TOPAZ HORIZON

I like Taylor Swift's new song, "We are Never Ever Getting Back Together." At my age, of course I can't relate to it haha. But I like Taylor. She spills her guts all over her songs the way I spill mine all over my blogs. Plus, she can write really catchy tunes!

Here are two videos of her song. Here's the one starring her:


And here's the one that's just all words, which makes it really easy to sing along to:


I like the lyrics video better! I love words. Taylor is easy on the eyes but I like the way words look better.

Which one do you like?


UPDATE: This song is about Jake Gyllenhaal, y'all!!!

It is September.

The Septembers now are strange. Back in the day, when I was young, Septembers meant cooler weather, a storm now and then, which meant thrilling scenes of trees flailing wildly about outside my bedroom windows. When I got frightened, my parents scared me even more with "Our roof might fly away! The avocado tree will fall! The water will get the rats to come out of hiding and they'll stay in your bed!"

Those never happened, by the way, but the roof did leak (every year, no fail), and the tree did lean terribly close to the house (so Papa chopped it down), and the basement did actually flood (but no rats came out thankfully). And that's what September has always been for me.

Now Septembers mean bigger, more terrible storms. The kind that lasts for days, whipping up winds and waves, flooding the land, disaster everywhere. Milenyo. Ondoy. September also means the biggest storm of my life—when Mama died. Four years ago this September.

Four years is a long time. If I had given birth when she'd died, I'd be mommy to a preschooler now. If I had been a freshman, I'd be graduating now. Most of the time, four years feels like a long time and that terrible day is just shadows and whispers. Some days, four years fall away and that terrible day is suddenly so very now.

Grief is a curious thing. You never truly understand it until it happens to you. And when it does, it is something you will never wish on anyone, not even your worst enemy.

It isn't your regular broken heart, which is insanely painful. But you get over a broken heart, believe it or not. And I do believe a broken heart is a good thing, a beautiful thing, because broken hearts are split open, allowing more love and understanding and compassion to come in, and the heart becomes bigger and stronger as it heals.

The grieving heart is also a broken heart but the heart that has lost someone to death, it never heals completely. You think it does, you think you're done, then one day, the strains of Moon River, a whiff of CK Euphoria, a scene from Dolphy's movies, the facade of Megamall A before that new parking building was (mercifully) built in front of it... A little thing, a big thing, they always sneak up on you and BOOM! You unravel.

One cruel day, I was walking along happily from the supermarket on my way home to the loves of my life, when across the street, I saw a woman who looked and walked like Mama. Before I knew it, I had crossed the street, running, dodging cars, calling, "Mama! Mama!" even as my brain screamed, "She's dead! She's dead!"

The woman turned. Of course she wasn't Mama. And I laughed, my hand on my suddenly hollow chest. "Sorry! I'm sorry, you look like my mother."

And she smiled, "Oh! Tell her I think she's beautiful!"

And I laughed again, a little too breathlessly, "I will. I will tell her."

But I don't. I can't.

My stupid scars
We all have stupid scars. Mine happened when I was 14 and absolutely in love with our neighbor, Jay, who wasn't in love with me. Not even close. Every afternoon, I'd hop on a bike and cycle up and down his street, in front of his house, hoping for a glimpse. One glorious day, I finally saw him coming out of their gate. I was so excited, I didn't see a big stone on the pavement. So sumemplang ako. The seat of the bike flew out and the exposed seat post almost deflowered me! Buti na lang it embedded itself in my right thigh instead!

That was one ugly wound and my Papa wept over it. "Hindi na pang-Miss Universe ang hita mo!" Of course I never told him why I got that horrible wound kasi malamang binatukan niya ako at sinabihan ng, "Ang landi mo kasing bata ka! Buti nga sa 'yo!"

I should be grateful that the scar is now just a shadowy inch. I didn't get a keloid or anything bad. It's hardly visible. What a relief!

My medical scars 
When I was 15 and living in an orphanage in Calaca, Mindoro (that's a story for another day!), boils grew in my left kili-kili. The medical term is hidradenitis suppurativa. Basically, my hair follicles got infected since I used a rusty razor (I couldn't find new razors in the orphanage). I tried to ignore them but every day, dumadami at lumalaki sila. After two weeks, the boils got so bad, I couldn't lower my arm na. As in, para along naka-perpetual royal wave! The little Calaca health center didn't know what to do anymore so I had to go back to Manila. I went straight from the bus station to Manila Doctors Hospital.

At the ER, I was looking at my poor namamagang kili-kili when the doctor came in. OMG. Kamukha lang naman niya si Aga Muhlach! He said, "Let's look at your armpit." Syempre, two weeks na akong hindi nagshi-shave! I die. I die. The guy didn't even blink his beautiful eyes. He just took a scalpel, sliced open my armpit, drained out all the pus, Betadine-d the whole area, slapped some gauze on it and sent me away.

I should be grateful that the scars are in my armpit so they're hidden away. The skin had been so traumatized that it had darkened and the scars had become keloids. Thankfully, his incisions were tiny so they're just these little bumps. Still, I'll never ever get to star in a deodorant commercial!

More scars after the jump...

I know the posts here have been irregular. I have three blogs and I've been updating Topaz Mommy a lot lately. That's because my Vito celebrated his second birthday. The house was a mess. We spent quite a bit. The party was crazy. It was the most fun week ever! We're actually sad it's over.

Well! This is a surprise. Hmm. Maybe not. It's a new world, friends. Bloggers are seated front row at fashion shows, have their own special events thrown for them, are asked to endorse brands, and are now featured on the covers of real magazines.

The September issue of Preview

Times, they are a-changin'!

When will my magazine cover happen??? LOL

I need to sleep! I'm getting stupid and that's never ever ever a good thing!

I mentioned recently that hubby and I are thinking of investing. To prepare for that big financial leap, I've signed up for Expense Register. I know I could've used Excel but I'm on a new MacBook and I don't have Microsoft Office programs yet so I just looked for a budgeting tool online.

Anyway, I figured if I knew where all our money is going, I can pinpoint where we overspend, cut that and funnel it to investing instead. Well, lemme just tell ya, we're spending too much on food!

A huge part of our money goes to meat, veggies, bread, milk (a LOT of milk!), fast food deliveries, cookies, cakes, Coke, etc etc!

The "Other," which is the next biggest piece of the pie, is actually gifts and donations, tips for waiters and delivery boys, and the kids' vaccinations. So we're a generous family. But seeing it on that pie like that makes me want to stop giving gifts! Or just stop eating out and ordering in so we won't have to tip!

The "Personal" slice covers shopping for clothes, shoes, haircuts, etc. But for this particular month, that meant our life insurance policies. Hmm. Maybe I should put insurance policies under another category.

The "Recreation" slice is only huge because this month, we spent a lot on Vito's birthday party. Normally, recreation is books, movies, travel. Since procreating, we've not been recreating (sigh!) so normally, we don't spend a lot on leisure stuff anymore.

So now I'm wondering where I can shave off money so we can invest in mutual funds or stocks. Gifts? Service tips? Dining out? Ordering in? Chips and candy? Coke? All of the above? This is driving me nuts! I don't like budgeting at all!

I just discovered Cuzo, a fabulous Proudly Pinoy bag label! Remember when I used to sell bags? I was gunning for Cuzo levels! Well, actually, I was thinking Hermes haha but that was in my outer-space dreams. In my realistic dreams, I was thinking of selling bags the way Cuzo's doing.

To those former customers who kept asking me to make satchels in different colors, I present to you Cuzo's adorable satchels:


But since I have had my fill of satchels (haha!), I'm more interested in a nylon tote. You see, I walk to work and my bags aren't faring well in this horrid rain. The cloth ones get drenched and the leather ones are getting ruined! So I was thinking of buying a Longchamp Le Pliage but it seems everywhere I look, everyone has a Longchamp and I'm really not into blending in with the masses.

So when I saw these fabulous nylon hobos on Cuzo, I got super excited!

brown

black

green

blue

They're called the Jess Coat Nylon Bag. The photos don't do it any justice. At all! I got the brown bag for my mother-in-law and it is super fabulous! The shape is so classic, the handle is comfortable, there are so many pockets inside and its bottom is protected by leather. Truly a fantastic bag! When Mom saw the bag, she loved it, too!

So now I want to buy a new Jess Coat bag for myself. Which should I get: basic black, goes-with-anything blue or that amazing green?

There are more bags at Cuzo's website. Shop shop shop!

Follow @CUZObags on Twitter
Like CUZObags on Facebook

P.S. Get P100 off purchases worth P1,000 and above just by using this special voucher: 08152312topa. Valid from today till Aug. 23 only! Shop shop shop!

Let me just tell you a story I remembered while I was brushing my teeth earlier.

I think this story was from a pastor's sermon a loooong time ago, when I was still a teenager. The pastor said that a married couple came to him for counseling. Their marriage was most definitely on the rocks and it was all because of toothpaste. Toothpaste! Husband can't seem to remember to twist the cap back on the tube despite wife's repeated reminders, and the sight of that cap on the sink just tells her that he doesn't pay any attention to her.

So the pastor said all the usual pay-attention-to-your-wife and be-more-patient-with-your-husband advice but clearly that kind of advice just wasn't going to work. So finally the pastor gave up.

A few weeks later, he noticed that the couple were happily chatting. He went up to them to ask how they found a compromise. The couple said, "Oh, we didn't compromise. We found another solution!" Ladies and gentlemen, this saved their marriage:

Any relationship expert will tell you that for a relationship to work, you both have to find a middle ground, to compromise. Well, folks, sometimes there is no such thing as compromise because seriously, how can anyone be happy if no one got what they wanted?

I think that sometimes you have to give in, sometimes he has to give in. There's no such thing as 50-50 in love. It's always 100%! Some things you have to accept will never change and you'll just learn to live with it. Is it so hard? Not really. That's when love comes in! Or, in the case of the flip-top cap, creativity!

For the record, this isn't a sponsored post. We just really use Colgate! Well, Vince is a loyal Colgate guy. Me, I always buy whatever's cool and new! Yes, Vince and I have two tubes of toothpaste since he, ever the OC guy, carefully uses up the tube from bottom to cap. I squeeze it right smack in the middle.

Vince likes the plain, no-nonsense, pasty kind. I like flavors and gels and claims of instant teeth whitening, 24-hour freshness, and other empty promises! So in our case, compromise is never going to happen. And that's okay!

Happy birthday, Vito!

Today is my firstborn's birthday. Two years ago, my life was profoundly changed by a little boy that I always thought would never be for me. But life has a funny way of surprising us and it sure gave me a big surprise—a wonderful, magical surprise named Vito.

You know what's funny, too? Even though I always insisted I was never going to have children, my actions said otherwise (and I didn't even realize it!). When I was 26 years old—that's 10 years ago!—I bought myself a life insurance plan from Sun Life. Part of my policy is maternal benefits. Yes, I get money for each child I bear! And when I die, I also listed "future children" as my beneficiaries.

I know it's such a morbid thought but I've always had a great attitude towards death. It comes from being a Born Again Christian, methinks. Once you've prepared for the end (and the eternal life that comes after!), you get to enjoy life better. There is no fear, no uncertainty, no darkness that clouds your daily life if the future is secure.

That's why even before our sons were born, Vince and I prepared for their future by making them the beneficiaries of our insurance policies. We're also talking about investing in mutual funds for Vito and Iñigo with our agent and financial planner, Sun Life's Kendrick Chua (if you want his number, leave a comment and I'll DM it!). We just enjoy securing our sons' future—once that's done, makakatulog na kami nang mahimbing and we can truly enjoy life to the fullest!

Now, when Sun Life asked me to write about their new campaign, "Experience Sun Shorts," of course I said yes!!! Vince and I are very happy Sun Life policy holders so it's no problem to share with my readers our experience. But first, let me tell you about the campaign.

Sun Life asked five renowned film directors to interpret the insurance company's motto, "Life's brighter under the Sun." This is my current favorite: