TOPAZ HORIZON

Because I was sick for a week, I was stuck at home and got a really bad case of cabin fever (that's what happens when you're going crazy being indoors for an extended period). After cleaning the house and taking my girls shopping, Vince and I went to Glorietta to shop, shop, shop!

We had a list: get Mom a birthday gift, home fragrance oils, video games and rabbit food. In this country, there are only three kinds of pets: dogs, cats and fish. So while I've come to expect nothing but dog/cat/fish food in pet stores, I really really hate it when shops that claim they're fully stocked with pet supplies aren't!!! My poor bunnies have been munching on veggies and hay for the last two weeks. That's okay but they get filled up more and are happier with pellets. Calling Robinsons and Rustan's Supermarkets--please restock on rabbit pellets!

Okay, inhaling, exhaling... I'm calm now. So! Back to Glorietta. First things first: Feed Frances! I lost weight due to last week's incarceration. And now that I had my taste buds back, I was ravenous. Vince and I went to Italianni's where we had a big plate of pasta and a big slab of steak with creamy mashed potatoes and buttery vegetables on the side. Yum! (He's been feeding me a lot since, too, so now I'm back to my fighting form again and struggling to fit into my skinny jeans!)After that heavy lunch, we got Mom a nice gift, which was hard to do because what do you give a woman you love so much and already has everything? I hope she likes our surprise! Vince got me a surprise, too--he got me this lovely Liz Claiborne wallet:I've been using a plain pink wallet since my red one got stolen last year. The pink one's still okay but hubby thinks I'm ready for a grown-up wallet already. Yey! Oh, the picture does it no justice. It's very very pretty and feminine, with tons of pockets inside. Love it! (That's my old teddy bear, by the way.)

Vince was a happy camper, too, when he got two PS3 games--Bioshock and Ghostbusters. He's like a little boy now playing away in the living room while I'm here in the bedroom blogging and watching E! News. I'm also basking in the citrusy scent of my house. I stocked up on The Body Shop's fragrance oils. My favorites are the citrus and green tea scents. I tried white musk (too powdery) and lavender (too spa-y), too. Vince also persuaded me to get this new oil burner since he didn't like my plain clay pot.So we had a very happy weekend! Oh, did we find rabbit pellets? No. My poor bunnies!

My sister Jacqui and my niece Nicole came by this weekend. Jacqui is regularly at my home because her dermatologist's clinic is in my building. For this particular visit, she brought Nicole because she just turned 8 years old last Wednesday. And for her birthday gift, she asked for new school shoes.

Anyway, while Jacqui was getting some top acne treatment, I did Nicole's nails. First, a base coat, then fun glittery stickers, then a final sweep of clear polish and voila!Nicole loved her nails! What a sweet silly girl! This is such a fun thing to do. And it's inexpensive, too. Nail stickers are available at Watson's and Face Shop and you can get nail polish just about anywhere! Little girls love it and you bond over the activity. Fun, fun, fun!

When Jacqui was done with the derma, off we went shopping for Nicole's shoes, slippers and socks--all very girly of course! I'm happy I was able to take my sister and niece shopping. I know God has blessed me a lot and spreading the joy--through shopping!--blesses me yet again. Love it, love it!

While the wind continues to wail outside our high-rise windows alarmingly, I am still feeling very happy today. Why? I am finally feeling much much better! I finally got well from the respiratory infection yesterday but I am starting to feel like it's really really gone just today. Since I've been bedridden for almost a week, everything has just piled up on me. The bills need to be paid, the grocery to be done, the chores have piled up, the rabbits are dirty, the house is a mess!

Vince usually helps with the chores but since he's been busy at work and then he's had to take care of me, the house has suffered. He doesn't seem to mind it except for one thing: He wants real home-cooked meals again. Poor husband has had to eat takeout. Well, that's the sad thing when I get sick--even I'm unhappy with the food because no one cooks so I hardly eat. The good thing is I am now suddenly slim! I wore jeans today and for the first time in two years--no muffin top! Considering I just stayed in bed all day for the last 5 days, I assume that the body's attempts to heal itself is a fantastic fat burner. That, coupled with my timid eating, has led to dresses and shirts and pants sliding on me easily. I love it!

Anyway, what I'm really saying is I'll be away all weekend--to clean the house, sort the laundry, iron clothes, clear my mess, shop, cook! Ack, just thinking about it makes me tired already. I'll go back to blogging next week. Meanwhile, please do have a lovely weekend!

Okay, I know I promised no more serious stuff but because everyone told me not to be a wuss and get bullied (thanks!) and today was the day we buried our beloved President Cory Aquino, let me tell you a story.

I spent my childhood studying at Assumption Convent, a beautiful sprawling school run by Augustinian nuns. It's tucked into a slope on the hills of Antipolo and I believe it's one of the most beautiful places in the world.

In 1986, I was 10 years old and by then, my family had started attending a Baptist church but we didn't yet see any huge doctrinal differences (there are a few very big ones, by the way) so my parents didn't see any harm in continuing to send their kids to Catholic schools.


Anyway, in Sunday School, we memorized Bible verses and just that particular Sunday, I had memorized Luke 18:14 "For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." So I was very excited when at morning prayer on Monday, the nun—I forget her name—chose that exact same verse as our lesson. Usually, I was too sleepy to pay attention to morning prayer but that day, I was alert and so remembered this story vividly.

In 1986, the Filipinos had a peaceful revolution that overthrew a dictatorship and installed Corazon Aquino, a housewife and widow of the martyred Senator Ninoy Aquino, as the president of the Philippines. We were in a euphoric state and even though I was a kid, I felt the positive changes in the air. On that particular morning of Luke 18:14, the nun told us the importance of humility and gave as an example Cory and Ninoy. She said, "Ninoy was proud, as men usually are, always calling attention to themselves. Cory stayed in the background, as a woman should, supporting and caring for the people around her. But see how God works! Ninoy was humbled and his wife was exalted! So you, girls, should not be so ambitious. There is glory in serving others and if you are humble enough, God will see your humility and exalt you."

Now don't get mad. That's typical of an Assumption education—we Assumptionistas are really bred to become housewives (to powerful men, of course!). Kidding aside, we are taught to serve mankind and to always put God and others before us. It's not so bad—I am who I am because of my Assumption education and I will not hesitate to send my daughters there if the time comes. But back to Luke 18:14 and Cory and Ninoy...

I see the nun's point. I just feel bad that she thought that way about Ninoy, though! And he didn't fare so badly; after all, he is a National Hero, with his face on the PHP 500 bill no less! He's been exalted, too. Although, of course, as Cory joked (paraphrased), "I used to introduce myself as the wife of Ninoy Aquino. Now people describe him as my husband!"

When I was a kid, Papa used to tell me that I was too ambitious, a trait unbecoming of a woman. He also said I should change my goal to if I want to be a writer, I should marry one instead. Well, I found a better deal—I did become a writer and I married a writer! You can't say I wasn't an obedient daughter!

I do know that I am here for Vince and I am his most ardent fan and supporter. He is my first priority and I will serve him and his needs first. Yes, despite my feminism, I have no argument with submitting my will to my man because I have found joy in serving him. And, being the wonderful man that he is, his joy is also in serving me and making me happy! So it's not like I'm worse off. In fact, I am better off, now that I've set aside myself. There is a beautiful irony there, that in humility, there is even more glory. Cory and Ninoy and all the wonderful people out there—parents, husbands, wives, teachers, missionaries, doctors, nurses, you know who you are!—know this wonderful secret. And now I've shared it with you!


P.S. Vince just sighed, "Now prepare for the angry feminist comments!"

UPDATE: I want to reiterate that I am only happy serving Vince because he serves me, too. He puts me first so it's a give-give situation. This is not about me knowing my place. My man treats me like a queen so he is worth serving. If a man treats you any less, get out of there fast. He doesn't deserve your love and respect!

Dear Topaz Horizon readers,

If you've been following this blog long enough, you know that this used to be a very serious blog filled with long book reviews, anguish over society's injustices, family woes and, well, serious stuff.

About a year ago, I decided to shift its tone to happy and shallow: shoes! fashion! parties! food! I figured that since I'm such a moody person, leaving a record of my anger and hate is not helping me or anyone else! Instead, I will be positive and focus on every little thing that makes me happy so that I will see that I'm, in fact, very blessed.

I deleted all the bad and sad and mad posts. I changed my tone to giddy and excited. I posted pictures of stuff I bought and the frivolous things I like. And the effect was a huge surprise--people started flocking to this blog! This convinced me that people don't want to read about sad, angry and serious things. They want to be distracted. They want to be entertained. And I was willing to entertain, finding it funny that my life is filled with enough stuff to entertain a few thousand people.

The only thing negative about this whole exercise is people now think I'm a shallow ditz.

I just got a huge chuckle over that. However, it's not funny especially to the people who know me. Some of them think this blog is not really me. I don't want to explain that. I just want to say to my loved ones that this blog may make me appear like a ditz but my grammar and spelling are always correct and the writing is done quite well. So, since I'm a writer, my true essence--good writing--is still here in this blog. It doesn't matter what I write as long as I write it well.

Unfortunately, now that I've established silliness, my readers don't want me to write about anything else! When I wrote about a few serious things that were really on my mind and true in my life (abusive relationships, death, the difficulty of expectations, etc), some readers simply did not like it and attacked me for tackling things I guess I now have no right to talk about.

Okay. I brought this upon myself so I won't complain. I'm a bit annoyed of course. But I can be agreeable. So even if I want to write about the death and legacy of our late President Cory Aquino, whose funeral cortege is on its way to Manila Memorial Park as I type, I won't. I'll just say that her ultimate legacy is our country's democracy and it will be a great disrespect to her if we do not vote next May--so go out and register, go out and vote, and vote for the leader who really loves Filipinos and has a profound faith in God.

Meanwhile, I'll continue writing about silly stuff because I want my Topaz Horizon readers to be happy because you do make me happy with your kind comments and the friendship you've extended me. Thank you.

P.S. But please allow me to write about a few serious things sometimes. I promise to keep them few and far between, and to write them in such a way that you'll still be entertained!

If this goes on, we're going to need diet supplements soon! If you'd seen the OK! staff photos, you'd think my girls don't eat. Well, part of the reason I adore them is because they eat. A lot! My goodness, nothing motivates my staff more than food, I believe! Two Fridays ago, Mrs. Fields invited us to try out the Hearty Plates menu of their new Mrs. Fields Cookie Cafe. What did we do? Well, we took a break from the magazine because of course we had to go!


Thanks, Mrs. Fields! Thanks, Racquel! We love the food--just tone down the vanilla in the banana bread--and we utterly adore our giant cookie cake! Ohhh, now I wish I wasn't sick--I can't taste anything these days so I have no appetite but I want to eat delicious food at the same time. Please, dear God, make me well!

Okay, though I promised this blog will only be shallow and happy, this post will stray from that and offer you a peek into what really goes on in my mind. And, as most of my closest know, my mind hardly dwells on shallow and happy things.

Vince and I watched Revolutionary Road. We wanted to watch this movie before since it stars the marvelous actors Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio, who, in this film, are both utterly brilliant, magnificent and terrifying in their rawness. I can't believe Brad Pitt got nominated for that CG-heavy flick and Leo didn't even get a nod for this movie! Anyway, we also avoided this film because from the trailer alone, it scared us. But, because we spent the weekend stuck indoors due to me feeling under the weather, we finally watched it.Revolutionary Road is the story of a young couple seemingly leading perfect lives--he's rising in the corporate world, she's a beautiful homemaker, they have lovely children and they live in a large house in a good neighborhood. Perfect. Of course we all know that it isn't perfect--perfection can be a burden and Frank and April Wheeler show us, with frightening honesty, how perfection and conformity can unravel you.

The movie horrified Vince and me because it's too close to home. Everyone thinks we're the perfect couple. I'm telling you now--we're not. Put two moody writers together, one almost an OCD with cleanliness and the other a cluttery creature, both with terrible tempers and you've got two people who are armed and ready to tear each other down. We don't... but we have, regrettably so, and we can, and that threat of destruction hovers over us.

Then there's that pressure to conform. When Vince and I got engaged after eight years, we laughed at how people were not so much as congratulatory as relieved: "Oh, they're normal. They're getting married!" Of course now that we're more than two years married, everyone's impatient for us to have kids and when we tell them we have utterly no plans on procreating, the worry creeps into people's eyes and we can see that they think we're unhinged: How can anyone in their right minds not want to have children?!

Well, as Frank and April laughed about in the movie, "Did you see their faces?! Let them think we're crazy!" Brave words but soon enough, they allow normalcy and societal standards to swallow them up and they are overwhelmed and tragedy ensues.Vince and I don't want to be normal. But it's hard not to follow society's rules and expectations. For example, when Frank and April told their neighbors, the Campbells, they were going to live in Paris, the other couple thought they were insane. Later in their bedroom, Mrs. Campbell collapses in hysterical tears, relieved her husband has no such crazy ideas and petrified that her perfect little suburban paradise--husband, the house, its pretty trappings, the family car all bought with respectable bank loans and rv finance plans, position in society--was threatened by the Wheelers' decision to break from normalcy. People feel that way towards us, and it used to be funny but now it's unsettling.

As most of my family and friends know, Vince and I are unorthodox. But we've grown up, and even we realize that we have to be grown-ups if we are to be taken seriously. Still, we're relieved we have no children yet because we can still be crazy, there's no need for us to be good examples for the next generation. There is so much freedom now. One day, however, the kids will come and then... how do we stay free when our children need structure, how can we tell our children to be good citizens when their parents are troublemakers--a role we revel in?

We know that we have to sacrifice our dreams and adopt the dreams of others (kids, the corporate jobs, the religion, etc) so that people will accept us. And in this world, do we really want to remain outsiders? We understand what society expects. We are asked to "grow up." We have begun to succumb to the demands. Because we also know that in the end, it's not so bad. And yet, the claustrophobia descends.

Sigh. Sorry. Regular programming after this.

Last Friday, my staff and I went all the way to Chocolate Kiss just to eat. And eat and eat. Chocolate Kiss is a tiny restaurant on the huge campus of the University of the Philippines (UP Diliman). I studied here, finishing a Bachelor of Arts degree in English: Creative Writing. I fought hard against my parents to take that course and now I wish I hadn't. I simply did not learn anything about writing that I already knew. But, hey, I'm a magazine editor now so maybe wasting 4 years of my life wasn't so bad.


The trip began when Joanna said she wanted to eat at Chocolate Kiss. Though I studied at UP, I've never eaten there. Joanna wanted to eat there so badly that the entire OK! staff got intrigued. I wanted some barbecue at the famous Beach House--a scraggly place nowhere near any beach. They just sold the best damn pork barbecue ever.


Unfortunately, we weren't able to eat at Beach House because the place was packed. This truly did annoy me--the capitalist part of me would buy more tables and chairs, cement the area so that it won't be muddy, and do something about the huge flies plaguing the place. I haven't eaten there in more than a decade and instead of showing signs of progress, it was just decay all around. So off to Chocolate Kiss we went!

We ate all afternoon--from 1 to 4 PM! We also discussed the October issue of OK!, which called for more food and drink. With our tummies so bloated, we decided to walk to the Sunken Garden so we can burn the calories. Walking under trees is so much better than running on treadmills, so since we're city girls, the walk was a treat.


The walk tired us out plenty. So we plopped down on the grass and the benches. The day was pretty humid, too. We were all sleepy at this point but we waited patiently for our van to come pick us up. We poked fun at the joggers to while away the time.


It was a pretty fun food trip. I did find it strange that I felt nothing for the campus--there was no nostalgia at all. I guess that's because I had an abusive boyfriend all of college so the place was just filled with bad memories. And even if I had loved college, I'd never go back. I like where I am now--I'm working, I have money, I have real influence, unlike when you're a kid and everything had to be approved and your fury was mostly impotent.

Had tons of plans for this weekend but I woke up yesterday morning with a bad cough, a fever and a headache. I'm monitoring my condition and hoping it isn't that dreaded flu. I feel better now--still coughing but my fever's down and I don't have the other symptoms of A(H1N1) so this must just be a respiratory infection.

I did start thinking about death. Well, since Mama died, I've been pretty obsessed with dying. I told my blogger friend Kaith that I'm prepared to die--I've accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, told Vince I love him forever and always, I've bought long-term life insurance, all my debts are paid, and all my undies are washed. Yes, I have a fear of leaving my underwear unwashed. This is my mother's fault--she told me a lady should never let herself get caught with dirty undies. True to what she said, before Mama died, she washed all her undies!


Since I don't have a Chanel suit yet, I'm not ready to die yet! Besides, I still have a lot of things to do:

• publish a book or two
• host my own TV show
• see Paris, the Scottish Highlands, New York and Tokyo
• design shoes
• meet Stephen King
• see all of Jan Vermeer's paintings
• grow old with Vince

I do want to say that being prepared to die makes me not afraid of death. I am secure in the knowledge that I'm going to a better place, I'll see Mama again, and I know my loved ones will be taken care of. And finally meeting God is a cool thing to look forward to. I have sooooo many questions to ask Him!

When I talked about my love affair with books, a reader, dear Ranran, asked me this:
Ranran, when I was young, I used to be a lot careful with my books until someone looked at them in their pristine condition and said, "Oh, you collect books as a hobby? When will you read them?"

Since then, I'm the sort who writes on the margins (usually word definitions), underlines favorite passages, dog-ears the pages, punches the paperback covers with my rabbit puncher, reads and rereads them till the covers are curved. I even use the thick books as my pillow on long flights. I also pile them in stacks beside my bed or stash them under the bed when Vince complains of the mess.

I lend books to anyone and everyone. I'm always going around and asking, "Hey, have you read this book? No? Here! Return it when you're done." When I do this, I don't know why people look at me like I'm selling them diet pills. I mean, these are books we're talking about! I want to add that people who read a lot tend to be slim, too, which proves my theory that books are the world's best weight loss product! Oh, and unless the book is a special edition or was a gift, I even give books away! I figure I can always buy a new one.

So, Ranran, I hope I haven't earned your condescension because, yes, my books are tattered. But now they are real.