TOPAZ HORIZON

In one episode of HBO's truly magnificent gangster series Boardwalk Empire, a badly burned agent woke up in his hospital bed and told Agent Van Alden, "I see you. I know." Those cryptic declarations sent Van Alden in a whirl of panic. On paper, Van Alden was a God-fearing, laced-up, Bible verse-spouting Prohibition agent. Behind that facade, he's actually a lying, cheating, adulterous, murderous man. And when the burned agent said those words, "I see you. I know," he set off a chain of events that led to the guilty and frightened Van Alden's undoing.

There's this story I heard--and I don't know if it's true--that a long time ago, the writer Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, of Sherlock Holmes fame, played a simple practical joke on English society. Legend has it that he sent anonymous notes to the five most powerful families one morning with these words: "Your secret is out. Flee!" By that evening, the families have fled. Interesting, right?

What I'm driving at is the terrible secrets that we all seem to have. I've been mulling over this because of the whole Piolo-KC and Mo-Rhian thing. Piolo's supposed to be gay and Rhian's allegedly had at least one abortion. For a while there, I was as riveted as everyone but finally, I was just scratching my head. So what if he's gay? So what if she's had an abortion? I'm not saying I heartily approve, I'm just saying that we all have our secrets and too bad theirs came out.

KC and Piolo

Mo and Rhian

I will confess that I have no secrets. My life is an open book. I guess that's why I took to blogging so quickly. My mother always hated my indiscretion--that's her term--but I just don't see the point of hiding things. If you ask me a question, I will answer it. And never ever tell me your secret because I will not keep it. I won't spread it but if someone asks, I always find myself blurting it out with no guilt whatsoever. My friends have learned very quickly. They never tell me anything!

There is one secret I've only told my nearest and dearest but that's because it isn't my secret. It's a family secret--it isn't mine, it's someone else's. I don't see anything wrong about sharing it but my Mama made me promise not to blog about it. So I won't blog about it.

Other than that, I have nothing to hide. Yep, no sex tape (yet!). And I promise that if I do have a secret to confess tearfully on national TV, I will do so in a designer dress, with salon blowout hair and fabulous makeup! Well, maybe no mascara. Just kidding!

Seriously, there is such marvelous freedom and lightness and beauty at having absolutely no secrets! That doesn't mean I'm blameless and spotless. I've done things that would make you blush, that the absolutely conservative ones will frown upon and condemn. But I never hid them away. I always stood up for what I think is right, for what I am passionate about, so I've always talked about my life openly because I'm not ashamed of it. It's not perfect but I believe my life is very well thought out, very well planned, and very well lived. I have no deep, dark, dirty secrets--whatever dark or dirty deed I've done, it's all accounted for, confessed, forgiven. I am free!

So if you're young, please just don't let life happen to you. Take charge. If you've made mistakes, acknowledge them, take responsibility and move on. If you are doing something that you truly believe in is good and right but others don't understand, fight for it. If you had a nose job, boob job, don't lie and say you blossomed. You have to rid your life of the baggage of secrets! You have to stop living a life of lies and deceit and shame. Then you can avoid the disastrous scandals our local stars are wallowing in!

And on that note, I am done with local showbiz! I am much happier delving into the life of Hollywood celebrities. Not cleaner, not at all, but definitely less messy. There's something to be said about Hollywood's fierce publicity machine. It makes everything so fake but ain't it pretty?

I usually write about my family, my son especially, over at Topaz Mommy. I figured that since a lot of single girls with no kids read this blog, you wouldn't be interested. But it's Christmas and I just want to share a little escapade we had at Power Plant recently.

My cutie patooties! This family date was a couple of weeks ago. Since then, Vito had outgrown his uber cool adidas Star Wars Boba Fett shoes, Vince had had a haircut, and I have gotten even more preggy-looking!

Vito checking out the reindeer. Here he said, "Dede!" Funny boy. He doesn't breastfeed anymore--he weaned, on his own, when I got pregnant--but whenever he sees bare chests (men, women and, in this case, animal!), he chuckles and says, "Dede!"

Vito taking in the huge entrance of Toys R Us. I think that is the look of an overwhelmed little boy.

And this is us at Cibo Bimbi. We're trying our hand at coloring. I even bought a sketch book and big, toxic-free crayons after this. But it's a bad idea. I've put away the crayons for when he's a little older and understands that walls, sheets and floors aren't to be colored!

And here's my little boy trying out a plane ride at... you know, I have no idea what the name of that amusement place is. It's the one right beside Bimbi. Anyway, Vito's never been on a ride before and I thought he'd enjoy it...
He did. For two seconds. Then he got dizzy. Poor baby! But he's soooo cute even though he's dizzy!

And there you go! A tiny peek at a day in our life! As you can see, we don't really dress up, we don't bring yaya. I don't even put on makeup or brush my hair! We just have simple family fun. Well, we shop a lot. We used to shop a lot, before Vito. But he's such a handful now that there is just no way for us to go shopping! So we just play and eat and play and eat! That's about two hours then off for home. Life's gotten much simpler but more fun!

I've been blogging about the Loeffler Randall boots for a while now. I said I wanted them in last year and, finally, a few months ago, I finally bought a pair of rain boots and... I forgot to tell you about it!

I did take photos of when they arrived so these photos are old. My hair is still short and I'm not pregnant yet. Because I was also not very presentable (I didn't even brush my hair), I also got shy to post the photos so I forgot about the boots until the unseasonal rainy weather arrived!

Oh, and I apologize for the mess. My house is very orderly and clean thanks to my husband, Vince. But unfortunately for Vince, he married a messy and cluttery woman. The compromise we have is the rest of the house stays perfect but he gave me pockets that I can mess up--a corner here, a corner there. This is one of those corners!

Anyway! The unboxing!
The boots were ordered online from Loeffler Randall's shop. A few days later, Johnny Air texted to say I have a big box waiting at their Megamall office. So off I went! And yes, it was a BIG box.

I love that there was a personal, handwritten note from the staff! I mean, seriously, who does handwritten thank you notes from a high-end designer brand? Hmm, come to think of it, they should always include a note with your purchase since it makes it all the more special!

And here are my boots! Taupe rain boots that I super duper love!

I always do that to my skirt! I love pocketsy dresses, you see, but whenever people take my photo, I get giddy and do that to my skirt. It totally ruins the dress!

Have y'all seen Beyonce's "Dance for You" video? The song talks about how she wants to show her man some appreciation for all the wonderful things he's done for her and given her.


My unmarried friend Irish asked on Facebook, "Are wives expected to dance for their husbands?"

I replied, "Well, of course." (And I expect my husband to do a strip-tease for me, too!) "What wives aren't expected to do is bring sexy back-up dancers like Beyonce did!"

Hope you're having a sexy weekend, girls!

November was a very exciting month for the magazine I work for. We finished our last issue for the year (yep, the December issue just hit newsstands last weekend!), it was my birthday and my staff gave me one of my requested gifts (the moist and tempting red velvet cake from Karen's Kitchen!), and Kabbie got engaged!!!

I won't tell the story. That's for the bride-to-be to share. So click here for the super romantic proposal!

Did you read it?! Good! Now that you've read the story, here are some things I want to share about that special day:

This wasn't the shot that made it to the magazine.

1. The plan was for Mitor to propose at 3:30 p.m. Thing is we finished hair and makeup early so we got to Cafe 1771 early, the shoot started early and, therefore, we finished well ahead of 3:30! We implored the photographer, Mitch Mauricio, to take individual shots, even though there was no need for solo pics for the magazine. Mine are below:

2. My makeup is so dark =( Compare my fez with my arms. Sigh! Anyway, I posed with my brand new Fino bag. It's Vince's birthday gift! It went well with the Gryffindor-meets-Glee-meets-Gossip Girl color scheme.

3. Finally, just as we were running out of ideas to keep Kabbie and the staff in the venue (wacky shots anyone?!), Mitor arrived! We went through all the steps to the big surprise. And Kabbie was super shocked!

4. I told Mitor that he had to be super dressed up for the proposal because (a) when you ask a woman to spend the rest of your life with her, you better knock her dead with how handsome a husband you'll make, and (b) this was going to come out in the magazine. As the editor of said magazine, I decree that everyone who appears in its pages be well dressed!

5. Mitor gave her a rock. Check it out!


Congratulations to the happy couple! Marriage isn't a bed of roses (well, it is if you remember that roses have thorns!). It's hard, it takes work, it takes commitment. But the love, the friendship, the laughter, the joy, the... everything! Oh, it's oh so worth it. May you both be blessed all your shared lifetime!

Weekend weekend! And what do we do on weekends? Some shop, some go out with family and friends, some watch movies, some play sports, some paint their roofs or fix the faucet or do some motorhome repair, and then there are those who devote their idle days on quirky little hobbies like stamp collecting.

I have a cute stamp collection myself. They're all of rabbits!

It's a modest collection. I have many more stamps--so adorable and clever!--but this would be a very long and picture-heavy post if I posted them all. I haven't actually been able to attend to my little hobby since I gave birth in 2010, so imagine my shock and delight when Mariel's dad, Tito William, sent me these awesome gold stamps:

The stamps came in a special folder encased in protective plastic.

OMG. They're 24-karat gold foil! I haven't taken them out of the plastic. I don't want to soil them with the oils and dirt from my fingertips. It's an amazing pair of precious stamps. Tito William, thank you oh so much! I will cherish these stamps forever!

The trouble with having everything you ever dreamed of is this: When people ask me what I want for my birthday or for Christmas, I end up saying, "Nothing. I have all that I need." Or I say, "Just give gifts to my Vito. I'm okay." But of course I want stuff. Don't we all?! It's just that the stuff I want entail a lot of money so it's kinda embarrassing to tell people, "Well, actually, I'd love it if you gave me this-and-that!"

What's this-and-that? Well, limited edition books, fine pens, high-thread count bed sheets, monogrammed stationery... You know, stuff! Totally unnecessary, totally frivolous, totally wonderful! Here are a few specifics:

In Tagaytay in 2010

I never imagined I'd be typing out that title in the middle of November. By this time usually, the cool weather has descended and everyone's taken out their cardigans and sweaters and scarves and jackets. My uniform this time of the year is usually a dress with opaque tights and a cardi, or jeans and tee with a scarf wrapped around my neck. This year? My dress code is various states of undress!

Well, that's global warming for you. Scary. Sad. Especially since I have to think about what kind of future my kids will have to see!

As for now, all I want to do is escape to a cooler clime. Actually, earlier this month, I had wanted to hit the beach so that I can spend the days with a good reason to be nearly naked. But the sun, oh the sun, it's just too hot! So I've been thinking of either Baguio or Tagaytay.

The last time I visited Baguio was a disaster. Vince and I had met in Baguio in 1999 and went back for a trip down memory lane. I booked us a room in this awful hotel that Lonely Planet had recommended as a good place to stay. I never believed Lonely Planet from then on! Our room had cardboard walls and a bare light bulb. The bathroom's walls didn't reach the ceiling so if you had to do No. 2, well, let's just say we had to go outside and leave the room's door open! There was no hot water (in freezing Baguio!) and, oh wait, there was actually no running water at certain hours of the day.

The last time I went to Tagaytay was for my friend Nikki's wedding. Vince and I stayed at this lovely boutique inn that unfortunately also had thin walls. We were kept up by the owners' kid and friends partying the night away. I was pregnant with Vito then so I was hormonal so I complained very angrily.

So now I guess I want to go back to one or both cities to make happier memories! But since my pregnancy is a bit delicate, Baguio is not an option for now. So I'm looking at Tagaytay. Someone told me that since I have a family, I'm better off renting a log cabin so I Googled some rentals and found these cabins at Tagaytay Highlands:

I can see it now: cold nights, the smell of pine in the air, the cacophony of crickets, then Vince and Vito and I wrapped in warm blankets, feet propped up on rustic log furniture, sipping hot cocoa, reading or chatting or tickling each other.

Sigh! Just looking at those photos already makes me feel better. I wish we can escape the city! Some of my friends have actually made plans to spend Christmas somewhere cold--either Sagada and Tagaytay or abroad in Hong Kong. I am so envious! It would be so lovely to get away from this terrible heat!

*log cabin photos from here.

This video has been making the rounds on Facebook. I tried not to watch it for fear it may be one of those porn spam everyone's been freaking about (Well, can you blame me? The screen cap showed a really sexy woman!). But after dozens upon dozens of recommendations from FB friends, I watched it and had a good giggle. Meet Ashleyslips:


I love her funny accent and her sense of humor. But I'm totally loving her body! So gorgeous in that bandage dress, which is, by the way, not a hot trend anymore after having been worn to death everywhere. Sad since I was dreaming of wearing one (with chandelier earrings, charm bracelets and sexy heels!) after I got a curvier body, but then I got pregnant. Anyway, back to Ashleyslips. My goodness, those armpits! Some deodorant brand should get her as a model--her pits are perfect!

Since I've only gone dancing twice in my entire life--in 2003 at Malate with Vince (quite hotly!), and in 2005 at Embassy with my friend Kate--I couldn't really relate (though I did find her funny). So I checked out her other videos. While I didn't watch No Other Woman, I find this parody of that silly movie hilarious!


I'm spending the evening watching her other videos. I just know I'll have funny dreams tonight, although I hope I don't wake up with her accent!

Thank you to everybody who loved my photo shoot for my 35th birthday! You are all too kind. Some of you said that an annual photo shoot is a fab birthday gift to oneself. So let me share with you the other photos from the past years.

When I turned 30, I discovered to my delight that I looked better at 30 than I ever did in my teens or 20s. Maybe it was because at 30, I finally started a skin regimen and had my hair done by a real stylist (thanks, Mariel, for nagging me for months to get a makeover and bombarding me with beauty tips and skin products!).

Since then, I've tried to document what I look like around my birthday. I want to see a progression so I'll usually have a photo shoot done around October or November.

I was a newlywed here. Vince says I looked my best the first year we were married haha. Must be the honeymoon glow! This is one of my favorite photos ever! It was taken by Willy Saw. I don't remember who did my hair and makeup. The golden brown hair was by Louis Phillip Kee, as always! We shot this at Rustan's Makati because we liked the festive decor. I had just turned 31 here.

This was taken by Willy Saw, makeup by Mimie Bautista for L'Oreal Paris and hair by Ogie Rayel. We shot this on a cloudy day by the window of Dimensione at Bonifacio High Street. This was also the last year I was 100 lbs. I miss that waist. I miss those arms!

Photo by Willy Saw, makeup by Ces Guerrero, hair by Ogie Rayel. We obviously like working with Willy and Ogie. Willy will not rest until he gets a fantastic shot of you. Ogie knows how to work with hair and personality. He always makes my hair look thick and lush, like he worked in that Bumble and Bumble product Hollywood is crazy about. If you see my hair on a real day, my hair is just the flattest, thinnest, wispiest thing you ever saw! Plus, he keeps my style simple because I'm a no-fuss hair girl. All the other hairstylists always try to give me big curls, which will always always fall flat within 30 minutes.

Photo by Sara Black, makeup by John Pagaduan for shu uemura. You already know the story behind this shoot. Vince says the photos from here are his favorite shots of me yet. Well, he liked the black-and-white nude pic, that's why! I'm already pregnant here so Sara said she wants to take photos of my belly when it becomes huge. I haven't decided yet if I want a preggy photo shoot. What do you think?

Tito Lito Calzado at my wedding in 2007

My Tito Lito died yesterday. I wasn't close to him but my Papa and Tito Lito were almost like brothers when they were growing up. Then his children, Dash and Iza, have always been very sweet and nice to us so his death makes me sad. I know how it is to lose a parent and Iza was very beloved by Tito Lito. It is always heartbreaking and gut-wrenching to lose a love like that.

But wakes in our family have always been... Hmm, the right word escapes me but "fun" is what comes to mind. There's lots of food and conversation, lots of singing and musical performances, lots of funny speeches, definitely lots of tears but there's a ton more laughter. I grew up going to wakes and funerals and thoroughly enjoying them, even the one for my own Mama. All of my friends told me that Mama's wake was the only wake they attended that made them actually want to stay, that when they left, they didn't feel sad or scared. They felt entertained and warm and fuzzy and even happy. Yup, that's my experience, too!

My sister Jacqui, cousin Iza and sister-in-law Rose at Mama's funeral in 2008.

You can say that it's because the Amper family (and Calzados and Dadaps) is a family of musicians, singers and actors. Every time there's a crowd, we all rise up to the occasion and try to make everyone happy. Even at our wakes! But the real reason our wakes are such happy events is because we're Born Again Christians and we see death as a graduation from this miserable life. There is more envy than sadness at a loved one's passing. And there is that wonderful peace that passes understanding, and the shining hope that we will be reunited one day with our beloved.

When Mama died, my eulogy was based on Jeremiah 29:11 "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" When someone you love dies, it's very hard to think of the future. How can life go on after this? So that promise, that this painful experience is not meant to harm me, truly did give me hope. I said in my eulogy, "Mama is dead but she doesn't belong in my past. She is in my future because we will surely meet again one day."

Peace, hope, joy. Sure, there is that awful grief but there is also the comfort of such wondrous peace, hope and joy. I wish you all that same peace, hope and joy, even in the midst of your darkest night, even in the face of death itself.

Just recently, I decided to have my photos taken because, well, it's my birthday! Since I'm so blessed to have friends who are makeup artists, hairstylists and photographers, I pulled out my phone and started cajoling my friends to make me beautiful. But I seemed to have caught everyone on a very busy time so darn it!

And then Sara Black suddenly texted, "I'm free for 30 minutes on this date. Want to do it then?" Of course I said YES! I called shu uemura's John Pagaduan. He had tons of events that day but he said, "Sure, I'll do your makeup. Your face is easy lang naman!" All my hairstylist friends were fully booked, however, so I had to be content with my flat, lifeless hair.

I spent an hour on John's makeup chair and he transformed me from plain to absolutely amazing! We had so much fun catching up and gossiping. Then off to Sara's studio where she was in the thick of a Mega magazine beauty shoot. As soon as there was a lull in that shoot (the models had to change their makeup), Sara propped a camera in front of my face and started snapping away.

We were done in 20 minutes! And this is what she caught:


There's more photos—with less clothes!—but only Vince gets to see!

Thanks, Sara and John! You made me look beyond fabulous! I'm so lucky to have you as my friends.

To book a photo shoot with Sara Black, go to http://www.sarablack.com/
To book a makeup session with John Pagaduan, call the shu uemura Learning Atelier at Power Plant Mall:  897-8575