Showing posts with label Family & Friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family & Friends. Show all posts

Sunday, June 20, 2021

The man behind the scenes

I wasn't able to take a proper Father's Day photo of Vince and our boys today. That's because they got excited about the gift we got him (a Dungeons & Dragons Castle Ravenloft board game!). While there are no pictures, I'm glad to report that today was a very happy day for my husband.

So on Facebook and Instagram, everyone's posting their Father's Day appreciation essays and of course I had to join because I had to show proof my kids have a father hahahaha My husband is very private and so I only get to show him off maybe twice a year - Christmas and Father's Day. He doesn't forbid me, but I know the spotlight makes him uncomfortable. It's Father's Day today, though, and he had a wonderful day so maybe we can celebrate him today!

Since I didn't have new photos to post, I shared old photos of Vince being a dad. I didn't have many pictures, which says a lot about Vince. Here are the unspoken meanings behind the photos I shared:


#1 He's always the one behind the camera.

Vince is always taking pictures of the kids. I know I'm some sort of mommy blogger but I wouldn't have any pictures to share if it weren't for my husband. He's the one who's endlessly fascinated with our sons and making sure there's a record of how wonderful they are. 


#2 He's the kids' best teacher.

My kids learned tons of stuff from their Papa. From toilet training and cutting their own nails to reading and world history, it's Vince who is their Google, coach, and all-around go-to guy. I'm a pretty good source of information and skills, too, but I can't claim everything. And that's the coolest thing! That my kids are learning so many things from their father simply because he's always there for them, for me!


#3 He's the best in arts and crafts!

Vince never lost his ability to appreciate raw materials. Where I see trash, he sees something he can create with the kids. It's a child-like wonder with cardboard and boxes and sticks and old vacuum tubes and toilet paper rolls. And the boys adore their father because he's forever churning out stuff for them and for me. The kids' creativity is always piqued! 


#4 He's the best daddy stylist.

There's a reason why I'm not a mommy influencer who parades her kids in the latest fashions. I'm simply not stylish! If you see my kids dressed up, that wasn't my doing. I let the kids go out of the house and they'll look like they just rolled out of bed. My husband makes sure their shirts are pressed, their outfits coordinate, and their socks match. 


#5 He's the one who cares for everything we use at home.

All the advertisements say it's the mommy who's pihikan. She's the one who chooses what's best for her family. Not in my house. It's my husband who picks out the best products. He's so very picky! He's the one who tells me what brands to buy when I'm writing down the grocery list, especially when it comes to what his sons eat, drink, and bathe with!

Vince is all these and many more. I'm so glad he loves being a daddy. It makes being a mommy so much easier because he took on many of the things moms are supposed to do. I didn't toilet train my kids. I didn't teach them to read. I don't even give them baths. Supposedly mommy duties, right? I didn't have to. Vince took care of those and more, allowing me to be a more rested, more happy mommy.

Many times, we moms are just so exhausted because we're responsible for too many things. Too many. And we're not supposed to complain because we're moms. We're supposed to be superheroes. We're not. But when the responsibilities are shared - no "mommy duty" or "daddy duty", just "parental duty" - then parenting is so much easier and better. So much better!

Dear Vince, you are the most steady and stable influence in my life and in our boys' life. Because you're such a behind-the-scenes father, there's hardly any photographic proof of you and you're silent on social media, but oh how your presence and influence pervade every pore of our family's being. You have shown me and the boys how valuable it is to have integrity, to know oneself and to be at peace with who you are, and to make all of your decisions based on who you are and what you love. There is no inconsistency with you. There is no fear, no insecurity, no doubt because you are our rock. 

And this year, the past years even, and most probably the future may be hard and uncertain but I am not afraid. When we are together, I am most appreciative of my life. When we are together, I don't feel alone. But it's when we are together with our boys and I see how wonderful a Papa you are to them, that's when I feel most in love with you.

Happy Father's Day, Vince! 



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Monday, May 31, 2021

A happy 9th birthday


Well, someone had a really good month! 


Iñigo turned 9 and we had so much fun celebrating the funniest little boy in the world! We had balloons and toys, cake and ice cream, and hugs and kisses. Just the kind of birthday party that we always have. 


I can't say much about Iñigo anymore. I'm not allowed haha He wants me to respect his privacy, but he did say he wanted Mama's friends to see how happy his birthday was. So here are a few photos of such a happy day!


It's his second birthday in quarantine. Second of a few more since vaccinations for kids start at 12 years old. He has 3 years to go. Till then, he stays home and stays safe. Lord, please let that be Your birthday gift to my not-so-little boy. Let him and his brothers be healthy and untouched by Covid forever. 


Bless him. Keep him safe. Nourish his dreams. Show him Your will for his life. Let him be this joyful and funny all the days of his life, which I pray to be full of love. Take care of my boy, dear God, on his birthday and many more birthdays to come. Amen. 

*If you do want to know what Iñigo's like, check out what I wrote about him on his 5th birthday. He's still exactly the same.

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Friday, May 07, 2021

7 reasons why I'm happy to be an old mom

I'm 44 and mommy to little boys. If I had gotten pregnant at 22, I'd have a kid in college now! Since more and more women are delaying marriage and motherhood, I'm in pretty good company. In Europe, the average age of first-time mothers is 29.9 years old (source). In Japan, it's 30.7, in South Korea, it's 31.4 (source). But the older generation, specifically my father, had insisted I should've had my kids early, like when I was 22. When I turned 27 and was still unmarried and child-free, my Papa told me to get pregnant already to force Vince to marry me. That was sad because I think he started telling me to guard my virginity since I was 7 (parents, please stop tying your daughter's value to her virginity!) and then 20 years later, that integrity was thrown out the window all because Filipinos believe only motherhood is the point of women's lives.

Considering that I absolutely love motherhood (most days haha), I ought to agree, right? Nope. I am oh so glad I delayed having babies for as long as I could. But to answer the question, well, if I had known it would be this ridiculously amazing, well... I still wouldn't have done it. I know who I am and the mid-20s Frances would never have appreciated motherhood the way mid-40s Frances is being blown away by it every day. 

(I'm also being battered by it. Maybe if I had been a young mom, I'd have had more energy?)
 

Here are my 7 reasons why I am so relieved and happy I'm an old mom:

1. I became a somebody before I became a wife and a mom.

I don't mean I became famous. I just mean I became my own person - not someone's daughter, not someone's wife, not someone's mother. I became me. I learned who I was and what I wanted in life and was able to achieve all that on my own and without the guilt of choosing between career and my family.

I'm a mommy now and you know what? I will always choose family over career. But sometimes I wonder if I have this conviction only because I had the privilege of having enjoyed a career without having to think of anyone else. I can say easily now that between an important meeting and picking up my kids from school I'd pick my kids. But that's because I've earned the position - I can dictate meetings now, say no, and my career will be fine. If you're 23 with a crying baby and a demanding boss... that sounds horrible. 

2. I'm wiser and vastly more patient.

Less selfish, too. Less drama. More love. More kindness. Not saying that women in their 20s can't be wise, patient, selfless, and kind. I'm talking about ME. The Frances in her 20s wasn't really a nice person. She was all about herself and I'm not saying that's a bad thing. I was a kid, I had fun, I had a whole decade just catering to me, me, me. And that was glorious!

But those years also taught me a lot about the world, relationships, family, money, and the fleeting brevity of life. So I was able to make mistakes and learn from them and the only one who was affected was me. I became softer, more humble, kinder, more forgiving, more understanding, and compassionate. So when the babies finally came, they had a mommy whose heart had become tender from all the blows of life.  

3. I'm old enough to know that I'm not missing out.

I met Vince when I was 22 and he was 25 and we had a blast growing up together. We pursued our passions separately, and there were times we didn't see each other for days, even weeks, since we were so busy with our own lives and dreams and careers. And you know what? All that shit was fun but I don't miss any of it. So when I became a mom and was at home for days and days on end, the partying photos of other moms didn't make me feel bad. Been there, done that. 

4. I love my body now.

It's ironic that when my body looked its best (late 20s to early 30s), I didn't like it. I kept comparing it to other bodies. It was always sick. I was too busy to appreciate it. But aging and maturity made me appreciate how my body makes me do the most amazing things. I got pregnant, gave birth, recovered at lightning speed, breastfed three babies continuously, carried heavy babies for hours and hours, ran after little boys, and kept house and home for them all on an average of 4 hours of sleep a night for the last 11 years. How I'm still alive, I do not know! My body keeps going and going. It's my favorite miracle. 

5. I had so much sex!

The thing with having children - though we love them so very much and we will literally die for them if needed - is they're the result of lovemaking and now they prevent us from making love. Cue the sad violin music.

My husband and I miss those days and nights when just one look and we become undone. Now, we just look at each other longingly and nothing happens hahaha Thank goodness we had those pre-parent YEARS when we could make love all day long and all night long!

6. I actually like kids now.

Loyal Readers who have read this blog since 2016 know I never wanted to be a mother. I had many reasons, chief of which I don't really like kids. I don't hate them. I enjoyed my brief career as a preschool teacher, for example. But the best thing about being a teacher/babysitter/auntie is you can enjoy the cuties for a while then return them to their parents. But now, in my old age and because my kids made me fall in love with them and anything that vaguely resembles them in size and shape, I love kids!

7. I met new young friends.

I mentioned that in other countries, women are having kids at a later age. Here in the Philippines, it's still a young 22.8 (source) so many of my mommy friends are younger than me. And while I'm glad I'm an old mommy, I can see that motherhood isn't just for oldies like me. Young moms have so much energy and devotion and creativity! I don't know why! Youth??? 


Sure, being an old mom has its downsides. I don't have the energy I had in my 20s. I'll still be paying for college tuition in my 60s. But those I can brush off. What I'm sad and desperate about is I really really want my kids to marry young so I can dote on my grandkids!!! What the what! Yep. That's the only thing that bothers me about having kids late. If my boys take after us and also get married in their 30s, then I'd be in my 60s before I see my grandkids!

Now, am I saying women should have kids in their 30s? No. I think you should do whatever makes you happy and be a mommy whenever you're ready. That can be 22, that can be 33, that can be 45. In my case, I was 33. To be honest, I didn't think I was ready (is anyone ever ready hahahaha). But I guess I was because I had already lived my selfish, carefree life, have the requisite loving and committed relationship, have the home, and had the money in the bank. So what was I waiting for? Thank goodness I missed a few pills and got pregnant!



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Monday, April 26, 2021

Happy birthday, Aida!

This is Aida. She's my best friend from high school and today is her birthday. 


You've seen her on this blog just a few times. That's because she left the country when we were in college to study medical school in the US, then married and started a family in France, and that's where she's been since. We both married men named Vincent and we are moms of boys! 

And in the last 25 years, we've seen each other maybe 10 times. It's tough to sustain a friendship over distance and time. We weren't there for each other much when we were growing up. Back then, in the 90s and early 2000s, there was only snail mail. Oh, and email of course. We try to catch up but life is a whirlwind of many changes and we have our new friends for those now. But Aida will always be special and I'll tell you why. 

You may be wondering why I chose to start this blog post with a photo of Aida holding my book. Seems like a post celebrating her shouldn't start with promoting something of mine. But that photo says so much about my dear friend. You see, she may be so far away but she always makes sure she stays in touch and supports her friends in whatever we do. Every single thing we achieve, she's the first to be happy for us and to celebrate with us - even though she's so far away! All her friends are so lucky to have someone so thoughtful in our life.

Aida's friendship is more than just words of affirmation from her. She actually does things to make us feel special. She always tries to chat with me on Messenger, but because of the time difference, I very seldom get to say hi back. But it's not like she lacks friends. She has so many friends. She has friends on a global scale! If her friend has a wedding, she will be there, no matter where in the world that wedding is. If a friend wants to meet up, she will buy a plane ticket and fly there. All our high school reunions, she attended. I only went to the last one and I failed to get a photo with her. 

Aida makes everyone feel important. That's why she was the most popular girl in high school. Everyone loved Aida. Boys and girls. Teachers, too. My family loves her. I don't know anyone who doesn't love her.

She's not a pure ray of light, though. She's great at cutting down people with a look. If she doesn't like you or what you said, you're going to know. Oh boy, will you know! In fact, she's the one who told me to be brave with whatever I think and do. I used to be a people-pleaser (sometimes I still am) and Aida told me again and again I can be nice without putting up with bullshit. I learned not to put up with bullshit eventually but it took a while. 

Everyone thinks I'm this brave woman but I was pretty much a very insecure, anxious, and fearful girl. If you're wondering what transformed me, well, first I should give credit to my ever-growing faith in God's love for me. Then to my eternal gratitude, He sent not-so-divine people my way - my husband Vince when I hit my 20s and, before that, there was Aida.


In high school, no one really liked me. I don't know why. I don't want to know why. Honestly, I'm over it. I had a few friends and that was enough. I did notice that one of my friendships made people look at me differently and that was my friendship with Aida. She was the one who called me best friend first, which startled me. She told everyone I was her best friend and I literally saw people get bewildered, get curious, then become nice to me. When you're 14 years old, that means the world. I realized that they thought very highly of Aida and if she loved me then I must be so much more than the box everyone unfairly put me in. People gave me a chance simply because one person vouched for me.

That's a real gift. That's why I try so very hard to be good and fair to other people and to give people a chance because Aida was good and fair to me. Just one person's kindness opened up my world in vast ways. I can't even measure the profound effect that had on my life. What would I be now if I remained that cowering creature that nobody liked? Her love for me changed me. I learned to be unafraid of my intelligence, to speak out, to be funny, to not give a shit about what people thought, to leave everything behind if it was holding me back, to venture out, to love with all my heart, and to be unapologetic about my life. 

Aida was my biggest influence when I was a kid and she may have been a kid herself but her kindness and courage changed me deeply. I hope she knows that. I don't think I ever told her how she changed my life. So I needed to write this so she knows that I see her and what she's done for me.

Dearest Aida, today, on your birthday, I want to say thank you. For standing up for me, for teaching me to love myself, for flying to my wedding, for buying my book and telling everyone about it, for being proud of me, and for being my friend and staying my friend. My life wouldn't be the same without you. I love you and celebrate you and honor you and bless you, Dang. Happy birthday!

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Tuesday, March 09, 2021

Our last normal day

Today, March 9, marks the anniversary of the last day my children were out in the world. 

On this date last year, it was a Monday. It was the last week of the school year and my kids were excited for school to end. Just 4 more days and it's summer! Piero and I went to fetch his older brothers. I had already heard of the mysterious new disease but I decided we won't wear masks that day. This Covid-19 seemed unreal. And it was such a beautiful day!


This is where we wait. It's the amenities deck of the condo across my kids' school. It has a playground and a 7-Eleven, a salon, and a couple of tutorial centers, so it's nice to hang out there by the pool. I take pictures for my husband. I always bother him at work by sending him photos of what his family is up to. 

This is mommy me! Hair in a ponytail, no makeup, no jewelry. Definitely not glam when I'm on mommy duty haha 

With me are Vito and Piero waiting for Inigo to finish his one-hour session with the Chinese tutor. They love waiting because just look at where we are. The boys play with their iPad or run around in the playground or we lounge by the pool. It's really nice there! We miss it.

And we're off! That day, we had a hard time again with getting a Grab. So after 30 minutes of attempted bookings, we walked to Ortigas Ave. to try and hail a taxi. What we usually do is go to the gasoline station near the boys' school. There's a nice cafe and pizza place there. I leave the boys there with pizza or chips and they do their homework while I go out and wait by the highway to get a taxi. I'll forever be grateful to the staff of that gasoline station for watching over the kids.

Eventually, I was able to book a Grab and so I went back to the kids and had merienda with them. Then our car arrived, the kids chattered away, and we were home. As I type this, it's 5:30 PM. That's exactly the time we get home from school. 

That's how our regular normal weekdays are. We just didn't realize that that would be the last one. That night, the schools canceled the rest of the week's remaining days. The kids didn't even get to say good-bye to their friends. But we thought, "That's okay, they'll see each other again in June." What did we know.

I don't want to be sad because one year in lockdown later, we are all still alive. And healthy. We never even got the sniffles - the first year in maybe a decade no one in the family got sick. And I tell myself I have to count my blessings every day so I don't take this for granted. 

But oh how I'm ready for that normal life once more.

Covid-19 cases are on the rise again. I see many people on social media having parties, lunches, weddings, and reunions. This pandemic is never going to end if we don't follow the safety protocols. Please stay home, everyone. Stay safe. 

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Friday, January 15, 2021

Dream come true! "Not Invisible: A Memoir"

 Way back in 2006, I blogged about a little dream in this post: What I think about on a slow Sunday evening. Six years later, I brought it up again in  My bookstore haul and mentioned it very quickly in Photo dump!. I dreamed of coming out with my own book, it will be published, of course, and hopefully loved by people enough to buy it and tell others about it.

This week, that dream came true. Please check out my new book, Not Invisible: A Memoir!!!


I shared the good news yesterday over at my social media that it's real - I am now a book author!


Okay, I don't know why my book came out in the Educator Biography category. It's not entirely inaccurate, given that I used to be a preschool teacher and I'm homeschooling now hahaha. But it should be under Parenting and Relationships. I'll ask my publisher, Ukiyoto, about that. 

And today, this happened:

#1 New Release

#8 Best Seller in Biographies of Educators

#13 in Two-Hour Biography and Memoir Short Reads

I am thrilled beyond words! All the words that I can manage now are "Thank you!", "Thank you so much!", "I'm crying!" and "God bless you!" Everyone's been so kind and encouraging, thrilled with me and for me. I am so grateful.

Not Invisible: A Memoir is a collection of the best posts from Topaz Horizon and Topaz Mommy. The latter is not accessible to the public anymore but for this book, I went back to that beloved blog and picked out a few essays. So if you've never read Topaz Mommy or you did and you miss it, please buy my book!

After selecting the best posts on marriage and motherhood, I realized that it wasn't a simple task to just put them all together. They had to make sense together, to have a consistent thread, and to flow well. That was not easy. I took out half of the text! From 40,000 words, I went down to 22,000. I edited and rewrote it all for print. Online writing is different, you see. I wanted the print version to read like a book, not a blog. So now many of the posts chosen for the book read like entirely new essays! 

I was also aware that readers of the book will be people who may never have heard of me. So I had to pay attention and make sure there was no reference that only made sense to Loyal Readers or people who know me. And while it's still very much about my life as a Pinay mommy, it also had to appeal to an international audience. Making this book wasn't easy (check out a behind-the-scenes scene)! 

So I assure you, if you are a Loyal Reader, that you may have read many of the posts on the blog but they are quite different in the book. Much better actually because now they're edited mercilessly! I want you to know that Not Invisible is a wonderful collection! Look at what my editor said:


I also had the help of my most favorite editors, Kat Dy Peters, Nicole Romero Vagner, and my most favorite editor of all, my husband, the Vincent Sales! Having four published books under his belt (fiction), his opinion was valued. In fact, I was a little scared to show him my work haha. On one hand, he's my husband so I'm sure he'll be kind. On the other hand, he's one of the best writers, editors, and authors I know so I was intimidated. 

I also asked my Loyal Readers to help me out! I sent out a few "help me!" messages and the response of encouragement and excitement wowed me. They were even more excited than I was! It was crazy haha Their excitement was what I needed to keep working on the book even though I was plagued with self-doubt and imposter syndrome. Ugh. I hate that imposter syndrome. So thank you, dear Loyal Readers, for helping me get rid of it! 

A dream only comes true with the help of others. I am so grateful to everyone who's helped me out, especially my friends and readers who asked me every year, "When are you coming out with your book?" That constant faith means the world! Look at where their faith got me!

And since we're on the topic of faith, I do want to share that last year, I was praying to God, "What do you want me to do? I feel like I have a book inside me but I don't know how that's going to happen and if it will ever get published." I kept praying about it and then, out of the blue, Ukiyoto Publishing, a traditional publisher in Canada, sent me an email, said they loved my blog, and asked me to submit a manuscript. Ukiyoto had just set shop in South East Asia and wanted to publish regional authors. And the rest of the story is above!

So I need to end this happy post with words that aren't my own but ring true now more than ever:

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” James 1:17

"I will give thanks to You, LORD, with all my heart; I will tell of all Your wonderful deeds.” Psalms 9:1

"Give thanks to the Lord for He is good, His love endures forever." Psalms 118:29

* * * * * * *

Not Invisible: A Memoir is available as an ebook on Amazon/Kindle for USD 2.99. (Click here to buy!). It's also available as a paperback for USD 7. If you're from Manila, Amazon's shipping fee is crazy. I'm working out a pre-order plan from the Ukiyoto Singapore office. If you'd like to pre-order, please send an email to frances@topazhorizon.com with "Pre-order: Not Invisible" on the subject line. Thank you!

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Friday, December 25, 2020

Merry Christmas!

Happy holidays to you all! We spent the last 10 months indoors, navigating what is perhaps the biggest change in our times. I hope you made it through with your loved ones. I hope you are counting your blessings - even the tiniest ones which often are the biggest ones, if you look at them again. I hope you are holding on to hope. 

Merry Christmas, dearest darling Loyal Readers! From all of us in our home to all of you in your home, may God bless us all.


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Wednesday, December 16, 2020

How to develop your child's social skills while quarantined, tips from my sons

People ask me sometimes how my kids are coping with the longest lockdown in the world. They also ask if they're feeling sad that they don't see their friends and family. They are fine, I'm glad to report. I like to think my husband and I are doing a great job making them feel safe and happy at home, but there's only so much we can do. My kids need other people, too!


In one of my articles for the Wyeth website, Parenteam, I shared a few tips on how to develop our child's social skills. To write that, I tapped my dear Loyal Readers to share their tips so I'm really grateful you guys are always so happy to help me out. Thank you!

Well, I just want to share that even my kids were eager to help their Mama write her article. They gave me advice, too! My kids are always telling me how to do my job. I let them. It's a good way for them to communicate how they feel and how they think we should improve. Although some suggestions ("If you let me stay up till midnight, I can practice my drawing better!") get shot down sometimes. 

(Confession: said kid is actually beside me drawing and it's 11pm.)

Here are my kids' tips on how to develop social skills even while quarantined:

1. Let them go online, supervised of course.

My popular kid is Vito so he's the one who felt the loss of his friends the most. He sometimes plays video games with his friends after he told me this: "Mama, even Alfonso plays games with his friends and cousin. Fornite and Minecraft Realms. You have to let me play with them so I have someone to play with!" So I allow it as long as I'm in the same room.

You can also try Messenger Kids. My middle child, Iñigo, is a huge fan. He has to send messages and photos and videos he created to his friends and even their parents every day! Vito prefers Viber because he likes video chats.


2. Introduce new experiences.

Iñigo is an introvert so he's actually pretty happy to be home all day. He can always find something to do in our house! This is what he suggested: "Experience lots of things at home - tasting new food, playing new games - so your child learns new things that we can talk about together." Yes, he talks like that to me when I ask his opinion on some of my articles. So cute!

My youngest son Piero advises this, "Learning new things like when you taught us about the urinary tract in the penis and how it goes to the bladder and the kidneys." He says that was so amazing. Encouraging your kids to ask questions helps develop their communication skills so please talk with them - you're all they have in lockdown.

3. Get a furry friend.

We already have a rabbit but she's mine so my kids don't really interact with Bunny Blue. So when a neighbor who was moving out asked for people to adopt their hamsters, we took three! My sons are SO HAPPY NOW. There has been a huge change in their mood. Iñigo says, "Pets are important in lockdown. They keep you company, give you comfort, and play with you." 

The kids love their hamsters so much. Their play together improved, they babysit each other's hammys, and they've gained a sense of responsibility not only to their pets but to our home.

(Important note: Pets are a huge commitment. They are expensive. Your home will have animal smells no matter how clean you are. You will have to live with fur, poop, pee, and noise. I only recommend this tip if you can fully commit to a new family member - your pet!)


And those are my sons' three tips on how to develop social skills while in quarantine! 

By the way, I also wrote an article on how to help our kids with the stress of lockdown. If this is happening in your home, please take a look. Writing this article helped me manage my kids' stress. I hope it helps you, too!

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Friday, December 11, 2020

Taylor Swift just sang about my mother

Taylor Swift just launched her new album, evermore, today. I'm not even done memorizing the lyrics of the songs in folklore, the album she launched just a few months ago. Yes, even though I listen to folklore five times a week! Well, now I need to learn the songs of evermore. And I'm starting with "marjorie" because it's about my Mama.


Well, no, "marjorie" isn't about Mama. It's about Taylor's grandmother, Marjorie Finlay. She was an opera singer who inspired Taylor to have a musical career. But the lyrics, Ms. Finlay's gestures and facial expressions - that's exactly like Mama. It was insane, watching the videos of her. I wish we took videos of Mama, too, so I could show you how elegant, graceful, and beautiful she was. Just like Marjorie.

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Wednesday, December 02, 2020

The Christmas 2020 ad of McDonald's made me cry (plus, stories of my kids and Santa Claus)

The holidays are here! And you know what that means - TV commercials! I love Christmas ads. That's one thing you have to know about me. It's two things I love - ads and Christmas! Well, this one by McDonald's UK is my favorite this year so far:


Ugly cry when "Forever young, I want to be forever young..." came on. I want to grow old and I want to see my boys grow up. But I wish we could stay this happy forever. The way they believe everything we say. The way they look up to us. The way they enjoy each other and laugh all day. I hope this lasts forever, this innocence and joy and trust in the goodness of life. Forever young. 

My boys just wrote their letters to Santa. Even 10-year-old Vito. I told him, "You think Santa will still give you a toy? Most kids your age stop believing in him because Santa's gifts kinda suck." In our house, Santa's gifts need to be handmade so it looks like Santa's elves made them. So between a wooden toy and a video game or even a book, you know what wins. But Vito said, "I still believe in Santa! And his toys don't suck. I've been a good boy all year." Yes, he has. So he gets a toy from the North Pole then.

Check out what Vito said about Santa when he was 6:


The second boy, my Iñigo, was the one who reminded me that we need to send the letters to Santa, which surprised me because just last month, this happened:


So I really thought he wasn't going to write to Santa. But he did. And I thought to myself, "Yey, he's still a baby!"

Meanwhile, the baby of the family was all grown up when he wrote this:


Kinda made me cry. On one hand, he still believes in Santa. On the other hand, he's mature enough to realize he's got all that he needs and he doesn't want anything more. Either that or he thinks Santa will get him coal for being naughty this year haha

Kids! They make my heart glad. 

Merry Christmas, everyone! I hope we all enjoy your kids while they're small and even when they're big. May we all always be forever young at heart!
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Tuesday, November 24, 2020

Mommy mission: Make 2020 one of the best years in my kids' life

It's not news to say that this year is a really bad year for the world. The COVID-19 pandemic has caused millions of people to lose their businesses, their jobs, and worst of all, their loved ones. I didn't earn much this year. And since next year looks like it will be like this year, I'm thinking of closing down my sole proprietorship and just registering with the BIR as a professional.

Bad news all around, I know, but I'm determined to make the most of 2020 and 2021. I'm feeling hopeful. In fact, my words for 2021 are JOYFUL ANTICIPATION. I always get my word for the next year around my birthday (I just celebrated my 44th birthday!). This year's word is LOVE. When I blogged about that word, if you read the post (read it!), you'd get chills about how I predicted what 2020 will be like. So since God impressed upon my heart the words "joyful anticipation," I have hope for 2021. 

2020 gain: I learned how to cut hair!

These past 252 days, I've been doing my best to make my kids like our situation. Their world, just like everyone else's, was turned upside down. One day they were going to school and seeing their friends, the next day (and 252 days after) they didn't. No one can tell them when this will end. 

But here's where history comes in. We told them that the last great pandemic was in 1918 and it lasted two years. And that was when the medical and scientific community plus media weren't as modern as they are today. So we told the kids, "History says this should be 2 years, but science and medicine are more advanced now so it could be shorter!" Thanks, history!

We finally tried homeschooling. 

So one year down, one more to go! It sounds frightening but we just approach it one day at a time. Today, the goal is to stay safe, stay healthy, stay alive. I feel very accomplished every night and we're all in bed, healthy!

My kids may not be seeing their friends and relatives, but they do see them online from time to time and they're spending 24/7 with us! We may not have gone on vacations, but they literally didn't have school for 5 months and spent it lolling about eating, playing, and having fun. If that isn't a vacation, I don't know what is! We didn't eat out at our favorite restaurants (that's just McDonald's, Pancake House, and Bonchon, by the way) but we discovered so many restaurants during lockdown delivering amazing food!
 
Vince finally bought a 3D printer and it's been his joy all year!

It's not the best year ever but I refuse to see that my kids lost anything this year. Because at around June, I did. I got depressed. We missed Piero's Kinder graduation and that made me cry. We missed his debut in big school, and that made me cry again. We pulled out Vito and Inigo from their school and that made me weep. I lost much of my lucrative PR projects and that sent me panicking. I was just focused on what we lost that I couldn't see what we gained. And what we still have - each other. So many people have lost their family and friends. The fact that we're still together is a BIG DEAL. 

I'm going to celebrate that. Because I don't know how long I can celebrate that.

I now have time to take care of my skin!

So I've been careful not to show my boys that we lost anything this year. It's all, "Yeah, but look what we're able to do instead!" This year is when we get to teach our kids grit, flexibility, and just the sweet grace of appreciating what we have now. Because tomorrow is unsure and I want to model to them that that doesn't have to be a scary thing. 

We've spent the last 252 days watching movies and TV shows, vegging out to YouTube videos, playing video games, and sleeping late - all weekend treats pre-pandemic. We got new pet hamsters because, well, we now have time to actually care for a fur family. The kids play the piano, draw and paint, read, write books. They now have time for creating things because there's no more homework and 2 hours in traffic every day.  

The kids are forever making things, like this plushie car.

So yes, there have been losses but there have also been gains. I don't want them to see what they've lost (and seriously, they haven't lost much at all) and just see this time as one of the best years in their life. "The year Mama and Papa were just home. The year we bonded as brothers and became friends forever. The year we discovered what we wanted to do in our life (this is my hope!) because we had time to do all sorts of things. The year we learned so many things because Mama and Papa finally had the time to talk with us instead of rushing here and there. The year Mama wasn't cranky and tired. The year we were relaxed and happy and safe at home."

I don't want to make plans for 2021 or for Christmas even. Everything's just so uncertain. The plan is just to stay safe and survive today. But there is a joy in my heart because the ones I love most in the world are with me. And I've been forced by this pandemic to spend time with them and make that time count. Because who knows how long I have with them? 


This year's word is love. And I see now God's wisdom when He told me I'm going to need a lot of it this 2020. It's love that's making this strange year more than bearable. It's love that changed my mindset to look at this challenging year as an opportunity to be a better mommy (I was always the overwhelmed mommy!). And I am a better mommy now. The stressed out, rushed, always frowning, exhausted mommy was so 2019. And I hope even after this pandemic is over, she won't come back ever. I'm going to learn how to love the time I have, the rest I get, and all I'm learning this 2020. I'm going to embrace this year and the grace it has given me.  

“But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
Lamentations 3:21-23
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Tuesday, November 10, 2020

Messenger Kids: What it is, how to set up your kid's account, and why my sons love it so much





A few weeks ago, Facebook launched Messenger Kids in the Philippines, and, boy, my two older boys are having tons of fun with it. It's really helped them connect with their friends and even make new ones (all friend requests are sent and approved by me!). That's why when Facebook sent me this press release and a fun cookie-decorating activity for the kids, I was more than happy to share with you.

* * * * * * *

PRESS RELEASE - Messenger Kids is an app designed to allow kids ages 6 to 12 to have fun video chatting and messaging with friends and family in a parent-controlled environment. Parents in the Philippines will be able to download the app from the Apple App Store and Google Play Store today. 

Amber Hawkes, APAC Head of Safety, Facebook, says, “Through our work with the Stairway Foundation, the Child Rights Network, and other safety partners in the Philippines, we learned that many Filipino parents are looking for ways to help their children stay in touch with friends and family during this challenging time, in a fun and parent-supervised environment. We hope that Messenger Kids will help them to continue to find ways to have fun, create, and engage with friends and family.”  

Ace Diloy of the Stairway Foundation says, “In a pandemic, children are not able to explore and socialize with friends the way they used to. Experiencing change and restrictions in both learning and play is especially challenging for children. We are glad to see that Messenger Kids has been designed with built-in parental controls and safety in mind, and also fun features that are age-appropriate and encouraging children to stay connected even as they are staying physically apart. We shall continue working with Facebook to help make the platform safe for children.”

As many communities are managing the response to COVID-19, with schools closed and people practicing physical distancing, parents are turning to technology more than ever to help their kids connect with friends and family, and looking to do so in a parent-controlled way. 


What it is:

Messenger Kids is a video chat and messaging app that helps kids connect with friends and family in a fun, parent-controlled space. For years, Facebook has been working with a team of experts in online safety, child development, and media, to help shape the Messenger Kids app. Facebook also continues to consult child safety advocates and educators to ensure that the Messenger Kids app balances parental control with features that help kids learn how to connect responsibly online.

Messenger Kids is full of features for kids to connect with the people they love. Once their account is set up by a parent, kids can start a one-on-one or group video chat. The home screen shows them at a glance who they are connected with to, and when those contacts are online.

Playful masks, emojis, and sound effects bring conversations to life.

In addition to video chat, kids can send photos, videos or text messages to their parent-approved friends and adult relatives, who will receive the messages via their regular Messenger app.

A library of kid-appropriate and specially chosen GIFs, frames, stickers, masks, and drawing tools lets them decorate content and express their personalities.

Messenger Kids gives parents more control. Parents manage the contact list and have visibility into how their kids are using the app. Parents control kids’ accounts and contacts through the Messenger Kids Parent Dashboard in their main Facebook iOS and Android app

What it's not:

It's not a social media platform where your kids can meet new people. So if your child is looking for friends, he'll have to get you to approve every person. There are no ads in Messenger Kids and your child’s information isn’t used for ads. It is free to download and there are no in-app purchases. Messenger Kids is also designed to be compliant with the Children’s Online Privacy and Protection Act (COPPA).


How to set up a Messenger Kids account

Every child account on Messenger Kids must be set up by a parent. 

Step 1: Download the Messenger Kids app on your child’s mobile device. Messenger Kids is available in the Apple Store and Google Play Store.

Step 2: Authenticate your child’s device using your own Facebook username and password. This will create a Facebook account for your child or give them access to your Facebook account.

Step 3: Finish the setup process by creating an account for your child, where you’ll provide their name and opt-in to any additional features. The device can then be handed over to the child so they can start chatting with family and friends.

Step 4: To add people to your child’s contact list, go to the Messenger Kids Parent Dashboard panel in your main Facebook app. To get there, click on “More” on the bottom right corner in your main Facebook app, and click “Messenger Kids” in the Explore section.


That's it! Now your kids have access to their friends and relatives and you get to see every photo and message they exchange. They can play games, join video chats, send funny photos - and you get to monitor everything! 

I am so happy my boys can spend time with their friends again in a safe environment. My sons aren't even feeling the quarantine anymore since they're always chatting with their friends after school (okay, that can be an issue so make sure you also monitor the time they spend on the app!). Thanks, Facebook, for the new Messenger Kids app. Oh, and for the cookie-decorating activity, too. My kids are having tons of fun!

*To be featured on Press Release Tuesdays, send it to frances@topazhorizon.com.

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Monday, November 09, 2020

I'm 44!

I had a great birthday weekend and thank you all so much for the hundreds of well wishes over at Facebook and my DMs and Instagram! You guys! You made my 44th so happy. Thank you! 


I said on my birthday post on all my social media platforms that I was going to make myself pretty. I was going to put on makeup, blow out my hair, and put on a brightly colored dress because I want to document that my turning into a middle-aged woman (wait, I've been one since 4 years ago haha) is still oh so fantabulous. 

But motherhood happened. I was sleepy, my boys told me to nap nap nap, and so I did. And so this is 44 - chaotic, unshowered, hair in a messy pony, and TOTALLY LOVED!




Well, fine, I did draw on my eyebrows and swiped on lipstick so that I won't be too ugly haha but I'm 44 and I've learned that appearances may matter but I'm okay to let that be the first to go in exchange for a nap! And for hugs and kisses from the best little boys in the world!

Speaking of what I've learned, let me just quickly share with you 4 things I've realized now that I'm in my 40s.

1. Slow down. 

Maybe because I'm a mommy always telling my kids, "Slooooow down - you'll get into an accident. Gentle hands only so you won't break it. Take your time so you won't make mistakes. Slow and steady wins the race, guys." Maybe because I say those so often I've had to practice what I preach. 

I've mostly been setting goals since I was 13. I had planned on having all my dreams come true by the time I'm 30. And yep, they did. And you know what? It's not that big a deal after all. What do you do when you get everything you want and more and you're only 30? You set more and bigger goals. Well, that can be an endless pursuit of happiness that will forever elude you. 

So I slowed down instead, settled down, had babies. I opened myself up to what the world said I should try next and for the first time in my life, I started being generous with my life instead of taking from others. I just go with the flow now. It's much more fascinating and surprising, and oh so fulfilling.

2. Watch. Listen.

Oh, this was because of the 2016 elections. It's no secret I'm not happy with the current administration but we are a democracy so no matter what I feel and believe, I'm going to let this administration run its course. But to survive the disappointment, the shock, and the anger, I've learned to stop, watch, and listen. I won't yell at you anymore. I'll listen. 

Because of this, I've learned a lot about other people's lives and why they picked their choices. I may not be convinced they made the right choice - yes, even after all that observing and listening - but at least I can see where they're coming from. And really, it's a place of fear, anger, hate, and a feeling of being ignored for so long. That's why they wanted change, even if that change was for the worse for the nation as a whole. But individually, their lives improved or at least they felt seen and heard. For the first time, these people felt important. 

That's powerful. The lesson I took away from that is to make every single person count. Then their choices will be informed by validation, not by desperation.

(Blogged on Nov. 10, 2016: This is all our fault.)

3. I'm not important. 

I know that sounds terribly low self-esteem haha but if you at all know me, I have a really healthy self-image, to the point of conceit (at least that's how some people see my self-love). But the older I got, the more I understood that making my little self matter in this big world is not the point of my existence. What's more important is making this big world smaller so that no one ever feels little.

4. Love truly is the solution to everything.

It's my faith in God speaking. Or maybe my being a liberal hippie. Or maybe because I'm a writer and I truly believe in love, truth, beauty, and freedom. Maybe it's all of the above. You see, the older I've gotten and I've seen more of people and the world, the more I've learned that love soothes, comforts, heals, encourages, sustains, breaks through, lifts up, and changes every single thing in the world. Love for self, for others, for the planet. If we truly love, the world will be so much better.

I don't know why others grow old in hate, ignorance, and fear. I bless my age because it has given me wisdom and made me see that love solves every problem in the world. And it may look like there's so little of it now but if I just look, really look, and also pray (because it is not easy to love!), then there's so much love that I can give! 

And receive! Just look at my life! There's my dearest husband who has loved me for more than 20 years. There's our darling boys who shower me with hugs and kisses and the most honest conversations in my life. I have my family, my in-laws, my neighbors, my friends, and I have you! You who have stuck around even when I was so selfish and unlovable. It's all of you really, the reason why I've become a better person. 


Love is the answer to everything. It may have taken me 44 years to see that but I finally have. I am so grateful! 


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