Sunday, April 06, 2025

Till death do us part? Sure... But there are many deaths, too.


I had a long talk recently with a blog reader who had an abusive husband. She was asking me how to stay. I told her to leave. She was a little surprised because she said I always seemed to be determined to work on my marriage because I believe in "till death do us part." And I do! But I'm not married to an abuser. That's why I believe in divorce, too. 

Yes, I believe in marriage, and I believe in divorce. One doesn't cancel out the other at all. They both have their place in a life honestly lived. When you’re true to yourself and you make choices not based on pressure or fear, but based on truth, growth, and integrity, then you're honoring both love and self-respect. When you commit to a marriage, that means you commit to loving and respecting that person. But when that person isn't loving and respecting you, choosing to leave that marriage is love and self-respect, too.

Because I'm married to a man who loves me, cares about me, and respects me, I know I'm going to stay married until death do us part. 

There are many kinds of deaths, however. There's the death of the body. Death of the mind. Death of the heart. Death of the spirit.

We obviously all know what death of the body is. But there's also physical abuse and sexual abuse. And the children can suffer this, too. This is dangerous because you and your kids not only get hurt, you can literally die. You must leave the marriage before you're killed.

Death of the mind is disrespect. If your spouse (note that I'm using the inclusive term) isn't respecting your intelligence, your decisions, your agency, your wishes, and your will, that kills the mind. You must leave the marriage before you're convinced you're worthless.

Death of the heart is indifference. When your spouse isn't showing you love and affection and treats you with contempt, or when your spouse cheats on you, that kills the heart. You must leave the marriage before your heart turns to stone.

The death of the spirit is dismissal. When your spouse doesn't support your dreams, mocks your worth, belittles your abilities, gaslights you, or lies to you, that kills the spirit. You must leave the marriage before your spirit is broken.

Then there is also a death of shared goals. What is marriage but a partnership? I actually don't believe marriage should be rooted in love. If everyone in love got married, what happens when they fall out of love? Do they divorce? It's silly and shallow to base a profound commitment on emotions that can shift with time. 

Marriage is a partnership between two people who decide to build a shared dream together and a family. But what happens when your dreams differ and your goals change? You're no longer moving forward in the same direction. What then? 

I remember a long time ago when my now-husband-then-boyfriend was complaining about life in the Philippines. I remember it distinctly because we were on an escalator in Robinsons Galleria and our relationship was going really strong until it hit me that he intensely disliked something I loved so much and if I were to choose between love for country and love of this man, I'm choosing country. So I said, "Then leave. Migrate somewhere. But I'm staying." Luckily, he stayed. For me or for what, I don't know. All I know is he stayed, we got married, and we had our wonderful boys. But in 2022, the situation was reversed. It was right after the elections, and I was so distraught by the results. I obsessively researched how to migrate to Canada. But this time my husband said he didn't want to leave. 

So what happens when dreams, goals, or you/your spouse change? Let me share what a wise person, my former editor Sir Achilles, once told me: The great thing about being legally obliged to stay together is that you stay together until you walk in the same direction again. And I will have to agree. If you're safe, secure, respected, and appreciated, then stick it out. You'll find a way back to each other.

But what if you're not safe? What if you're not respected, appreciated, or secure? That’s when you leave, mama. 

Of course, there's no divorce in the Philippines (yet!), but I think it's necessary to save lives. There are many kinds of deaths in a marriage, and no one should have to stay in a relationship where their body, mind, heart, or spirit is slowly dying. 

Marriage should be a place where both partners thrive, grow, and build something together. When that stops happening, when the relationship becomes more destructive than supportive, it’s imperative to say goodbye. Staying for the sake of staying isn’t noble—it’s harmful. Don't ever stay where you're abused, neglected, or dying. Please go before death literally parts you.

*Photo by Mark Timberlake on Unsplash

Follow me on Threads, @francesampersales
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Monday, March 24, 2025

Proper Diapering: 7 Things Moms and Dads Should Always Remember

Hi, everyone! Let's talk about...  proper diapering!

Ask any parent, and they’ll most likely tell you how caring for a baby is a full-time job that requires patience and a lot of learning along the way. One of their many responsibilities—and one of the most frequent tasks—is changing diapers. While diapering may seem like a simple routine, doing it properly can make a huge difference in your baby’s comfort, hygiene, and overall health.


A clean, properly fitted diaper helps prevent discomfort, leaks, and skin irritation. Good diapering practices also reduce the risk of diaper rash and infections, ensuring your baby stays fresh and happy throughout the day. For new moms and dads, diapering can come with challenges. However, with the right techniques and knowledge, diaper changes can be smooth, efficient, and hassle-free.

From choosing the right diaper to handling your baby safely, we’ll walk you through essential diapering tips.

1. Choose the Right Diaper Size for Your Baby

One of the first things you need to take note of when diapering is picking the right diaper size. A diaper that is too small may cause red marks and leave your baby feeling uncomfortable; it can also lead to leaks. On the other hand, a diaper that is too loose may not provide enough protection.

So, when you shop for your baby’s diapers, make sure they fit your child perfectly. If you have an infant, make sure to get something marked “diaper for baby” and check the weight range of the diaper size. It’s also a good idea to check if you can fit two fingers under the waistband. This indicates that the diaper is secure but not too tight. If you notice frequent leaks, red marks on your baby’s skin, or difficulty securing the diaper properly, it might be time to move to the next size. Since babies grow quickly, be prepared to adjust diaper sizes as your child gains weight.

2. Be Aware of How Often You Should Change a Newborn’s Diaper

Newborns need frequent diaper changes since they urinate often and have multiple bowel movements each day. As a recommendation, change a newborn’s diaper every two to three hours or immediately after they have soiled it. If you leave a wet or soiled diaper on for too long, it can cause skin irritation and lead to painful diaper rashes or even potential infections.

For older babies, the frequency of diaper changes may decrease as their bladders develop and start to urinate less frequently. However, it’s still important to keep an eye on your baby’s diaper throughout the day to ensure they stay dry and comfortable.

3. Always Wash Your Hands Before and After Diapering

Diaper changes expose both parents and babies to bacteria, making proper hand hygiene essential. Before touching your baby, wash your hands with soap and water to prevent the spread of germs. After changing the diaper, wash your hands again.

If soap and water aren’t available, alcohol-free baby wipes or a gentle alcohol-based hand sanitizer are a good alternative. Keeping a small bottle of sanitizer near the diapering area ensures that you always have a quick way to clean your hands after a change.

4. Properly Wipe and Clean Your Baby

After diaper changes, proper cleaning helps prevent infections and keeps your baby comfortable. For baby girls, always wipe from front to back to prevent bacteria from spreading to the genital area, which can lead to urinary tract infections. For baby boys, make sure to gently clean the genital area, paying attention to folds of skin where dirt may accumulate.

Some parents prefer using fragrance-free baby wipes, but warm water and soft cotton are a gentler option, especially for newborns. If your baby has sensitive skin or is prone to rashes, using just water can help prevent irritation. After wiping, make sure the area is completely dry before putting on a new diaper to reduce the risk of diaper rash.

5. Handle Your Baby Safely During Diaper Changes

Most newborns and young babies can move unpredictably, which is why you need to handle them carefully yet securely during diaper changes. Always support your baby’s legs by gently lifting their ankles rather than pulling on their feet. Avoid lifting their legs too high, as this can put unnecessary pressure on their lower back.

Additionally, ensure that you’re changing your baby on a stable, flat surface and never leave them unattended, even for a second, to minimize the risk of falls.

6. Apply the Diaper Correctly

A properly fitted diaper helps prevent leaks and keeps your baby comfortable. When putting on a diaper, make sure the waistband is snug (not tight) and sits just below the belly button; for newborns, you can fold the diaper down in the front to avoid covering the umbilical stump. You should also adjust the leg openings to ensure they fit well. There should be no gaps to prevent any leaks, but still loose enough so that there’s some space between the diaper and your baby’s bum.

7. Prevent and Treat Diaper Rash

Diaper rash is a common issue among babies, but it can be prevented with proper care. To reduce the chances of diaper rash, change diapers frequently to prevent prolonged contact with moisture. Also, apply a thin layer of diaper rash cream or petroleum jelly to create a protective barrier. Additionally, give your baby some diaper-free time to allow their skin to breathe.

If your baby develops a persistent or severe rash, consult a pediatrician to determine if medical treatment is needed.


Diapering is a daily routine that you’ll quickly become familiar with as parents. However, you need to watch out for small mistakes. Otherwise, they can lead to discomfort for your baby. With this in mind, consider following these diapering tips to help keep your little one happy, dry, and protected.


*baby photo by Ignacio Campo on Unsplash, products photo by Sincerely Media on Unsplash
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Saturday, March 08, 2025

My word for 2025: Now!

Since my last blog post here was about birthdays, let me share my 48th! I always used to share my birthdays with my dear Loyal Readers but I stopped for a while... and so now that I'm feeling better, let's do that again! 


This wonderful day was months ago pa. November feels so long ago. My hair is still short here. And I didn't even brush it. Hindi man lang ako nag-reapply ng lipstick after dinner kaya ayan, outline lang haha. I came from a long day at work and was just too tired to care what I look like. I just wanted to spend my precious few hours with my family and celebrate my birthday with them. 

Grabe, lahat ng days at work ko long and exhausting, and my aging, perimenopausal body is trying its darndest to adapt. I'm actually healthier now than I was 2 years ago. So I can't complain. Life is getting better if only for the fact that I'm healthier. Alam naman natin na ang mahalaga talaga is good health kasi the state of the body really affects everything - your mind, your sleep, your attitude, your energy, your ability to do things, your relationships. So things are better because my health is better.

Still, my husband is concerned. I should lose a bit more weight (5 more lbs!), get my cholesterol levels down to <200, get my heart healthy and strong. I'm trying! I've done well actually. Please congratulate me! I've already lost 15 lbs (aaand 5 more to go but it's so hard to lose!), my cholesterol is down to 220 from 300+. My doctor literally pushed the panic button and bundled me off to the lab. And she said just slow exercises lang muna because she wanted us to be gentle on my heart. So I do a lot of walking, uphill and downhill, about 40 minutes 4x a week. I also did gentle strength-training for a while (lunges, squats, etc), but quit it when my weight went down. Oops.

Anyway, back to my birthday! The kids were with us on my birthday, as always. Vince sent me the photos to show off our handsome boys, but I decided not to include them because our sons are so very private. So kami na lang ni Vince! 


Tanda na namin, no? Do you, my dear Loyal Readers, understand that you've been part of my life since I was 30? And now I'm 48! Crazy! But thank you. May God bless you all with 48 good things this 2025! 

I'm very happy, despite not having a perfect life. I've always been so sure of what I want in life, diba? And for decades, I did live it. But now my life isn't perfect because I feel like kulang ang oras ko. My big birthday wish is I wish I have more time for my family and my house. My kids are growing up so fast and they look a little neglected - mahaba ang buhok, kusot ang damit. Okay, to be honest, kahit nung work-at-home mom ako, ganyan na talaga sila hahaha. But joking aside, they're doing well in school so that's why I'm grateful for my job, despite the long and exhausting days. My house also needs some loving. I was never a good housekeeper to start, so now that I spend 12 hours away every day, my house has descended into chaos. Haha I exaggerate! Vince has everything under control. How he cooks, cleans, and drives the kids to and from school, on top of work (he writes for The Business Manual) is beyond me. I'm so lucky! But, as a former work-from-home mommy, I know that's really hard to do, too. So Vince is tired all the time. I'm tired, too. But we try so hard to still be there for each other. But yun nga. Kulang pa rin ang oras.

You know what sucks? Every night, I choose: Spend the remaining 3 hours of my day with my family or spend that precious time on the house, my writing, myself? It's not ideal. But my sons want to go to their school so I'm glad my job is generous with compensation. 

Don't worry! Like I said, I'm happy. But it took me 2 years of adjusting to my new life to get here. It helps that I'm healthier now. It helps that my sons are enjoying school. It helps that my office is easily accessible by train so I don't get stuck in traffic. It helps that I like what I do. It helps that my husband isn't the trad husband who would refuse to do household chores and take care of his kids because "that's woman's work." I'm not blind to the good things. I just wish I had more time.   


So I spent the last few months thinking, "Okay, stop whining. It is what it is! So how do I make this life work?" That's something we got from Tim Gunn of Project Runway. He always said, "Make it work!" And that's really what our attitude should be. Make it work.

So instead of thinking, "Sige, pag naka-graduate na mga bata, I can retire and write again," I thought, "What can I do now?" And I realized I just need to find little pockets of time. I read on the MRT. I make sure to chat with Vince throughout the day. I nap at lunchtime. I write when I can just before bed, after I spend time with the boys. I clean, kahit 15-30 minutes lang. 

And kahit konti, umuusad naman! I've written 2 children's books! I've started writing 2 journals for women! I've shaped my werewolf romance novels! I'm planning, plotting, and dreaming of new things to do and achieve! And that's crazy considering I'm so busy and tired, diba? Pero kaya naman pala, basta I'm kind to myself and because I have support from my husband. 

Oh, and I told my sons that Papa and I need their help to make our dreams come true. We can't write if we're cleaning up after them all the time. They're old enough to do chores! Sabi ko nga sa kanila, "At your age, I was already cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry, and taking care of babies (my sister lang pala)." And ayan, tumutulong na sila sa bahay. Kailangan pa rin utusan at pagsabihan but they're getting there. It's teamwork that makes the dream work!

And that work needs to start now. That's why that's my word for 2025. NOW! Dream now. Do now. Ask for help now. Work at it now. Exercise now. Eat healthy now. Kahit konti lang magawa ko, basta meron. I shouldn't wait for a better time, for a better schedule, for a better body, for better people to work with, for better circumstances, for better anything, for when I'm ready. Even when things aren't ideal, I have to believe I'm ready now! Just do things now... and then we'll see where this will take me!

So exciting, right??? That's my vibe this year. Make it work. Do it now. It will all work out!

I'll update you when those books are out! And when I finally lose those blasted 5 lbs! Have a great year!       


"It's a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you're ready. I have this feeling now that actually, no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally speaking, now is as good a time as any." - Hugh Laurie
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Sunday, February 16, 2025

Birthdays

This weekend was my husband's birthday. We didn't take pictures of Vince! But my mind is on birthdays so I'll share photos of the kids' birthdays instead. I never posted these before. These were from years ago. I've stopped sharing their birthday pics for their privacy. But since they're bigger now, their faces have changed, and the kids told me they loved looking at their old birthday photos, so let's share a few here!
 

Here's my eldest boy's 11th birthday. He's turning 15 now and he doesn't look like that anymore. He's tall, broad-shouldered, serious, angular. He's in high school. He's an excellent student, and he even went to The Hague, Netherlands last year for the International STEM Olympiad, where he won medals in math and science. We're very proud of him! 


This is my second boy's 11th birthday, too. I was already working in an office so I didn't get to spend the day with him. That's okay, I guess (no, it's not), because my husband works from home so he got to make our darling boy's day special with homecooked spaghetti.


I joined them later for cake. And all was well. We're so proud of our middle child. He's turning 13 this year and in 7th grade. He's tall, with a shock of black hair, and growing broad, too. He plays the piano (self-taught!) so well and so emotionally. He's playing the piano now as I type. He's a deep thinker, very much in tune with his emotions, very expressive, and his vocabulary is even bigger and wider now. Well, he's always been like that (remember this love post when he was only 3?) so I shouldn't be surprised. But I still am. 

And here's the youngest boy! We can't remember if this was his 7th or 8th birthday. He's 10 now, in 5th grade, and such a serious boy. He has all his front teeth and he's very cute, but he rarely smiles. Like I said, very serious. He likes plopping down beside me at bedtime and having long, deep conversations about God, the world, life, science, and family. His pediatrician called him an old soul when he was 4. And, yes, it's like talking to a wise, old man. He's a lot like his father. 

His father! I wish we had taken pictures of Vince's birthday! But I was holding the cake, our eldest was at the piano playing the birthday song, and the other two boys were singing loudly. We forgot to get the camera! I would like you to know that it was a sweet weekend. It started with steak and mashed potatoes. Vince cooked the steak, I the potatoes. That was our Valentine's dinner and it was sooo delicious. Then we watched The Fellowship of the Ring. It was our nth watch but we had lots of new takeaways. 

Mine was how the male relationships were so healthy! All the men were openly affectionate with each other. They cried, they hugged, they kissed, they apologized, they talked. I told our boys that this is a great example because there's a male loneliness epidemic sweeping our society these days. That's because boys and men are discouraged from showing emotions, being honest with how they feel, to not be affectionate with their male friends (because it's "gay"). These patriarchal notions of manhood are all outdated and damaging! I'm glad we watched Fellowship again because that's a really great example of a, well, a fellowship!

Then on Vince's birthday, we had cake and ice cream! And I cooked beef with broccoli, which was a hit. And Vince and I just spent the day talking and talking and talking. Then we watched The Two Towers, which was a good movie, too, but it's not our favorite Lord of the Rings part. But we still enjoyed the movie. It was a great day!   

Sunday, today, we had a Mexican lunch. Burritos, quesadillas, and tacos. It was delicious. We were supposed to watch The Return of the King, the last part of the trilogy, tonight, but we were all tired and sleepy. I forgot to mention that we were all sick or coming down with the cold. I'm recovering (mine started last Wednesday) while Vince and our boys are in various stages of this nasty cold. And that's why we stayed home all weekend! But it's our favorite thing to do in our favorite place in the world with our favorite people ever so it was a great weekend!

I hope you had a good one, too! 

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Saturday, February 08, 2025

To those who have sent their condolences, thank you.


To those who have sent their condolences, thank you.

We take your words, your sad looks, your sighs,
but the grief we feel is of another kind.
We don't mourn his loss, this man I won't name.
We grieve the scars, the endless pain.

He was a father, a brother, a friend,
a husband, a son... and a curse to the end.
Behind closed doors, where shadows creep,
he stole our breath, he stole our sleep.

With hands that bruised, with words that cut,
with silent warfare, he left us shut.
He drained our souls, he bent our minds,
he took and took, left none behind.

We smiled! We sang! We wore the mask.
We hid the torment - a painful task.
Because family stays, right? Family hides.
So in our silence, more life died.

But finally, we walked away. We had to flee
to save ourselves, our sanity.
Then whispers came, "Where have you gone?"
They judged us since we left him alone.

We waited long for words unsaid,
a hint of sorrow, a past to mend.
We hoped he’d try, we hoped he’d see,
and own his wrongs, and just say sorry.

Yet silence reigned, no peace was sought,
no weight of guilt, no lessons taught.
So we forgave, for our own hearts' sake, 
because our peace he shouldn't take.

And now he’s dead! At last, sweet peace!
For us, the broken, we've found release.
We do not mourn him, but what he stole - 
the years, the love, the fractured whole.

So thank you for the words you sent,
but mourn instead what did not mend.
And if you wish to bring us cheer,
don't say, "I'm sorry," but "You're here!"

We survived! We didn't die.
We made new lives, we didn't cry.
We learned to laugh, to love, to live
and still found joy and more to give.

Congratulate us for breaking free,
for finding strength, for daring to be.
So thank you for your condolences true,
But today, we celebrate! We really, really do.

February 2, 2025. Cremation Day.


* * * * * * *


I believe we should not speak ill of the dead. But I also believe, more strongly, that we should not speak lies. Silence may honor the dead, but it dishonors the victims - and they are many. Silence protects evil. 

Imagine, this man who died was estranged from his wife, daughters, and sisters. His own mother wished he was dead. Ever wonder why? 

And still, because of our silence, people think he was a good guy. Would a good guy repel the women in his family? Pay attention, especially you who shake your heads at us. We didn't have to say anything. Our actions were loud and clear. This man was a bad man. That is his true legacy. 

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Saturday, January 25, 2025

Book Review: Steady Sarah by Justine Camacho-Tajonera

I've got the perfect read for the New Year for you! 




When I picked up Steady Sarah by Justine Camacho-Tajonera, I thought I was in for a romance. I expected a love story front and center—childhood friends discovering each other in a wholly new way, sparks flying, and happily-ever-afters unfolding. But this novel surprised me in the best way possible.


While there is a love interest (a childhood friend who appears sporadically and only becomes significant halfway through the story), this isn’t really a romance. It’s deeper and more profound: a story about facing life’s changes and curveballs with courage, curiosity, and an open heart.


Sarah Silvestre’s journey begins with upheaval—both personal and professional. Instead of retreating into the comfort of what’s familiar, Sarah takes this chaotic time in her always-steady life to reassess how she's been living: as a capable office manager, dependable daughter and friend, and reliable girlfriend. Meh. So thank goodness we meet Sarah when her world turns upside down because it pushes her to embark on a waterfall-chasing adventure across the Philippines!


Sarah's story resonated with me, especially how she confronted the unknown. I'm not a Sarah, so I don't relate to her fears. Sarah is someone who thrives on obedience and stability, someone who likes life neatly tied up in a box. Yet when the ribbon unravels and she finds that the box is empty, she doesn’t stay stuck moaning about it—she sets off to find something new. That's my girl!




Personally, I’ve never been one to keep things in a tidy box. Growing up, and even as a child, I insisted on doing things my way. Marching to the beat of my own drum has often brought me loneliness and trouble with the conservative people in my life (that's basically every single one of them, haha). But it has also brought me to people, places, and adventures I could never have imagined. That’s why Sarah’s story spoke to me—because I'm so glad I was never that girl... the girl everyone wanted me to be. Sarah finding her way by leaving home, climbing mountains, and jumping into waterfalls is a reminder for all of us at life’s crossroads: throw caution to the wind, live boldly, love deeply, and be outrageously brave.


My dear Loyal Readers know that my life motto is "The brave may not live forever but cowards never live at all."


Oh, and I've added a new one: "When Death finds you, may it find you alive."


Back to Sarah and her journey!


I like that this book introduced the love interest halfway through. That really drives home the fact that you may or may not find true love along the way, that a romance is beside the point. What matters is that you find yourself.


Steady Sarah is not just a call to adventure; it’s a call to authenticity. By the end of the novel, Sarah isn’t "steady" anymore, at least not in the way she was before. And that’s a good thing. She’s steady in a new way—steady in her courage, her self-awareness, and her trust in life’s unfolding.


This novel is an inspiring reminder that, sometimes, the best way forward is to leap, even when you don’t know where you’ll land. 

Congratulations, Justine, on your book!


Purchase Steady Sarah by Justine Camacho Tajonera at Amazon and Fully Booked.


* * * * * * *

I review books written by Filipinos. If you're a mom, I'll prioritize it! 

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Saturday, January 18, 2025

My 2025 Vision Board

Happy New Year to all my dear Loyal Readers! How's 2025 treating you so far? Me, well, all the songs playing in my head have these lyrics: "Such a feelin's gotten over me. There is wonder in most everything I see...", "It's gonna be a bright bright sunshiny day," and "I had a dream so big and loud I jumped so high, I touched the clouds, all the possibilities, no limits, just epiphanies!" 

I guess you can tell I like the vibe of 2025! 

I have lots and lots of plans. All involve words! A devotional. A workbook. A romance trilogy (yep, that werewolf romance novel I started in 2022 nag-multiply!). A children's book. Maybe even a literary website. Am I launching them all this year? I don't know! The plan is just to finish them and then we'll see! Hope you support me as always!


Speaking of plans, one of the best things I did recently was attend a workshop by Belle de Jour Power Planners. The formal name is Life & Business Vision Integration Workshop. Sounds so serious so I just call it the BDJ Goals Workshop. I attended the one last December at Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf at BGC and I believe that event propelled me to my happy, hopeful vibe. 

Madaling mangarap, mahirap tuparin ang mga ito. But because of the goals- and intention-setting sessions we did (na may kasamang personal sharing at iyakan pa!), parang lahat kaya kong abutin - kahit na yung ambisyosa kong goal na mag-publish ng 6 books this 2025! Ngayon pa lang alam ko it's a giant task but because we were taught to set goals in bite-sized pieces and to make them all short-term, napaniwala ako ni Darlyn Sandra Ty-Nilo na kaya kong gawin ito. 


Here's Dar, soft-spoken and a truly inspirational speaker. I've known her since my editor days (so that's almost 2 decades) and she's achieved so much. Not only did she launch a successful planner business, she's also become a motivational coach, connecting women and empowering them to start making their dreams come true through concrete steps (that's tied up neatly with her planner biz, diba?). Despite knowing her all this time and having worked with BDJ briefly, it was only at this Goals Workshop that I got to know her as a woman driven to make other women succeed. It was a revelation! I encourage you all to sign up for this workshop kasi it's like the heavens open up for you and talaga namang parang lahat kaya mong gawin!

Here's a peek at what happened at our workshop. We had delicious food served while we learned and shared and made our vision boards. We got a BDJ planner, a lovely journal, art materials for our vision board, and of course vital lessons on setting goals. 

I hope this is still a safe space to share with you my dreams. I always have done that with you since I started this blog in 2006. And I may have disappeared for a while (the last 2 years were very interesting) but I'm dreaming and planning and hoping again! And maybe I can share some of those hopes and dreams with you like I used to, if that's okay?

So here's my vision board!  


At the top is me writing books and blogs. That's all I really want to do - make a living on words alone! Everyone told me that was a dumb dream but my husband and I are making it happen! Next is me speaking to a group of women. I used to do this - hold workshops, be a guest speaker. I want to do that again. I'm thinking I'd do a speaking event when I launch my books! Will you be there? I'm so deathly afraid that no one will show up for me but then you ladies always have. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. (Now, I don't know if you're still around given that I've been silent for a while but if you're still here, it means a lot.) Last pic is a crazy idea - do a podcast. It's crazy because I have the worst voice ever. It's squeaky, not for broadcasting at all. But hey, I think I have some important things to say and a podcast may be in my future (I really don't think so, though haha but like I said this goals workshop makes you believe in the crazy!).

The left part is personal goals. I want to spend more time with my family and friends, enjoying life. Then, because I'm going through a transition that is traumatic to the body (a.k.a. perimenopause), I want to care for myself with proper nutrition, enough sleep, regular exercise, and also indulge now and then in a massage because my body has served me so well in the last 48 years. I should serve it now.

The right part is all money! My husband and I have insurance policies and mutual funds to help us with our retirement years (10-12 years na lang grabe!!!) so kami ni Vince, we're ready. But I want to save up anyway for the kids. I want to give them the world but writing - surprise surprise haha - doesn't really make a lot of money unless Vince and I become bestselling authors (like millions of copies sold!). It's not impossible but, boy, I hope it happens sooner than later because my boys are growing up so fast and I want to give them music lessons and art classes and sports and take them all over the world... 

I am running out of time. I am running out of time.

But I am not unhappy. Believe me when I say I am overflowing with joy. Despite the perimenopause hell, the long hours at the office, the having just-enough money, the unfinished books, the never having enough time... I am still so happy. My husband and I are still in love, we and the kids are healthy, we are safe, the kids are growing up so fast and they're all so handsome and smart and talented, we all get along fine, we're okay! We're more than okay. We're happy.

That said, I still need to dream bigger! I am so blessed that for a time I stopped myself from dreaming of more because it just felt so greedy, you know? I have so much! Maybe not money and time haha but everything else? Siksik, liglig at umaapaw! So I had been telling Jesus, "Okay na po ito. Tama na. Masaya na ako. Just help me be a good wife and mother and take care of the precious people you gave me." 

But somewhere along the way I just felt that God didn't give me all these stories and experiences and writing talent to just be quiet! Jesus promised me an abundant life, a life that should be all used up so that he can keep on pouring into my cup! In John 10:10, Jesus said, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came so that they would have life, and have it abundantly."

I have allowed the devil to steal my purpose. I am a writer. Before I was a wife and mother and till the day I die, I hope I will still be writing. So that's what I'll do. Write! Will it make me money? I hope so! But that's just a benefit. I want to write because I want to tell stories that inspire women and I want to change lives again, the way my blogs used to when I used to blog a storm the last 18 years. Woah! Yep. Let's add more years to that, shall we? Yes! Thank you for reading all these years!

So anyway! That's my vision board. Please help me make those visions real. As in yung mahahawakan, matitikman, at mararanasan ko at ng pamilya ko. Stick around for updates!


And if you're interested in a little life-changing day, sign up for the Life & Business Vision Integration Workshop a.k.a. the BDJ Goal Setting Workshop! Register now for just P3,999! You won't regret it! 
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Sunday, November 17, 2024

At the MomCon 2024 media launch

I had a sweet time at the media launch of Mommy Mundo MomCon 2024 recently. I've not been in the mommy blogging/influencing circuit since 2019 so it was nice to see familiar faces again. Some of them (like mine) are older, while many still look the same, even better! Check out a few snaps from the event:

With Mommy Mundo herself - Janice Villanueva! So excited for all her plans for MomCon. And how cute are we? We're like strawberry and pistachio ice cream 😊
The OGs of mommy blogging. 
So sweet of Mommy Mundo to have our photos taken by Sheila Catilo and Stanley Ong!

These were the giveaways and will be part of the giveaways at MomCon 2024. I didn't get mine (I was rushing home because it was my birthday!) so I don't really know what the items are. I guess we'll have to go to MomCon to get our loot bags!

Let's learn about how to connect better - with ourselves, our children, and the world. See you at Mommy Mundo MomCon 2024: #CalltoConnect! It's this Saturday na! November 23, 2024, from 9 AM -6:30 PM, at the Samsung Hall, AMAura Premier. You can also join from anywhere in the world via live stream!

Get your tickets at mommymundo.com/momcon2024. 

Use this code: FrancesforMomCon to get a discount!


See you on Saturday!

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Friday, October 25, 2024

Unfriended


Someone unfriended me.
I just found out now.
I saw a sweet meme, shared it,
went to tag her - that’s how.

I don’t mind being unfriended.
I unfriend a lot, too.
We must curate our feed, you know!
Just another inane thing to do.

I don’t mind being unfriended.
There are many reasons why:
Could be the annoying posts
I do daily - an endless supply!

But I think she’s been sad;
I saw her posts and memes, too.
Then she went quiet and now
who knows where she's gone to?

My socials is always happy.
I’m ridiculously blessed.
But I get that to many people
that can cause quite the stress!

I post about royals, my kids,
the birds and the bees.
I post a bit of everything
and no one likes conspiracies!

I guess I’m too political
Fighting this, highlighting that,
and seeing the world’s not perfect—
well, no one wants facts!

It’s okay. It’s not a loss.
TBH, we weren’t friends.
But I saw a meme that would help
make her sadness maybe end?

Oh well. On to the next.
Another day, another post!
‘Coz that’s how it goes online—
just scroll and get likes most!

Still, I wonder, “Is she okay? Or does
her unfriending mean more?”
Yes, no one’s real friends here but
what if she needed friends before?

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Sunday, October 20, 2024

We all need meaningful connections

This post was inspired by MomConnect.

This time last year was when the clouds in my head began to clear. It had been a difficult period because I had just started a new job, and my schedule changed drastically. I barely saw my husband, and I hardly spent time with our boys, who had also returned to school. Exhausted and sad, I distanced myself from family and friends, choosing instead to sleep and cry on weekends.

(Missed that life update? Read it here!)

By October, however, things started to shift. My body had adjusted, the toxic atmosphere at work resigned, er, disappeared, and I had finally completed my hormone therapy — the side effects of which had been wreaking havoc on both my mind and body. Slowly, I regained time, energy, and the emotional space to reconnect with the people I love and the things that brought me joy. Life started to feel manageable again, and I began to feel like myself once more.


You can't imagine the relief I feel now that I recognize myself again. Even my husband, Vince, says he feels the same way! This year, 2024, has been so much better, and I’m truly grateful.

To be fair, my family and friends were always there for me.* My sister Jacqui helped me sort through my thoughts, which was incredibly helpful. Considering she had a disastrous year herself, it’s amazing that she still went out of her way to support me. I honestly couldn’t do the same—I was too wrapped up in my own despair.

My friend Justine also played a big role in pulling me out of my depression, and she did it with the one thing that always works: duty. I had to edit her books, and even though all I wanted was to curl up and sleep, those deadlines kept me going and, in a strange way, kept me sane.

Slowly but surely, I started reconnecting with family and friends. I even found myself willing to chat with complete strangers again, which isn’t surprising—that's the old me. I used to love striking up conversations with people anywhere and everywhere. But last year, I was closed off, hostile to everyone. So, I’m really glad to feel like myself again. What’s even nicer is that my family and friends welcomed me back with open arms.


Let me quickly walk you through the photos! The top one is with my dearest friend and Lean In Manila co-founder, Ginger. That was such a fun day when our families took the Pasig River ferry to Intramuros—a memorable adventure. The next photo is from a long-awaited reunion with the OK! magazine girls, and of course, four hours was nowhere near enough to catch up! Then there’s a shot of me with my Praying Wives group (and a couple of husbands) during a fun dinner.

In the bottom row, there's Justine and me celebrating fantastic news about her book. I’m so glad I pushed through with editing her novel because... I'll share more exciting details when I know more! Next, that’s my brother Ted and my sister-in-law Rose with Jacqui and our kids. Vince and my other boys stayed home, which was a pity because we ended up having a wild road trip! Then there’s a lovely photo with Martine and Jean, two fascinating women. And finally, that’s me with the amazing Lean In Manila women during one of our workshops. 

As I reflected on my journey back to myself, I realized how powerful connection has been in my healing process. It reminded me of the importance of reaching out, even when things feel overwhelming.


That’s why I’m so excited to talk about MomConnect 2024, happening on October 26. This year’s theme, “#CalltoConnect,” speaks deeply to me. It’s all about fostering the connections that keep us grounded—whether it's with family, friends, or even new faces we meet along the way.

Hosted by Mommy Mundo, MomConnect will offer a full day of learning and interaction, bringing together moms and experts to discuss pressing parenting and societal concerns. Whether you’re looking for guidance, inspiration, or simply a sense of community, this event is an invitation for moms and families to connect in meaningful ways.

More details here! MomConnect 2024

I know firsthand how much meaningful connections can transform our lives, and I’m looking forward to attending MomConnect 2024 to learn more about how we can uplift each other as parents, partners, and friends. I’d love for you to join me! 

You can REGISTER HERE and use this code: FrancesforMomCon to get a discount!

I truly hope to see you there! It’s been a while since I’ve been in the mommy bloggers, influencers, and networking circles, and it would be wonderful to reconnect with all of you. If you spot me and I seem a little shy, just know it’s because I’m still finding my footing again. 

Anyway, enough about me! Let's all see each other at MomCon! Your presence would mean the world, and together we can continue supporting each other on this journey of motherhood and beyond. See you soon!



*If you're depressed, it's totally understandable why you can't reach out to people. When I was going through it, I felt dark and didn't want to BURDEN people with my self-perceived ugliness. 

So, to our family and friends, please be the ones to check in. "Hey, how are you? I'm coming over. I'm calling now. I don't care about the mess or anything, I just want to see you." Please just check in. You may save a life. 

Follow me on Threads, @francesampersales
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