TOPAZ HORIZON

And then January happened. It really made me realize the fact that I needed to be more proactive in cleaning the air in our home. And this time, when we went looking for an air purifier, the models have become smaller, sleeker, more stylish, and more affordable!

This is the air purifier we got: the acerpure cool c2. And I'm going to do a review!

Happy New Year, everyone! I was supposed to do this giveaway weeks ago but we had a very busy January so how about we make this a Chinese New Year giveaway instead! 

新 年 快 乐

Xīnnián kuàilè, everyone! That's Mandarin for New Year happiness and that's all I want for all of us this 2022 - happiness that comes from gratitude and good health. Although for this to be a proper Chinese greeting, I should wish prosperity for us as well! So may we all prosper in business, our career, and our bank accounts!

Let's start the good luck with a Topaz Horizon Giveaway! Here's the grand prize:

One (1) signed copy of my book, Not Invisible

I've been a Viviamo fan for years and years now. They call their products Dreampowerment because their planners help people make their dreams come true by empowering them with careful goal-setting and detailed planning. But lemme tell you that planners don't necessarily have to be a To Do list. Today, I wanted to share with you how I use mine. 

Facebook Memories today reminded me of something I probably shouldn't be reminded of:

Grabe, I sound so positive here. This is January 2017 and 2018. So my kids were 6, 4, and 2, and then 7, 5, and 3 respectively. Cutest years! 

But I was really drowning and overwhelmed those years. 

I have tons of these Facebook updates and blog posts from 2014 to 2019 saying, "I'm not sleeping anymore. I don't know what to do. I can't juggle. I'm sick again. Help me help me I can't do this!" But all I got was, "You're such a great mom! Such a natural! You can do it!" And I did do it. By God's grace, my husband's tenacity to hold on to our marriage, and my own love for my boys, I did it. 

I wonder sometimes if my joke-y manner (my way of surviving) backfired on me. No one believes me when I say I was struggling. Or was it just everyone's refusal to see, to acknowledge, to believe that a woman so blessed can have such a hard time with her blessings? 

No one believes me when I say I'm so glad my kids are bigger now. "But your babies and toddlers were so cute! You don't mean that." Oh, but I do. I do prefer them now, older, independent, helping with the chores. While the baby years were incredibly happy years, I also nearly lost my damn mind and marriage*. 

I still can't understand how such duality can exist. How can I be so happy and miserable at the same time? How can I be so sure that loving my babies is the best thing I'll ever do in my life and also be so terrified and doubtful every day?  Even when I look back, I still don't understand how such conflicting emotions existed in me for years and years. 

I don't even have the benefit of hindsight to tell me that if I did so and so and if I tried this and that, then it would have turned out better. Yes, even now, I still haven't gained any wisdom that would help me be the experienced mama sagely giving advice to new and terrified mommies. All I can tell them is, "One day at a time. Breathe. Pray." The words are true, but I doubt if those words can help any mommy who is drowning. 

Back then: Overwhelmed mom of the cutest little boys

Well, those years are over now. I'm settled now, more peaceful. Maybe because I can sleep more than 4 hours a night now. And I can sit down and eat now. I can take a real bath now, stay longer than 5 minutes in the bathroom now. I'm relaxed now. I can breathe better now. The pandemic helped. A world that slowed down was kinder to a mother who could barely cope. 

But my kids will get their COVID-19 vaccine this year. Hooray! The pandemic will soon end. And I'll have to start running around again. As all parents do. And not one of us is allowed to admit it's so damn hard or to ask for help because that's blowing the lid off the fact that parents may be the most blessed people in the entire world, but we are not okay. The constant pressure to be on our best behavior, the relentless workload to provide the best life possible for our kids, the looming threat of failure every day... Argh. A perpetual Sword of Damocles hanging over our heads.

When I was single, everyone told me, "Get married! Have kids! Best life ever!" The minute I got pregnant, everyone said, "Sleep now because you'll never sleep well again. Eat now, buy that now, go on that trip now because once the baby comes, you'll never eat/shop/travel the same way again." And pregnant me was like, "Great. Thanks a lot for telling me now when I can't do anything about that anymore."  

Well... It is the best life ever. For me, it is. I may be drowning sometimes but yeah, there's also that undeniable feeling of floating on joy. How does one drown and float at the same time? Will I forever wonder about this? Will motherhood be ever just one state - joy - with no worry, fear, anger, guilt, shame mixed in? 

I'll update you when I'm 60. Or 70. Till then, God bless us, mamas and papas!

*Whenever I say this, my husband always says, "We were never in trouble. You think we were, but I knew we were going to be okay." 

Hello hello! Happy New Year, my dearest Loyal Readers!

Omigosh I have been gone from this blog for quite a while! I had been so excited for 2022 (and I still am) but it looked like 2022 was excited for me, too. It ushered me into a new year with COVID-19 finally finding my family. Yes, despite our precautions and protective measures, COVID decided that if we're not going to go out of our house, it will go in instead!

So the last couple of weeks were a bit... busy. I don't want to say I was stressed out or scared because I wasn't. Well-meaning people told me not to be scared. To be very honest, I wasn't scared at all. I may be a worrier, and I worried a lot about COVID, but I use that worry to prepare for many of the things I worry about. It's how I manage the anxiety. Then when what I worry about finally happens, well, I already have peace of mind. I prepared for it, I was ready for it, I imagined all sorts of scenarios in the dead of sleepless nights. In the face of the reality of my imagined horrors, I know no fear. Because I know what to do. It already played out in my head. And so I just tightened my ponytail and got to work. 

My Covid Care Kit was ready. I had all the equipment and medications we needed. I had the doctors' names and phone numbers. I had the charts and lists. There was nothing to panic about. I just had to follow the steps I laid out months and months ago. I had prayed so many times about this that when it finally happened, my heart and mind were just calm. All the months of preparation and prayer made me peaceful. "This is it! I'm ready to fight!" 

And thankfully, my husband and eldest boy came out all right. God is good!

 

So I'm finally not too busy anymore! I can blog again! I was planning to blog every Monday this January. I was also planning a New Year Giveaway! Next week, I'll finally get to it. We are going to have a great 2022, everyone! Come what may, we will count our blessings and be grateful. 

See you here again soon!

I've thought sometimes that if life were maybe like the movies, maybe it would be useful to know if something bad was about to happen. Omens. Premonitions. They would maybe help us make better decisions or at least prepare us for the consequences of bad ones.

When I was 11, maybe 12, I read about a Trojan priestess of Apollo's temple. Her name was Cassandra and because she rejected Apollo's sexual advances, he cursed her to see the future but no one will ever believe her. She warned the Trojans not to trust the gift of the Greeks because it will bring destruction to Troy. Of course, they didn't believe her and Troy fell, as she predicted.

Even as a child, I knew the moral of that story is foresight and prophesy were not gifts. I don't want to know the future. I guess that's why I choose to believe in God even though my prayers are, many times, a battle with Him and my doubts of His existence. In the end, weary of my fears of the pandemic present and eaten away by anxiety at what dangers life can bring (choking, slipping, falling) to me and my boys, I give it all up to God so I can sleep and face another day. In The Letters of J.R.R. Tolkien, Tolkien wrote, "A divine 'punishment’ is also a divine 'gift’, if accepted, since its object is ultimate blessing, and the supreme inventiveness of the Creator will make 'punishments’ (that is changes of design) produce a good not otherwise to be attained."

In the Christian view, death is the divine punishment for sin. As we are all sinners, we all have to die. So in that sense, no death is ever a surprise. We all know that's where we're all headed. If only life would also grieve with us when the not-actually-unthinkable happens. As that song goes, "Why does the sun go on shining? Why does the sea rush to shore? I wake up in the morning, and I wonder why everything's the same as it was. I can't understand, no, I can't understand how life goes on the way it does." If only the world acted like death was a punishment, right? But if it did, then we would never see a blue sky with dazzling white clouds again. So perhaps the world knows that death isn't actually completely a bad thing.

Spray, spray lang for great hair!

My hair part is wide.

The top of my head is nakakalbo na.

But look at my hair part now! 

Hindi na kita scalp ko, diba? Wala na rin yung bald spot ko. Also, ang dami kong baby hair! And I guess HairReve is also the reason my hair now is so long. I can grow it kasi before, basta mahaba na hair ko, nalalagas. Mabigat kasi, hindi kaya ng roots. But lately, my hair stays put so napahaba ko siya.

Inulan kami during our stay so I don't have review-type photos, and so I wasn't planning to blog about our trip anymore. But sayang naman our happy weekend! And if you found this post because you Googled for a review of the Mountain House, let me tell you about our experience. 

The Mountain House is a one-hectare property right by the side of Calawis Road. May malaking bahay na bato right at the entrance. You can't miss it kahit na maliit lang yung sign. Basically, i-Waze mo yung Mount Purro Nature Reserve - nasa kanan yung Mount Purro, nasa kaliwa ang Mountain House. You won't get lost, promise.

Pero ginagawa pa yung roads getting there so medyo stressful because our car hasn't really gone for long distances for 20 months so medyo scared kami na may mabali or ma-flat kami sa lubak-lubak na road.

From Marcos Highway, turn left when you see this.

We're driving on the wrong side of the road because half of it isn't done yet.

This is the garden and camping area. At least I think that's what those circular platforms are for.

Secret pathways!

The two glamping pods

That's where we stayed - the room to the right. The main house is behind it.

I know my pictures make it look less than stellar but it super rained while we were there so it looks damp and gloomy. But it's really a beautiful place! And it's great it can only accommodate a few people. I was really looking for a place na walang ibang tao because, hello, may COVID pa. And we hardly saw anyone, except during the bonfire, which we shared with another super nice and generous family. No checkpoints, no need for rapid antigen tests, no vax cards to present. So hindi siya complicated na trip. 

Oh, this is the best surprise for me! The food. Okay, you can bring your own food. No corkage fees so that's fantastic! But I highly recommend you get your food from the Mountain House. Ang sarap ng food nila! Pinoy food lang ang nasa menu - sinigang, pritong isda, adobo, laing, inihaw na liempo, tocino, longganisa, plus may fresh fruit, and drinks. Simple lang but I don't know if it was the fresh mountain air or they really cook well (I think both!) but the food was soooo good. 

And ang dami! You have to order in advance (all payments are done in advance, too). I ordered only for 3 people (P1,100 per head for 3 meals plus snack) kasi hindi naman kami malakas kumain pero hindi rin namin naubos. Daming food! Sarap! Napakain talaga kami.

Breakfast! Sarap kumain sa labas - chilly morning air tapos mainit yung food!

Lunch namin was in the kitchen ng main house kasi umulan nang pagkalakas-lakas.