TOPAZ HORIZON

Let's try to do this fashion posts thingie! I will confess right off the bat that I have no plans on becoming a fashion blogger. Hindi kaya ng powers ko. But some readers did say in the previous post that they're curious to see what I wear. Well, let me tell ya, I'm now a comfy dresser. I used to wear mini skirts, mini dresses, skinny jeans and precariously high heels. But now I'm all comfy dressing.

Here are this week's examples.
Tuesday. Here I'm wearing a Breton top from Zara, Gingersnaps leggings and Anthology tweed flats. For accessories, just the string of pearls Vince gave me when we were still in our early 20s, Vince's Skagen wristwatch and bangles I got from a tiangge. I'm using my Cuzo nylon bag because that's Iñigo's diaper bag. Yep, I bring the baby with me!

I wore this when I had a meeting at Power Plant. It was just me and the baby—no yaya—so I had to be as comfy as possible. I should, however, stop wearing my preggy clothes. Those preggy leggings must go!

Wednesday. This is the Unarosa dress I bought in all the colors (white, gray, brown and black!). Its deep V-neckline makes it really easy to breastfeed. The woven belt is Karimadon. The shoes are Nine West. The bag is Fino. The earrings are from a Greenhills tiangge.

I wore this to UNICEF's Auction for Action event, which I'll talk about on Topaz Mommy soon, and to a shu uemura meeting, which I'll talk about on Beauty For A Living tomorrow.

Thursday. I love this And Apparel T-shirt dress! Oh my gulay, it's like the softest thing ever! I wear it either on its own, with the belt at my waist, or, as seen here, the belt at my hips. The shoes are my Tweed Anthology flats. You'll be seeing a lot of those flats. I wear them constantly. They are the best, comfiest flats in the entire world!

I only posted three outfits. On Monday, I didn't wear makeup so I looked like hell. And today, Friday, I'm wearing a Mango dress I bought in my pre-preggy state. So my post-baby body looks like a stuffed sausage in it. So no photos! Haha.

I'm also having a hair issue. My hair is falling falling falling. It's post-partum hair loss. So I'm keeping it up in a pony or a bun. So boring! Maybe I'll go and have it all cut off.

Let's talk about business today. Just so you know, while I have always viewed blogging as fun, it's also become a substantial source of income. I know a lot of you want to earn from blogging, too, that's why I think you might find this post interesting.

I have three blogs. Topaz Mommy, Beauty For A Living and this. So far, this is what I have observed:

Beauty For A Living is the hardest to update because I'm just not a good beauty/fashion blogger. I'm not vain enough to want to try the dozens of products sent my way and yet I'm too vain to post "before" pics.

Because of my job as a magazine editor, there is some concern about my posting honest reviews on products. It's okay if the reviews are good but if I say something negative, the magazine advertisers may be offended. Actually, even a positive review may be seen as trying to curry favor with clients. Clearly, any review presents a conflict of interest.

So I just post press releases but I make sure not to copy-paste! I always try to inject myself in the PRs. Nevertheless, PRs are not what readers want to read. So that blog is going pfffft! I've mulled over abandoning it altogether (and I have, time and again) but even if I don't update it, it's still the blog that earns most via Google Adsense. Yup. Of my three blogs, it's the least visited and read but it's the one that has the most Adsense income! That's why I can't delete it!

Maybe when I'm no longer a magazine editor, things will look up for Beauty For A Living. So I'll keep it, let it earn Adsense money. It's passive income.


Topaz Mommy, meanwhile, has become my favorite blog. Since becoming a mom, my heart is devoted to my two sons, and where your heart is there your treasure lies. So obviously, my treasured online home is now Topaz Mommy. I find it the easiest to update. Among my blogs, that one has enjoyed tremendous growth—from 16,000 monthly views at the end of 2011 to 33,000 at the end of August. That's more than 100% growth in just 7 months.

Income-wise, Topaz Mommy hasn't earned me a lot of cash but it's earned me tons of free stuff from mompreneurs who want to promote their businesses and from big brands that want to promote their mommy-kiddie stuff. Diapers, toys, nursing wear, books, etc. I haven't actually written about all the gifts I and my children have received. But I will get to it! Meanwhile, thank you super duper!

I also want to say that I only accept gifts from brands I believe in. If I don't support a certain product, I just say, "Thank you but I cannot promote your brand/product." It's not so serious. Sometimes I say, "My children don't go to school yet so summer tutorials aren't relevant to us." Or I say, "My children are boys so I can't do a review of the hair accessories you design for little girls." Or I say, "I'm currently breastfeeding so, though I'm very tempted, I can't avail of your free diet and fitness program that will guarantee I'll lose 20 lbs in a month."

I'm beginning to think of not accepting products altogether actually. As I mentioned in this post, my mommy blog has begun looking like a press release/promos website. I certainly don't want that. Besides, it's exhausting running contests—the checking of entries, the picking of the winner/s, the communicating with winner/s and losers, the sending out of the prizes (plus the shipping's on me, too!). It's become work. And the blog isn't earning me enough for it to be work.

Follow my train of thought here please. I started Topaz Mommy because I was scared shitless of mommyhood. I wanted friends, other moms to help me understand what I was going through. Then when I became a mommy, I wanted to share the joy of having kids. I am so happy to say that all that I hoped to get from mommy blogging—friendship, wisdom, joy, support, community—I got.

But ever since my mommy blog exploded this year, it has felt like work! If it's going to feel like work, then I should be paid to do it. But that would make mommy blogging a chore, you know? Sigh! I haven't decided what to do. On one hand, I love supporting businesses (I'm an entrepreneur, too!). On the other hand, I want to reclaim my mommy blog! I hope I find a solution to this.


Now, as for Topaz Horizon... This is my oldest blog. It's my personal blog of frivolity. Well, at least that's the idea. Thing is it never remains frivolous! I start talking about love, marriage, relationships. I go on and on about financial planning, homemaking tips, career decisions. I even dispense advice now and then.

Topaz Horizon is also my biggest blog. Ergo, it earns me the most income. And I don't mean gifts; I mean money. It's still not earning enough for me to quit my job, though. Again, that's mostly because I refuse a lot of offers—endorsements, sponsored posts that would be in conflict with my job or my beliefs and lifestyle. I tell ya, if I accept everything that comes my way, I certainly can be a stay-at-home mommy. But I have to have this thing called integrity and sometimes I ask myself why I have to have that haha!

Now, as I mentioned above, Topaz Mommy is the blog that's dearest to me now. I honestly don't know what to do with Topaz Horizon. Since becoming a mother, going to parties and events and basically going out of the house has lost all charm. So now that my life is just office-home, it's not very exciting anymore. Therefore, there's not much to write about here. My readers can tell. Topaz Horizon's stats, while still very good (at 45,000 views a month, it's still bigger than Topaz Mommy's), has plateaued.

This blog needs to grow if I want it to earn more income. I've not made it a secret that I want Topaz Horizon to earn money. I've always said that I'm a writer so I got to get paid every time I write. So I have to do something to make this blog grow!

My friend, Mariel of NY Minute Now, told me I should just turn Topaz Horizon into an advice column. Our favorite Elle columnist is E. Jean. I can be an Auntie E! I do get quite a bit of mail asking for advice on love and career. I don't know why you guys do this! Y'all make me feel old, ya know!

Another idea is to make this blog an outfit blog. There's a lot of fashion blogs out there, and they all happen to feature young girls with tiny waists and cellulite-free legs. They also have a penchant for Korean/Japanese fashion. None of which I, in my mid-30s, can relate to. I can't wear pekpek shorts anymore because I have stretchmarks running up and down my thighs. And many of the outfits on those fashion blogs aren't fit for real life! I'm a mommy, a career woman and an entrepreneur. My clothes have to work with me.

So while I was bitching about this on Facebook, my friends suggested, "Why don't YOU do it?" Argh. Because I don't have the time! Fashion blogging is serious business! I have full respect for those little girls. The styling, the shopping, the perfect mani-pedis, the hairless legs, the perfectly styled hair, the makeup, the looking for backgrounds to pose against, the posing, the pretending-there's-no-camera... That is hard work, folks. I don't know if I'm up to it.

What do you suggest for this blog? What do you want to read? What do you want to see? Help! I'm planning major overhauls come 2013. I'm talking to an artist regarding a redesign for all blogs. I'm talking to blogging mentors. I'm evaluating if sponsored posts help or harm my blogs. I'm evaluating if I should refuse sponsored posts and just accept advertising OR if I should take away the ads (they're cluttery) and just do sponsored posts. Sooo many things to think about!

How about you? What's your blog plans?

Okay. Y'all know I'm not a fan of Kristen Stewart. But she's been looking mighty fine since the cheating scandal a few weeks ago. She hid away from the world, and rightly so since the world just freaked out. Trampire, homewrecker, trailer trash, what-have-you.

I don't agree with the hate since I think she's young and everyone's done stupid things when they're young (although I have never ever gone out with a married man when I was a kid—even I wasn't that dumb). But the poor girl didn't deserve all that hate.

But hey, she comes out of hiding looking like this:

A lot thinner, her snobbish attitude gone, her I'm-too-good-for-this smirk gone. She looks fabulous! I love her super skinny body! And I love love love her smile! She's gorgeous!

Nothing like a big slice of humble pie, right? You look great, sweetheart. Keep smiling!


More photos of Kristen at Ocean Up and Just Jared.

I like Taylor Swift's new song, "We are Never Ever Getting Back Together." At my age, of course I can't relate to it haha. But I like Taylor. She spills her guts all over her songs the way I spill mine all over my blogs. Plus, she can write really catchy tunes!

Here are two videos of her song. Here's the one starring her:


And here's the one that's just all words, which makes it really easy to sing along to:


I like the lyrics video better! I love words. Taylor is easy on the eyes but I like the way words look better.

Which one do you like?


UPDATE: This song is about Jake Gyllenhaal, y'all!!!

It is September.

The Septembers now are strange. Back in the day, when I was young, Septembers meant cooler weather, a storm now and then, which meant thrilling scenes of trees flailing wildly about outside my bedroom windows. When I got frightened, my parents scared me even more with "Our roof might fly away! The avocado tree will fall! The water will get the rats to come out of hiding and they'll stay in your bed!"

Those never happened, by the way, but the roof did leak (every year, no fail), and the tree did lean terribly close to the house (so Papa chopped it down), and the basement did actually flood (but no rats came out thankfully). And that's what September has always been for me.

Now Septembers mean bigger, more terrible storms. The kind that lasts for days, whipping up winds and waves, flooding the land, disaster everywhere. Milenyo. Ondoy. September also means the biggest storm of my life—when Mama died. Four years ago this September.

Four years is a long time. If I had given birth when she'd died, I'd be mommy to a preschooler now. If I had been a freshman, I'd be graduating now. Most of the time, four years feels like a long time and that terrible day is just shadows and whispers. Some days, four years fall away and that terrible day is suddenly so very now.

Grief is a curious thing. You never truly understand it until it happens to you. And when it does, it is something you will never wish on anyone, not even your worst enemy.

It isn't your regular broken heart, which is insanely painful. But you get over a broken heart, believe it or not. And I do believe a broken heart is a good thing, a beautiful thing, because broken hearts are split open, allowing more love and understanding and compassion to come in, and the heart becomes bigger and stronger as it heals.

The grieving heart is also a broken heart but the heart that has lost someone to death, it never heals completely. You think it does, you think you're done, then one day, the strains of Moon River, a whiff of CK Euphoria, a scene from Dolphy's movies, the facade of Megamall A before that new parking building was (mercifully) built in front of it... A little thing, a big thing, they always sneak up on you and BOOM! You unravel.

One cruel day, I was walking along happily from the supermarket on my way home to the loves of my life, when across the street, I saw a woman who looked and walked like Mama. Before I knew it, I had crossed the street, running, dodging cars, calling, "Mama! Mama!" even as my brain screamed, "She's dead! She's dead!"

The woman turned. Of course she wasn't Mama. And I laughed, my hand on my suddenly hollow chest. "Sorry! I'm sorry, you look like my mother."

And she smiled, "Oh! Tell her I think she's beautiful!"

And I laughed again, a little too breathlessly, "I will. I will tell her."

But I don't. I can't.

My stupid scars
We all have stupid scars. Mine happened when I was 14 and absolutely in love with our neighbor, Jay, who wasn't in love with me. Not even close. Every afternoon, I'd hop on a bike and cycle up and down his street, in front of his house, hoping for a glimpse. One glorious day, I finally saw him coming out of their gate. I was so excited, I didn't see a big stone on the pavement. So sumemplang ako. The seat of the bike flew out and the exposed seat post almost deflowered me! Buti na lang it embedded itself in my right thigh instead!

That was one ugly wound and my Papa wept over it. "Hindi na pang-Miss Universe ang hita mo!" Of course I never told him why I got that horrible wound kasi malamang binatukan niya ako at sinabihan ng, "Ang landi mo kasing bata ka! Buti nga sa 'yo!"

I should be grateful that the scar is now just a shadowy inch. I didn't get a keloid or anything bad. It's hardly visible. What a relief!

My medical scars 
When I was 15 and living in an orphanage in Calaca, Mindoro (that's a story for another day!), boils grew in my left kili-kili. The medical term is hidradenitis suppurativa. Basically, my hair follicles got infected since I used a rusty razor (I couldn't find new razors in the orphanage). I tried to ignore them but every day, dumadami at lumalaki sila. After two weeks, the boils got so bad, I couldn't lower my arm na. As in, para along naka-perpetual royal wave! The little Calaca health center didn't know what to do anymore so I had to go back to Manila. I went straight from the bus station to Manila Doctors Hospital.

At the ER, I was looking at my poor namamagang kili-kili when the doctor came in. OMG. Kamukha lang naman niya si Aga Muhlach! He said, "Let's look at your armpit." Syempre, two weeks na akong hindi nagshi-shave! I die. I die. The guy didn't even blink his beautiful eyes. He just took a scalpel, sliced open my armpit, drained out all the pus, Betadine-d the whole area, slapped some gauze on it and sent me away.

I should be grateful that the scars are in my armpit so they're hidden away. The skin had been so traumatized that it had darkened and the scars had become keloids. Thankfully, his incisions were tiny so they're just these little bumps. Still, I'll never ever get to star in a deodorant commercial!

More scars after the jump...

I know the posts here have been irregular. I have three blogs and I've been updating Topaz Mommy a lot lately. That's because my Vito celebrated his second birthday. The house was a mess. We spent quite a bit. The party was crazy. It was the most fun week ever! We're actually sad it's over.

Well! This is a surprise. Hmm. Maybe not. It's a new world, friends. Bloggers are seated front row at fashion shows, have their own special events thrown for them, are asked to endorse brands, and are now featured on the covers of real magazines.

The September issue of Preview

Times, they are a-changin'!

When will my magazine cover happen??? LOL

I need to sleep! I'm getting stupid and that's never ever ever a good thing!

I mentioned recently that hubby and I are thinking of investing. To prepare for that big financial leap, I've signed up for Expense Register. I know I could've used Excel but I'm on a new MacBook and I don't have Microsoft Office programs yet so I just looked for a budgeting tool online.

Anyway, I figured if I knew where all our money is going, I can pinpoint where we overspend, cut that and funnel it to investing instead. Well, lemme just tell ya, we're spending too much on food!

A huge part of our money goes to meat, veggies, bread, milk (a LOT of milk!), fast food deliveries, cookies, cakes, Coke, etc etc!

The "Other," which is the next biggest piece of the pie, is actually gifts and donations, tips for waiters and delivery boys, and the kids' vaccinations. So we're a generous family. But seeing it on that pie like that makes me want to stop giving gifts! Or just stop eating out and ordering in so we won't have to tip!

The "Personal" slice covers shopping for clothes, shoes, haircuts, etc. But for this particular month, that meant our life insurance policies. Hmm. Maybe I should put insurance policies under another category.

The "Recreation" slice is only huge because this month, we spent a lot on Vito's birthday party. Normally, recreation is books, movies, travel. Since procreating, we've not been recreating (sigh!) so normally, we don't spend a lot on leisure stuff anymore.

So now I'm wondering where I can shave off money so we can invest in mutual funds or stocks. Gifts? Service tips? Dining out? Ordering in? Chips and candy? Coke? All of the above? This is driving me nuts! I don't like budgeting at all!