.
So there you have it, mamas! I obviously love it when #WalangPasok happens! Of course, I can do these because I'm a work-at-home mom. I'd love to know what moms who work at an office have lined up for their kids on days classes are cancelled. Please share! I'm sure we can all help each other make the #WalangPasok days a great time for the kids.
*Enjoy Netflix, too! Click here to see how to subscribe to the best streaming service of movies, TV shows, and documentaries. There's always something for you and your whole family to watch!
I finally finished watching "The Crown" on Netflix. Yeah, it took me a while, being a working mama and homemaker and this—May and June—being the busiest season for me as blogger and mother because of Mother's Day and all the back-to-school activities.
Anyway, after watching the show and seeing Queen Elizabeth II struggle with juggling work, marriage and motherhood (oh wow, the Queen is just like us!), I looked her up as a mother and found this poignant article, "Mistakes, regret and how the Queen learnt being a mother is the job that matters most." It reminded me (as I hope it will remind all of you, too) that we need to be there for our kids, physically, yes, but emotionally most of all.
I say this to myself because I devote more time to the laundry, the bento baon, you know, more time making sure my boys have a good life than actually spending ALL of that life with them. My excuse, of course, is that I don't have a kasambahay. Who's going to cook and clean and get their clothes ready if I'm playing with them or reading a book to them? It's easy to say, "Spend time with your kids," if there are other people around to do the chores and earn a living. Sometimes I think it's a privileged statement. Only mothers who have household help and family who are there to help out can say they can spend copious amounts of time with their kids. That's what my resentful heart says, but I quickly drown out the resentment because I know that statement is meant well.
There's the story in the article that goes, "A very young Charles asked [the Queen], please, to come and play — only to have the door gently closed in his face and his mother tell him, 'If only I could.'" That's happened to me many times. "Mama, read me a bedtime story!" "I can't, sweetheart. I have to clear the dinner table." "Mama, play with us!" "I can't, baby love. I have to write an article." "Mama, draw with me!" "I can't, bunny wabbit. I have to do the laundry."
It's not always no. But the activities I choose to spend time with them are the important stuff—doing homework, eating every meal together, answering life questions, putting them to bed until they're all asleep every night. But if it's fun stuff, I pass. Yes, I know fun is important, too, but I have to do other things. And if anyone dare tell me to quit work and stop doing the chores to spend more time with my kids, well, I would happily do so if they'd take over those jobs!
In the case of Queen Elizabeth, she turned over the mothering almost entirely to her staff resulting to Charles saying his childhood was unhappy and lonely. Of course, she had a country to run so her situation is a lot different from most mothers. Still, how hard is it to cuddle your kids after a long day of governance? How hard is it to hug them and say you love them even for a minute between seeing your subjects? In "The Crown," there are scenes of Elizabeth being polite with her children. Not gushing, embracing, kissing, laughing. Just hello-how-do-you-do. She wasn't cold or cruel. Just distracted, I guess.
Well, it must be hard for some people to be openly emotional. My own mother was also too busy with work and household chores to be more involved with raising us. In fact, the first time Mama said she loved me was when I was 15 years old and only because I told her first. One afternoon, I said, "I love you, Mama." Mama looked shocked then walked out of the room without a word. I shrugged, not surprised at her reaction at all. Three months later, she looked at me and said out of the blue, "I love you, too."
Three months. It took her three whole months to work up the courage to tell me she loved me back. Imagine that! I'm glad that happened because after that, she was more generous with her "I love you's" like she just needed that one catalyst afternoon of me being so verbal about my feelings to open her own floodgates of emotion. I don't resent her for this. She spent her life so focused on providing for us, it had made her emotionally distant. It's a good thing I was never scared to lay bare my emotions, right? Imagine if I waited for her to say she loved me???
In that sense, I don't feel guilty about working. On one hand, yes, I'm sure my kids would love me to play with them more often. On the other hand, they're never confused about my feelings for them and the reasons I can't play with them because I'm always talking to them about work, duties, time. Plus, I actually am with them all of the time so there's nothing to complain about!
But, yes, I think about this a lot. When I'm enjoying the smell of my freshly washed laundry and imagining how my boys would smell so nice in them, when I'm packing their baon full of food they love, I'm just really happy and proud of myself. Happy that all the things my sons enjoy, I made it possible. My hands cooked their food. My hands prepared their baon. My hands washed their clothes. My hands changed their bedsheets. My hard work bought them everything. I fetch them from school. I help them do their homework. I personally made everything they eat, watch, use, love and enjoy possible. No one else. No yaya, no maid, no driver, no relative. Me. Just me. And their Papa, of course, but since he's at work a lot unlike before when he was a stay-at-home dad, it's mostly me these days. (I miss you, Vince!)
I do wonder if I'd be a more relaxed mother, a more fun one, if a kasambahay did all the chores. But I don't feel guilty at all. I may be a busy mommy but I always always always tell my kids I love them and I smother them with hugs and cover them with kisses in between chores, just before bed, at the start of every day and after every exhausting day. I may not do everything with them but they know I do everything for them! They're my heart and they know it. So they forgive the times I have to say no because I have chores or I have a deadline. In fact, I know they're proud of me for being so hardworking. Their classmates tell me so.
So, fellow working mamas, don't let guilt rob you of the joy of your career. Quantity of time spent with our kids matters, of course, but as long as we never hold back on our affection, as long as we assure them we love them, as long as we make the hours with them special (and it can be as simple as eating ice cream together or laughing at jokes!), the kids will be fine.
Let's take a break from our working mama posts with a recipe today!
My family and I finally watched Incredibles 2 today. We waited more than a week because all the theaters were full but today, we finally got some seats. Oh, and thanks to SM Cinemas for their promo where two little kids watch for free!
Anyway, we enjoyed the movie. It's not as great as the first one [why I liked The Incredibles here] but we loved it anyway because it was action-packed, so full of spy nostalgia and mid-century modern aesthetic (my favorite era of home design!), and yet it's also so relatable. Any parent understands the chaos on screen! Any stay-at-home parent gets that feeling of overwhelmed exhaustion and the nagging conviction you're wasting your life at home instead of making a difference out in the world. And any working mom relates to the fulfilment of a career clouded by guilt. Don't worry—it's a family movie! It's not just for parents; the kids will enjoy all the superhero adventures and will relate to the sibling squabbles, the resentment at babysitting, and annoying parents!
For us, the best part was Jack-Jack. I just want to commend Pixar for making him adorable in all his manifestations! Whether he was a fire monster or a pink demon, the youngest Parr super was sooo cute! Parang yung youngest Sales boy namin! Cute kahit nakakasira ng bait! And like my Piero, Jack-Jack is easily calmed down with a sweet treat.
So luckily for us mamas, I got a-hold of the Num Num Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe! Here it is and let's try it on our own little super monsters!
In case you have no idea what I'm talking about, here's the plot summary:
In Incredibles 2, Helen (voice of Holly Hunter) is called on to lead a campaign to bring Supers back, while Bob (voice of Craig T. Nelson) navigates the day-to-day heroics of “normal” life at home with Violet (voice of Sarah Vowell), Dash (voice of Huck Milner) and baby Jack-Jack—whose super powers are about to be discovered. Their mission is derailed, however, when a new villain emerges with a brilliant and dangerous plot that threatens everything. But the Parrs don’t shy away from a challenge, especially with Frozone (voice of Samuel L. Jackson) by their side. That’s what makes this family so Incredible!
Incredibles 2 is still showing! Catch it while you can—with the whole family, of course!
As a mom, I've watched all the Disney Pixar movies. Every single one. Multiple times. Bought the merchandise of several films, too. Loyal customer here! But as a WOMAN, there are a few of them that I actually liked and The Incredibles is on top of the list.
In case you didn't watch it, this superhero movie is about the post-hero years, when normal people began to be afraid of supers, forcing them to hide their superpowers and live a normal life. This doesn't sit well with Bob Parr (a.k.a. Mr. Incredible) because he wants to fulfil his purpose, which is to use his superstrength to help people. So he secretly goes on missions, neglecting his greater purpose which is to be a husband and father to his now-confused family of supers. It ends well, of course, but before they get there, all sorts of dangerous events happened (the plane blowing up tops my list of most horrific scenes for a parent to ever watch on screen!). If you haven't watched this movie, you have to!!!
I loved The Incredibles because of that scene when Helen Parr (a.k.a. Elastigirl) confesses to Edna Mode her fear that Mr. Incredible was having an affair. Here it is:
Helen: Now I'm losing him! What'll I do? What'll I do?
Edna: What are you talking about?
Helen: Huh?
Edna: [shouts] You are Elastigirl! My God... [swats Helen with a newspaper] Pull yourself together! What will you do? Is this a question? You will show him you remember that he is Mr. Incredible, and you will remind him who YOU are. Well, you know where he is. Go, confront the problem. Fight! Win!
I remember watching that scene and feeling so EMPOWERED! It didn't tell a wife to forgive and be long-suffering. It didn't tell her to confront the other woman. It told her to remember WHO SHE IS. I love that so much! I apply that to many times of doubt in my own life. When I think no one's going to hire me anymore, when I torture myself with thoughts that I'm old and Vince may not be attracted to me anymore, when I'm so tired from mommying and think nobody sees me, I slap myself with an imaginary newspaper and think, "Remember who you are!" And I stand up a little straighter and hold my head a little higher.
As moms, we forget that we are a woman first and foremost. We give and give and give that we forget that under all these ratty clothes, cellulite, piles of laundry and chores, and endless service to family, we forget that we are our own person. Never forget who you are and your own power, mamas!
I am so excited to watch the second movie because this time, Elastigirl is a working mom!
That's why I really support movies that show a non-traditional family. It's about time working mothers are celebrated (instead of vilified) and caring dads are appreciated (instead of mocked). I'm not saying roles should be reversed, that dads should stay home now. I'm saying that if a family is better off with a mom who works and a dad who's better with the kids, we should embrace that. I'm saying that if a woman earns more than a man, that shouldn't be a big deal. I'm saying that a mother and father should be able to choose what's best for their family instead of us imposing roles on them.
I'm really hoping The Incredibles 2 treats this matter well. For my sons especially who will watch it and maybe see our family reflected on that screen, I hope they will love what they see.
Yes, perfect wedding! It's the most perfect wedding I've ever seen. Everything about it was Harry and Meghan. It was deeply British and very African-American. It was royal and Hollywood. It was traditional and modern. It was so elegant and stylish. Every moment was studied and yet also candid. How is this wedding so amazing?
They're so happy! And so adorable!
Okay, I have too many favorite moments. Like, I can't count! But here are a few that were documented by my favorite Instagram fan account of Meghan and Harry, @meghanandherprince.
Meghan walking down the aisle on her own. You know that I am such a huge feminist so to see a woman walking alone to the man she chose with no need for approval from any other man in her life is so empowering! And then I loved when Charles got her halfway. On one hand, he was making her sundo for his son; on the other hand, he has always wanted a daughter. In fact, when Harry was born, Charles was disappointed and Diana said something in her died that day.
When Harry unveiled Meghan. Apparently, this is the duty of the father of the bride. But since Meghan's dad wasn't around, it was Harry who had to do it. Check out when he said, "Hi!"
I also loved Bishop Michael Curry's sermon. It was so apt for a couple who have devoted their lives to public service, human rights, and love for fellow man.
It called to me so much to forgive, serve and love. Love lang talaga! Ang hirap kaya niyan in this world of hate and fear. But I heard you, Bishop Curry, and I will follow the way of love. As his chosen verses said, "Beloved, let us love one another for love is of God and everyone that loves is born of God and knows God. He that doesn't love knows not God for God is love." (I John 4:7-8) So let us love one another. Always choose love! Just like Harry and Meghan. Through everything that happened in their life, they always chose to respond in love.
I'm so inspired this weekend, mamas! If you follow me on my Facebook page, you'd know I'm on a royal wedding fever high. I'll blog again about other things this week. Let me just get down from my happy loved-up cloud.
Please follow @meghanandherprince for more updates on Harry and Meghan!
Happy International Women's Month, mamas! I'm so excited to be living in this time when women everywhere are moving boldly to make the world a better place for women and children. And for men, too. For everyone! Feminists are so amazing. If it weren't for them, women won't be able to go to school, to vote, to work, to choose who they marry if they want to marry, to live on their own... Basically, if you're a woman who can leave your house and live a life you chose, then you have generations of feminists to thank!
For hundreds of years, women didn’t get the credit they deserve. Today, the world is a very different place, and more and more ferocious females are blazing a trail and inspiring women, both young and old, to fulfil their potential and reach their goals. And if you're a mama who is feeling discouraged because work is hard or money is tight or the goal seems impossible to reach, I am here to tell you that the fact that you're still getting up every morning to try and try again is a most amazing thing. Bravo!
Here are words of inspiration from successful women but who went through great pain just to be at the top of their game:
I'm so inspired really. I love that women are speaking out against evil and wrongdoing—from the #MeToo and #TimesUp movement where women are standing up against sexual harassment and abuse in the work place to the brave women that our government is persecuting all because they're doing their jobs well.
As a working mama, all I want to do is do my job and get paid for it. That's it. Let me do what I'm good at! I don't want to have to worry about getting raped. I don't want to worry about my job security being threatened just because I'm doing good work. Every day, millions of working women fear for their life just because they want to have a career, or they need to feed their family, or they're pursuing their dreams! But every day, we are also helping to change that. Let's never stop making this world better for ourselves and for our children.
I'm neck-deep in work for my job as beauty editor at L'Oréal, mamas! I have so much to blog about, I know, and I will. Lemme just meet my deadlines first!
So anyway, quick post before I run off again to write beauty articles. So when I write late at night, I need music to help drown out the thick silence, which can get unnerving. I don't know why that happens to me when I work. The quiet never bothers me when I'm reading a book.
But anyway. So I listen to lots of songs but not from iTunes or Spotify. I usually search for a song my Uber driver recommended that day and then I let the auto play take over. This is how even though I am in my 40s, I am not stuck in the songs of my youth (which would be the 80s and 90s—which had the best songs!). That's why I still sing and dance to Justin Bieber, Ariana Grande and why I'm so so so in love with Ed Sheeran.
(sigh)
My current favorite song is "Perfect." I didn't really like it when it first came out, especially the video because he was so friend-zoned it was painful. Of course there is a happy ending to the video (watch it below!) and it took me a few views before I decided I slowly fell in love with the song the way the girl in the video slowly fell in love with Ed.
Anyway, as I was watching that dance at the end, it dawned on me how it's the perfect song to dance to at a wedding. Right??? I'm sure I'm not the first one who thought this and true enough, a quick search produced a dozed wedding dances. Okay, don't even bother looking at those because I already did and they are awkward and painful to watch haha
But this one, mamas... This one is beautiful. Of all the videos of wedding dances to "Perfect," this is not the swankiest wedding, nor the most elegant, and I wish the camera was nicer, but this dance... Oh, it's so sweet.
I keep thinking of Vince when I heard the line, "We were just kids when we fell in love, not knowing what it was." That's so us. Well, I dunno about Vince. He always seemed so sure about me, about us. So I just followed his lead and I'm so glad I did. So glad I did.
Business mogul Kylie Jenner finally announced she gave birth to a baby girl, confirming pregnancy rumors. She said she wanted the whole experience to be private while she was going through it, and she apologized for keeping it private when she'd always been so public about her life.
While I don't think she should be sorry, I totally understand why she apologized to her fans. Yes, it's her life, her pregnancy, her decisions. Hindi naman kailangan lahat i-reveal. I feel like because she saw her older sisters so publicly pregnant and she witnessed all the hate with the love, it's so understandable that she'd keep her own pregnancy to herself. What do you think, mamas?
Kayo, how did you feel about your pregnancies? Super public every day ba ang updates? Or immediate family lang ang may alam? Why was that so?
Me, my first two pregnancies talagang super share ako with everything. But my third one, hindi na masyado. By then kasi alam ko na that when you put yourself out there, maraming unwanted comments. Like, nagpost ka ng may hawak ka na Coke and someone will comment, "Mommy, linalason mo na yung baby mo." Or may photo ako na kasama yung first two kids ko and may magsasabi ng "Grabe you're pregnant every year do you even care about your carbon footprint?!" So nakakawalang gana mag-share, you know? In fact, that's one of the major reasons I turned my blog from a mommy journal documenting my motherhood journey and my kids' lives to a working mom's blog so I can talk about career and home, and my kids can have their privacy. Yes, all photos and stories shared now are with my boys' permission. And most of the time they say no. Kaya kung napansin niyo, parang naging beauty blog na ang Topaz Horizon haha
But if you notice other mom bloggers, they also evolve. Or kill their blogs entirely. From mom blogs, nagiging cooking blogs or DIY home stuff or kiddie arts and crafts ideas, or they evolve to brands selling products for moms, kids and the home (my dream!). Kasi when the kids start having a sense of social media and privacy, the moms will have then realized they can't just blog/IG about their kids anymore. There are security reasons to consider, too. I have never said where my kids go to school, for example, although people have guessed. Also, many schools discourage a social media presence for their students so paano na mga mom-and-me OOTDs??? So, if you're a mom blogger with babies, know that your blog has maybe 5 years. Unless you keep making babies and grabe na yun hahahahahaha
But anyway, balik sa topic of my third pregnancy. I want to acknowledge that I had many blog readers who also sent me messages asking why I wasn't so generous about sharing my third baby. They said they're so happy for me, they love my third baby also, that they're disappointed wala masyadong updates or pictures. So to you, I'm so sorry that I kept my Piero all to myself and yet thanks so much for the love!
Naaaaaaks, na-inspire talaga ako kay Kylie! Actually, I just recalled that time when I also didn't want to talk about my third baby but kinda had to because I had sponsors or because readers asked. So sobrang bilib ako kay Kylie because she put her foot down. She decided that in this special case, her sponsors, her family's reality show, and her fans didn't matter. Her privacy and her baby did. And in this age of super public motherhood, that's amazing. I am truly inspired!
Check out Kylie's pregnancy video:
What I loved:
Kendall telling Kylie to pose better.
1. I love it that the video doesn't allow ads or comments. As I type, it's already at 19,900,000+ views. In 10 hours! If she had allowed ads, she'd have earned a lot na. But she didn't allow it. RESPECT!
Mama Kylie showing off her bump and her bling.
2. I loved how she's so sure and calm about everything. She's 20 years old, yes, but if you're 20 and have a business worth USD 420 million - your own business, not inherited or married to - then you are more mature than most 20-year-old kids.
Kylie with her nieces and siblings.
3. I loved how her family is so supportive. Her mom, Kris Jenner, was absolutely certain Kylie would be the best mom ever. Kim K gently and humorously wanted to warn her about what will happen to her vagina (such a sisterly thing!). Khloe was excited she and Kylie were pregnant at the same time. Aww, makes me wish I was surrounded by pregnant family and friends when I was also preggy (I didn't because I got married late and had kids even later while my friends had kids in their late teens and early 20s). It just seems such a womanly tribal thing. I never had that!
With her friends at her baby shower.
4. I loved how she celebrated her pregnancy with her friends, with lots of food, with parties—she's just so obviously happy! And then when it mattered, she didn't reveal anything—we didn't see her giving birth, we just heard it. We still don't know her baby's name. And we never heard anything from her, her man, her family or her friends when she was pregnant—all 9 months of it and even on the day she gave birth. Nothing. I love how she's so in control of everything.
Kylie and baby daddy Travis Scott at the doctor's clinic.
5. I loved all the hospital scenes haha The ultrasound, the heartbeat, the family all around her at her prenatal check-ups and when she gave birth (I didn't have that huhu). I seriously cried when I heard her baby's first cry. Brought me back to my own birthing and how giving birth trumps all experiences. Nothing, absolutely NOTHING, comes close to that amazing experience. And I'm so lucky I got to go through it three times.
Congratulations, Kylie! You'll be an amazing mama! And a working mama, too!
Hi, everyone! I'm Frances. I'm the author of Not Invisible. I'm also a lifestyle and parenting writer, a book editor, the co-founder of Lean In Manila, and I have a day job in corporate communications. When I find time away from my busy life as all mentioned and as a wife and mom, I blog here.
Welcome to my blog! It's a 16-year-old honest and safe space for working moms, mothers of boys, and feminists (I just described all of myself). Thanks for dropping by!
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